Black Relationships : Are professional black men turned off by professional black women who are too independent?

Now, what is independence? For most people, independence says, "I don't need you." How is that conveyed in a relationship? 'tis a thin line you walk...and, if not walked sensitively, one could fall by the way. For example, if a woman is constantly throwing her independence up in her man's face, her man may get the impression that he's not needed, or wanted. anyone in a relationship feeling that way, man or woman, will eventually walk away from it. We all have belonging needs, where we need to feel needed, and wanted; we don't join relationships for our independence. If we cannot get that feeling of belonging from our mate, we will get it from somewhere. Relationship aren't about independence; anyone in a relationship, who feels that they're too independent for that relationship, should not be in that relationship.

those are my thoughts.

Ok, thank you for the explanation I was looking for. That makes sense. I wouldn't want to feel unneeded either. So, in essence, the "too independent" is not necessarily about the professionalism at all. It can overlap, but it is a separate issue. Am I correct?

Thanks for posting.

*smile*
 
This is interesting to me. Is it really necessary for people to feel needed? Not just wanted? Both genders, I mean.

Not directly speaking of how you feel, mind you, just that I've seen this a lot and can't say I relate.

Some Psychologists believe all people have "Interpersonal Needs" that they seek within their relationships. They have been described as:

Control (Influence)
Inclusion
Affection

If these needs aren't met, the person will feel unfulfilled, unneeded, and seek another source that can provide fulfillment of their needs.
 
First, SHE'S NOT A PROFESSIONAL MATE, so let's drop the professional part, for a moment, and deal with men and women. Black Men are never turned off by the success of Black Women. However, men can be turned off by women who are "in charge" at work, who then come home and try to "rule" the nest...as if they're still at work. Some of those women will claim that their man is upset because of their success, or somehow threatened, because they're professional women, when, in reality, they're upset by how they're being treated by their woman; as if he's a subordinate. That has more to do with her not knowing how to navigate her interpersonal life, than her success, or professionalism...which could come down to her not understanding her "role," or his "role," within their relationship.

.

You make a very good point.

I have a relative (distant) who's the boss at her job, and every family member's house she visits, she tries to have that
I'm in charge" attitude.

It's a turn off.

Peace!
 

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