Amun-Ra : $50,000 Wedding Ain't Worth It!

Discussion in 'Amun-Ra' started by Amun-Ra, May 26, 2003.

  1. Amun-Ra

    Amun-Ra Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    What in the hell is going on with wedding these days? I have watched as wedding costs for the average Joe and Jane has reached nearly $50,000. Say what! Fiddy thousand!

    Come on folks, the ink on the wedding certificate won't even be dry before the divorce papers are in the mail. These fairytale weddings show a society that is stuck in fantasyland when it comes to romance and marriage. Blacks marriages end in divorce nearly three times as often as white marriages, which is horrendous because white marriage fail 2 to 1. In other words for every two marriages, one will fail and the rate for black folk is even higher.

    Have we lost our ****ing minds? $50,000 for a ****ing wedding that turns into a funeral of broken dreams and hard reality? I don’t think so. Right now, black women who have been divorced are almost guaranteed to never marry again and as she ages the chances go from slim to none. Each ten years a black woman ages, reduced the chances that she will never marry. In fact, black women are the least married female group in the United States.

    It's not right, but it is fact. Black men can do as they please. They are in demand and have multiple choices. These are not my words, they are documented facts. In the real world romantically speaking, black men are seen as more masculine and manly and are considered a prime catch especially if they are educated. On the other hand, black women are seen as less than feminine and overbearing.

    Again these are not my words, these come from statistics. That's' why I question these $50,000 weddings. They are a waste of money and they are certainly a waste of human feelings. Perhaps divorces should cost more. If you’ve got $50,000 for a wedding buy a house instead. Buy some stocks and bonds. Buy something that you can split later. Of course, I am trying my best to get a rise here, don't back off.

    Ra


    :confused:
     
  2. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    You won't get an argument out of me because I agree that $50K for a wedding is a lot of money. But that's merely based on the size of my wallet. However, IF a couple can afford to spend that amount AND the event serves as a genuine symbol of their love and commitment and not a facade to impress others, then why not?

    Besides, what you may think of as a "fairytale" wedding, might not be that at all. Elaborate weddings are not a new phenomenon in any culture. After all, they are supposed to be symbolic of a blessed union between two people and their families, is it not? A new beginning. Planting a seed from which is family tree is expected to grow. The celebration of two people becoming as one or a unit.

    While it may be true that Black men can do as they please, what exactly does that mean? Amun-ra, you wrote that Black men are perceived to be "prime catch" and you imply that Black women aren't viewed the same way. Factual or not, that statement is filled with stereotyping based on racial biases and sexual misnomers. Does the imply that Black men don't view Black women as being feminine? As a Black man yourself Amun-Ra, do you believe this to be true? Help me to understand by defining what "feminine" or "feminity" and by what standard are being used to define these terms? Only your opinions are sought here.

    Black women--overbearing? *lol* I'm sure some people have this opinion, HOWEVER, again, what do you or the data mean by this? Are there specific qualities that Black women display that leads toward this view?

    Finally, based on your statistics about African American divorces, I can see why you would think spending $50K on a wedding would be a waste of money. However, if we all took this dim view and let ourselves be guided only by a social pathology, never to dream of a better more meaningful experience--then where would that way of thinking lead us?
     
  3. Amun-Ra

    Amun-Ra Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I got It From Several

    I pulled the info from several sources--I will put it in the next post--it was interesting because we always see black men catching the tail end, but these surveys indicated that romatically, the black man ranks high on the list of desireables while black women hit the other end because of the items I mentioned--sure thay are stereotypes--Saphires and the overbearing load-mouthesd woman--but they aren't my stereotypes--I'll put it in the next post and the sources so yu can see it yourself--I agree with the affordability portion--although as a man I must say that a big wedding was the last thing on my mind--for me it was a moment that I didn't want to share with anyone other than my immediate family and best friend--but that's me--I don't like ceremony in romance--but I am the Grynch who stole marriage--like Rodney King--"can't we just get it on,"--okay that's not quite what he said, but you can see that weddings are about as pleasureable to me as a funeral except in the funeral the corpse stays dead while in the wedding it rots and rots and rots until it stinks up everyone around it--then it dies an ignominious death--I am the marriage facist--been married 20 years and renewed my vows, quietly, in Jamaica at Dunn's Falls. Still, I would have rather be snorkleling.

    Ra

    :heart:
     
  4. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Good grief!! Sounds like you need an attitude adjustment! :D BUT, if that works for you and your mate, that's wonderful.

