Black Relationships : (Adult topic) I read this morning on a blog that women....

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by ru2religious, Aug 10, 2012.

  1. ru2religious

    ru2religious Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Okay – I usually don’t start threads like this but it did strike a curiosity within. My cousin was talking about this blog that she thought was good. It’s like she visits this site every day faithful when she wakes up gets her coffee and so forth. Well I went to her house and stayed the night with her because I’m out of town. She shows me this site so I start going through it looking at the title of the topics and I came across one that really sparked my attention. The title of this topic was “We’re in a state of emergency, There’s a shortage of good D…” so while she was in the kitchen cooking up some breakfast – I clicked on the link and told her which one caught my attention and she said “yeah – I really like that topic” so I continued to read the story.

    To make a long story short the premise of the topic was about men having good D as they like to put. They are saying that Mr. Good ‘D’ is not even Mr. Okay ‘D’ anymore. They are stating that men don’t take the time out to please women because men can pretty much get it anywhere and women are just throwing it out there. It is for this reason that men don’t pay attention to women sexual needs like we used to in the 90’s and early 2000’s. Now after reading this article as I like to put it, I had to read the comments naturally.

    The first woman to comment blamed this lack of satisfaction on food and the diet of men. Another woman went on about women faking a good time misleading men which builds up their egos and make them think they are doing more than what they are doing. As we all naturally know another woman got on there talking about size and she badgered a specific place which was weird because other woman started chiming in on this same state agreeing with her so I had my laugh because they sparred no punches (just ruthless). Then there was one that said it’s because of the music that men are not carrying about how they treat women sexually.

    Yet all of this still keep up with the subject “We’re in a state of emergency, there’s a shortage of good D…”. As I keep reading one thing that started standing out to me more and more is that these women appeared to have multiple sexual partners and I’m talking about the very women that are actually commenting.

    Now what I find amazing is that some of the comment suggested that women are just giving it away yet the very women who were writing about this issue seemed to be giving it away as well yet distancing themselves from and I quote: “those type of women”. It appears to me in their pursuit to find this so-called good D they’ve become part of the problem. My cousin and I began to discuss this issue and I can actually hear her getting upset. Now as a man I can’t possible understand what these women are going through and so forth yet as a man I find it most important to know what sistas are going through to help rectify the problem :10900: .

    Maybe I’m from the old school but the very women who are complaining about these problems seem to fit directly into the classification of women just giving it up in their pursuit for sexual happiness. Could it be that the women who they refer to as “those women” is doing the same thing that they are doing which in turn make it easy for brothas to just get it and go? If a man puts it down and she find that ‘good’ as they like to call it yet she gave it up swiftly, what category as a man should we put that woman in? In or eyes she’s not wifely material – because we are thinking if she give it to us this easy then the next man that comes alone can get it just that easy in her pursuit for happiness. Again, I might be from the old school but part of sexual pleasure is a mental thing as well – and it deals with the energy surrounding the environment of these encounters. I personally think one of the misconceptions that women have about men is that we are strictly logical creatures but in reality we are more balanced then they think which is to say we are logical & emotional. With all of this being said it brings me to the point of discussion.

    Why should a man spend all of his energy putting it down when she’s passing it around? If sex is all a woman want and it is all that man wants, should he be the object of ridicule because he had sex and bounce to the next? Should he suffer the mental abuse of being talk about because she didn’t get hers? It takes a lot more to please a woman then it does a man and if it’s just a sex thing then his objective is not to please her unless he’s trying to stroke his ego – again they are both in it for the sex only!!! This means he is not obligated to pleasure her because he’s not connected to her mental – it’s like every woman and man for themselves type of deal. This is very selfish grant it – which is why I don’t get involved unless It’s going to translate into something more. Why should he spend his time laying it down on someone who is not going to be around? This sexual liberation that women are experiencing seems to come with a cost or lost if you will. It appears that the more liberated the women become the more not involved men can choose to be.

