Black Women : A Little Help Here Please...

Discussion in 'Black Women - Mothers - Sisters - Daughters' started by 1hotvirgowoman, Feb 10, 2005.

  1. 1hotvirgowoman

    1hotvirgowoman Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Sistas', here is my problem. I have just returned to the Working world after having my Daughter 1 year ago. My Mom has been my Babysitter since I have been working. Yesterday, my husband pointed out that my daughters' tooth was chipped. I got pissed,not only because her tooth was chipped, but because I haven't heard anything about this from my Mom until now.(mind you, I haven't seen my daughter for four days). I call and ask my Mom" What happened?".. She tells me that maybe my daughter chipped it when she was with me.....Now, Ladies, I am her Mother, and I watch over this lil' girl like a Hawk- I would know if she had hurt herself.


    Me and my Mom went back and forth about how she should be watching over my Daughter. She got offended because she felt that I was questioning her Parenting. Who do you think was right?. I painted a similar scenario which included me as a child coming back wounded and my Babysitter and theBS not knowing what happened. Don't this seem odd?. My mom could not answer the question. She ended up hanging up on me and telling me to find a New Babysitter.


    Was I wrong to question my Childs' well being?..... I love my Momma more than anything and I can never stay mad at her but I'm tired of her laziness.
     
  2. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I know you asked for a sisters opinion, but I would like to think I have something to contribute to this question. I would trust your mother, unless you have been given reasons not to. I don't believe this incident to be such a reason. Accidents do happen! No matter how closely a child is being watched, they are still going to fall & bump his/her head. This will happen in even the most expensive & professionally run day care center. What you won't get at any day care center is someone who will love your child like their grandmother. It is a blessing to have one's parent be able to care for their child. My parents live 2 states away, and my in-laws live in another country. My wife and I would kill for one of our parents to be able to care for our daughter. We now pay $1000 a month (not including diapers & food) for day care. This is our 2nd biggest monthly expense (behind our rent), and it will double with our second child on the way. We would kill for an opportunity to have either mother here. I don't think you realize exactly how fortunate you are. In my opinion you should apologize to your mother, and hope she accepts.
     
  3. 1hotvirgowoman

    1hotvirgowoman Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Awww-Congratulations on your Second Child Pana'-I bet you want a Boy huhn?.I'm so happy for you. Children are a blessing for reals.


    True- accidents do happen, however some CAN be avoided. For instance, my Mom lives in a two story house(six bedrooms). She lets my daughter roam around the house unattended. On top of that, she lets her climb up the stairs unattended. At this particular stage , my daughter is still a little clutzy, so if she should lose her footing she could seriously hurt herself. You have a daughter as well so you know the dangers of stairs.

    Apologize? Can you seriously give me valid reason as to why I should?.I put it to you this way Pan'- I'm paying her good money -she SHOULD be able to tell me when and where my daughter has fallen.There is no exscuse for her when it is HER job to supervise her grandaughter.She has raised me and my three brothers true- but that doesn't mean that whatever that she decides is always right. On many occasions I have proved her wrong.
     
  4. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Well then you better get started looking at day care centers...many have long wait list & expensive registration fees!
     
  5. 1hotvirgowoman

    1hotvirgowoman Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    You not lying about that!!!!. This tiff just happened last night. Tommorrow will be my last day at work. I have decided to be an stay-at-home Mom. As much as I hate it, I'm willing to do anything to keep her from harming herself any further. I know that I can't save her from everything but I will fight tooth and nail to prevent it from happening. This is my first child so Yes, I am overprotective of her. I'm one of those Moms who upon finding that someone is bullying my child, will personally come up to the school and raise hell!. Nobody's gonna hurt my Baby!!!!(I need to calm down)
     
  6. Nita

    Nita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I

    can understand you are concerned. I am a mother of 4 soon to be 5. If your mother has given you any reasons in the past not to trust her then maybe you should find someone else or be a stay at hom mom like you said. I am always fearful about placing my children in a daycare. Infact I have only had to place 2 of my children in daycare. Needles to say, that didn't last very long, not because the providers didn't give good care, but because no one could care for them like ME....
    I thank God that I had a Grandmother...Roberta...AKA...Bert (God rest her soul) :heart: who helped me out so much with my babies. I had my first when I was 17 and she was there for me to make sure I finished high school.
    If there are no previous issues to make you qustion your mom, I'd apologize and set things straight with her.

    Pan...1000$...wow..that is exspensive. I was mad at having to pay 300$ a month for child care.
     
  7. 1hotvirgowoman

    1hotvirgowoman Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Nita,Congratulations on your soon to be arriving child!! I'm happy for you TOO!!! I don't even got to tell you how wonderful having a child can be!.

    She's not abusive but she is controlling. I remember some of the torture devices that she used to use on me and my Brothers.My main plight is that she's lazy. I love her , I do, I just can't get next to her not being able to tell me what happened to my daughters tooth!.I'm wasn't that mad that it had happened, I was mad at the fact that she passed it of like it was nothing then claimed that she didn't know what happened. She is her Babysitter- she SHOULD know what's going on at all times. My mom is always doing things half-assed. She cooks minute rice in half a second! The rice don't even be done yet!! She's always shaving off time to do absolutely nothing!
     
  8. 1hotvirgowoman

    1hotvirgowoman Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Nita, would you want your 1yr old child walking up and down a flight of stairs unattended?
     
  9. PurpleMoons

    PurpleMoons Administrator STAFF

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    Yes! Congratulations to both Pan and Nita!

    I wouldn't want my child playing on stairs. I don't feel that you was wrong to confront mom about your concerns. I'm not so sure about how you handled such a delicate concern though.

    Shoot! I couldn't get my mom to babysit while I went to workl. She would tell me, "Now look, I raised mines and you got to raise yours!" She would watch them if I was going to the store or if I had an appointment. But while I work, was definately a no no.

    You could have said something like this, Mom, precious is very clumsy. I just noticed that she must have fell and broke her tooth. Do you know anything about that? If she says no, then you say, she has to be watched very closely because she's fast and get into all kinds of stuff. It really bothers me when I see that she has been hurt and I don't know why. Be extra careful with her mom, She's a curious one.

    Like Pan, I rather a close family member watch my baby. Luckily for me, I had my Sister. She was'nt the perfect daycare provider, but she was the most loving one to my child and alot cheaper too.

    I think you should apologize for the way you might have came off to mom! After all, You'll always love her, Right?
     
  10. 1hotvirgowoman

    1hotvirgowoman Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Purple Moons, Thank You for your response, especially when my time is limited here. I didn't come at her in a ravenous way at all. I had talked to her prior to my daughters arrival home. I redialed the number and asked "Mommy, what happened to Elises's tooth?"......her " Uhh- I don't know....it may have been that way when she was with you". .... I told her that I would notice something like that- but besides that , she didn't fall at all when she was with me.


    Purple', she got mad because I had the gall to ask her "what happened?". I guess she expected me to just let it ride...My mommy knows that elise is clumsy, I tell her all the time that she shouldn't let her walk the stairs(16 steps) by herself. She jumps on the defense and says "Erin, I'm watching her!" and I already know that that's a bunch of Bull!. I have been at the house when my daughter has went up the steps to see my brother, so I seen with my own eyes what goes on when I'm not there.

    If there is something that I don't agree with ,I'm gon' always question it- she knows this. I just can't see why I should apologize when I wasn't wrong for asking her a reasonable question.

    HELP!
     
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