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Amun-Ra : Incest! Now! I said It!

Discussion in 'Amun-Ra' started by Amun-Ra, Mar 20, 2001.

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  1.  
    Amun-Ra

    Amun-Ra Active Member MEMBER

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    Incest

    There are some words that can cause cold shivers to run down your spine like someone yelling "fire" in the movie theater, or, hearing some one scream for "help," but the one that turns legs to jelly, bringing cold vengeance and scorching anger to the surface can only be whispered in the black community. Incest! The secret is out and is long overdue to do something about it.

    There is a common idea in the black community that it is in bad form to air our dirty laundry in public and it is precisely this idea that has protected generation after generation of incestuous fathers stepfathers, brothers and uncles. Statistics from the Justice Department show that anywhere from 7% to 30% of all American women have experienced inappropriate sexual attention from a male family member. In the African American community the numbers of similar, but the acts tend to be more brutal and callous.

    In 1985, Stephen Spielberg's film of Alice Walker's "The Color Purple" was nominated for 11 Academy Awards and yet it didn't win a single one after the NAACP protested the depiction of black men in the film, with the key point being the incestuous relationship that focused on Cele. The NAACP protest cost some deserving actors and actresses a chance for fame and glory, but that is only the material side of the loss. The biggest loss comes from the dirty dregs the NAACP tried to sweep under the carpet and that is incest does happen in the African American community. Not only does incest happen; it happens far too often.

    Certainly, black men have been picked on, beat up and dissected but when an act is wrong being black as ten past midnight does not make it right and will never make it right. It their myopic approach to protecting the African American community the NAACP shot itself in the foot and insulted thousands of black women who have suffered the insult on unwanted male attention. Black men rape women, girls, boys, and the NAACP wanted to make sure the lid didn't come off. Where were they when every night a regular parade of black men in handcuffs sauntered across the television screens in America? Where were they? Fortunately, the leadership has changed now, but incest has not. It is still in the community, hiding under a rock, locked in the frightened throat of little girls to afraid to tell.

    Unfortunately, these things usually don't happen in vacuum. Many times mothers are often aware of what is happening but will not go against the lover or husband. Well, if it ever was a secret it is no longer. Closets are for putting clothes in and not for hiding dirty laundry. If we must air it in public-its time to spray some air freshener.
     
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    Bishop

    Bishop Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Amun, this is a very powerful topic. Too many times this goes unnoticed or unaddressed, but the bottom line is that there are some very sick individuals out there and we need to wake up. There used to be a time where you could let your children go over a relative's house to spend the night, but now you can't even trust your family. Too many times young girls and boys are taken advantage of by an uncle, brother, grandfather, cousin and father. Not only that, just as you said, some of the women in the family know that this is going on and refuse to do anything about it. Oftentime its the child that feels like the one who has done something wrong, they feel that they deserve this kind of punishment, therefore they don't speak out. After all how can you speak out against your father or brother? Suprisingly, in today's times we find now that women are also accused of this. Women are now being accused of sleeping with young boys and girls. we have to recognize the situation. We must know that this is a growing problem in the african american community. We used to think it only happen to white folks, but immorality and indeceny knows no color. The there's the other side of the coin, two relatives who commit incest willingly. you hear more and more stories of brothers and sisters, cousins, involved in sexual relationships. I know of two cousins who married and had children. The result was children who were born with disabilities or deformities. We must educate our people especially our children and let them know that they don't have to blame themselves, they can speak out, they don't have to be victims. We must recognize changes in the children behavorial patterns that may suggest that there is something wrong. If we fail to do this, then we fail to raise a generation.
     
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    Amun-Ra

    Amun-Ra Active Member MEMBER

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    This one burns me!

