Black Women : AA Christian women 'coping' with success and singleness

Discussion in 'Black Women - Mothers - Sisters - Daughters' started by dustyelbow, Oct 5, 2006.

  1. dustyelbow

    dustyelbow Well-Known Member MEMBER

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  2. lcw1969

    lcw1969 Member MEMBER

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    I'm sure it would have been interesting to read this, but when I clicked on it, all I got was gibberish. I am a married christian woman, however, I only just married at the age of 40-last December. (I'm 41 now) For years I watched other christian friends/family marry in their 20's-32 being the oldest. I was the oldest in my generation to get married. Long before I even met my husband, I went back to school, I travelled, I bought my own house, I had a little money in the bank etc but I was single, I wasn't happy about my singleness, but I wasn't exactly sad about it either, I felt I would eventually marry-anyway, I think as a christian woman, especially if you are truly living the way God's wants you to live, it can be hard in today's sex obsessed world, most men in the world are definitely not willing to date you longterm and not expect sex and then the men in the church, I feel aren't really approaching women, and often times they are approaching unsaved women and bringing them into the church (which is fine-I had a friend complain about that one day) she is 40, never married, matter of fact she has never had a boyfriend and has been in church her whole life, she is relatively successful, and typical long skirt, no makeup church girl. I think a lot of women, in church and otherwise, may have unrealistic goals for their potential mate. I use to pass up men for being too short, too dark, not the right job--but I see now, God was working on me, to prepare me to receive a husband, a lot of women may want a husband, but is she wife material yet?
     
  3. Amnat77

    Amnat77 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Looks like alot ''judging'' but yet you are a 'Christian'?..lol
     
  4. lcw1969

    lcw1969 Member MEMBER

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    Must be something you are guilty of to call me out on it. SMH!!
     
  5. Amnat77

    Amnat77 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I'm not a Christian..I just like how you guys go out your way to point out who is ''saved;; and who is not ''saved'' who wears 'this' and sleeping with 'that'....

    put yet...call yourself Christians..just saying... judge much?

    article was on point and is VERY relevant today....
     
  6. Angela22

    Angela22 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I didn't read the article, but with this, I agree.

    I don't at all feel this is judging anyone(doesn't even make sense to what is stated), because truthfully, this is the way things are. I dated a man who said he was Christian, and he expected sex from me, and this was before I, myself, fully found the Way to be saved. I wasn't fully on board with what he wanted, and knew problems would arise.

    So, yes, this world is indeed sex-obsessed.

    It's like it's become a necessity for a relationship not even fully committed or guaranteed to last. I really don't worry about being in a relationship with men and don't find myself coping with it as if it's a curse. It's not, I'm alive and find nothing wrong with it.
     
  7. LB2000L

    LB2000L Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Congratulations on you being married at 40. I am single, never married, have no children and it is not easy as a single Black woman out here to find a good Black man so again congratulations to you for doing so. You are right, many men who want to date you long term want sex from women. When I went to church, I know of one Black man who married a Black woman out of the church but the odds are not in a Black woman's favor to meet and marry a Black man out of the church. A Black woman has to explore all options even if that means dating and marrying someone out of her race. I used to believe that Black women should be loyal to Black men and date and marry within our race but now I realize that HAPPINESS is what is important, not what color the person is. Yes, I believe in strengthening and upholding the Black family but if a Black woman has the potential to be happy with another person that is not Black, then the Black woman should consider that option. But I still love the Black man. I have dated men of all characteristics, ones that have been shorter than me, darker than me but I have not dated anyone other than Black men. I haven't been physically attracted to other races and they haven't been physically attracted to me. Maybe that will change. And you are correct, I desire to be married and have a husband and family but I have more work to do in order to be wife material, to be a support and comfort to the right man.
     
  8. ProphetikGeneral

    ProphetikGeneral Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    The problem with the modern Black woman is that she has rejected her King. Modern Black woman want to be white women so bad and please white men so bad that in the process, they've destroyed whole generations of young, potential Black men.

    If they have not destroyed Black men in the womb, they destroy them in the home, if they don't destroy them in the home, if they don't destroy them in the home, they send the young Black male to school where he is destroyed mentally daily.

    Again, I don't "hate sistas", I'm just an honest race minded brother that understands both Black men and women in this society have been socialized to have no knowledge of themselves.

    Women, for the most part are not meant to be "career driven", that is the man's role. Many men don't want to compete with their mate, they want a collaborator, but western sistas have taken yt's job market as a sign that they can "crush brothas", when every other race of woman statistically is in the job market lesser years and has mastered how to multiply that wealth into personal empires(i.e. assets, land,homes), whereas sistas believe success is destroying Black men.
     
  9. NyneElementz

    NyneElementz Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I have to agree. Lots of women who are obsessed on this topic usually show up to the table with unrealistic goals and standards for any potential mate, and never once focus on whether or not they are wife material. Not judging, just stating an observation.

    I do have a theory about the topic, though. If you despise the small beginnings of another and are upset about one not having success overnight, you may not be wife material on account of impatience and a warped philosophy about what men should be, do, or have.
     
  10. rapunzal24

    rapunzal24 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    You just gotta be patient and wait on the Lord, if a mate is what you desire. One of the most important things is not to let it be the end all be all for you. Have a life, travel, date, pursue your life desires, so the man will be icing on the cake...not the whole dam cake. One thing I have noticed as I look at the older woman who have been married for over 15 years, their husbands are not their everything. They love them, care for them, give them excellent counsel, but they got their own things going on too.
    I plan on moving pretty soon, and as a single Christian woman...I can do just that. I don't have to take anyone's feelings into account...I can just bounce. One of the many advantages of being a single woman.
     
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