Black Relationships : All that glitters is not gold...

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by CarrieMonet, Sep 20, 2004.

  1. CarrieMonet

    CarrieMonet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Do good looks matter or could you fall for someone who you didn’t find overly attractive? Have you ever been involved with someone who got better looking simply because you loved them?
     
  2. MrBlak

    MrBlak Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I have a freind that I wanted to be with and found fairly attractive from the start...but as time went by and I got to know her, she seemed to go from a "pretty good" looking woman....the a FINE looking one. I couldnt explain it but the change happend at the same time as me learning more about her.

    When you know someone for a while you also get to notice small things about them you are attracted to. When I see a girl I dont know,the face, the legs, breasts and butt may catch my attention....but I will notice smaller things as I see more of her. Maybe that is part of it. I dont know.
     
  3. toylin

    toylin Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    The finest person in the world can be butt ugly. Take that however you like. That's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it.
     
  4. jazzymoonchild

    jazzymoonchild Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Definitely Sista Carrie. I have been attracted to people that other people I knew did not think were attractive at all, until they spent time around that person. Looks, sure, there must be something to attract you, but everyone doesn't look like they were put together by a styling team. The deeper aspects of the person, the nonshallow things, personality, character, dimension, ambition, spirituality, etc., are what drive me more than a muscled body or fine face.
     
  5. jovanslove

    jovanslove Member MEMBER

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    I sure have!

    Growing up I used to feel like looks mattered. Then when the really good looking guys were simply just treating me like dirt sometimes. I decided to try something different, and now looks do not even play a factor in relationships. I have encountered some really nice guys simply, because I do not judge a book by its cover any longer.
     
  6. Shelley101

    Shelley101 Member MEMBER

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    That's happened to me in the past. I used to date someone who I didn't initially find very attractive but his personality was so appealing. He became more attractive as I got to know him. I've also dated guys who were very attractive but their personality sucked and they started to become ugly to me.


    ********************
    www.shelleyhalima.com
     
  7. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    At the risk of sounding a bit shallow, I think that a person's physical features does play an important role in the mating game. That's not to say that only people who are perceived as "attractive" are the one's who will get chosen all the time. That's not what I mean at all, because we should know that's not true. But initially, I think people are drawn to the physical make-up of others and become stimulated by that. That's a more direct approach. But then there are the more subtle approaches that can be just as impactful given the circumstances.

    Let me remind you of the old saying that can be applicable to this discussion...."One person's garbage is another person's treasure." Meaning...what one person may not want, another person will. Not everyone will judge a book the same way, but there may be different ways in which we become enticed to give notice of a book.

    Sometimes you may see the book first and become enticed to read it or leave it alone by the look of it's cover (direct). Other times you might hear someone simply talking about the book, never having seen the cover and become interested or disinterested in reading it. (subtle)

    Hopefully, this makes sense to someone.

    Queenie :spinstar:
     
  8. CarrieMonet

    CarrieMonet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I was involved with a man who's face was not attractive at all. But I fell in love with everything about him. My best friend kept asking to meet him and since I know how she is...and how she can't get past the looks of a man to get to know him, I told her, you will not think he is nice looking. But I also told her that I thought he was handsome, and that he got cuter everyday. He was sexy and had a very nice body underneath his suits...(something I didn't find out until later on.)

    She invited us over for dinner and was totally sprung on him. When he went to the bathroom, she told me she understood why I liked him and that she also understood why I said he was handsome. There was nothing about this man that you couldn't like. If you talked to him once, you fell in love. If I had simply looked at him and passed him by, I would have never met the only man I really ever loved.

    I was 23 when I was involved with him, and since then I have never let looks alone determine whether or not I'd get involved with someone. I have to get to know the PERSON on the inside...
     
  9. MrBlak

    MrBlak Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I get it!! Nice analysis. People do look for different things though one persons trash may not always be anothers treasure....trends play a role too unfortunately.

    As for what I bolded....that explains why taken and busy (lots of dates) men are persued by women way more than any singe dateless guy. Unless you got the look, you better have some women as your verbal or visual resume I guess.
     
  10. atomicangel

    atomicangel Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    i've always been known for my supposedly 'weird' taste in men. i used to wonder why i found, the 'supposed to be' ugly men, so attractive. i've been in a lot of relationships with different types of people. i remember, when i once dated a guy who i, at first, really didn't find physically attractive. but as i got to know him, somehow (i'm baffled as to why) he started to get nicer looking each day until i thought that he was the most beautiful and unique being on earth. a lot of people didn't understand why i was attracted to him. he was also disabled, so he didn't walk like a normal person and when we were in public together people would give us some funny looks.
    usually, the 'supposed to be' drop dead gorgeous guys, had really rude and cocky attitudes and they were usually the ones who ended up cheating. not all of them but most of them. i think it's because they usually get "a whole load of girls after them" so they begin to think that they're so special, and they don't see why they have to "waste their time on one girl when they can have so many". (this is actually what i've been told by one of them. don't worry, i'm dumped him right after he said it!) :lol:
     
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