Black Relationships : Are We Being Honest With Ourselves and Each Other?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by NyneElementz, Aug 26, 2014.

  1. NyneElementz

    NyneElementz Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I've been reading tons of writings lately with each gender pointing blame at the opposite sex as to why our relationships don't last. It seems that we got a lot of blame game going around, but not much opening up as to the real causes of problems within our relationships.

    We talk about why we divorce, why there are single-parent homes, why there are more relationships than marriages, etc. However, I don't see many articles or polls about what our true expectations, desires, hopes or dreams are.

    I realize that I cannot expect to hope that this discussion can cause a widespread end to all the fingerpointing, but I hope that for once, we can tell the truth here, taking accountability for what we REALLY want instead of putting blame out there.

    So, ONCE AND FOR ALL, what do YOU, fellow black men and women, really want to happen in an intimate relationship with the opposite sex and why?
     
  2. dunwiddat

    dunwiddat Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    You go first...what do you want and why:)
     
  3. Angela22

    Angela22 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I once thought I knew, but I don't think I fully do, now.
     
  4. Dreya

    Dreya Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    at the end of the day what im after is that intimate bonding physcially and mentally - that joinin together as one - each person complementin the other - each person lookin out an carin for the other - somethin rich and fulfillin that will last and pass the tests that life will throw at it
     
  5. NyneElementz

    NyneElementz Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Very well dunwiddat.

    Here's what I want to happen on the road to a lifelong relationship.

    1 - I want to find someone I am attracted to on as many levels as possible and who is mutually attracted to me in the same manner, and I wish this attraction to become a friendship.

    2 - I want to spend time building this friendship into an unbreakable friendship.

    3 - I would like that solid friendship to develop into a solid personal relationship, where we bond, plan, and work on the possibility of sharing life together through at least 12 seasons of experiences.

    4 - After some premarital counseling and discussion, I would like both of us to agree that our relationship deserves a shot at forever, and can develop into a lifelong journey of love, family, faith, etc.

    5 - Once we agree on marriage, we remain friends, lovers, and partners, resolved that nothing is worth causing a split over, and committed to being faithful to and working with one another on everything.
     
  6. dunwiddat

    dunwiddat Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    You have said a mouthful and I agree with every word.:)
     
  7. dunwiddat

    dunwiddat Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    • I would want to have someone who has a zero tolerance for infidelity. If a person cannot be trusted in an intimate relationship what else can you trust them with.
    • A relationship where we can laugh and not become so sensitive that you have to tread as though you were walking on eggs.
    • A relationship with someone who is compassionate. When you are compassionate you see a person who not only feels the pain of a suffering person BUT does something about it.
    I am not the jealous type, but I believe we should always act in a respectable way towards those of the opposite sex.

    NyneElementz I am not looking for a perfect relationship because I know we are frail as humans.. the things that I have mentioned are things that are dear to me.

    Just my two cents worth.
     
  8. Josh X Brown

    Josh X Brown Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    As Salaam Alaikum! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    In order for US to be honest with self and one another we have to first KNOW self. Without knowledge of self we can not be True to self and one another.
     
  9. NyneElementz

    NyneElementz Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    The peace of God be with you, sir.

    I agree wholeheartedly, hence the discussion. I'm taking this a step further and saying that if we don't know self to the point where we truly can define what it is that we want in terms of an intimate relationship that can evolve into a marriage, then we are wasting energy blaming one another for not providing what we have not defined. It's foolish to accuse another of violating a boundary that we have not set because we lack knowledge of who we are.
     
  10. NyneElementz

    NyneElementz Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Response appreciated, and I'm glad that you mentioned the last point. However, so many people say that they don't want the perfect relationship and accept the human frailty factor, yet blame, sever relationships, start gender wars, verbally degrade and devalue, and all over human frailties.
     
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