Poetry Critiques : Afro Centric Madness

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by MANASIAC, Feb 2, 2005.

  1. MANASIAC

    MANASIAC Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Afro centric Madness - From the Morality of Ahirman Collection

    Mr. and Mrs. Back to Africa came to the hood
    Preaching and Teaching us that his knowledge was good
    After about 2 hours of ridiculing our lives, beliefs, morals and such

    These buster @ss Nigg@@z had the nerve
    To ask for change to catch the bus

    We rushed them and gave them a few fists
    And the Ghetto Queens gave them a bullet instead of a kiss

    Afro centric Madness
    So much knowledge to share
    All the way from what we eat
    To the way we wear our hair

    BUT IN THE END WHO REALLY CARES

    I just want to ask
    How can you convince someone who worships Allah, Jesus and whomever
    To abandon their religion
    Which seems to bless them and free them
    Even though to you it seems like a prison

    How can you convince someone of your methods and message
    When they live better than you
    In their minds they want nothing you offer
    And Of your Message they are always a scoffer

    Has your message ever turned someone from crack cocaine
    I seen a man convert to Islam and never again got involved in the drug game

    I saw a woman pray to Jesus for a husband
    And to her Jesus blessed her with a faithful man

    How can your message compare to that power?

    Can you convince them they are living a delusion?

    What do you have to offer that can tell them their success and stability are a white man's illusion?

    What can you give the man who making G's off of crack cocaine?

    Can you tell him to leave his fantasy land of money, for your world which looks bleak and mundane?

    How can you convince someone of your message when you rip them apart from the start?

    How can you even fathom coming to the hood with your message, when you've never lived here nor of our reality have you taken part.

    Can you convince them that they need to leave America for Alkebulan?
    Have you ever considered to whom your message will have an effect upon?

    Afro centric Madness
    Is it Madness or Reality?

    I guess that is up to the reader to see..
     
  2. Prizefighter16

    Prizefighter16 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Very interesting message in this poem, Manasiac, I have a feeling you're righting off of experience???? You tell me. That's always a plus. The only thing i could say, to help you better your poem (not improve or fix :)) is to be more direct with the poem towards the middle. When i started reading it, I was getting the message through the words, and it flowed very well, but after the line
    "BUT IN THE END WHO REALLY CARES", it seemed as if topic changed, because it went to religion, and other things, while in the beginning, it talked about Mr and Mrs back to Africa. When I finished the poem, i realized it was going in the same direction. I just think you should make your words more exact..

    Thanks for sharing your poem... :thanks:
     
  3. MANASIAC

    MANASIAC Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thank you Brother Prize.
     
  4. Prizefighter16

    Prizefighter16 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Manasiac, Im a Sistah...that's ok, i'll let it slide, this once, lol
     
  5. MANASIAC

    MANASIAC Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    DO not beat me up Prize I aint know!!!!!
     
  6. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    brutha this was created well the structure made deeper then da mind can carry
    filled in questions ...you could have shorten it into more commons and closer
    but it captures the readers mind on madness that seem centric this poem takes
    you both ways sometime you can't compare word to faith of one's belief

    nice poem and message well given brutha .
     
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