Black Relationships : Are There Not Enough Black Men for Women, Or Is That Just an Excuse?

The thing is "settling down" was never a concern of mine. In this thread, "settling down" was not the issue I was trying to address in any form. But, since you brought it up, I will give you my 2 cents on the issue.

Of course, women who have never been married are probably more vested in settling down than men, but women who have been married and divorced, aren't so thirsty, when it comes to "settling down", imo.

The reason, imo, is because they don't have as much to gain as their male counter parts. Especially, if they don't want to have more children. That's not saying they don't NEED men. They most likely want to have a "life partner", but don't require the label of marriage, they don't need a man to "make an honest woman outta them. Men may need women to take care of them.....cook for them, clean for them, run their household, etc. But, a professional woman, needs the comfort of a man, but can hire men to do manly work as needed. So, what a woman needs a man for is not the pragmatic things at all. She is looking for LOVE. Settling, just ain't enough.

Say a man makes $45,000 and his wife makes $45,001 per year. Every morning she gets up and makes breakfast for the whole family, washes the dishes, drops the kids off at school, and goes to work, Dad goes to work too. In the evening Mom picks the kids up from school. When she gets home, Dad is already there. He is watching the Basketball game. Mom throws 4 loads of clothes in the washer, cooks dinner, and supervises the children on their homework, follow-ups on any notices from school, etc., serves dinner, washes dishes, tidies up the house, and prepared for work the next day.

Dad is the traditional Father. He works, he brings home the bacon, he takes out the trash, takes care of the lawn, the vehicles, etc.

But, Mom, is both the traditional Mother, and the Modern Mother. She works 40 hours a week, she brings home the bacon. But, she also does everything a traditional wife does. She takes care of the children. She cooks and cleans. She is responsible for the home and the bills. She takes it in stride, though it is a thankless job, to do so much.

If the marriage ends in divorce, she probably won't see the point in "settling down" ever again.


never knew commitment and family was about numbers and percentages. Recognize that when you look at life through numbers, you limit the possibilities along the axis of mathematical logic. There is a lot more to a family than the number of hours worked, the income brought home and who does the laundry.
 
never knew commitment and family was about numbers and percentages. Recogninze that when you look at life through numbers, you limit the possibilities along the axis of mathematical logic. There is a lot more to a family than the number of hours worked, the income brought home and who does the laundry.

Skuder, appreciating what you've said, if I understand you correctly, you have missed my point entirely. Aside from the article I posted, I never was interested in the angle of "settling down". That was not my interest or my focus. I was simply focused on dispelling the myth of the outrageous ratios that are commonly quoted in regards to AA women to men. I hate to "go there", because people on this board are so vicious, but... I have been in a relationship with one man since my divorce for 15 years. He proposed to me 14 years ago, and I declined. I had a million reasons at that time. Today I have maybe one. I may change my mind, but I doubt it. I like the way things are. Our relationship is so much better than my marriage. We are way past child bearing years, so I don't see the point of co-mingling finances.

One might say that we have "settled down, though we are not married. He is my son's official God father, and he approached my Father to explain his intentions to take care of me and my son. So, it's not a fly by night relationship....though I can't get with the marriage stuff. Yet, I am a realist. He might meet someone else, and marry her; But, even if we were married, the same thing could happen.

I know of a couple of our age group that married. When the man died, all of his assets went to his second wife. When she died, his assets went to her children. The point is, non of this man's assets went to his biological children. Not a penny,
 
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Skuder, appreciating what you've said, if I understand you correctly, you have missed my point entirely. Aside from the article I posted, I never was interested in the angle of "settling down". That was not my interest or my focus. I was simply focused on dispelling the myth of the outrageous ratios that are commonly quoted in regards to AA women to men. I hate to "go there", because people on this board are so vicious, but... I have been in a relationship with one man since my divorce for 15 years. He proposed to me 14 years ago, and I declined. I had a million reasons at that time. Today I have maybe one. I may changh e my mind, but I doubt it. I like the way things are. Our relationship is so much better than my marriage. We are way past child bearing years, so I don't see the point of co-mingling finances.

One might say that we have "settled down, though we are not married. He is my son's official God father, and he approached my Father to explain his intentions to take care of me and my son. So, it's not a fly by night relationship....though I can't get with the marriage stuff. Yet, I am a realist. He might meet someone else, and marry her; But, even if we were married, the same thing could happen.

I know of a couple of our age group that married. When the man died, all of his assets went to his second wife. When she died, his assets went to her children. The point is, non of this man's assets went to his biological children. Not a penny,


again with the numbers..

but hey.. we all have our reasons for seeing what we see.

- peace.
 
never knew commitment and family was about numbers and percentages. Recognize that when you look at life through numbers, you limit the possibilities along the axis of mathematical logic. There is a lot more to a family than the number of hours worked, the income brought home and who does the laundry.

What I am hearing from men on social media is that women need to marry for economical reasons, to benefit of the community, for nation building. That is a noble cause, I understand. But, what they are missing, which is elementary, imo, is LOVE. No woman should marry without LOVE. And, being someone's bottom bXXXh for the sake of the community doesn't sit well with me at all. You have all these "conscious communities" preaching about the necessity of polygamy to save our community, etc. And, the idea of marrying for reasons other than LOVE. I get it that men need women, for all the things women bring to the household. I know men who marry for those things. And, they cheat, too. They didn't marry for love in the first place...these men I know, that I am speaking of. They complained about how they wished they had a woman to cook for them, help them around the house, give them some lovin' etc., then they married the first woman available...LOVE was never a consideration.
 

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