Black Relationships : a question for all

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by tastygurl, Feb 15, 2003.

  1. tastygurl

    tastygurl New Member MEMBER

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    hello everyone i'm new on here this is my first visit but i read most of yall work on here and i think you all are very intelligent people. the kind i would take advice from. ok my situation is that i met this guy about three years ago and i think it was love at first sight. i looked at him and was like **** i wish he was my man and i guess he felt the same because he started talking to me getting to know me and this is the first time i have ever felt love like this. he makes me feel so good inside and has help me face and deal with some of my issuses in life that most guys would look past. any how he went to jail the first time after we only knew each other for about three months and we wrote each other and got into each souls for 17 months then he got out. when he got out he started working hard had two jobs and in between time we spent our time together and i just totally fell in love with him. well i started feeling a lil insecure and decided to break up with him before i got hurt. so we broke up but remained friends and a lil more. then one day he goes back to jail. i'm like what do i do now i still love him and want to marry him and have a future together but **** i need him here in order to do so. every song reminds me of him and when i stare at his picture and think of our times together i just fall in love over and over again. i need to know if i should move on and find someone better or stick by his side. please help me out. i am going to do what i think is right but a little advice might help me ;)
     
  2. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    :wave: Haaaaaaaay TastyGurl :wave:

    ~ Welcome ~ Welcome ~ Welcome ~

    Thanks for joining us, sharing, and being willing to listen to the thoughts and suggestions of others. You are a very young lady, according to your profile, and I'd go one further and say that you are a baby. Certainly a baby old enough to be one of my own babies. It is from this point of view I will share my thoughts regarding your topic.

    While my heart goes out to the young man that keeps getting caught up in the snares meant for all black men ... you cannot save him. You are not qualified. You don't know enough. At best, considering the scenario you've described, you will be doing good to save yourself. He needs older, "tried in the fire", black men (and women) in his life to help guide and lead him properly. You are not that. You will be one day, but you aren't yet.

    I'm not suggesting that you should not write to him or encourage him, but you must move your emotions away from this. You are all caught up. You are not focusing on yourself, your needs, your dreams, your goals. You are letting your life be caught up in him. You are young. If you continue to make choices like this, you will be old with these same or similar issues.

    If no mistake, you mentioned in another thread that you'd lost your baby due to physical abuse. Do you have any children that are living with you? Children bring additional responsibilities that must be addressed as well. If you don't have children, stop having sex now :) If you do have children, stop having sex now :)

    Take some time to get to know you. It's so important. Rather than being all caught up over some man ... think of your life. That is where you have the greatest amount of control and ability to make a difference ... your life and your life alone. Take responsibility for your life, meet your needs, press toward your goals, focus on you. Doing this will "try you in the fire", so that you will be able to help a young man such as the one you've described, when you are older.

    Please don't think I am trying to take anything away from your ability to help others. I'm sure you have much. It's just that I am the Mother of a 9, 18 and 24 yr old ... you really could be my baby :) ... I am talking to you as I would talk to my own. I would tell my children to get out of this relationship and focus on themselves, their goals, their dreams ... before they find themselves in way over their head ... and I tell you the same.

    Thanks for letting me go on and on like the true Momma that i am.

    God Bless You Sweetie.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  3. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    what u feel in ya heart is a emotional love for him
    and indeed he's in the unknown of life it self i agree
    with destee in many ways ...your life and true meanings
    is where u wanna be, what u make of self
    u should move forward yet be gentle and can continue a friendship but at all cost becareful coz love can be blind
    think about what put him their anyway , know how he will
    change , notice his reaction but i feel in the best for u
    that your life should move forward ........love is a compassionate
    thing and marriage is a step above know ya heart
    and use your mind forth these are keys to ya brighter furture
    lean toward what's best for you and it's o'k to still be helpful
    unto him but i say yes let go so you don't get hurt or fall into a trap i've seen it too many times

    welcome to destee and i care for what's right to many
    but do go with your heart and what u feel
    be true to your self ..........look over the whole thing
    love is a weapon if it's not caressed
    their is a new true love awaiting you .....if you need any of us
    just call upon us we will be their to help ....GOODLUCK .
     
  4. LibertyLady

    LibertyLady Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    if he loved you that much he would make shure that he didnt go back in jail....again....
    i just want to say ......girl do what makes you feel hapopy inside

    Are you happy now?
     
  5. LibertyLady

    LibertyLady Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    sorry sweet Happy inside..
     
  6. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    be wised and knoweth of he well
     
  7. sexe1

    sexe1 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hey Tasty - Do what you feel is right...my only concern is what he keeps going to jail for...cause that could effect your relationship also in the long run. Know what I mean?
     
  8. shaneak

    shaneak Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Answer these questions for yourself.. Then reread them with your answers.. study them... and you will find your own answers...
    Can he support me in jail?
    How often does he go to jail?
    What are his reasons for his imprisonment?
    Is he in for the same reason twice?
    And even though he has helped you overcome your life issues, Have you helped him overcome his?
    Have he helped you financially?
    Does he have similar dreams and goals as you?
    Is he working on those?
    And is he supporting you while you work on yours?
    Does he respect you? Verbally and Physically.
    And more importantly... if he wants the same things as you... and wants to be with you as much as you do....
    Then why does he keep getting himself in the predictament that causes you two to be apart? And to the point where it does not benefit you nor him?

    Not during tax season because his job history is dispersed in a year of employment and a year without.

    My suggestion... do not entertain his imprisonment or his letters.. that helps his time go by....
    Sweety you have 365 days of free time.... that you plan out.... Make the best of them... don't waste them
     
  9. monetg

    monetg Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Sistagirl Tasty,

    I won't profess to know you or what you're going through but I do know this--too many women are in love with the idea of being in love.
    I admire your honesty but I also feel there is much of the story not being told such as what issues you have/had that he helped you deal with and face, what he's incarcerated for and why you felt insecure in the relationship.
    Love is not about uncertainty or insecurity-love is one of the few certainties life offers. You need to use this time and this experience to evolve and to grow. Love will find you when you're ready for it and you won't have to ask "is he the one for me" because your spirit will already know.

    Much love to you.....

    Scorp-----
     
  10. bigned69

    bigned69 Member MEMBER

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    TASTY,
    RUN, DON'T WALK, AWAY FROM THIS SITUATION, BEFORE YOU END UP LIKE ME GURL.....READ MY THREAD IF YOU DONT BELIEVE ME TITLED I AM ANGRY, HURT, AND DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO I NEED HELP PLEASE AND READ MY STORY. WHEN I MET HIM 2 MONTHS LATER HE GOT LOCKED UP FOR A YEAR AND I WAS THERE, SENDING PACKAGES AND LETTERS AND VISITS AND $$$ ON THE BOOKS. WHEN HE GOT RELEASED HE WENT BACK TO HIS WIFE 2 MONTHS LATER (HE TOLD ME HE WAS DIVORCED). NOW I AM PREGNANT AND HE COULD CARE LESS. LEARN FROM ME DONT LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU!
     
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