Pan Africanism : Dating across the African Diaspora

Destee briefly touched on this subject in her "Are Latinos Africans?" thread, but I would like to outright ask how people would feel about dating black people from different countries? It is no secret that African American men & women have had some difficulties in recent years in terms of what we expect from one another, and dating prospects within the African American community. Indeed there have been numerous radioshows and magazine articles in Essence, Sister-to-Sister, Ebony, Black Male, etc, on this subject. Typical in these debates will be statistics showing the number of African American men in prisons, the number of homosexuals in the African American community; single mothers raising children without the support of any male figure; the ratio of educated black women compared to that of educated black men; and arguments about the so-called shortage of black males.

In almost all of these debates, choosing to date different cultures is a proposed solution to the perceived shortage of desirable dating prospects in the African American community. By different cultures, the authors and participants of these debates are refering to different races: Meaning Whites, Hispanics, and Asians. However, it is not necessary to go outside of the race to explore different cultures and attitudes towards dating, family, and male-female relations.

Black people are literally all over the world. Occupying over 40 different countries in Africa alone, as well as countries in Europe, the Caribbean, South America, Canada, and Asia. Each country has its own unique culture, beliefs, and value system. Therefore the attitudes and social structure that many African Americans believe to be representative of black people in general, are in reality unique to African Americans, not blacks across the Diaspora. One example to illustrate this is the high number of single mother families among African Americans is unique to blacks in this country. Africans generally don't have this problem, as African men strongly believe in taking care of their kids (in some parts of Nigeria if a man leaves his wife, he takes the kids with him).

It is easier to relate with someone of our own race rather than someone of a different race (no matter where they come from). It will be beneficial to the black community to look towards our sistas & brothas in the Diaspora before we seek to date outside the race.

Peace-PanAfrica

i may b about 2 find out how i feel about it.

about 18 months ago, i purchased the names & addresses of 5 ghanian women that were seeking companionship or potential partners from other countries. i sent an introductory letter to all 5. 3 of them wrote me back. the correspondance continued along nicely for about 8 months. then, 1 of the women simply stopped writing. of the remaining two, it became clear that 1 of them had something entirely different n mind from myself, so, i wished her well but terminated the correspondence.

i hope to meet the 1 & only ghanaian female i m still corresponding w later this yr when i travel to ghana. so, i m open to meeting, dateing, friendship or whatever is mutually desired, but i hope 2 b n a much better position 2 answer ur ? later on this yr.

I wouldn't be opposed to developing a friendship with Black men from other countries. In fact, I think that could be rather interesting. I find African men intriguing and the one's I've met personally, were extremely kind and very respectful. They had a quiet and gentle nature about them; no posturing or display of arrogance like many of my Black American brothers. I found that to be refreshing. The one problem I would have though is if their culture permits abuse of women or oppresses women. I don't accept abusiveness from Black American men. Also, there are certain "freedoms" that I have now that would be extremely difficult, almost painful for me to live without.

It is a misperception that all African men believe in Polygamy, and that women in Africa have no rights. Customs vary greatly by different ethnic groups. My wife's ethnic group (the Bubi of Equatorial Guinea) for example do not believe in polygamy. In fact she would kick my butt if I tried to bring another woman home..........lol! I don't want to break down every ethnic group in Africa's maritial beliefs because it would take to long. However it is safe to say that a good number do not believe in Polygamy. And of the one's that do, most no longer practice it for economic reasons. Also women in Africa have more rights today than they ever have (as witnessed in the ever increasing number of African women in colleges and becoming professionals).

Your concerns are still valid though NNQueen. I would advice any person (male or female) that is involved with an African to learn about their culture from the beginning. In order to see the beliefs and value system of their culture, and to compare that with your beliefs and value system. Actually this goes for anyone that is involved with someone from a different country.