OK Web Warriors: Here's a hot one....

You find the woman of your dreams. I mean the right build, the right hair, and the right one. You POP the question, and she says YES--BUT: I'll hyphenate my name with yours.

Is this a big deal?

Would you break the engagement?

Would you find out earlier?

The clock is ticking!

Mike Ramey:toast:

Greetings Mike...either she's the right one or she isn't. If you have a problem with a hyphen, then she's not the right one, even with all her other attributes, on the other hand if you don't have a problem with hyphens then you have met the right one.

It's not a big deal with me.

btw, doesn't your signature (the African Proverb) kinda answer this question?

ZeroGravity: My signiture hits it, just like yours does! I just wanted to put this one on the table to 'check the room', so to speak. I hadn't seen it handled in a forum, and wanted to get the feel of the 'family' on it.

Mike Ramey

:D

truely it's no big deal too me ....

bold I just got married on April 19 and I was told by a family member to have a hyphen in my last name because it is easier to keep up with your paperwork and bills that you might have had before you got married.

if she gone marry you then she needs to take your name period. What’s the point in a hyphen anyway. Some old school folks will tell you that’s disrespectful and you starting the marriage off on the wrong foot. If you don’t want his last name then what else do you not want and blah blah blah….. I agree with you kem… we can shack all you want but if we gone be legit then you taking this last name.
Yvonne don’t do it because if you forget to sign your hyphenated name and only use your husbands name then it can cause all kinds of problems. You would have to sign and have notarized Same Name Affidavits and all kinds of mess. If yall married then your bills are his bills and vice versa.



One

yeap zobbie ya right but i have seen some take the name
and still use it as fit and what if u sign ya name on something
this way and the next another way it would be a mess
ya sho nuff right take it or leave it .!

Okay, well when I got married 10 years ago, I had no problem with changing my name to my husbands name, he took me as his wife, this was no fem thing, but then my mother sat me down and said to me that because my father never had any sons and instead had a stack of daughters, and me being the youngest and the last one, would I mind hyphenating my name? He felt that with me and my sisters marrying off and all of his living kin dropping dead like flies that he would be the only one left carrying the family name. I then went home and asked my already husband if that would be a problem...he asked why? I guess my answer was sufficient, but for the record, I sign my last name as my husbands and only use maiden name as my middle initial...my father is NOT standing over my shoulder everytime I sign my paycheck is he? ACT LIKE YA KNOW!

now that's a good point... about ya dad having all girls and what not. See that's different other than just not wanting to do it at all... and what about the women who don't take the last name from jump or get this and I ain't lying.... a woman actually had her husband take her name......WTF




One

u mean to tell me that a man took his wife name !
hummm! see in today's world things change daily
he was o'k wit dat. ????

Read that post and couldn't believe it!

But, that's what happens when men and women aren't trained in the home properly. They become subjects to the 'whims' of society.

Mike Ramey

Mike indeed he was she gotta take dis name of mines
dat's da way it pose to be nothing less nothing more
but we as men has fallen into da trap of society
now here we go again another brutha nameless!! wit a hyp'hen

I kid you not he took her name.... she makes all the money and he stays at the house with the chillun. Take em to school and erry thang.... I was properly trained cause I took his name with pride :)




One

Congratulations! :toast:

Mike Ramey

I always thought the hyphenation thing was a little....stupid. I'd rather she just keep her own name. Then we'll all be happier.

indeed solo coz she gota take dis one or i'll find another who
will and zorbbie he's a half man .....see our world has took a
big dip in history

will da real men please stand up !!

:D

if you have to do sorts in a mail list--it is a royal pain the ***--some software accepts it and for others you have to write a new rule--it takes up to **** much space on the invitiation when Lucretia Alazaye Jenkins-Washington has to have her entire name there so I can invite her sister-in-law Lawanda Mthemba Washington-Crawford to the divorce party--it is a pain in the *** when I trying to read the smaller type it takes to put all of that on a single business card--it is even harder to make up a cool license plate--and finally, I don't know what to do when a word has to be split in writing--do I add another hyphen to an already hyphenated pair or do I it split naturally--other than that I have no problems with it at all.

Ra

;)

I would question her reason for wanting to hyphenate. Could it be that she wants to hang on to some of her identity from when she was single and doesn't want to conform to tradition?

