You find out the child you thought was yours is not (or may not be). You are still married to the mother. The baby is newborn. What recourse would you take, if any?

So Kemetstry, you would leave your wife if she conceived another man's child? No ifs, ands or buts?

Suppose there was really no evidence per se, let's suppose the baby simply bore no resemblance to you whatsoever. Suppose you could find absolutely no characteristic on the baby that was yours, and no one ever told you the baby had your (eyes, smile, etc.).

put her out fast !!

if one not sure of one mate and test is need then do so
their is an answer , if not yours put her *** out...simple
as that!

pd

point blank she's *** out the door!

that is too serious.

So Kemetstry (and anyone else who needs more concrete facts), let us suppose that the two of you have had ups and downs and even separated briefly. You *suspected* her of stepping out during your brief separation, although you cannot be absolutely certain. Your relationship is now at its most stable when baby arrives. The newborn has an opposite complexion, opposite eye color, and no facial resemblance whatever to you. If you and your wife are both deeply melanin-enriched, the baby looks biracial. If you and she both are rather lacking in the melanin department, the baby more than makes up for your deficiency. Again, regardless of coloring, there are no detectable facial resemblances.

Let's even add in one more hypothetical. Your first child together is your spitting image. That same child bears no resemblance to the new child in question.

The answer to this QUESTION is "none of the above" We are talking bout a newborn! The question I have is did she trick me into marriage by saying the child was mine or did she have an affair while we were married? ( there is a difference to my reaction) 1st and formost the child is innocent and unless the childs natural father is gonna make himself a nusance to my life I would not have a problem raising another mans child for it will always be my baby!( SON /DAUGHTER) my bloodline won't change my heart 2nd I married the WOMAN not the CHILD I could just have been the "baby-daddy" and kept it moving I didn't have to marry her! Now if she cheated on me durring our marriage and this is someones elses love child thats just too simple she loves the babies father and the two of them should be together I would be hurt but I would be packing my SHI....

i would thank her for the time we've spent together as i served her with divorce papers and an APARTMENT GUIDE just so she could find a new place to stay...

oh and by the time all this occurs, the joint bank accounts would now be a single account and all credit cards would be cancelled...

UPTOWNE ya right but the fact still lay at hand
if she cheated of made an *** out the guy she
still wrong her butt need to be played dis way
and may GOD bless the child ....

O.k. brothers, so what exactly would it take to compel you to request a paternity test?


Keme, what are these "ways" to check paternity? Next, I really am at a loss to comprehend how it is that a person can turn out looking like another relative, yet bear no resemblance to his/her own parents (neither of the two parents). All my life, I've been told what a remarkable resemblance I bear to BOTH my parents, but also resemble my paternal grandmother. I can even see it myself. I am always amazed when I first see a baby or child, and either immediately or gradually, I begin to see one or the other or both the child's parents' image while gazing at the baby (even though I am not looking for the face of the parent{s}, just admiring the baby).

The thing of it is that there are soooooooooo sooooooo many "lovechild" cases out there where the false explanation of leapfrogging genes is offered, that it is a very convenient and practical and effective tool of deception.

Both scenarios you identified UPTOWNE (tricked into marriage by saying baby is yours/infidelity leading to conception of another man's child) are ones I have seen among family members as well as friends and acquaintances. More often, it has been the former.

That sentiment you offered (no problem raising another man's child for it will always be [your] baby) is the one I have noticed and possibly is the reason I began this particular thread. It seems that many men decide to simply overlook the circumstances and go ahead and pretend that they fathered the child, and allow the child to grow up thinking that their stepfather is their biological. On the surface, this seems a noble and honorable deed. However, a disservice is done to the child by denying him/her his/her RIGHT to know the true identity of his/her biological, regardless of what type of man he may be. A disservice is also done to the biological father, particularly if he has no idea he has fathered the child (I know of such cases). The child grows up searching in futility to answers about why he/she looks and IS different from the rest of the siblings and parents even, and thus goes through a lifelong identity crisis. I have witnessed this happen in my own family.

In addition, just because she has stepped out on you during your marriage, does that really mean she necessarily loves the "other man" who fathered her child?

Originally posted by dnommo
i would thank her for the time we've spent together as i served her with divorce papers and an APARTMENT GUIDE just so she could find a new place to stay...


Uh...Dnommo, ya heart does not have a built in on/off switch, does it?

