Black Relationships : Are we black women doing something wrong?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Prizefighter16, Sep 23, 2004.

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  1. Prizefighter16

    Prizefighter16 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    it seems that many of the men, if not all, have a problem with what the "black woman is doing", mainly, giving more attention to the white man and dissin our brothers out there. i agree with how that's disturbing, ignoring a part of the race, but it is surprising to me that noone touches base with the fact that a lot of black men date white women. Not only that, some men (i won't say anyone from destee) have completely dogged the black woman. they say that we're gold diggers and we're picky and what not...i understand how that it could be part of what's destroying the black community. But is it not equally ignorant if a black man does not give the slightest attention to a black women either? is it not the same type of damage to the community? im sorry but it all seems one sided to how the black women likes the white man better or how they give them more attention. i think some of yall need to check both sides. Because from where im at, the sistahs aint the ones doin much. it more seems the other way around. maybe i feel defensive because the way the topics were expressed, it was if the sistahs were being directly accused for these actions, when as i noticed, most if not all the women couldn't even relate to the question. and im not sayin it's a problem to date white women, just like it ain't a problem to date white men, the issue is that both black men and women date from the white race and ignore their own in turn...and that's how it should be approached guys.


    peace out
    one love
    trust me i have nothin but love for the brothas, so never think otherwise...

    Rashawna
    aka Prizefighter16
     
  2. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    black PEOPLE are doing something wrong by not loving our own selves.
    we could elevate our own community but our talented tenth is busy working AGAINST us rather than together with us. :grouphug:
     
  3. Solo

    Solo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I won't say that black women in general are doing something "wrong", but I can say that from a personal perspective I feel that I havent' exactly been done right either. When I was in college I was virtually ignored by black women, DAILY...all 5 1/2 years of school. Now they weren't after white guys or anything like that that I saw, they just weren't into me, which I had no choice but to deal with. I wasn't in a frat, didn't have a car, and was poor and didn't have any nice clothes. I wasn't athletic (besides martial arts) and simply wasn't interesting or attractive enough I guess. I was pitiful back then and spent many a night staring at the ceiling wondering "why?".

    I have learned to live with all that.

    But I recieved a truck load of attention from non-black women. Now I wasn't interested in non-black women, but on this day I tell you I wish I had been, because I would have been a whole lot happier. I'm sure most of those women were buying into the "black man myth" (a sexual beast built by God to physically satisfy a woman) but man it felt good, and I'm sure at least a few of them were sincere in their interest. The ACKNOWLEDGEMENT I received from other women actually made me smile at times, but the affect it had on my so called sisters was something else. I would get the dirtiest looks from black women on campus just for even having a conversation with a white girl in between classes. Now mind you, these same women would never go out with me (I tried), didn't acknowledge me, and only invited me places because they wanted another male body in attendance.

    Needless to say it was maddening. These women didn't want anything to do with me, but didn't want me to have anything to do with anyone else.

    So then it was I began to wonder, "what do non-black women see in me that black women don't?". If white women see me as an attractive sexual being, then why wouldn't a black woman? What about the Japanese girl that tried to get with me, what did she see that was so special? Or the Arab girls who would look at me and turn away bashfully as I caught their gaze? What did THEY see? I even tried asking a few black women this same question over the years, but none have been able to answer the question. What do they see that you don't? I'm still wondering. On many occasions I have actually thought about simply going where I'm wanted, but I know I would not be happy. What I want comes in any one of beautiful shades of brown, but what's a man to do?

    So like I said, I don't think black women are doing anything wrong, but I've never had a black woman do me right. I can't speak for all the men on this board, but that's where I'm coming from.
     
  4. Sekhemu

    Sekhemu Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    You make a few good points, however I think you make a few blanket assertions about black men, perhaps being a teenager with little experience of the outside world would cause you to do so.

    Most black men love and are with black women, at least 90% of us are. The one's you that don't pay attention to black women are either taken or have a problem with black women as a whole, or as NNQueen said in another thread, made a concious choice not to be with black women.

    I can't say that by ignoring black women that this constitutes "damage" to the community. I think the behavior would on the part of these "brothas" would have to be more deliberate and/or reactive.

    Don't believe the hype my young sistah
     
  5. MANASIAC

    MANASIAC Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I think some black women are a waste of Oxygen, and I kiss the pebbles that some of them walk on. However, I do not think they are really the problem, I just think the problem sometimes lies in the fact that we need to get ourselves right for Mrs. Right.

    Even tho I constnantly make reference to the aforementioned point, it always falls on deaf ears. But I will reiterate to make clur. I try to fix myself so that I can no longer say Black Women are doing wrong.
     
  6. Solo

    Solo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I can relate to this. I'm always trying to improve myself, always have been. All this time I thought I was doing pretty good, and I'm proud of myself. I've come pretty far and have grown a lot, but I'd like it if there were a special woman in my life that felt that way also. It's hard when you have to look in the mirror every morning and try to convince yourself that you're worthwhile, even if there's no one there to validate it for you.

    Anyway, black men have been demonized in the media for centuries. We're not good enough unless we're actors, rappers or athletes, lawyers, doctors or CEO's. Joe Average gets very little airplay, so there's enough venom spit about both sides. There's plenty of black men and women who are constantly ignored on a daily basis, but there are men on this board who are concerned about it because it affects them. Is it wrong to comment about it? Obviously there's a problem if more than a few of us have concerns. Why try to sweep it under the rug and pretend there isn't an issue?
     
  7. MANASIAC

    MANASIAC Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Point Well Taken.
     
  8. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    i went through this exact same experience.
    in my case, when the pink skinned ladies extended the invite that the sisters would not, i jumped right on it.

    i've sexed white women because the black females showed no interest in me whatsoever.
    sisters can be tough.

    it still boils down to the issue of why the sisters are so hard on the good brothers and so accepting of the losers.
     
  9. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Honestly, I think some of us brothas are just frustrated because black women are so beautiful and wanted by us. We are frustrated because we really would like to find a black woman that is everything we need in a woman, BUT the black women that we've run across are nothing more than wannabe-video whores. I would love to find a natural black woman with a personality just as sexy as her physical beauty, but I haven't even been close to finding that. The black women that I've come across are all the same and it pisses me off. :mad: I don't trash black women, I just tell it like I see it. I can't sit here and talk about how black women are the most honorable, loving down to earth women because I have not experienced that first-hand except for my mother and sister, but they are not in the same category with other black women. I also never say that other races are better. I just simply say I keep my eyes open and welcome women that display positive qualities, whether they are black, asian or hispanic. I don't care as long as you bring what I need in a woman. I do think some men talk badly about black women ALL being bad, but of course that's not the case. I'm sure there is a black woman out there for me, but I'm not willing to wait on her if I find someone who isn't black that also makes me happy.
     
  10. Solo

    Solo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Suddenly I don't feel so alone now. It appears there's a few guys on this board who have had almost the exact same experiences as me when it comes to black women and women in general. I will say this makes me kinda sad though. It would be one thing if it was just me and I was an anolmaly, but this is apparently a common occurrance among so called "good" black men who can't seem to find black women that actually see, acknowledge and accept the good in them. I don't say this to say that black women are just blind across the board, and no, I still don't think black women are doing anything "wrong", but something is definitely wrong if there are so many black men out here who want to be husbands, fathers and lovers and we either can't find a woman to love, or the women we find don't love us back.

    It's frustrating as all hell.
     
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