Black Women : All My Friends Are Men

Discussion in 'Black Women - Mothers - Sisters - Daughters' started by CarrieMonet, Aug 18, 2004.

  1. CarrieMonet

    CarrieMonet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I have heard a lot of women on the net say...
    "All my friends are men, I don't like women and won't trust them as far as I can see them." "If she is not family, she's not cool."

    Many times they say this as if they are bragging about not liking women...their sisters. I've always wondered why this happens.

    I've never had problems making friends with women. I have run into one or two that I thought was trifling...but even then I still let them know they didn't have to treat people crazy just to fit in...normally they became comfortable and stopped their nutty behavior.

    Why are so many women apt to stop all communication with other women? Why are there no second chances in some friendships? Why do we automatically choose not to trust another woman?
     
  2. toylin

    toylin Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    A lot of the issue of not trusting our sisters comes from that whole competition thing. We feel like we're in competition for jobs, friends, men....... Most women automatically compare themselves to other women they pass on the street. Examples:

    "Not she is NOT wearing that outfit."
    "Look at all that weave!"
    "He is so fine, what is he doing with her?"\

    I have never had a whole lot of female friends. My reasons where usually that the women I met were too caught up in things like hair, clothes, make-up, spending money..... Most men that I met were into politics, social activism, culture, poetry.. Maybe it's where I grew up. These days, I prefer a mixed group. It just seems to me that when a group of women get together, we usually talk about two thing: other women, and men.

    In fact, most of the women I have met all say that they don't have many female friends. Like I said, maybe it's a competition thing. Growing up, we were told (or we gleaned from actions) that while sistas were made to be best friends, it's usually another sista that will stab you in the back. Now, I'm not saying this is true, but to some people, it may well be.
     
  3. CarrieMonet

    CarrieMonet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    You know, I've heard both men and women say this. But I still don't understand how some women can write ALL women off.

    I have a wide variety of friends...ranging in age from 22 to 54 years of age. Each one of them have been instrumental in teaching me something about myself either directly or indirectly.

    I'm quicker to give a compliment than I am to be catty. Cattiness just seems so negative.

    Why is it that women feel the need to compete with their friends?
     
  4. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    if all of your Friends are men and no one is trying to get any honey, why that's a sure sign, you need to lose some weight. :wink:
     
  5. toylin

    toylin Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Uh oh.... I'm handing you a bullet-proof vest, a helmet, and a Plexi glass shield for that one. :nono: Watch out, now! :)
     
  6. CarrieMonet

    CarrieMonet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Who the heck are you talking to James? Do you ever say anything positive?


    The "All My FRIENDS are men" is just the name of the post!
     
  7. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    i may need two vests! :laugh:
     
  8. Murjani

    Murjani Member MEMBER

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    I agree with Toylin. It seems as though women allow men and material/physical things to separate us. I never understood this way of thinking. I have only one female friend, which is sad because I am very open to meeting new people.
     
  9. daroc

    daroc Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    friends... associates.... buddies... wathave u.... most of mine are men.. i got bout 3 real female friends.. for me, i tend to have a selective group of female associates - so when it comes to keeping a female freinds somin always goes wrong sooner than later...and the ones i do have are like from middle school- who stuck wit me. as for my male friends- mainly ex's and jus guys i chill wit. i think it all depends on preference... i have my moods where i mainly chill wit nuthing but guys- im mean i dont have sisters- so naturally thats what im used to- and then ohter times- i jus need to chill wit my gurls.

    but i do have to aggree wit the competition comment...sometimes we are too judgemental when decidin who to be friends wit before they cross our line- we judge em for crossing one of our freinds or somin....
     
  10. jazzymoonchild

    jazzymoonchild Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I have male and female friends, however, one of my best friends is a man. There have been females that I have cut off for underhanded things they have done to me or if I found their motives to be suspicious or self-serving, but no, I do not consider all of my "sisters" in that same vein. I meet each person as an individual, and I will determine my friendship with you based on that.

    Women do tend to be more competitive with other women though. Some make you feel like they are scoring you from head to toe. From your clothes to your makeup, your shoes, to the car you're driving. They will talk about you badly and then hit you with the "Hey, girl" when you are walking up to them. I am guilty of having done this before. I am glad that I surrounded myself a few years ago with women of different ages, who knew of actual topics to talk about and who had activities outside of the mall or searching for a new man. These things, make friendships with women more enjoyable and thriving for me.
     
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