Beauty - Hair Care - Fashion : A brotha with no more tolerance for weaves/wigs

Black Squared

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MEMBER
Feb 28, 2010
243
177
I can't take it anymore. Where are the black women with self esteem? Where are the black women who know their natural hair is beautiful? I see a few on this forum but none in the real world unless they are from another country. Weaves/wigs (especially wigs) say to me "I want to be attractive and my natural hair is not". If I wanted a woman with long straight hair I'd go to the ones born with it and they are not black. It's getting increasingly harder to find a black woman with self esteem.
 

Destee

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Brother Black Squared ... it is sad, to see so many Sisters not able or willing to embrace what God gave them.

But don't be too discouraged with us, for it is a long legacy of accommodating others, that we come from ... that drives this.

It's so intertwined with who we are, that we simply can't make the differentiations, and needed changes, easily or quickly.

I spent the majority of my life permed. While I've not wore wigs / weaves, it all comes from the same place I think. If it were not for this community, Sisters and Brothers that talked of loving their own selves, totally, completely, naturally ... i probably would still be permed. It NEVER came to my mind prior to this community, the discussions that have taken place here. Once I did begin to think on it, mull it over inside myself, it was still some years before I could actually do it ... cut off all my permed hair ... and go natural. It's almost like cutting off an arm, with the exception that the hair might grow back. It's rooted deep in us, oftentimes being introduced by our very own Mothers, which legitimizes it immediately. It's a very hard current to swim against.

It's just one of the manifestations we see, from the conditioning put on our people.

Black Men killing each other every night, is another.

That's why I love this community, continue to put all I have in it, for it has helped me see things differently.

And I know, if it can help me, it can help others too.

We just have to be patient with each other, recognizing it's a personal growth for each, while yearning for the collective success we hope for.

Love You!

:heart:

Destee
 

Black Squared

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
Feb 28, 2010
243
177
Brother Black Squared ... it is sad, to see so many Sisters not able or willing to embrace what God gave them.

But don't be too discouraged with us, for it is a long legacy of accommodating others, that we come from ... that drives this.

It's so intertwined with who we are, that we simply can't make the differentiations, and needed changes, easily or quickly.

I spent the majority of my life permed. While I've not wore wigs / weaves, it all comes from the same place I think. If it were not for this community, Sisters and Brothers that talked of loving their own selves, totally, completely, naturally ... i probably would still be permed. It NEVER came to my mind prior to this community, the discussions that have taken place here. Once I did begin to think on it, mull it over inside myself, it was still some years before I could actually do it ... cut off all my permed hair ... and go natural. It's almost like cutting off an arm, with the exception that the hair might grow back. It's rooted deep in us, oftentimes being introduced by our very own Mothers, which legitimizes it immediately. It's a very hard current to swim against.

It's just one of the manifestations we see, from the conditioning put on our people.

Black Men killing each other every night, is another.

That's why I love this community, continue to put all I have in it, for it has helped me see things differently.

And I know, if it can help me, it can help others too.

We just have to be patient with each other, recognizing it's a personal growth for each, while yearning for the collective success we hope for.

Love You!

:heart:

Destee
I agree with that. It is difficult for me to be patient with our people. A lot of the same issues we face now I have struggled with in the past myself and needed education too. It just hurts when you become the one trying to educate others and they resist your knowledge.

In the meantime I pretty much have to remain single because I refuse to be with a woman with no self esteem.
 

kde

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
Oct 26, 2009
165
185
Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I am a sister, but I feel the same way. We look SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better, much more regal, almost, with our natural hair rather than these appendages of colonialism atop our heads!

I have been natural most of my life and wear my hair in locks that are upper-mid back in length.

Unfortunately, it appears that all too many sisters would rather suffer hair loss and thinning, if only the few remaining strands they have left can be straightened.
 

medusanegrita

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
Mar 13, 2010
1,858
558
STL Missouri
I looked good with my weaved ponytail and braided extensions with beads on the ends. Did it myself I did.

I'd do it again too.

Since I have been natural, what I have come to realize is that for many black women, it is not about emulating white folks, but trying to figure out how to care for and manage natural hair. Straight hair seems easier to care for than kinky/curly/nappy hair is constantly dry, won't lay down, and has a tendency to stick up all over the place. Many of us have lost our ability to plait and braid, or can not do that on our own heads. And many of us think of plaiting and braiding as a children's style, and grown women should let that go and wear a down style, and not everyone wants to wear Afro all their life.

I know of several people who tried to leave their daughters hair natural - men and women. Then when the kids went to stay with grandparents, the grandparents frowned upon the hair, thought it too unruly and manageable, and then relaxed it. The mommas and daddies didn't like it, but it's so accepted that you don't reprimand your own parents when they do something like that. But the grandparents (or the parents) was not trying to make imitation white people, they were just trying to get the hair to be more presentable and behave.

As a man, have you ever had long nappy hair? Have you ever done your daughters hair if it was longer and nappy? Do you know how much considerable time and effort to takes to do it? I take a minimum of two hours from start to finish to style my own hair and my children's hair. That's wash, condition, comb, brush, grease, braid/plait/ponytail/twists. 2 hours per person that can stretch to 6 hours depending on the style.

Not only do some women not have the ability to do such styles, many don't have the time.

I would say... forgive them for they know not what they do.

And I see many natural haired women around everyday. Some of those who have straight(er) hair... might actually be black women. Not all of us are caintchy-dontchy nappy. And not all of us who wear weaves and wigs have problems of insecurity with ourselves and our hair.... tho I concede that many us do. Many of us think black men (or any man) wants a women with long straight hair. We believe that because men do compliment and chat up long straight hair on women a lot. Black men have come to appreciate more of what they think black women do not have - long hair. And straight hair shows it's length better nappy hair. Nappy hair has a shrinkage factor of of anywhere from 20%-70% so you can't see the longer length of hair that many people desire and fawn over.

If you want a natural haired woman, they are out there.
But don't judge a sista too harshly for the weave/relaxers/wigs.
Chat her up first before you set your judgment of her in stone.
 
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