Black Poetry : And that was that.

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by skuderjaymes, Apr 20, 2011.

  1. skuderjaymes

    skuderjaymes Contextualizer Synthesizer MEMBER

    Country:
    Japan
    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2009
    Messages:
    8,757
    Likes Received:
    5,870
    Occupation:
    independent thoughtist thinker, context linker
    Location:
    theory to application to discussion to percussion
    Ratings:
    +6,043
    She wanted to be my everything,
    but I already had a bunch of stuff;
    so it was crowded.

    And between my things
    she could never find enough space
    to hit her stride.

    At first,
    she hated the way that felt--
    And then,
    she hated me.

    And that was that.​
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2001
    Messages:
    69,983
    Likes Received:
    3,977
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    BUSINESS owner
    Location:
    Da~WINDY*CITY //CHICAGO
    Ratings:
    +4,177
    It is what it is, when one do it like dat.
     
  3. asimplepoet

    asimplepoet Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2006
    Messages:
    1,261
    Likes Received:
    206
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Teacher
    Location:
    Somewhere between paradise and diaster
    Ratings:
    +229
    welll i can dig that. totally understand that. keep writing that
     
  4. TotalView

    TotalView Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2003
    Messages:
    1,293
    Likes Received:
    675
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    North Carolina via NY
    Ratings:
    +696
    Master Poet Skuderjaymes,

    I love and I do mean LOVE this piece. The use of levity and humor, coupled with the subject's deadpan matter of fact tone are palpable. I read/spoke the lines very slow, the way I imagined the subject would. Your punctuation and well placed white space helped me pause, breathe and/or stop where necessary.


    >>She wanted to be my everything,
    but I already had a bunch of stuff;
    so it was crowded.<<

    The first line is the perfect setup for the lines that follow and it made me smile. By the time I got to the last line of this stanza I was laughing out loud. This piece is truly delightful. Thank you for writing and sharing it.

    Totalview