    All this sexual liberation thing is doing is giving women the opportunity to throw their bodies around if they so choose and call it fun without being labeled hoe – but through their personal explorations it’s making it harder for women who choose not to be a part of that system. Not only is it making it hard for women but it’s making it extremely hard for men to commit to one woman when there are a thousand to choose from.
    Note: women if you want to keep that so-called Mr. Good D around then you have to understand a few things about us and one is that once a man gets what he wants – then it’s on to the next especially without a mental connection. A lion hunts down his meal, he eats and goes looking for more food – he doesn’t stay around to pamper his last meal – he moves around looking for the next. He doesn’t do this with a lioness because she is not prey, she is not sport or for the hunt, she is on his level which is to say – if you act like prey then you will be treated as such, but if you act as though you are on the same level then you will be treated with respect.

    The irony of sexual liberation is that it’s actually becoming a prison that has rules which can’t be escaped. We men are calling all women of today ‘The Liberated Woman’ which is a singular statement. This suggests that all women fall into this category even if they are not a part of it. This simply means that all women are sex objects because that is how the liberated woman is presenting herself. So this goes back to the Mr. Good D, if men are actually seeing women like this – a statement that women have fought to make in their fight for equality then the consequences of this fight must be accepted as well.

    There is no reason for a man to care about a woman’s emotions when sex has been converted into a purely physical thing. A man that is connected mentally will try to please this woman physically, emotionally, and spiritually and while there are other factors which can be a problem in the process of sex such as physical attributes of the man, or even the woman (note: women complain about size and so forth but men have complaints as well – we are not vocal about it or choose to publicly humiliate a woman about it) he will in turn give it his best shot. I feel that this is a no win article that the women wrote and the responders responded to - they seem to fit into the same category.
     
  2. Asomfwaa

    Asomfwaa Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Elders say "Birds of a feather, flock together." The sexually liberated woman is a player getting played by the sexually liberated man. As long as we are not of that feather, none of this relates to our experiences.

    I should say, be careful with the 'blogs' out there. So many are just really, really dumb.

    Thanks for sharing,
     
  3. houserunner

    houserunner Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I'll keep it short simple and only go off of my own relationships. Women that I dealt with tended to overthink, overanalyze, and just about overeverything in a relationship. I tended to under-recognize all of those OVERages like a cell phone bill. lol

    There will always be something between a man and a woman no matter how "compatible" they may or may not appear.
     
  4. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Son, you have now learned something that I observed at a very young age. The duplicitous nature of a female mind. Moreover, this is a classic example of a double standard. It is no secret that it took Essence over 20 years to admit the misogenist nature of gangsta rap. It took this long, because many could not admit that the chickenhead, skanks, skeezers, sack chasers, etc, they referred to was them. Many sisters live in denial about their faults and what's happening to them. It's easier to say that males just cant sling it anymore. We're all dogs. Etc, etc, etc. I notice you didnt say that you commented in the blog. Probably for the best. lol





    ..
     
  5. ru2religious

    ru2religious Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    No I didn't post in the thread - that's not my spot - I was actually browsing through the actual blog at cousins request and saw that link.

    Here's the thing I'm not calling these women skanks, skeezers, sack chasers, etc ... because they don't see themselves as that - so I use the term sexually liberated - but what I was looking at is the negative reaction that is coming with the sexual liberation. See this is not about badgering the women but observing how the effects of having all of these so-called sexually liberated women running around is actually causing women to complain about men performance and in retrospect men are becoming emotionless because there's no need to have an emotional connection to sex partners when sex has become a purely physical thing.

    Basically the very women that were complaining on that blog if you will seem to be the victims of their own sexual exploitations. While in search for that one Mr. Good - they are running through multiple partners which simply means they are leaving behind a trail of men. This means that they are a contributing factor to their own misfortunes in pursuit of happiness.

    You are correct - but I'm trying to find the best way to address this issue without sounding chauvinistic or badgering our sistas. Not all of our sistas are doing this but the ones that are doing it seems to turn the attention on men and their lack of performance and while that may be true it seems that this lack stems from an over abundance. Its like if the woman's love zone was a stock then the value of it is has dropped dramatically. It has lost much of its value because you can find it at every turn from the very women who is complaining about finding that Mr. Good. Simply put, men don't value it like we used to because its too easy to get.

