Poetry Critiques : 2008 - The Meridian

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by Da Street So'ja, Feb 21, 2008.

  1. Da Street So'ja

    Da Street So'ja Banned MEMBER

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    As everyday becomes more intense
    A real pressure cooker
    with all the suspense
    Trouble paying mortages and unaffordable rents
    It’s survival of the fittest in this concrete trench

    They say keep hope alive
    And you (we) keep hoping and hoping
    They killed hope long time ago
    So who are we joking
    Yea you’re young the whole world is your oyster
    But shorty it’s gonna cost ya
    You will find out the there nothing to fix
    Because they like it broken
    And you will live the life’s fortune
    Strugglin’ and coping

    Medicated
    to the point of oblivion
    a destroyer of lives
    so your future is not so promisin’
    time is short my people
    yes we’re on the meridian
    the time is now
    not if you live again

    altered future
    seconds moving at a blur
    time is moving faster
    we all concur
    black people
    have forgotten who
    we were
    time to gain the righteous
    and break out and be more
    than just some ethnic

    slur.

    ©MMVIII
    DSS

    POWER TO THE PEOPLE

    Down when the human who brings down other humans.

    Who kills our spirit. In such way we don’t trust each other.

    Somehow this change HAS to happen. Time the conquerer of all

    will have its’ say.
     
  2. watzinaname

    watzinaname Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    No, we don't need fixing, what we need resides inside, although some will tell us differently. No need to get in each other's way and become stumbling blocks, together we can move mountains. Fantastic piece poet.
     
  3. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    i second that motion of sister watz
     
  4. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    Brotha Street,

    Look at the last two lines
    Time the oppressor of all will have its say

    Did you mean will have its day. Or what were you trying to say here?
     
  5. PLATINUMILLITY1

    PLATINUMILLITY1 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Straight Flow DSS
    And There Is Not too MuchLeft to Say
    Bring the Truth an Itshal set you Free
    :)
    Flow On
    We gunna Make it
     
  6. Khasm13

    Khasm13 STAFF STAFF

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    yeah...save the best 4 last 2 leave a lasting impression...
    this is on point right here...the rhyming scheme fit in with the message...
    it made the ending hit harder...colossal write poet...

    one love
    khasm
     
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