I was proud to take on my husband's last name. Besides, it's a beautiful name. :-)

@Yvonne: I was married this past August and I've since taken on my husband's last name (minus my hyphenated last name). I have not had any real problems with any of my bills or important paperwork. Not only did I move to another state where I had to get a whole new drivers license, but I sold some property that I owned solely, paid off major bills that my ex-husband and I had, and had the judgement from the dissolution of that marriage modified to reflect my new name. I say all this to say, "where there's a will, there's a way" if you really want to take on your husband's name. *smile*

@redlady: I mean no disrespect, but unless you're going to ensure that all of your future children, grandchildren, etc., are going to hyphenate/incorporate your family name, what's the point? And, you said that you use your family name as an initial.... then again, what's the point in using it? Traditionally, "carrying on the family name" has been done by the male members of the family or unmarried women.

RedLady I hyphenated for a similar reason as you...and not long afterward my father passed away. It wasn't my intention to carry on my father's name throughout eternity and give it to my child, but I was hoping to prolong the use of the name within my family at least throughout my lifespan.

I must admit I normally sign my name in my husbands name rather than as a hyphenation. I use the hyphenation on legal paerwork, etc. I often got tired of taking so long to sign my signature and honestly most people don't know how to alphabetize a hyphenated name. I often get lost in many databases....lol.

I don't regret my decision to hyphenate. Like most things, for many people, it's a matter of preference.

LadyWise

I am my father's only child and I've often wondered if I'd hyphenate my last name.

But I have also contemplated changing my middle name to my father's last name and then taking on the last name of my husband.

Ultimately I would not really be able to make a final decision until I talked it over with the one I marry. If he is cool with the decision, it's a done deal, if not my father will get over it. I know in my heart I will always be his daughter...and carry his name.

If my man asked me to marry him, without question, I would marry him and accept his last name. I understand people doing it for business reasons, like your name is recognized and known to your customers, fans, public and the like. But for bills and correspondence, I would suck it up and make the change. :spin:

I could care less. I would take my wife name if she asked, I aint got nothing to do.

Well, as someone who

A: is the youngest of 2 girls
B: is a hypenate, and
C: is getting divorced

Here's my take:

I hypenated my last name mainly for 2 reasons: it made my legal paperwork easier, and I mase a promise to myself and my father a long time ago. Now that I'm getting divorced, the point is moot, anyway. My (ex) husband had no problem with me hypenating my name; others in his family did, however. Now that we have filed, he insists on referring to me by my maiden name. Will I change my name back once the divorce is final? Dunno. MY sister hase been married and divorced 3 times... The first time, she didn't change her name at all.. the second time she hypenated, and the third I think she changed her name completely... And each time, she changed her name back to her madien name. As a result, she gets mail with 4- 5 different names! My mail comes in 3 names (maiden name, married name, hypen).

My wife hyphenated her name for two reasons: (1) In her culture (Spain & Equatorial Guinea) it is common for women to retain their name, and children to take both parent's surnames. (2) I requested that she do it in order for our children to have both names.

Being a historian I am particularly aware of the limited knowledge of our African heritage. By this I mean that African Americans know that our ancestors came from Africa, but we do not know where. We don't know if we are Yoruba, Mende, Temne, Igbo, Bantu, Zulu (or a mix of several ethnic groups). Our original surnames and African culture have been lost over time. However through my wife...my will daughter know her original name & the specific culture of her African ancestors (at least on her mother's side of the family) As a historian, this is beautiful to me, and it was a gift I could not deny my daughter (and future children).

"I mean the right build, the right hair, and the right one."

What's that got to do with all the tea in china?


I really don't find the hyphenation necessary. Every woman has her father's name up until she gets married. If the man truly loved her, he wouldn't care if she hyphened it though.

Just my personal opinion..maybe they hyphenate it to keep their name but at the same time take their husband's last name too..so they wont feel "owned"..from someone's perspective it could look like well it makes it like i'm his property...lol

I Really don't see what the big deal is all about, after all she said she would marry you, so she must love you. In return you should atleast be able to allow to hypen her last name if she wants too.

I personally never thought about it, up until know. I honestly don't know, it seems like a good idea, but I don't really see the point, however when the times comes I will think about.

I think it also depends on the name if it flows well with his name then hey why not like the singers Karen Clark-Sheard and Dorinda Clark-cole, now that fits and it looks and sounds good.

My thing is if she already said yes, and if you love her you would respect her wishes, after all she's not rejecting you, why should you reject her because of a name.

Tell me "Whats in a name?" LOL

POETIC_DIVA

Exactly what's in a name? How is someone taking your name proof that they love you etc? Those men insisting on their wives taking their names and NOT hyphenating sound like they're on an ego trip to me. Am I missing something? I don't think she even needs to take your name at all! Perhaps I'm in my own world.