Black Relationships : Advice plz: He wants to "MARRY" me!!

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Jaisolovely, Sep 4, 2007.

  1. Jaisolovely

    Jaisolovely Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    It's not hard for me to imagine myself getting married some day but now at the age of twenty......:SuN018:

    Fears enter my mind because we both are so young. My current boyfriend and I have known each other for about 3-4 mths and have only been dating for close to 3 weeks(thats already a no no obviously)both have made claims to one another just how much we love one another. I am twenty and he is twenty-two. Recently, we have had a big and ugly argument and I was ready to call it quits. This man was down to tears and not giving up, calling me and begging me to work it out. He was even willing to make sacrifices for me so that it would work. I love him but I dont know if Im ready for such a committment in such a short time. He is in the Navy and doesnt know when he will be shipped off on a ship (awwww ..:bawling:)but he is persistent in asking me to move to base with him and get married. I am afraid to discuss this decision with my parents. For one I havent thought it all out with him and two I dont want to jump into with an open heart but my eyes closed. I had told him to wait and that we should get counseling first. I had decided to share this with you all because I admire you all here at Destee, so please share your opinions.
     
  2. MenNefer

    MenNefer Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    There seems to be some urgency (could be a fear of losing you) that is dominating his emotions and his thinking and in the midst of all of that he has become blinded to the fact that this is a very big move for you as well.

    If he IS willing to make sacrifices he should be willing to take the necessary steps with you that may prove to strengthen what you already have.
     
  3. Jaisolovely

    Jaisolovely Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thanks MenNefer!!

    I thank you for your insight. Last night we had talked about it and since I am in school, we had both agreed that I would finish school first and then consider marriage.
     
  4. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    drop him like he's hot........he is

    leave this cat alone. he is not mature. if he is going to be on a ship where will that leave you? up the creek? is he thinking about you or what he wants? he just wants to tie you down so he will feel secure. if he truly loved you, he would want the best for you. he would be thinking of you before himself.

    true love is selfless, not possessive.

    let nothing distract you from finishing your education.

    talk to your parents. they have got you thus far, what makes you think their counsel is invalid now?
    why do you turn to strangers on the internet before you would talk to your own? are your folks that bad? i hope not.

    stay in school. get your mind in a book and off of the opposite sex. leave the boys alone. get an education.
    find some counseling at school. education comes first. we have more than enough uneducated negroes.
     
  5. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Sister Jaisolovely ... Peace and Blessings ... :love:

    There are certainly folk who have only known each other for a short time, married, and lived happily ever after ... but they are very few and far between i'd imagine. There was a time in the past, when there were more stories like this, but not these days.

    In addition, i think it takes time to really know someone. A person can be whatever they want you to think they are, for 3, 4, 5, or even 6 months. So, in my opinion, not enough time has passed for you to turn your whole life around for a man you hardly know.

    It's nice to be in love, having someone who cares about you ... just enjoy that for awhile. If it lasts, it'll be there after you get out of school, and then you can pursue other commitments, like marriage and stuff.

    Have Fun and Enjoy!

    Be Careful ... and don't be have'n no unsafe sex !!! :wink:

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  6. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Moving kinda fast arent we?

    :love: Though love at 1st sight does happen, 3-4 months is way too short of a time. Wait a year. If the love is there now, it will be there then
     
  7. Jaisolovely

    Jaisolovely Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    You do have a point. Before I had brought up school he wanted me to move up there right away!
     
  8. Jaisolovely

    Jaisolovely Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Kemestry and Destee...

    All of what you both have said is true that's I why I had chose to wait until after school. If what he feels for me is true and real then he will stick around.

    Thank you all for your advice!
     
  9. Jaisolovely

    Jaisolovely Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Glad its all over with!!

    Something about the whole situation kept bothering me (more to the story then told) so I had let him go and he was enraged. He was calling me out of my name and just throwing all kind of insults at me. Then afterwards he would keep calling me and telling me that he loved me. Then all of a sudden he was in another relationship just that quick. He had broke the news to me that his first love was back in his home town and thats who he is back with. That I was his side chick(with her approval) and that he also had a yr. old daughter named Taylor and etc.... WOW
    Yea of course I had broke down but in my heart I knew something wasnt right because he had too many female friends and I didnt like that. This was all of what my dreams were about, my fears about getting hurt and making the wrong decisions. Im just glad that its over. Like JamesfrmPhilly said, I need to focus on my education and def. myself.
    I just needed to vent a lil hope you all dont mind lol.
     
  10. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    See

    :qqb005:


    You could be the one enraged. :great: Good thing you waited
     
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