Poetry Critiques : 360

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by carsonh, Nov 17, 2007.

  1. carsonh

    carsonh Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    (i am from Barbados in the Caribbean, just to explain the dialect in the dialogue/ quotation marks)


    360

    I used to say I want to turn my life around,
    a complete change,
    a better person,
    a better way,
    a full 360 I would say
    and I remember people saying
    "no chile, yuh mean 180,
    360 would just put you right back part yuh is.
    So remembuh chile, 180 is what yuh mean"
    Since then whenever I wanted to speak of change
    I would say 180
    and I would correct my friends and people I spoke to
    with profundity,
    "360 silly idea,
    you just end up right where you started."

    As I grew in age and intelligence I would think back on it
    and say to myself what a silly thought,
    ending right where you stared.
    But is that such a bad thing?
    They said the 360 brings you right back where you were,
    and that nothing changes
    but that is not quite true.
    Through 360 you experience all you possibly can,
    360 opens your eyes to everything,
    all situations
    and these experiences and situations make you stronger.
    360 is what happens when you come 'full circle'.
    360 puts you right back where you were
    but with a new take on the old situation.

    180 will take you from your situation;
    if that is what you want.
    180 will turn your back on what you know and you move on.

    360 brings you back to tackle the situation and make what is
    into what was,
    because 360 gives you eyes to see what can be
    and the heart that helps you change it into what will be.

    So it becomes a choice,
    and not just a choice of words
    do you say 180 or do you say 360?
    but a choice of action,
    how do you want to change your life?
    - turn your back to what you know and never come back.
    or
    - full circle, right back where you started; to change it.
    180 or 360?

    :spin:
     
  2. Zulile

    Zulile Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I am not a poet, so cant offer critique on your prose.. but the message is very clear - I like it :) thank you!
     
  3. carsonh

    carsonh Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    thank you

    Thank you, i tried to keep the poem simple with no metaphors or anything of the sort so it could be available to a wider cross section of readers.
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    indeed your message was well taken by truth and the piece was on point
    simple and well pose'd keep telling the truth so we all may hear.............
     
  5. watzinaname

    watzinaname Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Your word choice made your concept clear. I think we come full circle in this life many times, and hopefully, each time we obtain even more wisdom. Thoroughly enjoyed this write, poet.
     
  6. carsonh

    carsonh Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    many thanks for the comments.
    bless
     
  7. PLATINUMILLITY1

    PLATINUMILLITY1 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    VERY INSTILLING

    MANY PEOPLE DO NOT REALIZE THAT WHEN YOU 180 YOU START TO GO BACKWARDS YOU BACK TRACK AND REDO WHAT YOU'VE ALREADY SUCCEEDED OR MANAGED TO GET OVER...PROBABLY MAKING IT MORE DIFFICULT BECAUSE THE SITUATION INTENSIFIED ITSELF FOR YOU ARRIVAL.

    BUT A 360....
    MANY DO NOT REALIZE THAT IN THE MIDST OF A 360 IS A JOURNEY ITSELF. SO INSTEAD OF BACKTRACKING YOU HAVE GAINED MORE BY STUDING YOUR POSITION GETTING PAST YOU'RE SURROUNDINGS...SO WHEN YOU ARE YP AGAINST THE OBSTACLE..."I JUST SEEN YOU...BUT BEFORE I DID NOT KNOW"
    AND NOW YOU KNOW.....


    YOU EXCELLED A LIFE'S LESSON WITH YOU WORD BROTHER...YOURS AND MINE.....:D
     
  8. Zulile

    Zulile Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    nasheed

    for you.
     
  9. Soul Li

    Soul Li New Member MEMBER

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    I really like your message. Nicely done carsonh.

    BIM in de building!
     
  10. carsonh

    carsonh Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    thanks family...didnt know more bajans were here, if u are in fact bajan.