    You are right on the money! I guess we both have a strong feeling about this subject. I get POed just thinking about it. I can't imagine the type of person who would betray a trust like this. I personally know several people who have had this happen to them and they are still trying to deal with it 30 years later! I going to drop off here for a moment---this really get my motor running--Ra
     
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    dnommo

    dnommo Active Member MEMBER

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    Ra and Bishop,

    i deeply feel you botha dn i agree wholeheartedly. i shall respond further later. (at work)

    dnommo
     
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    StarGoddess

    StarGoddess Member MEMBER

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    I am feeling you Ra

    I think it's amazing how folks try to sweep things under the rug like that. I mean, when most people hear of incest they think of a lil blond girl being fondled by daddy in the midnight hours...but that just isn't so. The older I've gotten more memories begin to surface and I am beginning to see the secrets our family used to whisper about when I was younger. Older cousins attacking the younger ones, even a few dating each other in the open like it's all ok...I actually have an uncle that had five daughters and he molested every one, and my PARENTS used to send me over there all the time. Now why they would put a child in a stituation like that, knowing what's going on over there just boggles the hell out of me...and even more, the reaction i got when I mentioned some things that I had dreams about, things that I've come to learn are memories and not just dreams, I was shunned. That's what happens alot in these situations...the VICTEM gets shunned. Not crazy aunt Harriet or freaky old uncle Joe or Billy (who just ain't right in the head)no...it's never their fault...it's the victem. Women turn their heads to that **** everyday in a desperate attempt to hold onto their husbands or lovers...or to stay in good standing with the "family". It's all a mess...the repercussions never go away for that...the patterns are never really broken for the one that has to suffer through it, be quiet and be a good girl or be ridiculed and called loose (cuz she so nasty that she even freaks her cousins out) Come on now...when has this become acceptable? It ain't funny, not some joke you tell at family reunions, not some rumor you just dismiss because they are just a child and tend to tell stories! Man **** that! I am sorry but this issue really has me amped. I counseled some teens while I was in college that had been messed with...and the connection that is shared...the destructive patterns, the fear, the warped perception of intmacy and relationships that harbors inside of these tortured souls...it's horrible to see. To feel. To not feel normal. You don't just penetrate skin when you molest someone...you puncture a hole in their soul...in their lives...and nothing, nothing can ever make it right. It's just like commiting murder. A person can never recover from it.

    sorry i rambled on and on...
    i'll shut up go outside and take a breather!
    good topic Ra
     
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    Amun-Ra

    Amun-Ra Active Member MEMBER

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    I feel all of you!

    Somewhere in the warped minds of some people there is a reason for all of this, but what ever the hell it might be, I have not a **** idea. I just know how it makes me feel and i can't even begin to imagine how it makes a victim feel. Some of you have shared with me off line and I must say that truth is much stranger than fiction. "A punctured soul" is how it was put and I can't think of a btter way to say it. Some poor child will be punctured for life because of some one not capable of taking responsibilty. And, YES! It happens right here in the black community and no amount of sweeping will ever get it under the carpet and its about time that the men who do these things pay the price for the scarring behavior.
     
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    alyce

    alyce Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    The flip side

    This is an issue that breaks me up inside because of the children I've worked with in the classroom, who were housed in lock-down placement facilities ~ as if they had committed crimes. The other side of the coin, the children who are separated from families because of these acts, is a sad consequence of incestuous, emotional, physical abuse. During my employment at one of Southern California's largest "children centers", I would walk the hallways when class wasn't in session, and find myself in the nursery. There would be scores of new infants, toddlers, sisters and brothers, either abused/neglected/abandoned and remanded into court custody while parent(s)/guardians/custodial adults were being charged/sentenced/rehabilitated.

    I remember countless horror stories that still bring tears to my eyes. There was a six year old boy, whose father (an ordained minister) repeatedly assaulted him sexually. It is a disease of the worst kind, I believe. And, perpetrators have no idea how they affect/infect the lives of the innocent, forever. Many times, children begin to 'act out' sexually because of these abuses. They BECOME perpetrators against their brothers, sisters, smaller children, etc. The dysfunctional behavior is far-reaching in too many cases. All of my actual students in my equivalent 6th grade class had attorneys, social workers, childrens' advocates; 80% of them required special educational services due to learning disabilities due to their home environments...and of course, there were drug babies who would have certain challenges for life. 90% of the children had counselors/psychiatrists, and many of these chilren were on medications. The 10 - 20% who were so-called 'normal', would be the first (depending upon age ~ older children are always much harder to 'place') to go into group home environments, or to stable family member homes...or adopted outright.

    But the separation from family takes its toll on all children in some way. Because everyone is different, we cannot predict who will thrive, survive, or stay alive.
    And I did see death come to those who didn't make it a week after 'release'...especially if they 'aged out' at their 19th birthday.

