Black Relationships : ADDRESSING THE MYTH OF FATHERLESS HOMES

[Full Speed]

Speak for yourself

Could it be that your father was nowhere around?

Hey Kemetstry,

I want to apologize for calling you an immature child. I strongly dissagree with you and your presentation, but I should not have called you an immature child. Therefore, I sincerely offer my apology.

 

[A007]

IMO, the "open" relationship model is completely unnatural. It is the rare man who is willing to share his wife with another man. While many men are greedy and want more than their wives, they do not want their wives to have any other man.

I have no doubt this type of relationship works for a few, but in most of these situations, it is one sided, favoring the man, with the women being oppressed and not treated well in these societies. I don't know of any societies where it is the norm for open marriages where the women can "openly" have sex with men other than her husband without being punished, put to death, or otherwise dealt with harshly.

So, the most common form of "open" relationships are those where the women are oppressed and disrespected. I, personally, have no interest in this type of relationship. I have found the richness and completeness of one man and one woman joined together as one flesh, keeping themselves for only their spouse until death do they part. I want nothing else.

This stuff about it being unnatural to be with only one woman is simply garbage. Hey, if you can get your girl to go for that, more power to you. If you want to be intimate with your wife after she has been intimate with another man, go for it. But, chances are, you are just greedy. You don't understand the richness of a "one flesh" type relationship and you are all about "YOU".

THE REASON SO MANY OF US "CHEAT" is because so many of us want it that lop sided way, they want other women, but do not want their wives to have other men. If they wanted the same for their wives, they would openly discuss it with their wives and encourage their wives to have other intimate relationships, therefore, it would not be called CHEATING.

Would you enjoy being intimate with your wife/girlfriend if you knew she has just been intimate with another man then comes home, takes a shower and jumps in bed with you?

You are simply wrong about this. Maybe we should start another thread to just discuss this portion. You are going on your guess based on what you believe men want according to the ones you think you know and what you would or wouldn't want. But, take it from someone who has studied it extensively; PLENTY of men are fine with the open relationship and MOST OF THE TIME the woman is the one who makes out like a bandit....BECAUSE IT WAAAAAYYYY easier for her to find a man outside of the relationship that doesn't mind that she is married, than it is for a man to find a woman outside of his relationship that doesn't mind that he is married. In addition, women can have men and women, men willing to sleep with other men are far less prevalent.

Again, you are talking about what has been taught, preached, and weighed on us as a social construct..i.e. monogamy. I am talking about what we are born with. Without being TAUGHT that monogamy is preferred, we would not be. That is all I am commenting on.

As for me, no I would not like if my woman slept with someone else and came home to me, but i realize that this is because I have been taught to be selfish. I am working on it. Maybe one day i will be ok with it.

[/B]

I agree that there are substitutes or alternatives that can work well. I am a prime example of that. But, most in our community acknowledge that we have a lack of "positive male role models" in our community. So, first off, a substitute or alternative only becomes necessary when the biological father has failed to step up. Next, because of the acknowledged lack of positive male role models within our community, it is clear that in many cases, no suitable substitute or alternative fills the void left by the AWOL father.

Nationally, 40 percent of children whose fathers live outside the home have no contact with them. The other 60 percent had contact an average of 69 days during the year. 26 percent of absent fathers live in a different state than their children.

So, yes, we are discussing fatherless homes. That is what this thread title is about...it is not about step fathers, substitute fathers, or the like. I agree that if someone is in the home doing the job of the father, that often works fine.

Now, looking at this thing from the perspective of wanting to make things better lets take a look at the very real statistics concerning the negative aspects of fatherlessness. Considering that somewhere between 70% and 85% of prison inmates are from fatherless homes, we should be honest with that fact and see exactly what that means and what that data is trying to tell us. Be honest, in your opinion, what do you think that data is trying to tell us? What can we gleen from that statistic. http://www.dhr.state.al.us/page.asp?pageid=408

The chief predictor of crime in a neighborhood is the percentage of homes without fathers. Up to 70 percent of adolescents charged with murder are from fatherless homes. Up to 70 percent of long-term prison inmates grew up in fatherless homes.


http://www.fathermag.com/news/2778-stats.shtml
85% of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in a fatherless home (Source: Fulton Co. Georgia jail populations, Texas Dept. of Corrections 1992)


So, concerning fatherlessness, we really need to give serious consideration to the statistics and see what we can do to overcome the effects it has had on our community.

Again, you never addressed the droves of women actively PREVENTING fathers WHO WANT TO BE FATHERS from being fathers. The stats don't speak to that. So, addressing fatherless homes and addressing the effects of fatherless homes are 2 different things.

We address fatherless homes by giving fathers more rights in court when fighting for their children. We address fatherless homes by teaching our young men that being a man is taking care of your responsibility. We address fatherless homes by teaching our young women that tearing our young men down and trying to dominate is not the "in thing". We address fatherless homes by providing opportunities for our young men to live above the poverty line. We address fatherless homes by helping those who want to be fathers be fathers.

We address the EFFECTS of fatherless homes by mentoring, community outreach, volunteering, a few words to the young brotha on the corner. We address the effects of fatherless home with economic stimulation in our hoods, educating them, and BEING IN THE HOOD. Many people say they want solutions, but actually do nothing but talk. Soon as we can get out of the hood we do, and never come back!

 

[Full Speed]

A007,

What extensive study have you done which would make what you are saying anything more than your opinion? Is this extensive study published? If you are simply talking about the fact that you think you know and think your ideology is based upon facts, this is still nothing more than an opinion.

You yourself admit that you truely don't want an open relationship, yet you proclaim that this is what's natural???????? Let me guess, I bet you would enjoy it if your woman would allow you to have other women as long as she did not have other men, right? You don't want to be intimate with her after she has been with another man, but you would be cool with her being with you after you have been with another woman. That's natural???

 

[Kemetstry]

Hey Kemetstry,

I want to apologize for calling you an immature child. I strongly dissagree with you and your presentation, but I should not have called you an immature child. Therefore, I sincerely offer my apology.

I've been called worse. I have never been one to take a discussion in here that serious.

But you didnt answer my question. Is the reason for you angst on this, that dad wasnt there?

 

[Full Speed]

I've been called worse. I have never been one to take a discussion in here that serious.

But you didnt answer my question. Is the reason for you angst on this, that dad wasnt there?

My father was not there, that is a fact. But, I really don't think that is the reason for my position on this matter. I am even accounting for the possibility that it could be, on a sub-conscience level, but I sincerely don't believe this is the case.

I consider myself to be a well adjusted & level headed man. Although my father played no role in my up bringing, I hold no "angst" against him. In actuallity, I feel sorry for him. Thanks to those who substituted for him and fulfilled his responsibility, I have become who I am today. He missed out on that, and can take no credit for it what-so-ever. This is his loss.

I talk to him from time to time today. But, there is no real emotional connection. I show respect to him as my elder as well as my biological father. It is just how I was raised. But, as I enjoy my children and my grand children today, he can NEVER experience this. He is missing out.