Ladies, I would like to ask you a few questions that may be a bit personal. This thread is meant to offer the ladies a chance to express their core beliefs regarding men and to ofer the men a chance to inquire about those beliefs to be enlightened and a bit more empowered to be better partners in black relationships.
All I ask is that the dialogue is honest, respectful, and as loving as possible. I think we can all agree that we all want black love to be better and held in higher regard. Here we go.
1 - Name three qualities that a man must possess if he is interested in dating youand why those qualities are important to you.
2 - What three wualities in a man would cause you to reject the idea of dating him?
3 - Name three important things you expect to happen in a relationship (marital hopes not included) and why they are important.
4 - Name two ways you can tell a man is a real man and how those two things tie into your belief of what a real man is.
5 - What is your belief about relationships and money? Where did you learn that belief?
6 - What is your belief about sex in relationships? Where did you learn that belief?
7 - What is your idea of a good relationship? Where did you learn that idea?
8 - What is your idea of a good marriage? Where did you learn that idea?
9 - Under what conditions in a relationship would you expect marriage to become an upcoming reality?
10 - What two negative traits would you consider overlooking for the outweighing positive traits or working with him to overcome? Why?
11 - What two negative traits do you possess that you want a man to be able to acept or work with you to overcome? Why?
Finally...
12 - Name two things a man can do in a relationship and in a marriage to make you feel completely secure in them.
Ladies, I am very interested in reading your answers and look forward to gaining much insight into the heart of my sisters.
I am going to answer these questions based on MY opinions and how I feel.
1. (a) A man must know who he is. (b) Be confident in himself (c) Able to admit when he is wrong
The reason I chose these attributes is because a man who has no Knowledge of who he is, shows a lack of character. How can you be the head if you don't know your position? Confidence was chosen because a self-confident man will walk with his head up. His presence will be felt when he walks into a room. The last was chosen because in every relationship there will be some form of strife. If a person cannot admit when they are wrong, then they have declares themselves as perfection, which does not exist a person.
2. (a) Arrogance (b) lack of intelligence (c) Sloppy (d) Liar (e) A cheater (f) A man who jokes too much. Oh sorry, you said only 3...lol
3. What I would expect in a relationship is to see growth. If two people cannot elevate within the relationship, then it has become stagnated.
4. What makes a man a man? WOW okay, let's see if I can answer this. A real man knows when to be quiet and listen. There are times when a woman needs to vent and requires a listening ear. A real man knows how to cook (yeah i figured I would throw that one in there..lol) A real man knows how to be vulnerable and not allow it to challenge his manhood. Also, a real man knows how to make his Queen feel as if she is the only woman in existence.
5. Money and relationships can be controversial. Especially if the two, intertwine too quickly. In a marriage, everything should be shared. In a relationship outside of marriage, the couple has to do what they think fits them. Whether separate accounts and one joint for the bills or just join mutually. It all depends on the circumstances.
6. A relationship should be founded on a friendship before sex even comes in the equation. Too many times, brothers and sisters mistake lust for love and once the lust has been fulfilled then the relationship usually comes to an end.
7. My idea of a good relationship is where he is my best friend. A person that I can tell everything to, without judgement or backlash. A person who I can share not just my bed with but can pal around and watch a JETS game together. A good relationship requires a lot of give and take.
8. A good marriage stands the test of time.
9. There is no right or wrong time for marriage. Two people can meet and a month later get married and stay committed for years. Whereas a couple can meet and date for years and as soon as marriage happens, the relationship is ruined. Once again, it all depends on the people.
10. This is not a fair question, let me tell you why. I cannot say what I would accept until I am in a situation that needs to be evaluated.
11. Me? Negative traits? I don't have any...lol. Seriously, I can be a bit demanding and I know that about myself. Now when I say demanding, I don't mean bossy. What I am eluding to is, I look for things to be done in decency and order. There is a time and place for everything. When things are out of sorts, I will make sure that it is put how it should be. I can also be very vocal. No I don't have all the answers but you can bet that my opinion will be heard. And sometimes, not quietly.
12. Predictability, for me, creates stability. A little spontaneity is good once in a while but I like to know things are on an even keel. With that, a man who confesses his love often.
Now, I have answered all of the questions and my beliefs are based on what I was taught by my mother and my aunts growing up. I hope these answers create a dialog among brothers and sisters.
... please make yourself at home ... 