Black Relationships : A Man's Twisted Mind Games

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Jackeys, Dec 18, 2006.

  1. Jackeys

    Jackeys Member MEMBER

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    I'm curious as to why men like playing mind games on women. Does it make them feel better to make someone else feel bad. The reason I'm asking is that me and the guy I'm seeing had a discussion yesterday because we had made plans. I was working and he told me that when I got off work to call him and we'd do something then. Well, I called him after I got off work and he wouldn't take my calls for two hours. At this point I became frustrated because he's done this to me before and the other times he's completely blown me off and not called me back until the next day. So when he heard the voicemail I left, which wasn't abrasive, I calmly said that I was getting tired of chasing him and it was whatever with me. He called me two hours later and tried to flip the script on me and asked me why was I thinking negative. I told him that I assumed he was blowing me off again like he had done twice before. Anyway, he started to flip the script on me and tell me that he didn't know why he was being bothered with me and my issues but since he was a nice person he was trying to be understanding. He never stated why he avoided my calls for two hours, he wasn't working. Sundays are his leisure days. It's not like I was bringing baggage, this was a reflection of something he'd done to me. He didn't apologize and didn't take responsibility for his role in the situation, instead it was all my fault that I left him a voicemail that he didn't like. In spite of it all I asked if we were still going to do something and apologized for reacting prematurly but he insisted on making me sweat it out and told me he'd have to call me back and then he called me fifteen minutes and said cool we can hang. I know he was just trying to punish me for leaving the voicemail. Why do men do this and where is the understanding. Why is so hard for some people to admitt that they contribute to the problem?
     
  2. Riada

    Riada Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Sis, I know you may not want to hear this, and please excuse me for saying what you don't want to hear, but why are you wasting your time trying to figure out WHY he's doing this? Why would you do this to yourself? He's giving you a red light. He's telling you to move on.

    I sometimes counsel women about very similar situations as this one and I can definitely point out that men like this give them many obvious signs early in the relationship that it's not going to work, but most of the women I counsel absolutely REFUSE to see the signs. This man is giving you a very obvious sign that he's not the one for you, and the time that you're spending trying to figure him out could be used to make yourself available to other men--one of whom may be much better for you. Also, women who continue to spend their time with men like this usually end up being very angry and bitter towards all men.
     
  3. Monetary

    Monetary going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Jackeys

    I have to agree with Riada on this one. She's on point. I'd like to add one other thing.

    You should look for a man with character. This guy doesn't have any. If he had it, he wouldn't be testing you. He does those things to see how far you will let him go. Eventually, he'll outright disrespect you. Show him that you love yourself and will NOT tolerate anyone treating you like this. You can show him that you won't tolerate his behavior and treatment of you by:

    a. demanding an apology from him for not respecting your time.
    b. letting him know that further behavior of this nature will force you stop dating him
    c. leave him alone if he does not adhere to your wishes

    If he cares, he will understand. If he doesn't, then let him go. Don't let your heart overrule your common sense and respect for self.

    Peace, Sista.
     
  4. vandella

    vandella Banned MEMBER

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    hi, jackeys, don't waste your time trying to figure out why this dude is playing mind games. alot of men like playing mind games and having women on an emotional coaster ride. i seriously think that alot of them get off on stuff like that :rolleyes:. anyhoo, the next time he tells you that yall have a date after work , call him only once (if you don't get him then leave a message) then don't call him again. instead call your home girl(s) or someone else and go out and have a good time. make sure that when he calls you , that you dont' quickly pick up the phone, let it ring a few times , even letting it go to voicemail then call him back in an hour or two. i've learned that the more attention you show a man the more likely he will treat you like crap, play mind games with you and have you on an emotional coastar ride. from now on, try to make your own separate plans, don't depend soley on him to take you out, etc. when he calls you to do something or go out, once in awhile tell him that you've already made plans with your home girl,sister,cousin etc but you'll call him when you get in later on , THEN DON'T!!!!!. TRUST ME , HE'LL COME AROUND THEN,THE LESS YOU SWEAT HIM, THE MORE HE'LL DIG YOU. unfortunately that's just the way things are, it's ironic like that. This guy is totally messing with your head and your emotions, MIND GAMES AT IT'S FINEST,smdh @ calling you back 15minutes later to say yall could hang and talking about you having issues,(pisses me off just reading about that) the nerve:rolleyes:. DON'T let this man control whether you are happy one minute and sad the next. sistahs must control their own happiness, some men play mind games ONLY BECAUSE WE LET THEM !!!.
     
