Black Relationships : A Man Living With His Parents or Someone

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by legit-writer, Jan 11, 2013.

  1. legit-writer

    legit-writer Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Ladies: At what age do you think a man should have his own place to stay? If he is past the 35 mark, and he has spent most of his life living with someone and never truly had his own place to stay, or a stable job, would you date a man like that? If so, how long? If not, why? For the older generation here, if he is in his 50s still doesn't have a real job, and relying on a hobby (a book or writing music) to get published and make some money, yet he is living with someone else, doesn't have his own place. Where do you all draw the line? Is this where the ladies "step up" and pays yours and his bill by going out working, while he is sitting at home on the computer all day, or what? Would love to see what your responses are!
     
  2. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I don't date grown men who live with their parents....
    Correction, I understand some folks go through hard times and setbacks, especially if they got laid off from their job, had a house fire...etc...that's understandable if you gotta stay some where like your parent's temporarily.
    But outside of that....Never.
    You're not working cause you're lazy...never.
     
  3. MsVeraisblessed

    MsVeraisblessed Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Just what grown lady in these days time is going to be taking care of unemployed man? I'ono, i know i can't do it... times are hard and food and bills are getting expensive. Its gonna take two people to just pay the light bill.

    You know what i just had this conversating with my son... I just told my son (hes 18) now that he's gonna have a child he really needs to step his hustle up..
     
  4. Josef

    Josef Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    what if he was financially stable (trust fund well to do kinda cat), chose not to work but rather stay in the house taking care of his elderly sick parents, and had a older mentally ill sibling also to care for?
    would he THEN be worthy of your time?...
     
  5. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    ..
     
  6. Bootzey

    Bootzey Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    There is nothing wrong with a man who lives with his parents. People do it all over the globe. Just because you reach a certain age, doesn't mean you get to abandon your parents to reinvent the wheel. People who live at home long term have much more financial stability than those who live on their own. That being said.... It is only a problem for me when the parents support the man or woman.
     
  7. skuderjaymes

    skuderjaymes Contextualizer Synthesizer MEMBER

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    "hobbies".. ha... listen..


    Life after 35 is about much more than gaining the approval of some woman.. believe that. After 20 or so years of watching every as# that passes, the hormones do come under control and forest and the trees come into sharp focus. Life is hard and we got things to do in this life. Anybody that would forgo a friendship with a dude because of his living arrangement is not worth his time anyway.
     
  8. dunwiddat

    dunwiddat Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    In the Caribbean men seldom leave home to rent an apartment.. There are men who who have children from women and still at their parents:( The Caribbean have a culture of homeownership, so men seldom leave home until they are ready to get married and move into their own home. I think the age that most men here leave home is around 40. This may seem strange, but men and women do not like the idea of paying rent when they can stay with their parents. Sometimes if a young woman is involved with a married man she might rent an apartment (which the man might be paying for) obviously she would not be able to have him come at her parents. It is not really a cultural thing here for young people under 30 leaving home. My niece is over thirty and she still lives at her mother. You don't see 18 and 19 year old on their own... Students at university live with their parents.
     
  9. cherryblossom

    cherryblossom Banned MEMBER

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    IMO, such an individual exemplifies the difference between a "grown man" and an "adult male."

    I have known several "adult males" who have never lived on their own. Males who went from living in his mother's house to living with a girlfriend. All his life, he has been dependent on a woman to lean on, take care of him. Even the ones who did have jobs still didn't know how to survive on his own. He still needed a woman to cook, clean, keep house and pay the bills because he didn't know how to manage a home on his own. Someone else always did that for him, i.e., his mother and later on, girlfriends.

    I know some who got married and later divorced *no big shocker there* and then moved right back home to mama.

    I even know some who are still married but live with their mothers. --His wife and child/children live in the same city while he lives with his mother who cooks, cleans, irons his clothes, etc.. (The mother is not invalid. She is in good health and still works.)

    Now, yes, much of this is because too many mothers coddle their sons, creating this behavior in their adult years.

    This subject was discussed in another thread here titled, "Raising Daughters/Loving Sons." >>>>
    http://destee.com/index.php?threads/raising-daughters-loving-sons.50860/

    So, for a 'sposed to be "grown man" still living with his mother with no job, no realistic/viable goals, basically a "scrub" and "dead-beat," NO, I would not date him. I would leave his broke and broke-down behind just where I found him.....especially if he has CHILDREN he is NOT providing for as well as he lives with his mother.

    Yes, anybody can fall on "hard times" and just plans to be there for a "season."

    Yes, a man may be taking care of his elderly and/or sick, disabled parent or other relative.

    There is a big difference between living WITH one's mother and living ON your mother.

    So, the situation/scenario you described is entirely different from the following two:

     
  10. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    My uncle (57) lives with my grandmother...he doesn't do anything..and my grandmother isn't disabled or anything....When he wasn't living with my grandmother he was living off of lots of other women.
    He had a job...And after they fired him he never attempted to seek out work....
    My grandmother is trying to support him...She's supposed to have been retired but him living with her has forced her to go and work so she can put food in the house for his grown self to eat.
    Today she was asking my mom and I if she could claim his bum-self on her taxes.
    All he does is watch tv upstairs take my grandmother's dog out the house...and just exist in her home...
    It's hard for me to even take him serious sometimes.
    This is a prime example of a man I would not want.
    No way....no how.
    BUM-CITY.
     
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