    However, Amun-Ra. . . in spite of the high statistical rate of divorces among Blacks, I hardly think that marriage deserves to be compared to funerals and rotting flesh!! *lol* We won't ask how much you spent on your wedding. *lol*

    I'm looking forward to your sources of data. I'm very curious about where the data comes from and who's perceptions they are to describe Black men and Black women.

    :)
     
  5. Amun-Ra

    Amun-Ra Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Here tis'

    Forty-eight percent of all black women of marriageable age are either divorced or have never been married (compared with 31 percent of white women). Among African Americans aged 20–39, there are about 10 percent more women than men. An additional 10 percent of males are in prison, and another 10 percent are otherwise restricted by the legal system. Eighty percent of African American graduate students are women. For individuals between the ages of 25 and 55 there are 86.5 black men for every 100 black women. (In this same age group there are 100.5 white men for every 100 white women.) Other causes for this black male shortage include tragically high homicide rates (51.4 deaths per 100,000 black men), suicide rates (9.9 deaths per 100,000 black men, compared with 2.0 per 100,000 for black women), and rates of death from disease and accidents.

    In addition, black men are far more likely to marry nonblacks than are black women. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the incidence of black-white married couples quadrupled between 1960 and 1990. However, writers have suggested that while black men often prefer fairer-skinned women, black women tend not to prefer fairer-skinned men. Also, African Americans are more in demand as husbands than as wives, some research suggests, partly because black men are seen as slightly more masculine than white men and black women are seen as slightly less feminine than white women. The media reinforces this image of black men through its stereotypes of African American males as rugged athletes. It has also been suggested that the American government promotes single motherhood for African American women by providing welfare aid and, along with it, a certain degree of economic freedom for these women. This governmental safety net may also aid men in rationalizing their refusal to marry.

    i Read, Reason, Write, Sixth Edition, Dorothy U. Seyler, http://www.dushkin.com/seyler/se04/race5.mhtml, Is Finding a Husband a Major Concern for African American Women?

    Ra

    :heart:
     
  6. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Thank you Amun-Ra, very good information. Now, as I read these statistics, seems to me much of the "inbalances" can be changed as a result of a change in thinking and behavior. For example.

    "black men are far more likely to marry nonblacks than are black women." Black men could take the view that this behavior is a problem in the Black family and either not do this or do it far less frequently.

    "It has also been suggested that the American government promotes single motherhood for African American women by providing welfare aid and, along with it, a certain degree of economic freedom for these women. This governmental safety net may also aid men in rationalizing their refusal to marry." Black women, when possible, should use this type of assistance as a last resort; take a different view on having babies outside of wedlock and be more supportive of each other to avoid being seen as an economic drain on society.

    "Eighty percent of African American graduate students are women." More Black men could enter graduate school to obtain terminal degrees. However, it would also help if the job market could absorb more educated Black men and sometimes it doesn't turn out that way. It's often said that Black women find it easier to get a job than a Black man because Black men are seen as a threat to White men. Do you think there is some truth to this?

    Do Black men prefer light-skin toned women? Do Black women prefer dark-skin toned men? Well, I have to admit that I do and I'm not sure why that is! Hmmmm...
     
  7. ZeroGravity

    ZeroGravity Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hey Ra ...

    50k? ... that's a lot of money.

    Ra, a comment you made raised a question. You mentioned:

    Ra quote:
    Is there a study or what is your opinion on the divorce rate of interracial marriages? Do the figures falls closer to the black statistics or the white statistics or somewhere in the middle?
     
  8. Amun-Ra

    Amun-Ra Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    No Opinion . . .

    Interesting there are numerous studies on the subject of interracial divorce stability--I have several papers I've written on the subject and I will post them for you.

    It is a hard one to shake because there are many factors influencing all of this. I plan to write on them because there are a couple of things I would like to take issue with and one in particular is that men are intimidated by independent women.

    Ra

    :cool:
     
  9. ZeroGravity

    ZeroGravity Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    What? You don't have an opinion? LOL!

    I will await your papers on the subject of interracial divorce to hear what you have to say...thanks for indulging me.

    It will also be interesting to hear what you have to say on that issue "men intimidated by independent women", for I too have some issues with that as well.
     
  10. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    indeed 50k is a lot
    yes it's true that so many end so soon as fast as they get hooked they lose i study it to some point and found that
    Black marriages crack faster then whites but both to crash
    more then the records show
    what happen to a simple wedding and fun as love is bonded
    it's the money stuff i guess that rip bonds apart like paper
    ya on point ............it's true how marriages fails
    out of 100 about 70 end in devoice a total combine of all creeds
     
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