    I chose to foster a child from this experience; but we couldn't be 'together' until one of us left the facility. Once she was placed in a group home setting, I was able to aggressively 'fost-dopt' her. She became my oldest child ~ I was already a mother of 2 with one on the way. Her story is much like all the others; but she was the oldest of her siblings, and a survivor. It was because of her reporting the incidents of abuse, calling 911, that Childrens Services came in and rescued her and her siblings. She tells me there are memories that still haunt her ~ feelings that nag at her in the middle of sleepless nights. But her natural born will to live and succeed, and her belief that she was destined for something greater, sustained her. She is thriving now, married, with an intact family unit of her own. Her plans have always been to become a childrens' advocate/attorney, working on behalf of children and issues she's intimately familiar with.

    This scourge of incest is not new in our society, nor in our 'family' as Blacks. And I agree that the demon must be exorcised, exposed, executed. Bringing people (male AND female, now, it's not always and only the men perpetrating) out, dealing with their deep-seated 'issues' through intensive-aggressive rehab/counseling; making them accountable for their PRESENT manifestations of whatever they went through 'back then', therefore not allowing them to blame whomever turned them out...is one way. AFTER prosecution and STIFF sentencing.

    I'm for 'outting' the mental darkness that lurks behind closed doors, responsible for the 12-year old prostitutes, mommies, daddies, drug addicts, thieves, arsonists, gang bangers, murderers I've worked with in lock-down institutions.


    A
     
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    Amun-Ra

    Amun-Ra Active Member MEMBER

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    As usual

    Alyce has brought some reality to this discussion from the side we wish didn't see. She brings the reality of what happens to those who suffer incest. She tells us the stories of those who choose to go on (there are many who choose not to do so). It hurts to hear such words, but it is true. Toolong have too many people gotten away with this hideous crime. Too long have we turned our heads while the innocent pay the price. Too long we have stood idly by and listened to the charlatans who call themselves protectors, too long we have listened to ourselves say "I'm glad it wasn't me!" Too long is longer than I care to sit idly by. Too long is just to **** long! I've got to take this to another level.

    Ra
     
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    Watcher

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    There once was a young girl who had an uncle. Uncle John would often babysit her. As she grew older Uncle John no longer saw her as a baby, but as a conquest. He first started out by fondling her, and then he moved to having sex with her. She was emotionally a wreck. She knew what happened was wrong, but felt it was her fault. She became introverted and withdrawn. She closed herself off from those around her. everyone knew something was up. One day while Uncle John was babysitting, the Watcher decided to double back to the house, to the Watcher's dismay he saw Uncle John holding the young girl down about to penetrate her as usual. Watcher busted in and put a beatdown on Uncle John, yet the damage is done. The young girl is still undergoing therapy but with the help of the almighty she'll be alright. Meanwhile Uncle John don't come around anymore...After he regained the ability to walk, he did a stint of 10 yrs for his deed...In those 10 yrs behind bars Uncle John became the little girl.

    Whatsoever a man soweth that also shall he reapeth.


    *True Story....The little girl was my Goddaughter, her uncle was her mother's brother and used to be my close friend....She's now 19 and doing fine.
     
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    Amun-Ra

    Amun-Ra Active Member MEMBER

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    And there is the danger

    These molesters and abusers could make one of us end up in the place they should be--jail! My first thought is to severely harm anyone who would do such a thing and if I was to be in proximity, I don't know if my rational mind would prevail over such a heinous act. Reality tells me that the worst punishment for such an offender would to be locked behind bars with no chance for freedom and where that peson may become a victim themself, but rage is serious business when it occurs in the moment. I would be devasted to spend one day behind bars for any harm I might cause to such a villian, but it would be just punishment. Nevertheless, it enrages me so much that it seems almost impossible to resist the temptation to castrate such a person and the spot and let them live with that for the rest of their lives.

    I know some of these people and as others have all ready said, at family reunions you can tell who they are because mothers keep a constant eye on their children when they are around uncle "so and so". Nowadays, you even have to watch Aunt "so and so" because it works both ways although men are usually the main culprits. It is a sad situation and what makes it even more so is that it is "off limits" to talk about in the community. We are talking about it now, but if this forum was to go public nationally today, within 24 hours the "Negro Thought Police" would be on our butts calling us traitors, sell outs and worse because we had the nerve to air dirty laundry. What makes it even more sad is that it's really not a secret!
     
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