Black Relationships : sisters would you date a unemployed brother?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by saturdaymorning, Feb 12, 2008.

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  1. saturdaymorning

    saturdaymorning New Member MEMBER

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    if you were in a club and got talking with a handsome nicely dressed brother but then when the subject got onto "so what do you do for a living?" and he answered "i am not working at the moment".
    would you instantly but politely thank him for a nice conversation and leave?
    or would you continue chatting regardless?
    surely a woman views a potential partner/husband as a long term investment?
    for example, say you were out shopping for a new outfit and something caught your eye in the shop window and you could afford to buy it.
    so you go in and try it on and it fits like a glove!
    so you pay for it and go home.

    few weeks later you are invited to a party, so you put on your outfit but then you notice a flaw of some kind on the jacket!
    would you change your mind and not go to the party?
    or would you still go regardless?
    but on the way you start thinking what your friends will think of you?
    perhaps you are known as a woman that always looks her best and never settles for anything less?
    would you be prepared to lower your standards and risk being embarrassed and questioned by your friends saying "honey didn't you notice the flaw on your jacket?
    in the same way friends finding out that you are dating an out of work man could cause you embarrassment...would you be prepared to suffer that or would it not bother you what friends say?
  2. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Saturday Morning ... Welcome Again! ... :wave:

    Reading your post makes me think about the fact that Black Men are the most under-employed group of adults. This is not a new phenomena for Black Women. We've been dealing with it all the time, and continually loving these Brothers. (Remember, we give birth to Black Men, so of course we do our best to love and be patient with them.) I think it may be more trying for younger Sisters, wanting what they see other couples have, and not aware of, or willing to be patient for, what is actually causing the unemployment situation for Brothers.

    Sisters are often left with the immediate and life-sustaining concerns for the Family, such as food and shelter, as she's usually the one given employment. At moments like this, it is very difficult to remain cognizant of the systemic racism that perpetuates this situation. Add to that, a Brother's way of dealing with it inside himself, not appearing to care when he's tore up inside about it, leads a Sister to feel she's all alone when it comes to providing basic living needs for the Family. It's a very challenging circumstance to be in, for both the Sister and the Brother, yet we all have seen it or lived it.

    I just found this article, Plight Deepens for Black Men, Studies Warn. It's a couple of years old, but i'm sure things haven't changed that much.


    This is a topic dear to my heart, Black Men Willing to Work, but Unemployed, as i'm so aware of how it devastates the Brother that can't get or keep a job (yet tries with all his might), the Sister that loves him, and the Family that needs him. It's like they get us all, with this one shot.

    The article mentions how some Brothers are striking out on their own, trying to start their own business, and this is the way i suggest as well. Stop depending on these white people to employ you! Business savvy and executive intellect is needed, if you will, when selling drugs! Oh My Gosh! The pressure, the cost, the everything! I don't believe any Fortune 500 CEO has more business skill than a Brother selling drugs. Brothers go this route because these are the scraps white men have left to them. Just imagine if this same partnering between Brothers, savvy and executive decision making ability were put into legal endeavors, instead of selling drugs ... whew ... Brothers would own everything!

    Back to your question ... if you were in a club and got talking with a handsome nicely dressed brother but then when the subject got onto "so what do you do for a living?" and he answered "i am not working at the moment". would you instantly but politely thank him for a nice conversation and leave? ... no, i wouldn't stop talking to him! Gosh, how rude is that?!!! :eeek: ... as a matter of fact, it would not even be a question i would ask a Brother. It's not on the list of "stuff i need to know the first time we talk."

    Saturday Morning ... are you a Brother or a Sister?

    This is a great topic and thanks for starting it. Please continue to make yourself at home, because you are!

    Much Love and Peace.

    :heart:

    Destee
  3. saturdaymorning

    saturdaymorning New Member MEMBER

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    destee
    That was A HeartFelt Honest response to my post.
    Thank You.
    I Am British Brother Born to Jamaican Parents.
    I'm Also Currently Unemployed, Having Been Fired From My old job as a traffic warden after 5 years.
    that hit me hard:bam:
    i still remember the feeling of going to sign on for benefit after earning my own bread for so long.
    But these things happen.
    I'm also single and do from time to time wonder if a sister would date me whilst I'm out of work?
    it is also embarrassing for me if a sister asks me what I'm doing for a living?
    and since i try hard to be honest i choose to be honest and admit I'm currently unemployed, and then kinda wait to be rejected eventually:sleepy:
    having a job gives me that extra bit of backbone if you get my meaning?
    a job means security, food clothes etc the basics...you got something to share with your woman you get me destee?
    not to say that i got nothing to share with a woman even though i ain't working at the moment.
    when i can afford it, i fill up my wardrobe with clothes and shoes and work on developing qualities that a woman will be drawn to even whilst i am out of work.
    soon things will work out and then that part of my heart that is hungry will be satsified:massage:
    as long as i'm alive, there is hope and opportunity:bingo:
    so brothers, don't give up hope.....let's draw comfort even from our beautiful strong minded sister destee.

    much love
    saturday morning:qqb015:
  4. Clyde C Coger Jr

    Clyde C Coger Jr Clyde C. Coger, Jr. PREMIUM MEMBER

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    In the Spirit of Sankofa and the Black Man!


    Destee,

    :bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown:
  5. spicybrown

    spicybrown Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    If I were single... I don't think so.
  6. Zulile

    Zulile Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I would/have and will likely continue to do so. Unemployment says little about a man's character - I've met very inspiring men on both sides.
  7. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    romance without finance is a nuisance....

    during times when i was unemployed i was focused on finding work, not women.....
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  8. Zulile

    Zulile Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Some unemployed men dedicate their time to activites that are worthy of note - to me a dollar is an end to a means, not a means to an end.. so if I make them, and he cant - it's all good. I've never been dependant, and dont intend to start - an unemployed man can bring priceless value to the table - it doesnt have to be in hard currency.
    butterfly#1 likes this.
  9. spicybrown

    spicybrown Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    My point exactly. Being that I take things like character and ambition (or lack of) at face value, that's something I can't gloss over "for the sake of love." Now, if the man I'm with happens to lose his job or get laid off, it's somewhat tolerable, so long as he's striving for better. Men don't make terrific housemen/househusbands, and I tend to notice when they have too much idle time, they "experiment," often that includes drugs, spells of hopelessness/insecurity, and sexual deviance (infedility, "sudden" interest in porn, etc) none of which are in any way enhancing for a relationship. Besides, I'm kinda old-fashioned, and I think a man will never truly respect a woman who tolerates such an arrangement; at least that's my observation and experience.
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  10. Zulile

    Zulile Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    tsk tsk on both y'all ;)