Black Relationships : Are You Approachable?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by A007, May 9, 2003.

  1. A007

    A007 Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2001
    Messages:
    1,778
    Likes Received:
    114
    Location:
    memphis, Tn
    Ratings:
    +115
    Why is it that when most women are in public (especially with their friends) they are so unapproachable(if thats a word..lol)?

    What do I mean by unapproachable?? When a RESPECTFUL man attempts to make some connection...asking a woman out, paying a compliment, making conversation etc. there is a wall iimmediately. As if we are trying to take your first born, we get serious negative vibes. And sometimes we get down right dissed with indignant, COMPLETELY UNWARRENTED, intentionally hurtful replies that some women seem to gain some satifsfaction from and will even go so far as to brag to their friends how they crushed this man's advance and did damage to his self-esteem in the process.

    Women complain often about not being able to find a good man...well maybe the problem is ..many women won't let a good man find them.
     
  2. Nfant_De_Milieu

    Nfant_De_Milieu Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2003
    Messages:
    144
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0
    Some aspects of women I stopped trying to understand. I just accept the way things are. I donot approach a female if she is in a group of other females. It seems that some women tend to take pride in crushing a man's spirit when her girlfriends are around. It is like comic relief to them.

    It does not help either when some males be drooling all over a female. She then gets that false impression that she is Ms.AllDat and she tries to get you on a lease to play her games. A good way to put some females in check is to ignore them or tell them "No". "No" to some women are fighting words.
     
  3. j'hiah

    j'hiah Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2001
    Messages:
    3,429
    Likes Received:
    67
    Location:
    lend me some sugar.. l am your neighbor
    Ratings:
    +70
    l have learned several approachable mechanisms for women who are in the circle of friends.
    l, for one, wait until l sense that they want to be approached.
    Women have their way of being indirect. We, the men have to interpret their signals. (And they say we don't think :nono:)
    They are of the idea that men must make the first move.
    l say flip the script. Let them make the first move, and you'll get direct attention and the walls shall come down :wink:
     
  4. A007

    A007 Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2001
    Messages:
    1,778
    Likes Received:
    114
    Location:
    memphis, Tn
    Ratings:
    +115
    we have to interpret their signals?? Do they have to interpret ours is fhey want to apporoach us?
     
  5. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2001
    Messages:
    6,375
    Likes Received:
    1,430
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings:
    +1,862
    Hmmmmm. . .

    . . . interesting dialogue. When you men have figured this out, please share. :D
     
  6. monetg

    monetg Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2003
    Messages:
    137
    Likes Received:
    2
    Ratings:
    +2
    Am I approachable?

    Yes and no. It depends on my mood, my destination and the man's approach.
    Usually when I'm out in public-I'm alone so I'm wary of any stranger--male, female, Black, white, whatever. The wall is not erected to "Keep Out" the brothas it's to protect me from a world heavy with rapists, muggers and suicidal men who ram planes into buildings in the name of Allah, etc. I'm my own star AND bodyguard.
    Even if the man is respectable (mindful of the way he carries himself) and respectful (comes at me correctly) and more often than not-he isn't (but I'll get to that shortly) if I'm hurrying to an appointment I try not to be rude but there's a time and place for everything and if I ain't got time to chat-that doesn't make me unapproachable that makes me busy. Being polite to the point of being taken advantage of at times because a simple "Hello" Or "How you doing" suddenly becomes "Can I talk to you for a minute--just a minute." "Don't I know you?" "Didn't you go to ________HighSchool/________College?" "Aren't you ________'s Aunt/cousin/friend/niece/granddaughter/?" "Soooo what do you like to do?" "Do you have any kids?" "How old are you?" And that minute can easily become an hour. Am I being disrespected, no--am I I being inconvenienced, yes.
    Now approach---I'll barely mention the men who maybe touch (more like maul) your arm as you pass by, the men whose suggestiveness is almost to the point of being vulgar and the man with lines so old they come with dentures AND Viagra even though they seem to outnumber "RESPECTFUL" men.
    Those Sistas who need to "clown" a Brotha in the street for attention or gratification are clowns themselves. We all know that it's a small person who belittles others to make themselves seem/feel big and I'd like to think those Sistas are few and far-between even though this discussion starts off with, "..... most women".
     
  7. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2001
    Messages:
    6,375
    Likes Received:
    1,430
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings:
    +1,862
    Lines so old they come with dentures and viagra. . . ? Oh my goodness...LOL Keme have you been acting up in public again? :D
     
  8. Kitana

    Kitana Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2001
    Messages:
    1,312
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    under the sun
    Ratings:
    +7
    In todays society where we are unable to trust just about every person we meet, how are we supposed to separate the "decent" men from the other types of men that are out there...just because he dresses/speaks/acts like a gentleman or a nice person does not mean he is one...wouldn't it be better for a woman to be introduced and get to know the said man rather than be approached on the street, and be expected whatever he says at face value...

    and I agree that there is no reason for a woman to embarrass a man who does approach her...if he is a decent man, a simple no, would be sufficient...

    K
     
  9. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2001
    Messages:
    6,375
    Likes Received:
    1,430
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings:
    +1,862
    Dre'...the simple answer to your question is, yes.
     
  10. Nfant_De_Milieu

    Nfant_De_Milieu Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2003
    Messages:
    144
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0
    I agree with Kitana on the point that you have to be cautious about the people you meet. Anyone can act like he or she has common since for 5 minutes. If I meet a sistah and ask for her phone number I donot mind getting the cell phone number. After she knows I am not crazy I eventually get the home number.

    Although, women and their signals they give off can be ambigious.
    It amazes me what some females expect to interpret.
     
Loading...
Similar Threads - Approachable
  1. msluciousb
    Replies:
    17
    Views:
    941