Black Parenting : Are parents responsible for their children's actions??

Discussion in 'Black Parenting' started by krazelyricks, Dec 21, 2003.

  1. krazelyricks

    krazelyricks Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Are parents responsible for their child's actions??

    It seems as if this is a questions that has puzzled so many over the years. Just when it seems when we have finally found the solution.......we STILL have a lot to learn. In my neighborhood, it seems as if the parents and family members are just like the children. Thus, the children become just like them.

    But in every neighborhood and origin there seems to be different senarios. Some children are nothing like their parents, some are the exact twin, and others just fall in between. I found this so quizzing.

    Michelle is a 16 year old preacher's daughter. She portrays the perfect image while in front of her parents. She's never missed a church service in all her life, even if she was sick. However, Monday through Saturday, she's a totally different person. She skips school. Comes back to the teacher's class making up lies saying she got to school late so her parent wouldn't see the effect on her report card. She's been with every guy and two girls in her neighborood. Are her parents responsible for this????

    Marcus is the neighborhood thug. He lives in the projects. He never hides his actions. He acts the SAME even around his mother. He does every thing to be the most popular. He killed a number of fellas and even sexed most of the girls ( subtract the ugly ones). His mother prays for him every day. She gave him all the attention that any little boy could ask for. She gave him all the education that she knew. In fact he was the top of his class all the way to the 7th grade. Does her actions reflect on him???

    Nicole joined a gang at age 12. She easily became the neighborhood thief. If your property has ever been stolen, check in her house. Her mother and father were both lawyers. Why would she need to steal? They wondered where all the merchandise was coming from. They thought she had gotten it from a friend or relative. They never had a clue. They didn't even know where she got the skills from until they caught her one Sunday. Are they the one to blame??

    Is a parent the one to blame when a child bites a teacher? Are they the ones responsible when a child curses and they never curse at or in front of their child?? Is a mother / father to blame is the child turns out to be a murderer? Are they the ones to blame is the child never amounts to nothing at all?? If not, who's to blame??
     
  2. krazelyricks

    krazelyricks Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I really want to hear ya'll oppinion.......c'mon bring on the responses.......let's talk.
     
  3. Eisha

    Eisha Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I think that it is sometimes the child's fault. I agree. Sometimes, children gets aty a certain age where they think that they are able to make their own decisions. Some are bad and some are good. Sometimes, children just do it to liberate their parent's rule or even gets it from peer pressure. Just like you said, it doens't have to be influenced from inside of the home, it could be the influences from outside of the home.
     
  4. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    No, they aren't always.
     
  5. Bluewater

    Bluewater Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    parents are responsible for the children..children can not sign documents, or admit themselves in to school etc. etc..... whether good or bad there action is our responsiblity...if they are unruly it is up to us as there parents to find or ask the best help for them...we need to know where you are, and check and make sure you are there...being more then nosey
    we pray that things goes well for you when you are not in our site..
    No one can say how a child turns out..you as a parent give 110%..stay involve to the very end of there childhood...keep them involve in activites so the street will be just a place to cross when you going from here to there not hunging out..it is a lot of work being a parent...when you do the best you can..that is all anyone can do..it is our respondsiblity
     
  6. Emeka

    Emeka Banned MEMBER

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    Are you kidding me? Ofcourse parents are responsible for their children's actions!!! What kind of a society do we live in where parents abdicate their responsibilities as parents with a shrug. Parents have to realize that they and their children are NOT equal. You don't negotiate with your child or try to bribe your child into doing what you want. If the child is bad or disrespectful then you've got to do what you've got to do to make the child see that you're position is non negotiable--PERIOD!!! This society--which has succeeded in eroding the role of parents in there children's life--continually advises parents against the use of corporal punishment and more towards time outs, bribes and negotiations rather than actually punishing their kids. How ridiculous!!!
     
  7. krazelyricks

    krazelyricks Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Ok, if what ya'll say is true, what about the parents that pray for their children and also discipline them and they still become something that is NOT acceptable? What about that? And you say, that parents should NOT negotiate. Well, um.....let's see.......what about other cultures that do not discipline them physically........studies find that these are the children that grow up to be the leading officials. Maybe, we as a black culture have grown so accustom to the old ways that we don't take time to look up new and improved methods. I just think parents should take time and look at WHY you child did what he/ she did. I also think that after you have done everything that you could possibly do, then it is no longer the parents fault........ it is in the Lord hand to settle it out.
     
