Poetry Critiques : 1 Confessions of the heart

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by MzBlkAngel, Feb 1, 2005.

  1. MzBlkAngel

    MzBlkAngel Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Confessions of the heart
    Secret thoughts of you
    Inside my dreams
    As my soul screams
    The yearning
    The touching
    Of deep penetration
    Baby send me in sensual
    Mental stimulation
    Cum-matic cerebral
    Dramatic effects
    Listening
    Understanding
    Defining
    Searching
    Reaching
    With the wisdom
    Confessions of the heart
    As you caress my thoughts
    Hold my mind
    I can feel you invade
    S-l-o-w-l-y

    Up and down
    As you roam my being
    Moans cover the air mass
    As you feed my mental
    Sex-u-ally….
    The touch you have
    The power builds each time
    Slow motion twist
    Light bliss
    As the starz blaze
    I touch myself
    In aching a massive turn on
    Causing a divine delight
    Feed my soul
    the moon shines
    Take my mind
    the starz beam
    Hold my spirit
    the sun smiles
    Knowing I am the one
    You want and wish for
    As you mentally tease me
    And enhance my woman-hood
    Heaven pours of
    Passion essence
    As we intertwine
    And lace through
    The night till morning
    Notion hit motion set
    An emotion rises
    Turn me baby
    Hour after hour
    Down to the flo
    Against the wall
    Take me in and
    Exhale
    Inhale

    Groove to the smooth jazz
    Of our love
    Don’t need no wine
    You’re my divine pleasure
    Taking every measure
    Biting my lips
    As you hold my hips
    I release
    Mentally you touch me
    Working me in
    Compassionate gentle
    Ecstasy…..
    As the fire burns
    Confessions of the heart
    Doing it to me slow
    Then deep
    Deeper
    Harder
    Loving your mental
    Stimulation
    A soul mix of a maze
    Confessions of the heart
    Sensual conversation
    Mental orgasm
    My baby gives me
    Again and again….

    (c) 2004
    Passion files
    Fire Production
     
  2. queentswana

    queentswana Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Awesome piece, I wouldn't change anything in this one. But in the title, is the first word ... 1 (one) or I (i )?
    the body of the poem was tight.
     
  3. MzBlkAngel

    MzBlkAngel Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thank you QT for taking the time out and reading and replying. I am happy you enjoyed it as it is. and the 1 is a (one) the thread would not take sense it was already an older poem it wouldnt take i guess so i stuck the 1 in ...lol

    Peace
    Angel
     
  4. queentswana

    queentswana Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I luv that avatar ...it's real fly. ...^5
     
  5. Khasm13

    Khasm13 STAFF STAFF

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    thanks for dropin another one mba...this poem was truly steamy...goodness gracious...you gave the reader multiple images of sexual tension being realeased in some shape, form or fashion...1poet told me that rhyme'n is cool but to vibe is paramount...and vibe on this u definately did...good job...i had one question on this line....

    I can feel you invade

    my question is...if this is a mutal experience...why would you use the word invade...is it to suggest the other person taking charge of the situation?...i dunno...get back with me about that...

    one love
    khasm
     
  6. MzBlkAngel

    MzBlkAngel Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thank you Khasm glad you likes...and you felt just what i was trying to bring.

    Hmmm you know khasm your right it was not the best word to use it wasnt a force but more of a submission. I gone have to pick me a word out thanks for pointing that out....
    Peace
    Angel
     
  7. Lloyd

    Lloyd Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Soooooo sweet

    For sure if i were ur boyfriend...-smile-.It's a great piece,an original one and as a boy i really like when girls are opened this way
     
  8. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    let me put the P in perfection
    the whole structure was steamy and well pose'd
    no need to do one thing here this poem send the
    reader into a fantasy ride , very nice :congrats: sista Angel.
     
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