Beauty - Hair Care - Fashion : A brotha with no more tolerance for weaves/wigs

Discussion in 'Beauty - Black Hair Care - Fashion' started by Black Squared, May 8, 2010.

  1. Black Squared

    Black Squared Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I can't take it anymore. Where are the black women with self esteem? Where are the black women who know their natural hair is beautiful? I see a few on this forum but none in the real world unless they are from another country. Weaves/wigs (especially wigs) say to me "I want to be attractive and my natural hair is not". If I wanted a woman with long straight hair I'd go to the ones born with it and they are not black. It's getting increasingly harder to find a black woman with self esteem.
     
  2. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Brother Black Squared ... it is sad, to see so many Sisters not able or willing to embrace what God gave them.

    But don't be too discouraged with us, for it is a long legacy of accommodating others, that we come from ... that drives this.

    It's so intertwined with who we are, that we simply can't make the differentiations, and needed changes, easily or quickly.

    I spent the majority of my life permed. While I've not wore wigs / weaves, it all comes from the same place I think. If it were not for this community, Sisters and Brothers that talked of loving their own selves, totally, completely, naturally ... i probably would still be permed. It NEVER came to my mind prior to this community, the discussions that have taken place here. Once I did begin to think on it, mull it over inside myself, it was still some years before I could actually do it ... cut off all my permed hair ... and go natural. It's almost like cutting off an arm, with the exception that the hair might grow back. It's rooted deep in us, oftentimes being introduced by our very own Mothers, which legitimizes it immediately. It's a very hard current to swim against.

    It's just one of the manifestations we see, from the conditioning put on our people.

    Black Men killing each other every night, is another.

    That's why I love this community, continue to put all I have in it, for it has helped me see things differently.

    And I know, if it can help me, it can help others too.

    We just have to be patient with each other, recognizing it's a personal growth for each, while yearning for the collective success we hope for.

    Love You!

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  3. Black Squared

    Black Squared Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I agree with that. It is difficult for me to be patient with our people. A lot of the same issues we face now I have struggled with in the past myself and needed education too. It just hurts when you become the one trying to educate others and they resist your knowledge.

    In the meantime I pretty much have to remain single because I refuse to be with a woman with no self esteem.
     
  4. kde

    kde Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thank you, thank you, thank you!

    I am a sister, but I feel the same way. We look SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better, much more regal, almost, with our natural hair rather than these appendages of colonialism atop our heads!

    I have been natural most of my life and wear my hair in locks that are upper-mid back in length.

    Unfortunately, it appears that all too many sisters would rather suffer hair loss and thinning, if only the few remaining strands they have left can be straightened.
     
  5. medusanegrita

    medusanegrita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I looked good with my weaved ponytail and braided extensions with beads on the ends. Did it myself I did.

    I'd do it again too.

    Since I have been natural, what I have come to realize is that for many black women, it is not about emulating white folks, but trying to figure out how to care for and manage natural hair. Straight hair seems easier to care for than kinky/curly/nappy hair is constantly dry, won't lay down, and has a tendency to stick up all over the place. Many of us have lost our ability to plait and braid, or can not do that on our own heads. And many of us think of plaiting and braiding as a children's style, and grown women should let that go and wear a down style, and not everyone wants to wear Afro all their life.

    I know of several people who tried to leave their daughters hair natural - men and women. Then when the kids went to stay with grandparents, the grandparents frowned upon the hair, thought it too unruly and manageable, and then relaxed it. The mommas and daddies didn't like it, but it's so accepted that you don't reprimand your own parents when they do something like that. But the grandparents (or the parents) was not trying to make imitation white people, they were just trying to get the hair to be more presentable and behave.

    As a man, have you ever had long nappy hair? Have you ever done your daughters hair if it was longer and nappy? Do you know how much considerable time and effort to takes to do it? I take a minimum of two hours from start to finish to style my own hair and my children's hair. That's wash, condition, comb, brush, grease, braid/plait/ponytail/twists. 2 hours per person that can stretch to 6 hours depending on the style.

