Black Poetry : 5 Shots pt.II

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by lpoet, Jan 12, 2003.

  1. lpoet

    lpoet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    gotta check out part I first

    http://www.destee.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=12134



    It may seem elementary to some but
    I always envisioned heaven with pearly gates
    And hell with hissing snakes
    But neither sit before me
    Bright lights consume my face and
    My body lies bloody on the pavement floor
    Out of the corner of my eye I
    catch a glimpse of a man who
    looks almost identical to me
    sure he’s a little wider, bald but
    very handsome well dressed and
    surrounded by a beautiful family
    could it be that this could be me?
    NO!
    who I am is all I could ever be!
    this kinda **** is only seen in dreams
    i quickly turn my head and proceed
    in the direction of the light beams and
    pass by many things I know
    somewhere else I’ve seen but I
    take my mind off them this must be heaven
    no way I’m entering back into my body
    I’ve never seen such beauty before
    I finally make my way to the gates and
    behind them heavens door
    I’m scared to enter for some reason
    I wanna turn and run away

    I bow my head

    I slowly clutching one hand into the other
    Bending down on my knees
    Bringing back gentle reflections of my mother
    and the words she used to say its been a while
    since I’ve been here at least ten years
    back when I was a child and everything
    was all smiles and happy days but
    since then I’ve obviously forgot how to pray
    I start out slowly
    Our father who so…….no…..
    Our father in his name……..
    Jesus………
    Jesus Christ…….
    God……..
    and then it came



    Lord I am dirty
    unworthy and
    ashamed of my sin soaked hands
    for so long I sat with the devil and
    now before u I stand
    never really became a man always
    ran from things that I didn’t understand
    like u
    I tried to dive deeper into things and
    came to the conclusion that u were a myth
    a figment of my imagination untrue
    but deep down I knew
    now I offer my ragged soul
    for the chance to come through

    An unexplainable calm took over my body
    I knew outside the entire world was falling apart
    but within me piece love and security
    It took 20 yrs and death for me to
    realize how truly glorious he can be
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    Indeed he is ........lovin dis coz it pose comfort unto me

    nice work
     
  3. Sista Steele

    Sista Steele Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Ahh, part II. Very nice read...visual.
     
  4. UbZoRbShUn

    UbZoRbShUn Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    ummmm well worth the wait

    this was an excellent piece. parts one and two. and you tied them just write.



    One
     
  5. NINI69

    NINI69 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    HE IS......

    AND YOU ARE. I REQLLY ENJOYED THIS. PEACE!
     
  6. OLMEC

    OLMEC Active Member MEMBER

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    yo!...loving it

    You create atmosphere like Nas does.
    Love the "ghetto" lord's pray....:

    and then it came



    Lord I am dirty
    unworthy and
    ashamed of my sin soaked hands
    for so long I sat with the devil and
    now before u I stand
    never really became a man always
    ran from things that I didn’t understand
    like u
    I tried to dive deeper into things

    +criticism....stretch your imagry more...for instance...ask yourself what would be the ghetto version of the pearly gates...assuming the concept of heaven and hell is universal but the experience is personal and totally subjective
     
  7. halle24

    halle24 Active Member MEMBER

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    Nice although i did like ptI better, it was more dramatic. wasent expecting it to end like this! But you know i always enjoy reading your work so keep it up
     
  8. lpoet

    lpoet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    thanks everybody for the feedback
     
  9. lpoet

    lpoet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    wake up

    lol
     
  10. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    already told u this was dope

    ill imagery

    one luv
     
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