    Its like a car - you found out that you've won a prize and that prize is a new BMW every 3 days for the rest of your life. At first we are happy to get these BMW's because we saw them as having value - but then after a while you get used to these BMW's and the car loses its value to you. You no longer want a BMW because you get a new one ever 3 days so its really nothing special about this car to you except that you never have to walk because there will always be a BMW to jump into. Nevertheless, though you will continue to ride around in them because they are being thrown at you or giving to you without any hassles you now search for that 1 great car aka the Bentley. He will always love the Bentley over all the BMW's because the Bentley is his baby and he values its because its only one. He doesn't mind wrecking the the BMW's because he knows another will be there in 3 days guaranteed.

    I hope this example explains what I'm seeing.
     
  6. WARRIOR

    WARRIOR BAMN - By Any Means Necessary PREMIUM MEMBER

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    GREETINGS RU2 RELIGIOUS.....

    IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU BROTHA....

    JUST READ YOUR POST......OUTSTANDING AND PIERCING OBSERVATION I MIGHT ADD....

    WHAT GOT ME WAS THE TITLE....." We're in a state of emergency , There's a shortage of Good D... "......AND THE PERCEPTIONS OF THOSE WOMEN THAT COMMENTED....

    NOW....IN MY OPINION......

    THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IN THIS CULTURE THAT IS DEFINING TRUE MANHOOD.....NOTHING THAT WE CAN MODEL OURSELVES AFTER WHERE WE CAN TEACH OUR YOUNG MALES A MORAL STRUCTURE....... THAT CONFRONTS , COMBATS , AND SURPASSES THE MANLY CHARACTERISTICS THAT THE WHITE ESTABLISHMENT HAS FORCED AND MANDATED ON US.....

    DEFINING OURSELVES BY THEIR DEFINITIONS.....LIES AT THE VERY HEART OF THOSE WOMEN'S COMMENTS....

    As Said by Min. David Muhammad , of The Nation of Islam...

    " WE....AS AFRICAN/ALKEBULAN MEN....POSESS THE LIONS ROAR.....NO DOUBT...

    BUT THIS COUNTRY HAS RE-ORIENTATED OUR MINDS ...TO BE PUSSYCATS , INSTEAD OF LIONS "....

    NOW.....THE SAD PART....IS THOSE WOMEN WHO COMMENTED.....LIMITED THEIR INTEREST IN THE PROBLEM......BY LOOKING AT IT.....INSTEAD OF LOOKING INTO IT......

    BY HAVING THE LUXURY OF HYPOCRISY.....AND EXERCISING IT TO THE POINT OF PLACING VALUE IN A SUBJECT SUCH AS......." Sexual Happiness "...

    WE AS A PEOPLE.....IN THIS COUNTRY.....AND THROUGHTOUT THE WORLD....ARE SATURATED IN THESE PEOPLES POISONOUS VALUES.....

    ....SO POISONOUS THAT MANY OF US BELIEVE WE ARE REALLY FREE AND EQUAL....

    I APPLAUD YOUR EFFORTS BROTHA....



    WARRIOR
     
  7. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    I used those colloquial terms, because they liked the genre of music that labelled them that. In fact, there was a documentary on the show 'Independent Lens' on PBS. I posted the link of that show here a few years ago. There was a hip hop convention in the south. None of the sisters that dressed and acted like the very females referred to in the lyrics, believed the songs were talking about them. Even though guys at the convention constantly treated them like that and the females put up with it. But again, that was always the guys fault. They were even asked, if these guys are constantly calling you h**s and b****es, why are you still here putting up with it? None of them thought those adjectives dealt with them.

    I get and like your car analogy. But to many sisters, there is no way you can criticize without sounding like this and being called a chauvinist. Because they arent going to admit, especially to you, this is in fact true. There is always a reason and it usually is male's fault.

    I have found being direct and giving examples, cuts through the dumb stuff. You'll be called names. But you wont be refuted on your facts







    ..
     
