Black Relationships : Are professional black men turned off by professional black women who are too independent?

Liberty

Banned
MEMBER
Aug 28, 2015
6,914
1,212
Now, what is independence? For most people, independence says, "I don't need you." How is that conveyed in a relationship? 'tis a thin line you walk...and, if not walked sensitively, one could fall by the way. For example, if a woman is constantly throwing her independence up in her man's face, her man may get the impression that he's not needed, or wanted. anyone in a relationship feeling that way, man or woman, will eventually walk away from it. We all have belonging needs, where we need to feel needed, and wanted; we don't join relationships for our independence. If we cannot get that feeling of belonging from our mate, we will get it from somewhere. Relationship aren't about independence; anyone in a relationship, who feels that they're too independent for that relationship, should not be in that relationship.

those are my thoughts.
Ok, thank you for the explanation I was looking for. That makes sense. I wouldn't want to feel unneeded either. So, in essence, the "too independent" is not necessarily about the professionalism at all. It can overlap, but it is a separate issue. Am I correct?

Thanks for posting.

*smile*
 

Angela22

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
Feb 26, 2013
6,730
3,103
I wouldn't want to feel unneeded either.
This is interesting to me. Is it really necessary for people to feel needed? Not just wanted? Both genders, I mean.

Not directly speaking of how you feel, mind you, just that I've seen this a lot and can't say I relate.
 

Liberty

Banned
MEMBER
Aug 28, 2015
6,914
1,212
This is interesting to me. Is it really necessary for people to feel needed? Not just wanted? Both genders, I mean.

Not directly speaking of how you feel, mind you, just that I've seen this a lot and can't say I relate.
Some Psychologists believe all people have "Interpersonal Needs" that they seek within their relationships. They have been described as:

Control (Influence)
Inclusion
Affection

If these needs aren't met, the person will feel unfulfilled, unneeded, and seek another source that can provide fulfillment of their needs.
 

Enki

The Evolved Amphibian
STAFF
Aug 27, 2010
7,869
4,873
The Third Plane of Existence
Occupation
Civil Eng.
First, SHE'S NOT A PROFESSIONAL MATE, so let's drop the professional part, for a moment, and deal with men and women. Black Men are never turned off by the success of Black Women. However, men can be turned off by women who are "in charge" at work, who then come home and try to "rule" the nest...as if they're still at work. Some of those women will claim that their man is upset because of their success, or somehow threatened, because they're professional women, when, in reality, they're upset by how they're being treated by their woman; as if he's a subordinate. That has more to do with her not knowing how to navigate her interpersonal life, than her success, or professionalism...which could come down to her not understanding her "role," or his "role," within their relationship.

.
You make a very good point.

I have a relative (distant) who's the boss at her job, and every family member's house she visits, she tries to have that
I'm in charge" attitude.

It's a turn off.

Peace!
 

Angela22

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
Feb 26, 2013
6,730
3,103
Some Psychologists believe all people have "Interpersonal Needs" that they seek within their relationships. They have been described as:

Control (Influence)
Inclusion
Affection

If these needs aren't met, the person will feel unfulfilled, unneeded, and seek another source that can provide fulfillment of their needs.
I understand we all have needs that have to be fulfilled, but the need to feel "needed" is what I mean.
 

Liberty

Banned
MEMBER
Aug 28, 2015
6,914
1,212
I understand we all have needs that have to be fulfilled, but the need to feel "needed" is what I mean.
The need to have "control", which in Psyche terms means "influence" in the relationship, is the equivalent to being needed, imo.
 

Senegal

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
Jun 7, 2016
650
186
1. The Civil Rights Movement.
Nope. Booker T Washington and his disciples were against Civil Rights. They felt that we should just show white people we were equal and not upset the apple court by forcing them to acknowledge our rights.

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/race/etc/road.html

"Booker T. Washington, educator, reformer and the most influentional black leader of his time (1856-1915) preached a philosophy of self-help, racial solidarity and accomodation. He urged blacks to accept discrimination for the time being and concentrate on elevating themselves through hard work and material prosperity. He believed in education in the crafts, industrial and farming skills and the cultivation of the virtues of patience, enterprise and thrift. This, he said, would win the respect of whites and lead to African Americans being fully accepted as citizens and integrated into all strata of society."

"The Du Bois philosophy of agitation and protest for civil rights flowed directly into the Civil Rights movement which began to develop in the 1950's and exploded in the 1960's. "
 

Senegal

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
Jun 7, 2016
650
186
I'm afraid I can't help you with that. This is the language that I heard in a different forum. It was said that some women were "too independent", and I don't know what that means either. I was hoping you guys could explain it to me.

Sorry.
There are some women that are "too independent". Many of them say they dont need or want a man. Then they wonder why they dont have one or the one they do want winds up with a white woman or a woman of another race. They dont realize they need to develop themselves instead of being defensive and running men off.
 

Consciousness Raising Online!

Latest profile posts

Clarity to pursue my mission in 2020
Destee wrote on Omowale Jabali's profile.
Hi Brother O! YAAAAAY! Good to see you! Hoping all is well with you and yours! Happy New Year! :heart:
Destee wrote on King Tubbs's profile.
Hi Brother - so good to see you in the house again! Hoping all is well with you and yours! Happy New Year Beloved! :heart:
Destee wrote on Ms Drea's profile.
Sister ... what did you decide? How will we be moving forward? I've been working, I am excited. I Love You! Happy New Year Beloved! :heart:
One-Hundredd wrote on Destee's profile.
Hope you having a happy holidayz
Top