Black Relationships : A real question about real friendship

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Realguyjeff, Jun 3, 2004.

  1. Realguyjeff

    Realguyjeff Active Member MEMBER

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    We all look for friendships right. Furthermore we all know that women make up approximately 52% of the worlds population leaving around 48% men for the rest. Now, I’m no mathematician but that seems like to me that if a person, unbiased in their search, sought healthy friendships throughout his or her life they would have at least a good chance of meeting one of the opposite sex. So let’s say this does happen and you two have been friends forever it seems. There are no love songs being song or no slow dances to dance. In fact you could turn your friendship upside down, shake it and nothing but friendship would fall out of it. Bottom line is that there’s nothing there but just good old fashioned friendship. Should one throw the friendship away once they find Romantic love in the opposite sex? If they do what kind of friend/person does that make them? Yet, if they don’t what kind of spouse/person does that make them? Is this some sort of paradox or is there a real world answer?
     
  2. MrBlak

    MrBlak Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    You NEVER throw a good freind away ever. If you have an opposite sex freind that is for real.....hold onto that person for life even if you go meet someone else to get romantic with and date or even marry.

    Anyone who has been thru periods in their life where they had no freinds would tell you not to ditch someone (opposite sex) who is true as a freind just cause they wont go a step beyond to romance.

    I hope that I understood your question correct and gave a usefull answer.
     
  3. realgurlchelle

    realgurlchelle Member MEMBER

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    I agree with what you are saying; however, this is only the case for true friendships. True friends are hard to come by, so indeed you would want to keep true friend close to your heart no matter who comes in the picture. The thing is that there's a fine line between friendship and true friendship. The difference could be what people call as acquaintances. A true friend would understand if your mate might feel uncomfortable with your friendship, and would be able to allow your mate to get use to the ideal of you having close friendships with those of the opposite sex. You have to consider that the relationship is still probably fairly new, and that it takes time to become comfortable with every aspect of that person.

    I feel that true friendship will always remain present no matter what situations may occur. A true friend will be there. A convenient friend will not be there when you want them to be, but will somehow show up when it's more profitable to them.
     
  4. Realguyjeff

    Realguyjeff Active Member MEMBER

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    I appreciate that reply MrBlak. That sounds very much like me replying to me. Yet there always seems to be complications surrounding matters of the opposite sex. I honestly think that is a very hard question for a good man, because you want to do right by everybody, yet that feels impossible.
     
  5. realgurlchelle

    realgurlchelle Member MEMBER

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    Realguyjeff,
    I have a question for you. What is this friendship comprised of? What makes it so valuable? If you could look at all the things that represent your friendship and honestly say that it was worth fighting for, then yes, by all means, don't give the friendship up. Always keep in mind your priorities and what matters in your heart. If your mate loves you then she would understand your friendship and respect it for what its worth.
     
  6. Realguyjeff

    Realguyjeff Active Member MEMBER

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    In reply to both of your posts I say this. I agree, the nature of the relationship with the friend should determine how one handles themselves when finding romantic love. In my own personal friendships I consider them underdevoloped yet still a friendship. Once you introduce strength of relationship with the friend as a factor in determining whether or not that person should stay, you open the door for bias. One may say it's strong, one may say it's not. Yet in all actuality it could be neither(both at different times), or either. That's a mouthful but friendships often are. At the end of the day I guess the deciding factor should be which action is in the best interest of the greater good.
     
  7. jazzymoonchild

    jazzymoonchild Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I agree with MrBlak on this one. You should never throw away a good friend. Believe it or not, true, real friends are extemely hard to come by. You can find good acquaintances and associates at the corner store. They are not necessarily the ones who will have your back, emotionally, spiritually or whatever when you need it most. True, your newfound love has feelings and will have a hard time adjusting to your having a close female friend, particularly if she is attractive. I would make sure that you introduce them, allow them to be around each other and you in a social setting. That setting could be just relaxing at your house. If your girl still has an issue, talk to your friend and let her know that you aren't cutting her off, by any means, you are just trying to nurture this love right now. Keep in mind that your friend has feelings too.
     
  8. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I would never get rid of a friend for anyone, unless I was already thinking of doing it for myself. I would'nt let someone pressure me into choosing between them and a friend that I wanted in my life...never. If you do I don't think you're really a good friend. A good friend will help you see through the lies and give you advice based on what's good for you, not what will benefit them. Sometimes girlfriends/ boyfriends will tell you to do things or make decisions based on what's good for them. So keep a good friend forever, because love can change as soon as you blink your eye.
     
  9. Realguyjeff

    Realguyjeff Active Member MEMBER

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    Good stuff

    Thanks to everybody for replying. Those were all well thought out responses, that could easily be put to everyday use. They also reinforce the way I'm handling the situation. So I appreciate that.
     
  10. CarrieMonet

    CarrieMonet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I love and cherish my friendships, there is no reason to choose love/romance over a friendship, life is about balance.
     
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