Don't let it get so personal! I. e., these are unresolved SOCIAL issues, and we as individuals can only do so much to cope and deal with them, (like your wife's choices)...Only a handful did or do propose anything bound to resolve them...
I. e., it's not all her or your fault, be forgiving (if not forgetting) of her shortcomings, (also of your own)...
FYI...