  8. ru2religious

    ru2religious Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I believe I saw that same convention - if we are talking about the same one its the one that had Nellie in it posing like he was for the black women and respecting the black woman yet that same year he came out with a video called 'tip drill' which was highly disrespectful to the sistas and portrayed them as being the very thing he stated he was against.

    The sad reality is - even though those sistas felt as though he wasn't addressing them - the reality is our women have been put into one category (by mainstream media and hip hop) and the reference made to our sistas is not only about one type of sista but have placed all of our sistas in that one category.




    Again the whole purpose of this thread was based on an observation as to how these sistas were badgering brothas for their lack of intensity or desire to please them. I dare not say that women blame us without saying that men black women for the problems we face with each other because that would be a lie. What was interesting about the conversation is that women in this case were blaming brothas for something that they've allowed to get out of control or where a contributing factor to.

    I personally don't believe in the blame game nor do I want to turn this into another female vs. male topic because that most certainly isn't what this is about. I think shedding some light into the situation from a male' s perspective seems to be logical especially when we are all in this together.

    There was something else interesting about this article - if I'm still speaking from the same article - but I believe one of the sistas brought Steve Harvey into the equation which he suggested that women should seek older men because they are more settled and into pleasing women. Now when I heard this - I immediately thought that Steve Harvey is an older man so he's marketing older men in order to make himself seem more desirable yet as I become older - I'm sitting her like - don't send them to us - fix that problem where its at. I know that might sound harsh - but hey - it is what it is.

    What is going on now - (speaking to the effects of this devolution of sexual revolution) is this so-called sexual revolution is causing women to have babies without fathers, diseases, abortions, etc ... Many of our sistas are pointing the figure at black men because they are not around for there children but note - look at our culture before the rise of this sexual revolution ... this was rarely an issues which is not to say that it didn't exist. Again everything has basically become a senseless, emotionless, act of physical pleasure which doesn't require men to have any emotional connection with these sistas. So these sistas are having these men babies yet these men are not emotionally connected to these women. These sexually liberated women now desire to have that emotional and mental connection because now there is another life involved and that's not how men work. We don't just turn on emotions because now the female have switched from having sexual fun to having to deal with life. Both parties failed to be responsible in wearing protection or just getting emotionally connect where such a decision could have been made with respect to each others desire.

    The harsh reality is - the woman is stuck or for better words have to raise that child 9 month within the body and for the rest of their life. Women don't stop being mothers when their children are grown while men who were in it just for the sex doesn't care what women has to go through. Sadly to say men can choose to be there or leave - which is why I'm against this sexual revolution or devolution - because the reality as we see it being played out - many men don't have no emotional connection to these women that are having their babies and thus they don't stay around. These women call them no good such and such, etc ... but if the original act was based on this freedom to explore and both were exploring why is he a such and such? Why is there such hatred? If there was no rings exchanged, no vows given to be there through think and thin, no trust or agreement made - but just a sexual relationship without no emotions connected or just a one night stand why is there so much hostility?

    I know that I might receive some hostility over this but I'm really curious - as to the mentality and the way our people think as a whole. I personally believe if we can but a shut down on this so-called revolution or even just get it back to its original origins then this will by all account destroy a lot of the issues we are actually being faced with as a people. Our ancestors didn't get down like this and if our people situation is getting worse then everything we are doing now is not making it better - so we need to rethink we are doing.
     
  9. MsVeraisblessed

    MsVeraisblessed Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    i'mma come back to this...:thinking:
     
  10. candeesweet

    candeesweet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Could it be as simple as living for the moment then learnjing to trust your perception upon to pull from your past decions and conclude in becoming whole in your ways. I think we try to compare (selfishly) on our past circumstances (mariages in the 70's) the world ain't stopped how can our societies stop. We have been taught everything gets worst why I wonder. Cause they just train you and by the time you old enough they start on your child and on an on. Fear has set in. Figure out right now and go from there! You wont be leaving nothing behind thats a lie that dont even make sense! OK then youre loving will be on time no matter what :)
     
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