Black People : A HUGE thing that gets me by!

Discussion in 'Black People Open Forum' started by Ionlyspeaktruth, May 6, 2008.

  1. Ionlyspeaktruth

    Ionlyspeaktruth Banned

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    Just wanted to share this with you all. Today I want to discuss something that if unchecked can stop you right in your tracks>>>>> NEGATIVE PEOPLE! These folks are as bad for you as CANCER! Many are mad at their lot in life and want you to be miserable also. I also call them "Dream Killers". They will go out of their way to tell you why you CANNOT do something or why it is RISKY etc... But wont lift a finger to help you achieve! I do not allow them in my house. Or in my life. A simple way to tell if a person is good for you is this. How do you feel while in thier presence and afterwards? Simple. The right kind of person will have you looking forward to the next time. The WRONG kind will have you feeling sick (headaches etc..) and thinking excuses to get out of a next encounter. Sadly these type are more likely to be relatives or mates. If you are in a relationship with one..... GET OUT! It is about your survival. I tell you all this because Years ago I was in a relationship with one. Had me to where I would pull up to the security gate and turn around and go sit in my car for hours. Had i followed her advice, I would be sleeping under the bridge today or at best digging ditches. I :bye::bye:with the quickness.:10500::10500:
     
  2. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    This is an interesting topic. Thanks for starting it.

    I agree with what you've said, to the extent that one can control their environment, who's in it, etc.

    There are times though ... like here in the community ... where less control is ours, and we have to put up with people, even if we don't like their approach or demeanor.

    In those cases, we just gotta navigate around the negative, as best we can.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  3. Ionlyspeaktruth

    Ionlyspeaktruth Banned

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    You are right my dear, sweet, kind destee. They wreak way more havoc in person though. :) Thats why I like my life. I can shed them like yesterdays socks.:em3200:
     
  4. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    I don't really have people in my personal life wreaking havoc.

    I've always been very protective of my personal space, and there's very little negativity there.

    There have been times when i've allowed negative situations to continue too long, and it drains me ... but even that, i allowed.

    Thanks for the kind words and positive energy! :)

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  5. Ionlyspeaktruth

    Ionlyspeaktruth Banned

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    I feel you on that. LOL@"Drains" Yeah, Like I said I was a hostage outside my own place! 2 months of that and I needed a vacation. As for the kind words and positive energy I should be thankin you, your highness.:bowdown::bowdown::bowdown:
     
  6. truetothecause

    truetothecause Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Interesting Dynamic!

    Greetings All!

    This is an interesting topic and points of discussion.

    One thing that comes up for me is the phrase "ties that bind".
    I think of "Family" being the tie that binds us to the people with their personalities and who are the responsible parties of the me you see.
    In a "Family" environment, there is no choice in where you land when you come out the birth canal. The "family" one is born into. Of course, as you get older and have the neccessary resources, you can limit your physical involvement with them, yet, there is a tie that continues to bind you to them....blood.
    It's that stuff we are reminded of being "thicker than water" and like it or not, they are always with us. In our thoughts, feelings and behaviors.
    ONe may "walk" like their mother, or "sound" "just like your brother" on the phone. We may choose a partner or friend based on attributes which remind of us a favorite sister, aunt or cousin. "You make me laugh just like my....", or, "you remind me of....."

    No matter what, they are ours to keep, the "good", the "bad" and the "ugly".

    Another thing, and has it relates directly to internet communities. I found it interesting that in the first one I joined, I recieved messages like, "Welcome HOME". I listened as people referred to each other as "family", we share love and kisses, we strongly disagree (fuss) with each other and...we keep coming back.
    The binding ties in these type of "families" or community seems to be shared values of interest in the things being discussed.
    You know as we get older in our biological family units, our values about certain things may or may not change. When there are drastic departures from shared values in this unit, we are free to leave and join groups whose values are now consistent with our own. i.e. bio. family are christian and you have now embraced Yoruba Spriitual system. You may no longer attend church, bible study, choir rehersal, are no longer interested in what's happening with Pastor or how Sister so and so is going to hold a prayer vigil for the community. You now associate and talk with people of the Yoruba faith, you spend your time talking about the new Ele (the gathering place) and the activities taking place there.

    You may be relutant with inviting bio family members to events in your home with your NEW "family".

    I have also found tho, that emotionally, I have the same response to what is characterized as "negativity".
    It seems things are labeled "negative" when they do not mirror my way of thinking or behaving. Or if what is happening I have labeled has hurtful or helpful, good or bad and for what and whom. Based on my experiences, I've determined what is ok or not ok in my sphere of being.

    Keeping in mind, that this "sphere of being" includes the thoghts and sounds I take in. My intellectual and emotional environment. We know we can be in the same room with a family member who is making statements/comments which go so counter to what we believe/think or feel and "navigating way", we take our MINDS somewhere else, until we can or do remove ourselves physically.

    For me anymore, I'm an advocate of addressing the "negativity" head on as opposed to "nagivating around" it. I've come to this as I found myself continuing to bump into it. I know I am in a given family for a particular reason and season. The same dynamics that apply in "bio family" experiences happens in internet "families". One example is the age old message, "If you don't like the rules here, you can LEAVE". This we get of course, when we are of age to leave. Children often hear it growing up and some exercise it via running away from home. Yet the underlying message or option is ALWAYS there.

    Just as I have little power in controlling another's thinking or behaving which would have me say "they are positive" and therefore worthy to be in my environment with me, they don't have to be bannished, ignored, worked around, none of that;

    I CAN exercise suffient power to manage my own percieved or experienced "negativity". For what is "negativity" aside from some behavior or line of thought I have determined as "negative".

    Is it possible that the same one I have placed in the category of "negative" also experiencing me as such?
    Are there things I do which prevents people from being close(er) to me?
    Are there ways I think or behave which are deemed "negative"?
    What are the things I deem "negative" and for whom, me or someone else?

    In the end, I'm sensing and knowing that if we each individually focus on what's "negative" in us and clean that up, there is likely to be plently of space to freely play in. There would be limited need for expending energy to navigate around "negativity" cause people would be cleaning up, picking up after themselves and such.

    One of my "negatives" as I have determined for myself and which I work to keep clean is doubting myself. Questioning the reality of Spiritual Gifts and therefore activating them at a slow and unsteady pace. An unwillingness to Truely believe and own the Goddess Power in me. When I "fail" to do so, I may be blocking the flow of anothers abiity to go...grow....unhibited with the barrier call me. Such that they have to spend time working around me AS IF I'm not really here.

    Oh dear....those where just some thoughts which came up as I listened to you two.

    Thanks for Listening to M.E. Share!

    :hearts2:
     
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