  5. spicybrown

    spicybrown Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I disagree a woman is not at fault if a man plays games. This is where some men feel they are not to be held accountable, because once again, the women is GOD and supposedly has the power to make him "act right". It's not our fault they EASE IN THEIR TRIFLING LIFESTYLE and expect us to "accept it". A woman is only at fault is she REMAINS in a situation like that. Just like you never know when a dog will DECIDE to bite; you never know when a "man" will pull a stunt. I just tell them to get lost >>LQQKn<<:lol:

    @Jackeys, leave him alone. Regardless how minimal the games are; I'd be turned off at the fact that he has the gall to insult my intelligence and pull a stunt. See, it's desperate chickenheads & hoodrats who drive down a woman's "value" in the dating market. A man can date one ditzy woman, and A-SSume we are all that way... basically she's making it hard for the next woman who has more to offer than a "cluck"; an attitude; and some @ss. Live, learn, and move on.

    Peace

     
  6. vandella

    vandella Banned MEMBER

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    actually spicy, YES "WE" WOMEN DO ALLOW IT. as long as we continue to stay in these relationships then these mind games will continue to happen but if we check these fools the moment they start trippin then the bs will stop. if jackey remains in that relationship and not 'check" her guy ,then he will continue to mess with her head but if she stands up or leave then the mind games are over with. we do have the power to stop it.
     
  7. spicybrown

    spicybrown Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    If I were jackeys, I would leave without him knowing I "left". No communication, no "It's over" speech... nada. Just like I never existed to that man. :lol:

    Why not get to the core of the problem, and check the heads of these Nimrod's who dole out the games? True, women may allow it sometimes, but a woman shouldn't be forced to go out of her parameters and constantly "check" a man, especially if they want to be revered as A MAN. These men need to come correct from the gate. If they lived by the "golden rule"-"Treat others..." (y'all know the rest)... the BS would be near null.

    Also, most times a game player is slick enough not to exhibit signs of game playing from the gate... they normally wait until they feel the woman is "hooked" to show their true colors. At this point the woman is emotionally attached to the point where she weighs the pos & neg's... she may choose to remain with him, but that only fuels him to play more games. Only children play games, and test what they can get away with.

    I agree with checking these men when they first run a game, but that won't stop them from contemplating running one. Placing trust in some one is like a crap shoot... you never know what will come of it. Just the mere thought of having to "check" a man that is supposed to be grown like me is enough of a turn off. I'll had to have put in mucho mileage with a man before I even think twice about "negotiating righteous behavior". If he's a newbie, and he plays games... Pyooooon:getout:

    Adios homeboy:wave:

    Peace
     
  8. vandella

    vandella Banned MEMBER

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    TRUE @ ONLY KIDS PLAY GAMES, A REAL/TRUE MAN DON'T HAVE TIME TO PLAY MIND GAMES BECAUSE HE'S TOO BUSY BEING A REAL MAN. yes some men do wait until the woman is all attach and lovey dovey before the games begin. they are truely sick in the head (totally mental) what kind of person would enjoy playing with someone's feelings like that:madd:. JACKEY, talk to this guy if you want first , if he don't come correct after that then :playball: :playball: :playball: and move the heck on. in this day and age sistahs shouldn't waste their time on nonsence, don't put up with his mess, you have to HARDEN /TOUGHEN YOUR HEART AND JUST "BOUNCE".
     
  9. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Probably for the same reasons women play them on men :darts: Men never invented the manipulation game :pool:
     
  10. cursed heart

    cursed heart Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This is not what we are discussing now.
    You are doing exactly what he did to her, turned it around on her.
    I'm going to give it to you straight j girl!
    You will never ever figure out people entirely.
    If someone is making you feel unwanted,neglected,unloved,angry,frustrated, let them be.
    The best answer I can give you about men like this is to shut off your emotions and turn on your mind.
    IGNORE HIM, THEY SEEM TO LIKE THAT!
    IT SEEMS THE MORE YOU CHASE THEM THE FURTHER THEY RUN.
    IF YOU IGNORE HIM HE'LL START THINKING,CALLING, AND COMING AROUND WHEN HE SHOULD OR HE'LL GO AWAY.
    WITH SOMEONE LIKE HIM YOU CAN'T GIVE HIM TOO MUCH.
    YOU HAVE TO BE A LITTLE ROUGH AND TOUGH FOR THE SAFETY OF YOUR HEART.


    One more thing sweety.
    He has someone else.
    I'm sorry, but if you previously had plans and now he is unsure of them, he's waiting to see what that other girl is going to do.
    I've been where you are and it's not a nice place to be.
    Be smart,be strong, don't settle.
     
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