    Not only do some women not have the ability to do such styles, many don't have the time.

    I would say... forgive them for they know not what they do.

    And I see many natural haired women around everyday. Some of those who have straight(er) hair... might actually be black women. Not all of us are caintchy-dontchy nappy. And not all of us who wear weaves and wigs have problems of insecurity with ourselves and our hair.... tho I concede that many us do. Many of us think black men (or any man) wants a women with long straight hair. We believe that because men do compliment and chat up long straight hair on women a lot. Black men have come to appreciate more of what they think black women do not have - long hair. And straight hair shows it's length better nappy hair. Nappy hair has a shrinkage factor of of anywhere from 20%-70% so you can't see the longer length of hair that many people desire and fawn over.

    If you want a natural haired woman, they are out there.
    But don't judge a sista too harshly for the weave/relaxers/wigs.
    Chat her up first before you set your judgment of her in stone.
     
  6. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Uh huuuuuuh....

    What about braided extensions?
     
  7. kde

    kde Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Medusa,

    I do see your point, but don't entirely agree and am not willing to let sisters off the hook. Fundamentally, most black mothers know that relaxing is NOT good or optimal for their black little girls' hair. That's why you see sisters walking around all relaxed and permed and weaved out, but their daughters have long, lush, thick manes of plaits and braids, often adorned with all kinds of beads and barrettes.

    Around the age of 10-12, this all goes down hill, as the girls want more mature styles, the mothers tire of the maintenance or see relaxing as a ritualistic rite of passage.

    How many sisters saw the coke can disintergrating in sodium hydroxide in Chris Rock's "Good Hair" but still continue to relax their own hair and that of their daughters? How many heard the scientists say that no one should breathe in its fumes, but still continue to do so.

    Ultimately, it boils down to self-hate on some level in most cases, and sisters come up with every reason in the book not to go natural. I hear them all the time, especially after they inquire about my hair because they like it. Their excuses:

    "My man won't let me go natural."
    "My face is too big."
    "I can't have that nappy, short hair on my head."
    "I'll get fired from my job."
    "It looks nice on YOU."
    "It would take too long for my hair to get like that."

    It goes on and on. When losing one's hair and eventually relying wigs and weaves to conceal all the damage done becomes a norm, there is a problem.

    In a class I teach, one of my students' hairlines was so destroyed by chemicals and tight braids and weaves that her hairlines was moved back about two inches. Every week, she came in with some ridiculous weaved or straightened style, apparently unaware of all the havoc she's unleashed.
     
  8. awo dino

    awo dino Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I think there are much more debilitating, self esteem killing and mental conditioning enemies out there than weaves. Having bought into YT's version of history and YT's god might be a little more debilitating than weaves and wigs. might even be what is behind women wanting straight hair.
    :bomb:
     
  9. warriorprincess

    warriorprincess Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    One of the things that helps me to have patience with my people is the understanding that black people like other groups of people have similar characteristics. Within groups, most people follow the status quo and a small minority within the group goes against the grain.

    In our culture, there is a small percentage of people who wear natural hair and a small percentage of people who admire and promote it. Although natural hair, short hair, or un-processed hair is not adored and coveted by a large percentage of men, there are some who love it, embrace it, and support the process.

    Where can one find the small percentage of natural hair wearers?

    There are quite a few Facebook groups that offer support for people who wish to wear natural hair. One that I am a part of is called “natural hair”. It has 27,466 members. Some are men, some are women, and most have natural hair/unprocessed hair.

    There are also natural hair Meetup groups around the country on meetup.com. The natural hair group in my city has about 500+ members. The group does various activities within the city.

    My patience also comes from the understanding that this society is a very harsh climate for black people. The effects of that external environment are going to be very different for people in different regions, of different genders, of different SES, etc, etc.
     
  10. Black Squared

    Black Squared Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I hear the "not everyone wants to wear an afro" thing a lot. It's not that you're wearing an afro as a "style", that's how our hair IS. Like I've said before, you don't see non black women trying to make their hair look like ours even to "change it up" so why get yours to look like theirs?
     
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