Black Relationships : A 'Good Woman'.......~SISTERS ONLY~

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by spicybrown, Apr 5, 2006.

  1. spicybrown

    spicybrown Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    :hearts4: Sisters:

    Hello there, Ladies:) Has there been a time in your lives where you question whether or not you fit the mold of being a 'good woman'? Seeing how we are the nurturers, and backbone of our men and families, it is common to hear people tell us: "You a good woman, they sho' don't make many of you these days!" Hearing phrases like that can either:



    A. flatter the #ell out of you

    or


    B. make you feel like an old-fashioned, willing to please, object of desire to a controlling man



    We know there are plenty of decent Ladies who carry along fine, and handle their business appropriately, but how would you all define a 'good woman', in relation to satisfying and keeping your/a man? Often times a man will state that a 'good woman' cooks, cleans, listens (not sheepishly), submits, and will work round the clock to please her family. Are those standards outdated, IYO? Do you feel pressured to be one, do you strive everyday to meet those standards? Maybe the Brothers will get a more clear understanding of just what a 'good woman' is. Lawd knows we need amending between us. Let's discuss! :geek:

    the following Iink poses the same question, addressed to the Brothers, in the same manner.
    http://destee.com/forums/showthread.php?t=41256
     
  2. Bisabee

    Bisabee Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    A good woman works to know herself so that she knows what type of man she wants and needs so she can avoid wasting her time with the wrong type.

    A good woman works on her own issues so that they won’t interfere with a relationship with a man and so that she won’t pass them on to her children.

    A good woman is someone who works to know herself well enough to know whether she is a nurturer so that she can avoid having children or a man she is unable and unwilling to nurture.

    A good woman is able to tell a man upfront her absolute minimum needs and what she can't live without and won't tolerate.

    A good woman tries to learn as much as she has time to learn because she knows that everything she learns can be beneficial to herself, her family and her community at some point.
     
  3. spicybrown

    spicybrown Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Laaaadies, I see y'all are on line:)........ Care to share?
     
  4. uplift19

    uplift19 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This is almost like asking what makes you a "good person." In fact, many of the things I recall people saying I'm a "good woman" for doing were not gender-specific (i.e. didn't require any male equipment :))

    I hate when people say they don't know why a brother or sister is single because he or she is a "good man" or "good woman." These terms relate solely to our relationship with the other gender, and have nothing to do with who we are. I don't define myself solely in reference to someone else, so it's hard for me to answer what I think being a "good member of a gender" means (if that makes any sense).

    I have a friend who recently got married and she can't cook, but her husband can throw down in the kitchen. Does that make her a bad woman? Does it make him a good man? If it's a "woman's duty," why wouldn't that make him a bad man? All of this is tied up in our perceptions of gender roles.

    I think ultimately two people have to balance each other. It's really about who's good FOR who. I don't think it's an absolute term.
     
  5. triniti424

    triniti424 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I got you sistah I'll be sashayin my behind up in hurrr soon enuff :D jes today I have to actually work LOL cause I sho cant put "destee.com" down on my time sheet LOL
     
  6. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Left field thinking

    Your questions can be answered in a number of different ways from the obvious to the not so obvious. Naturally, I'm going out in left field on this one.

    Maybe when I was younger and hung up on how I was perceived by others, I would have focused on this question and responded differently. Today, I don't concern myself with trying to be a "good" woman because I figure if I haven't figured it out by now, shame on me.

    Honestly, it's far too subjective and dynamic for me to answer. I don't want to be concerned about whether someone perceives me as being a "good" woman. What for...a compliment? Nah. There are far too many more important things for me to focus on...learning what my purpose here is, to name one.

    I am who I am and I strive to learn more about me and about life everyday. If this knowledge transforms me into the type of person that others perceive as "good", I consider that to be positive feedback but I don't feel "flattered" by it.

    What do I find more important to learn? My spiritual connection, my cultural connection, what and how to do things that make differences in better ways for myself and others. I want to learn how to communicate better. I want to learn how to listen better. I want to learn how to take criticism better. I want to learn how to love better; how to receive love better. I want to learn how to live with nature better. Do these things make me a "good" woman? I don't concern myself about whether it does or it doesn't. Does it make other women who might want to learn the same things, "good"? I guess it would depend on who you ask.

    Queenie :spinstar:
     
  7. spicybrown

    spicybrown Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    "All of this is tied up in our perceptions of gender roles."

    Right, that was one of the reasons why I began the threads, hence:

    Are those standards outdated, IYO? Do you feel pressured to be one, do you strive everyday to meet those standards?
     
  8. spicybrown

    spicybrown Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    @Bisabee.....

    Good points....;)
     
  9. spicybrown

    spicybrown Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    @ NNQUEEN,

    "I don't want to be concerned about whether someone perceives me as being a "good" woman. What for...a compliment? Nah. There are far too many more important things for me to focus on...learning what my purpose here is, to name one."

    Perhaps, these should be posted in the relationship forum.

    This is why I asked the following question:

    how would you all define a 'good woman', in relation to satisfying and keeping your/a man?
     
  10. cursed heart

    cursed heart Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Sister I truely(sp) believe that a good sister depends on the outlook of what a good brother percieves(sp).
    I could be a great mother,wife material,soul mate,sensous lover,a true friend and loyal to the end but if that is not what a brother is seeking at that point in his life he will cease to recognise(sp) me.
    We as women cannot stop at what we need and want but what he is willing to give in to .:smooch:
     
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