I got a new calendar for christmas so, I mark (along with birthdays and anniversaries for people who will be strangers to me this time next year or divorced before the ever celebrate number four) a BIG red "P" on my calendar. repetitious in such fate that it is more likely to come than my nosey *** aunt for dinner on the 6th. I question if I will ever be blessed Two days before nature flows its course i feel tired, sick . . .hypocondriac wanting to believe i hold magic inside wanting to give birth to my pride wanting and ready for this love in my heart and making room for a child in my soul let it happen naturally i should just leave it in God's hands i should just stopped wanting for something so amazing and wonderful But, the BIG red "P" circled on my calendar reminds me of my fate month after month in such a deliberate fashion i can do nothing but wait for my unwelcomed guest.