  8. Emeka

    Emeka Banned MEMBER

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    Excuse me? What exactly do you mean by "new and improved methods"? If your talking about the way White children and Black children are disciplined (which I think you are) then your deeply mistaken. White children in general tend to be more disrespectful and talk back alot more to their parents than Black parents. Haven't you ever seen cases of White children acting up in places like the mall or Walmart etc, whilst their parents seem powerless to control them. Heck, I know some White kids who tell their parents to shut up and actually say no to their parents. White kids do more drugs, alcahol and ciggarettes than Black kids, although this seems to escape media attention--who insist that ALL forms of crime should have a Black (male)face on it. The problem Black kids who are bad usually come from single parent-absentee father households. Now not to nock women, but when it comes to discipline you really need a man to handle that kind of responsibility. After all a woman can only discipline her children--especially her son--for so long before it stops having any real effect. This is one of the reason why fathers are need in the house hold.
     
  9. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    I respectfully beg to disagree with you Chukwuemeka and others who take your position that parents are responsible for their children's actions. First of all, it is a broad question and by the examples given, how can you seriously believe that parents are always and totally responsible for the things that their children do? To believe that parents are not always responsible for the behavior of their children is not, in my opinion, an abdication of their responsibilities. What that says to me is that children are people too, with the ability to think and choose, just as parents are.

    Granted, to some degree, a child's behavior reflect how they are raised. The way our parents and other adults interact with us plays a large role in how we perform as adults. But remember that there are exceptions to every rule and these exceptions must be factored into the equation.

    At what point does a parent's responsibility begin and where does it end? Legally and minimally, parents are responsible for providing food, shelter and clothing, and at the least, a public education. Many parents provide even a nurturing environment and a spiritual foundation. To me, parents that provide love to their children is better than those that don't, but even so, there are no guarantees that these children will reciprocate and follow their example.

    Home environment has a strong influence on a child, true, but if a child chooses not to follow the directions of a parent, then is it the parent's fault? What if the child suffers from some socio-psychological disorder and goes undiagnosed and is viewed simply as a "bad" kid? Is it the parent's fault there too because they may not be able to distinguish the difference between behavioral and psychological disturbances?

    Children that do "bad" things are not always products of an abusive home or are born to parents that don't care or try to nurture them. Children that do "good" things are not always from a nurturing home either. The same way you can't push a rope, a parent cannot beat sense into their children nor force them to behave. They can to some extent control their behavior by confining them but it doesn't guarantee positive results. You can intimidate them and make them fear you, but that doesn't mean they have learned the lesson you want them to learn nor does it earn you respect. The weapon you use to discipline them with actually is what earns the victim's respect.

    If a parent puts a child in a position where, if they make bad choices and injure themselves or others, then yes, the parent should be held responsible because then they put the child's life in jeopardy. But for those parents that do try to take responsibility for parenting in a healthy way and their children choose to behave the opposite way, I can't see how you would think they should be held responsible. But that seems to be the direction that laws are moving toward these days. How do you think this affects a parent's choices? So to believe that parents are always responsible for what their children do, reflects wishful thinking and not reality, in my opinion.

    Peace.
     
  10. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    facts of the matter is parents are held accountable for there children action til they reach an age ...some teens are and do get out of control so it go both ways in different cases black
    children respect parents more so then white kids it's all because
    black parents will spake anywhere with the law as it is we tend
    to lack fully but yes we can bring these children up right and yes some do go wrong on there own path this happen more then we know it's not they was brought up wrong they choose too walk the life they live bad or good but most of the time we are held accountable for our children action it's like a thin line between
    and it falls on both sides of the stick all due to age when they reach 16 - 19 we lose control over them as they take to the streets , friends and other wrong misguided actions ............

    childrens who do go wrong it's not because of a single parent or
    a massive abusive stting in the home or because parents didn't
    bare down on them most the time it's all from the streets and what they learn from it how they seek fine things like cars , money, jewels and name brand things to have them they will
    cross lines to get it like a mental display so the acts they take is more so from out the home then in the home i've seen parents do all they can bring them up in church and get that behind as needed and still the child go bad it was the path they choose to take
    we as parents are held for the children even if we not there to witness it but the key is it all start at home and if we teach them the right things and about the bad and where it will lead too
    most of the time these kids will be just fine and have a more positive note on life ....it can go both ways in some cases but most part yes we are held accountable for the acts & actions our kids make or do.
     
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