Black People : another hair question

Discussion in 'Black People Open Forum' started by redlady, Sep 16, 2002.

  1. redlady

    redlady Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I wanted to post this question separately, but I thought about it when I was reading the replies as to whether or not little girls should have weaves put into their hair. If a woman marries a man and her hair has been permed the entire time she has known him, but now the woman wants to express herself differently and wants to go natural (ie: locks), but her husband does not like locks (on HER) and feels as though it is a total disrespect to him to change now, especially since he thinks she is fine the way that she is...Do you think it's disrespectful to go against a husbands wishes IF HE FEELS THAT WAY...and what about the woman's choice to want to express herself. Curious to hear your feedback...
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    well red first of all if she so choose then i'm down wit what
    makes her happy even if i don't like it
    and on the other hand we will sit back and talk about it like
    why i didn't want to see the change and why she want to
    change weight out the whole thang and we go from their
    now i can't speak for all men but me i can see i love that woman
    for her inner beauty now da shell of the out side she pose
    so to see her happy i'm wit it just that simple wit no problems
    now i do know of a friend who had a problem wit it as far as his wife goes coz it didn't become of her beauty so i feel that he
    used her as a show piece and not the woman he so loved
    i don't see the big fuss over dis .........she has her rights as a
    woman as well as he do if he choose to change his looks
    dat's da way i see it ................................................................$R
     
  3. redlady

    redlady Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Rich that makes a lot of sense...but what if the man feels as though she PERSONALLY does not look good in locks or braids and has told her that several times, but now, if she continues to do this, takes it personally, because he has already voiced his opinion...?
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    he must ova look da facts of his personal feelings and see
    how she must feel at the same time she must understand
    his emotional feelings that he don't care for it ...................
    i'm sure something can be worked out if not then each
    must do what's need to be done even if it means a split up
    but true love is skin deep and surely one will break for the
    other mate in this case of i like and i don't
    if they don't break and continue the love will be a false love
    and headed into a self destructional mask...now we ask self
    is this a myth of what should be or reality of what is....
    da answer yet known !
    only those two can answer dat .....
    his opinion do count big time as a household leader
    she should respect his wishies
    and on the other hand he should understand what makes her
    feel complete as a woman
    so we still sit here at a standstill
    all i can say if it was me i would have my say but if this what's
    make her complete and happy then so be it ...coz love ova take
    all if it's true love & respect for one's mate
    trust me one would break before it get out of hand if not
    then they both need a bit of help to refind self
     
  5. UbZoRbShUn

    UbZoRbShUn Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    red

    chile lookit here.... I had a perm for as long as I can remember. I used to color the hair, cut the hair, wore braids, you name it I did it. My hubby neva said he liked my hair one way or the other. So I went natural.... you heard me sista girl went natural. I've been a nappy head for a year now and have been kicking the afro, twists, coils and what have you. I too have decided to loc my hair and throw away the key. At first hubby was like you ain't going natural so you need to quit. After he saw how determined I was to stick to it he started encouraging me.

    Oh he had the Tito jokes as well as the Florida Evans jokes, but he likes my hair. I mean for him to say you are disresprcting him is way off base. I mean what if he decided he wanted to grow a high top or something and you were opposed. He would do it any way. I say all that to say, girl it's your hair, you have to deal with it and he should be understaniding enough to let you experiment with your wig. Hell you may not like being natural and decided to go back to perming your hair. I do recommend you trying the twist or coils before you loc. Just my opinion because if you get the locs and feel that they aren't you then you know you gotta cut em chile and start from scracth as witht he twist/coils you can always wash em out.



    One
     
  6. Thandiwe

    Thandiwe Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    a friend once told me that men and women have different views on relationships.

    men married thinking, "****, i hope she never changes"

    she says, "he okay, but i think i can change him"

    i say this to say, men do tend to think the woman should stay the way the were we they met. those are the things that attracted him to her.

    i was discussing this with one of my friends. we were having a similar discussion on other board. i saw his response and had to call him on it. he won't admit it but he would definitely be against his past, present or future girlfriends changing her hairstyles. he states that he likes the natural look, short afros, twists, braisd, etc. however, he almost had a fit when his present girlfiriend cut her bangs. LOL! so i guess he likes natural hair on other people but not his woman. :) i know that if he feels so strongly about her trimming her bangs then he would have a tantrum if she cut her hair or went natural.
     
  7. UbZoRbShUn

    UbZoRbShUn Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    oh yeah

    thandiwe you brought up something interesting too.... why is it that men love women with all this long hair blah blah blah? I mean they don't have to maintain it or anything so why do men have a hair fettish if you will?
     
  8. redlady

    redlady Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Zorby, I recently had a brother tell me that a woman's power is in her hair and that a woman should never cut her hair. I could tell he was quite serious when he said it...you never know what a man is thinking or why he thinks the way that he does.
     
  9. UbZoRbShUn

    UbZoRbShUn Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    red

    you should have asked him what the heck to do about split endz.... this is a age old battle I still say try the change because no matter what he's going to have something to say you know.




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  10. redlady

    redlady Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Zorby, thanks, but I will just take the low road into submission with this one. My husband and I agree to disagree on this one and he is SO adamant about me not changing the style and/or texture of my hair, that we had a terrible argument about it...one in the long run, that I didn't think was worth the battle for change...however I did have visions of being ALONE, wearing my hair HOW I LIKE and walking off into the sunset! Will have to keep you posted on that one! Thanks for the feeback tho.
     
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