Thank you, sister. My wife and I have been happily married for 6 years. I think there is alot of misunderstanding continental Africans and those of us in the Diaspora. We really don't know each other and we both bring many misconceptions and biases about each other. For myself, I believe it helped that my wife came to the States when she was 8 years old and because of that she has a few American tendencies. I have been faced with my share of bigotry as an Akata person or Obruni. But in turn, I had to relief myself of my own bigotry. I felt alienated at my oldest daughter's outdooring and many people did not accept me. My wife's father was upset that we didn't marry the traditional way but that was because my wife only wanted to get married a certain way. Sometimes, people would talk about me to my face in Twi; however, my wife would stand up and defend me. I'm pretty much in the family now and my mother-in-law says I'm Ghanaian now. She knows I like peanut soup with fufu and tries to make it for me whenever I'm around. I like to eat kanke and watchee. It's a struggle. Before we married, I would have dreams that my wife's ancestors and mine would fight and were against us marrying. Everything is cool now on the ancestral front. Our daughters are well adjusted and know they have cousins both in Louisiana and Africa. They like that fact. My wife and I want to write a book called "Bad Blood" where we discuss the stereotypes and attitudes our people harbor about each other and discuss why it is not conducive for us because ultimately we need each other. One major theme I heard from some African people is that we (African Americans as we are called) pretend to be Africans without knowing anything about Africa and her people. I have seen this and can nominally agree. There is a need for much dialogue between our people. While attending a Pan-African Student Leadership Conference in Mankato, MN, one Kenyan sister told me before we started dating, "I am from East Africa and you are West African." Her simple statement gave me a since of belonging and I could say internally, "You are right - I AM West African." It's my birthright apparent in phenotype eventhough I am part First Nation. Acceptance of each other and reconciliation is what is needed to bridge that gap and heal centuries old issues of distrust, abandonment and alienation. African people are a beautiful people and African women can most beautiful women... In closing, at this conference, a speaker from northern Ghana said, "What Auset did for Ausar is help him re-member himself. She helped him put together his spearate pieces and reunify and in doing so, Ausar remembered who he was." Let's remember who we are!!!!! Blackbird It is not taboo to go back and fetch what you have forgot. We are One..... Blackbird
1. @ akataa. I confess that I used to use this term with impunity until I learnt it meant ‘wild animal’ so to see an African American use it to describe himself is interesting. Do you find it offensive? 2. You dated a Kenyan? Nice. Incidentally, the other day you called me ‘young lady’ and I smiled dryly to myself thinking there is only a 4 year age gap between you and I so in another lifetime, we could be a couple lol. 3. The book sounds like a marvelous idea. You have plenty of material to work with because stereotypes abound. Case in point, there was a thread on Destee titled ‘On a mission to find a husband’ or somesuch. I was tempted to suggest that the poster look into dating African men but thought against it when I remembered an online discussion on an African American womenforum titled ‘Dating African men’. It ran over 350 pages long and the complaints seemed interminable and littered with the usual stereotypes - African men all have AIDS, or 10 wives, or questionable hygiene, or need tasering/restraining orders to leave you alone. Anyway the overall impression I was left with lined up with a conclusion that I came to a long time ago i.e. the relationships that work are those between African women and African American men. Never have I heard of a successful relationship between African American women and African men. Maybe that’s something you could explore in your book. 4. I agree with you Blackbird. Where successful such as in your case, I have no doubt that a lot of healing can come from African American and African relationships. I myself am on a quest to find an African American partner because of this very reason. That and the accent hehe. And the swagger. lol. 5. On a lighter note, my sister’s friend was in a shop here in the UK and was standing behind these two Nigerian men as they waited in line. She couldn’t help but eavesdropping on their conversation which was about Kenyan women – specifically Kikuyu women. One of the men was urging his friend to find and date one as a matter of urgency; going on to list the characteristics they possessed that made them so appealing (pretty, great figures, good homemakers and mothers, hardworking, ladylike, and for the less discerning gentleman there are those who knew how to have a good time; drank alcohol in quantities that could make fish envious, and were good in bed). She – being Kikuyu herself – started giggling at the absurdity of it all when suddenly the men turned to her and the first man said in a thick Nigerian accent ‘why are you laughing? Are you kookooyu? (couldn’t enunciate the word Kikuyu)’. Seeing the eager, hopeful look on his friend’s face, she gave a wide eyed innocent look and silently shook her head . ‘Yes you are’! he proclaimed accusingly ‘ you have a forehead like my Ciku’s (his girlfriend's name)’ Sadly, Kikuyu’s are known for their prominent foreheads. A
Lol. Interesting. Please read my post to see why I say this - what you consider rare, I consider common and vice versa! We must compare notes. A
Sister A, Hujambo, Let me say I think Kenyan women are some of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. Besides I like their energy. I've spent my company with some really cool Kenyan sisters in my day and Kenyan people in general. I find that East African people are more patient and accomodating than West African people. I have a good friend from Tanzania and when I kick it with him and his fellow countrymen, I feel right at home. Akaata... My wife used to use when speaking with her mother, but I've noticed that trend decreased over time. I know some Nigerians use the term "eranko", as well. Yes, stereotypes abound in our interactions and it is most unfortunate because we need each other sometimes more than we realize. There is much we can learn from each other. By divine grace, we both have been endowed with particular strengths than the other needs to be effective. I wish you luck on your quest. I know some strong African-American men who love African women just as much I; however, they are all married now. Keep looking there are still some brothers out there for you and who looking for you. I think Sister Astrologer is speaking from a more historical relationship arrangement than what is currently the case. African men have long been in the United States as students and traveling professionals, many times leaving their wives or families behind to better themselves abroad and it is through this backdrop that most African-Americans have had their experiences with continental Africans. Sadly, these earlier experiences helped to forge certain beliefs and attitudes about African people in general and African men in particular. As time continues, African women are extending their interactions with African-Americans and asserting a degree of autonomy than what has been previously witnessed. I think it's a beautiful thing whenever we meet and marry, thus completing the circle and reuniting the two spearate mega-lineages. We are living in truly remarkable times for African people. We are not on the decline but growing in strength and we will continue to grow if we remember we must we accept US. Simba is returning back to the pride and he has chosen Nala to reign over the domain together as one united show of royalty. Blackbird
Maybe so, maybe not. I know of some Africans who have been in American and they can tolerate only specific kinds of African Americans. I once heard an African woman who has been away from Africa longer than your wife say that she liked the African Americans from the South, better than the other African Americans. I tend to agree with her on that one, when it comes down to choosing a long term and family oriented partner, the Southern African American, tends towards having the best habits. Isn't that something that such a destinction could be derived? I think it has something to do with roots. Most of our African ancestors if not all of them, ported into and laid down a foundation in the South first, before they migrated to other parts of America. So, I think out of the enitre America, the South has the abundance of African Roots. Thanks for the sharing your your experiences, glad to hear that you are now a Ghanaian... who acknowldges his native American and African American roots... hehehe You two should go for writing that book, it is a book that is needed. You could even have your wife, if she still speaks the language and your Kenyan friends, interpret the book and write it in their language so that the book can also be read by other Africans in the mother land. Astrologer4U