Black Poetry : A Miracle? A Blessing? or A Test?

[Afridancr]

For all of you whom are familiar with "Daughter's Love their Daddy", "Venting" and "Reaching for the Hem of His Garment"
this is the reaction to the answer to a lifelong prayer.

In reference to DAD: written April 5th, 2001

Although I possess
negative ways that
need to be changed I...
feel a morph comin on

My heart has been touched
by the hand of the Lord
and Savior. YES!!!!
He answered my prayer!

Psalm 51:10

Create in me a clean heart, O
God and renew a right spirit within me.

More than anything else
I've prayed that God would purge me of the
anger and hostility I felt toward
my daddy.
Loving him so...yet
wanting him to know
just how he hurt me
by leaving me.

Then Monday April 2nd, he called me.
Got home by 8pm and found him sitting
in the living room engrossed in
conversation with mommy.

The attitude and sarcasim i projected
towards him earlier on the phone
disappeared while in the presence of
him and mom alone.

Don't really know how to feel
asking God, "okay, what's the deal?"

Always dreamt of a time when
the three of us could sit and
discuss what my life was like
the first (and only) two years he was around

Laughing hysterically~MOM reminiscing as
dad listens intently with
his cool, calm demeanor...

Why do I feel a sense of peace and calm inside
enjoying (I think) this...
dialogue between mom, dad and me?

Staring intently on me he...
commented on letting go of anger, animosity and all the things that keep us from forgiving just as God forgave us. Sometimes when you've been done wrong and you and the involved party knows they were wrong, you sometimes have to humble yourself and become the bigger person and apologize. No matter how much it hurts to forgive that person, you do it. Apologize for prolonged anger and move on to healing. It's what pleasing to God.

As daddy spoke these words, they pierced my soul. I believed they were directed by God. I felt it in my spirit to hug him so I did and he left to return his home in Erie, PA. Said he's return to see me on Easter Sunday.

All of this the day after my mother told me I could stay (again). She and I talked and I think we may be ok. Waiting for more prayers to be answered on that issue.
But one thing's for sure...
God is an awesome God that ALWAYS answers prayers. He may not come when you want him (like 28 years ago) but He's always right on time! A mustard seed of faith is all you need to believe!

*I know my Father in heaven loves me*

BTW: my dad never showed up for the holiday. Although I'm not suprised, I'm still maintaing that seed of faith.

In reference to MOM: freely speaking April 16, 2001

Yesterday morining I was on the phone two minutes and my mom
entered my room without knocking and demanded for the phone.
"Since you don't care about me missing a call, when someone calls for you I'm telling them they can't talk to you!"
I was talking to my Aunt Gail who had just returned from 5 months of traveling and was inviting me to dinner @her home.

My mom went to take her bath and when she exited the bathroom, she headed towards her room then detoured to enter my room. Wrapped in only a towel she embraced me holding on for dear life and began crying hysterically, apologizing telling me how sorry she was. I held her tight and caressed her back. I have NEVER touched my mother in this way and neither she to me. We just aren't close like that. Anyway, she cried and I comforted. We stood there rocking and my spirit told me to sing to her. I questioned and tried to fight it but of course I had to be obedient. So I sang a song that a poet friend of mine taught me over the phone. His artist name is Muse and he's from Brooklyn.

Softly I sang,

"I need thee...OHHH I need thee
E-ver-y hour, I need thee. Oh Je-sus pre-cious
sav-ior, I come...to thee!!"

Mom began to calm down, stop crying and relax a bit. so relaxed that I thought she was going to fall. I literally had to hold her up until I got her to my bed to sit down. She rested her head against mine and we just sat in quiet while silent tears rolled down her face. When I asked her what's wrong, she never responded, so I left well enough alone and waited til she was ready to share. Ten minures later she asked me what I had planned to do with my life. I then knew what was wrong. I believe the Lord revealed it to me through her question.

She was upset that my sister left for Atlanta with my nephew and has a fear of being alone because eventually I'll be leaving also. Is it just my own personal feelings or could there be some truth to this? I have to add that when I got home from dinner, she was back to her old irritated, seemingly mean, negative self. Made me wonder if all that ocurred that morning was an act for sympathy or attention.

