Black Relationships : Are black women planning to have children without being married

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Sekhemu, Mar 31, 2005.

  1. Sekhemu

    Sekhemu Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    We all know the numbers of single parent households, headed by black women, But are some sistahs deciding to have children without requiring a ring? Share your thoughts
     
  2. karmashines

    karmashines Banned MEMBER

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    I read an article in Ebony about a woman doing just that. She was single, in her 40s, and decided to adopt a child.

    With an increasing number of black women remaining single, I do think more of them will consider alternative ways of having a kid, whether it's artificial insemination or adoption. In fact, I had a cousin talk about that, but she didn't need to do it because she got married. :)
     
  3. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hell yes, anytime a woman is not married and has a child, she planned it. There are no accidental births. You know if you're using protection, you know if you're pregnant and you know you have options. So yes, they are ALL planned. Man, you don't know how many times I heard "If I'm not married by 30 or 40, I'm going to get artificially inseminated and raise the baby myself" or "I don't need a man to have a baby, I can get someone to get me pregnant". Women like to say that when their in their "I Hate Black Men" mode.
     
  4. Sekhemu

    Sekhemu Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I heard about this story as well, but I was refering to women that are giving birth, not the one's that are adopting
     
  5. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    excellent topic!

    I don't believe all single mothers plan on having children without the benefit of marriage (or the involvement of a father); however, I do know for a fact that many sistas do make the choice to have children by themselves. I know this, because I have talked to a good number of women over the years that decided to do this. In my mind that decision is both short sighted and selfish. It puts the desires of the mother above the needs of the child. Having a child is the biggest commitment & the most important decision a person can ever make in life. It should not be done impulsively or taken lightly. Children deserve to be born into a situation that is beneficial to their wellbeing...one that gives them the greatest possible chance at success in life. This is best done when both the mother & father are involved in a child's life (despite an increasing belief to the contrary). It is also best done when the parents are financially able to provide for that child. A woman that decides to have a child without wanting a man to be involved in his/her upbringing is robbing that child of their natural right to have a father in their life!

    If a man is not worthy of being a woman's husband, he is not worthy of being the father of her child. Indeed having a child is a bigger commitment than marriage! A man and a woman can get divorced, and forget about each other. However a child links two people together for life! I really wish more people in our community (men & women) would realize this. Going back to this topic. The women who I knew that got pregnant on purpose with a man that they didn't want to raise the child, used superficial reasons to pick the father (usually based on their physical appearance). When I asked these women why they didn't want to marry these men they would usually pick out some psychological flaw: He was lazy, violent, unfaithful, etc. I would alway point out that children don't just inherit physical characteristics, they inherit mental characteristics as well. A child can come out looking just like Momma, and be bi-polar just like Dad. That would always fly over their heads! Unfortunately I was not able to talk the ladies that I personally knew out of doing this, but I encourage women that are considering this currently to think more about the mental welfare (not just financial) of their future children before decided to go alone.
     
  6. karmashines

    karmashines Banned MEMBER

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    I agree. Having a child by having purposely having sex with any old body is DANGEROUS and selfish. If you are a single mother planning on raising a child alone, at least do it responsibly through artificial insemination or adoption.

    Speaking of which, Pan, do you have a different opinion towards single women who have kids in a more responsible manner? Is it not having a potential father figure that bothers you or the method in which some of these women have babies?
     
  7. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    For the record I have no problem with a single woman (or man) adopting a child. Although some might argue differently, adoption isn't the same as purposefully having a child without intending to have the biological father in his/her life. An adopted child is one who has been abandoned (more than likely doesn't know either biological parent), and could benefit from any loving home.
     
  8. Sekhemu

    Sekhemu Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Good points,
     
  9. Ledda

    Ledda Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    There are women who use protection and still get pregnant. Afterwards there are three choices, keep the baby, put it up for adoption, or abort it. Neither one of my pregnancies were planned and my kids have the same father although they are 7 yrs. apart-14 and 7. I don't use an "I Hat Black Men" mode, but I used to despise the fact that their daddy would rather go drink and smoke the little money he did have when he knew he had two daughters and things like Christmas, Easter, birthdays, ect. would come up. It wasn't so much about the money. It's the fact that they love him so much, rarely get to see him because he's out running the streets, and you would think he'd love them enough to consider they need and want things. My husband does more for them and takes more of an interest in them than he does. I don't get child support and haven't asked for it. I provide very well for them on my own, but I never planned for it to happen that way. I'm 29 and I didn't want kids until I was in my 30's. Sometimes things don't go as planned. I stil don't want another child until I after I get my bachelor's degree. I'm using three different methods of protection so if I get pregnant before I'm ready, I'll be having another child but it definately won't be planned.
     
  10. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I understand what you're saying and I agree that some women get pregnant when it wasn't planned, but no woman has a baby without planning to have it. If you don't plan to have a baby, you won't. If you're pregnant and you don't plan to have an abortion...then you're planning to have a baby. It's not a knock on women at all, but there is no such thing as an unplanned birth. There is a such thing as an unplanned pregnancy.

    That sucks that you're children's father is such a loser. Luckily for the children, you were the one that ended up with them. At least their future will be bright.
     
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