Black Poetry : Anatomy 101

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by Amun-Ra, Oct 9, 2001.

  1. Amun-Ra

    Amun-Ra Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2001
    Messages:
    1,868
    Likes Received:
    13
    Occupation:
    Sales Management
    Location:
    Dallas
    Ratings:
    +14
    (This is an experimental piece in trying to write from a woman's viewpoint. You will have to tell me if I succeeded or not.)



    That I have breasts
    full and protruding
    does not make me a woman.
    That I have supple skin
    a roundness or sweet flow
    does not make me a woman.
    Nor is it the smile
    of my dark hidden garden,
    neither is it the sweet curves
    and crevasses of me that make me a woman.
    It is your perception that makes me female.
    It is your rising nature that lets you know,
    but it is my character that makes me a woman
    and it is you who makes me whole.


    :)
     
  2. VirtuousDove

    VirtuousDove Active Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2001
    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0
    It's very compassionate of you to try to see things through our eyes, but I think that where a lot of us (females) mess up is when we rely on someone else to make us feel whole; we need to know that we are whole even if we are alone. AND I've learned that you can not let anyone define you for yourself, you have to know who you are and then let them know.

    In love
    VirtuousDve
     
  3. MsDLite

    MsDLite Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2001
    Messages:
    457
    Likes Received:
    0
    Occupation:
    Working
    Location:
    Cottage on the Hill
    Ratings:
    +1
    did good...

    Ra...
    short and simple...
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2001
    Messages:
    69,983
    Likes Received:
    3,977
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    BUSINESS owner
    Location:
    Da~WINDY*CITY //CHICAGO
    Ratings:
    +4,177
    As I turn myself around

    looking from her point......in whole this was very good
    i say yes u did well.............:)
     
  5. alyce

    alyce Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2001
    Messages:
    2,922
    Likes Received:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Counselor
    Location:
    mid-atlantic
    Ratings:
    +85
    imagine

    me with 2 extra thumbs......UP

    beautifully spoken, Ra.

    thank you

    a
     
  6. sexe1

    sexe1 Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2001
    Messages:
    204
    Likes Received:
    0
    Occupation:
    Purchaing
    Location:
    Houston, TX
    Ratings:
    +0
    you go ...

    This was nice...and I agree short
    and to the point...keep it coming
    :eek:
     
  7. Amun-Ra

    Amun-Ra Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2001
    Messages:
    1,868
    Likes Received:
    13
    Occupation:
    Sales Management
    Location:
    Dallas
    Ratings:
    +14
    I had to try!

    This isn't easy to do. Thanks y'all for the encouragement--I worked on this for a while and it just didn't seem to ever get right, but I ain't giving up--hooray for the feminine side--Ra

    :x:
     
  8. Da Street So'ja

    Da Street So'ja Banned MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2001
    Messages:
    7,648
    Likes Received:
    40
    Occupation:
    thrivin' spiritually/physically/emotionally/financ
    Location:
    where failure is not an option
    Ratings:
    +42
    Ra

    if the ladies said you did good
    man i can't disagree

    great bold piece of work

    with great results

    Peace
     
  9. Amun-Ra

    Amun-Ra Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2001
    Messages:
    1,868
    Likes Received:
    13
    Occupation:
    Sales Management
    Location:
    Dallas
    Ratings:
    +14
    Taking a chance

    Thanks--Icertainly appreciate it--I don't know what came over me--I am trying to develop realistic female characters for a book, so I am practicing trying to get into their shoes and heads, instead of their drawers--Ra

    :)
     
  10. N2urSoul

    N2urSoul Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2001
    Messages:
    3,955
    Likes Received:
    1
    Occupation:
    Director, Community Employment Strategies
    Location:
    Minneapolis, MN
    Ratings:
    +1
    Amun-Ra

    Great piece coming from another disposition and attempting to write from another angle...

    One question that resonates loud -- your last line reads:

    and it is you that makes me whole

    I'm just curious as to who the "WHO" is referred to in this piece??

    I agree with VirtuousDove in sentiment, I would question self if I were to say that I as a female relied on any man or person to make me feel whole!
    From my perspective and in my opinion, I would only allow myself to convey that GOD makes me feel whole, and that no "person" could do that....

    I like the piece, but the last line would cause me to disagree with the comparison of articulating what personifies 'me' as a "woman".

    .... just food for thought! Thanks!
     
Loading...