Praying for understandin

 

[Hunter]

I am crying over this...and I don't cry easily because I have conditioned myself some time ago to become a rock and defy the natural laws of creation. Yet, here I sit keeping crime and crying for all of this and the pain poured onto this page. You have been touched by God Aminata. I hope you know this. You have been touched. With this touch there is pain and struggle and fathers breaking promises. And when you walk your walk...at the end of this road...there will be joy.

Hold your head up sis...sing songs for your mother until she hears

Melody is never a burden

*check your box*

 

[Afridancr]

I'm sorry Hunter...

I didn't mean to make you cry. I do, however want to let you know how appreciated your words are. I'm feeling that something is going on because the pain isn't as bad as it used to be.

Not meaning to be negative but she could make my melody seem like a burden. But as you said, I'll keep on til she hears what is meant for her.

Where are you from?

*checkin my box*

 

[dnommo]

this is long but what was on my heart

Afri,

Upon reading this stream my heart wept for you. I can understand what you are going through on many levels but what I want to say to you is that in spite of what has occurred to you in the past, it was done to strengthen you for what is a head of you. There were times when I wonder why did I go through so much during my life. Did I commit some sort of sin before I was born? Well, GOD showed me something very interesting in the book of James. The Apostle Paul wrote a verse that stays with me wherever I go. It reads like this:

“Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.” - James 1:12

We are tested from the day we are given life. Some of our test comes from our immediate family, either by physical or verbal abuse or by abandonment or neglect. We are tested and yet we are unaware of it. It is not until we reach an age of understanding that we can fully grasp the circumstances of our upbringing. The things of your past have strengthened you for the task ahead but you will not walk into those particular blessings of GOD until you let go of the strongholds of your past. Jesus teaches in Matthew 18:18 that "Truly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall have been bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall have been loosed in heaven.
As long as you stay bound to your past then neither you nor your parents can be loosed from such bondage. Remember, “if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.” - Matthew 6:14-15. John sees it like this:
"If you forgive the sins of any, their sins have been forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they have been retained." - John 20:23. We do not always realize that we may be the blockage for someone else’s forgiveness, which is why those who have come against us may come to us to apologize. They know that without asking for forgiveness then they can’t reach glory.

Even when your father did not return on the holiday, you expected that. You are also keeping hold of that seed of faith. He made an effort to seek your forgiveness and if you desire to rest in glory forgiveness is what must occur. Peter asked Christ about it,
Then Peter came and said to Him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" Matthew 18:12. Look at the response,
Jesus *said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” Matthew 18:22
That’s a lot of forgiveness but it is required. It will give you a peace that passes understanding. It will allow you to be built up in Christ. It will also allow you to understand that even in your forgiveness, God will do what he must in those transgressors life:

“And the Lord went past before his eyes, saying, The Lord, the Lord, a God full of pity and grace, slow to wrath and great in mercy and faith. Having mercy on thousands, overlooking evil and wrongdoing and sin. He will not let wrongdoers go free, but will send punishment on children for the sins of their fathers, and on their children's children to the third and fourth generation.” - Exodus 34:6-7

YOU can break the generational curse by walking in love in spite of what your family has done to you. Continue to pray for them and stand on your faith in GOD. In HIS timing, through the testimony of your unending love for them, they will see the GOD in you and not just you.

Understand one thing: Obedience is greater than sacrifice. Forgiveness requires obedience to GOD for his word tells us that in spite of ourselves we must forgive seventy times seven. Walking in God’s love and trusting HIM to do it will tear down those strongholds. As his word tells us: “For the weapons of our warfare [are] not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds.” - 2 Corinthians 10:4
Stand in faith for your father. Stand in obedience to GOD and you will hear HIM say to you, “You have broken down all his walls; You have brought his strongholds to ruin. - Psalms 89:40

Pertaining your mom…seek God’s vision on what’s going on with her. It could be that she fears she is losing you to a major move and instead of allowing you to go in lovingkindness she would rather send you away in dismay. If you are following god’s purpose in your life then be obedient to what HE asks of you. Although the people around you would rather you stay for they feed off your spiritual strength, you must move into what GOD has for you. Pray on it first and then go to her in the midst of prayer so that you are strengthened. Then allow GOD to talk through you into her for then you will see the truth in her ways.

I pray this will help you today…

 

[8th wonder]

My boo has said more than i could ever say....
he laid it out like i knew he would.
all i can say is..
Amen...

8th