Black Relationships : Are people afraid of being alone?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by lani82, Dec 5, 2012.

  1. lani82

    lani82 Member MEMBER

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    I haven't dated anyone in over two years and when people learn this I am immediately labeled "weird", "asexual" or other terms with negative connotations. Why is there a stigma associated with being "truly" single? And why do people put so much of their self worth in the hands of others? I am curious to know your thoughts......
     
  2. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    That's not weird....Forget what others think of you...Everyone has an opinion, just like everyone has a butthole...Do what makes you happy at the end of the day...You being single isn't hurting anyone, expect the feelings of men who want to date you....and well, they just gotta wait if it's a good thing.
     
  3. dunwiddat

    dunwiddat Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Don't allow others to determine what you want. Being single is not a handicap...I am a divorce woman which is being single and I have decide by choice not to be involved.. I dated a man just a few weeks ago...and that is it.

    People have this mistaken idea that unless you are involved with a man/woman you cannot be happy or that your life is missing something.. Of course there is the good side to be involved with someone...BUT on the other hand no one should think you weird because you are not dating...Time spent with oneself and enjoying other things is the best thing we can ever do for ourselves.
     
  4. skuderjaymes

    skuderjaymes Contextualizer Synthesizer MEMBER

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    Peace Iani82,


    We are born to families.. so you could say that togetherness, is our default disposition. And there is nothing more natural than people longing to be together.. meaning.. it's not a flaw of personality or some deficit of self-worth, it is natural. We are attracted to each other. And not just humans.. other species are also attracted to one another. Our existence is, in fact, a function of our togetherness. So, I would flip your question around and ask you:

    how have you come to value independence to the degree that you would cast those who value companionship as flawed with deficits of self-worth?


    -peace again...

    and if I haven't already welcomed you.. Welcome to Destee.com
     
  5. legit-writer

    legit-writer Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    i wonder the same thing too. some people are just not secure with their own selves and they rely on others for that security, and self worth. There's no telling why it is like that. Perhaps it's human nature most of the time????
     
  6. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    i live alone. it has gotten moreso as friends and family die. i am comfortable.
     
  7. MsVeraisblessed

    MsVeraisblessed Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    It's normal to be alone. People shouldn't be afraid to do so. We should honor being alone so we can hear our deepest thoughts and value our space. I should've learned that long ago. It took me 10 yrs to understand that.
     
  8. PurpleMoons

    PurpleMoons Administrator STAFF

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    HI Lani82!:wave:

    I have been without a mate for 13 yrs and yet i don't feel alone. Its like i have so much preoccupying my time that loneliness (in terms of a mate) is a rarity in my life. There are those few in between moments when i question the what if's, but then i'm flooded with visions of being stretched to thin. Having to sacrifice the little leisure i do get for my new mate, who in turn will need more us time.

    Feeling as i don't have enough me time now, the thought just cancels out the idea of bringing in another partner (for i have people in my circle who function as partners without the sexual aspect of it).

    Sometimes, i wonder if i'm crazy for being at peace in my singleness? Or for my ability to enjoy this life without that special mate. Is something wrong with me for being so comfortable? Well, i know i am a little crazy. Depending on whose telling the story. But i'm good in all my craziness in this space.

    Being without a mate doesn't equal loneliness for me. So when people ask me, "why i don't have a man?" I just smile and tell 'em, because i don't have the room or the time.

    Do i want one? Yeah, oneday when some room and time opens up for 'em.
    By then, i may be too old to even remember what a mate is?

    :heart:
     
  9. Thelma Jackson-Smith

    Thelma Jackson-Smith Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I am very much pro-family.

    Being alone is not the best for true happiness.
     
  10. lani82

    lani82 Member MEMBER

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    I definitely agree! Thanks for sharing :)
     
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