I'm with you on this one, $$RICH$$.

no she may not love him but the thought of cheating
and the fact of another man child she gotta go that all
it is too it .....no way will i play dis game and later become
the blame or put to shame in this mixed love thang
her *** would be out i can see (QQ)

I'm only letting you peeps in on this because I consider ya family, and I know you will not pass unflattering judment on me or my family because of our "issues". MY older sister looks nothing like MY father. My situation is more peculiar, however. Beginning during our adulthood, my sister has seriously entertained the suspicion that she and I may not really have the same father. My sister hardly resembles even my mother, and she was born prior to my parents' marriage, while my father was in the service. Although I am the second child, I was named after my father (???). My father later (many years later) had a child with another woman (long after my parents' divorce). Back in March, I finally saw her for the first time ever since she was two years old, she is now 22, and the woman is the spitting image of our father, though we do not have the same mother, and she has a different complexion than our father (his and mine are similar though he's a bit darker). I mean she even walks like him! He had denied being her father for some time, until a paternity test was taken many years ago. He also has a son about 18, who looks JUST LIKE ME (though we have different mothers); actually, he and I look more alike than we look like our dad, and our mothers look totally different from one another.

Now my sister with whom I have the same mother has had a lifelong identity crisis, for reasons previously unclear. Her HUSBAND has three children (one with her, two with previous wife or girlfriend). My nephew looks just like my brother-in-law. My brother-in-law's daughter looks even more remarkably like him. His oldest (son) on the other hand? No way that is his child. The boy looks nothing like either parent, and my brother-in-law acknowledges that she cheated on him. Nevertheless, he pays child support for both children even though he is not allowed to see them and she refuses to have a paternity test done (after all these years, how can you blame her though? He should have gone there years ago).

Kemestry wrote:
If she has stepped out on you during the marriage it means she doesnt love you, you are incapacitated, or she is seriously f***ed in the head.

So does the same explanation apply to men who cheat on their women?


$$RICH$$ness, you are some kinda character, bruh. :laugh:

yes it apply for whom ever da wrongdores be !!!!
male or female.........hell don't nobody wanna lying cheating
lo down so call lover like dat....but o' well we have so many
blind rock headed people around these days .....

Could you clarify what you mean by "use sex as a weapon", Kemetstry?

Suppose he has been an absolute jerk lately, or suppose he has done or said something especially repulsive. The woman therefore is turned off. She is not motivated to make love to a man who is not treating her right lately or who has done something that has detered her from wanting to make love to him at the moment. Is that what you call using sex as a weapon, or do you mean something different?

Originally posted by kemetstry
:cool:

or has some kind of phobia about sex ( 30-40% of you do ) then you should be a little more understanding and step up to the plate.

I am wondering about that allegation you made, Kemetstry. Specifically, I wonder if the fact is that there is in fact a phobia, or if that particular 30-40% has something different going on, other than a "phobia". Perhaps some women have some sort of phobia when it comes to sex (possibly becase of past sexual violations they suffered), but it could also be that men misinterpret those 30-40%'s reasons for reluctance.

I was told by my last ex that his eyes strayed because I limited the quantity. It was not because of any phobia or desire to manipulate. I simply was beginning to feel that, although we did not live together, we were simply playing house. I was beginning to feel used. Yes, I too was receiving, but I was not receiving what I really needed and desired, which was non-physical love and appreciation. I began to feel that he thought I "owed" it to him, even though he was not giving me what I needed and deserved, and that was turning me off.

I then began to ask myself why I was even with him, giving him the deepest part of me and getting nothing in return but a *fill in the blank*. Then I applied the same question to my sexual history in general.

What I did get from the experience was the revelation that I needed to break the pattern that was getting me nowhere and nothing substantive nor permanent. I was doing things backwards (giving the sex and waiting for the love). Now, I have learned that the best thing I can and must do for myself is wait for the love before sharing its physical expression.

So if you tick me off, and you know I am ticked off, and you know you are wrong, and I am not in the mood, is that using it as a weapon?

PMS, from what I understand, is an ailment that is biological and therefore uncontrollable, therefore it would not qualify as a reason to not show love to your mate. If you feel your mate is "ding bat", why are you even with her?

I did in fact voice my concerns to the ex, letting him know I was not going to stand for being used. He attempted to turn the tables on me and say I was not being used because I was not giving anything he was not giving. I then made it clear that the act in and of itself meant nothing to me, and I could care less if we omitted it entirely. Time and again, his actions proved to me that love was absent from our relationship, therefore he got cancelled.

The phobia thing does not apply to me, nor has it ever. I simply place a very high value on "going all the way", which encompasses much more than merely the physical piece. I have come to a point in my life where I refuse to spread myself around like I ain't worth a quarter, or like any and every man is welcome to have a gratuitous share.

What I stated was that the physical action IN AND OF ITSELF means nothing.

I mean I did like the man. And he came onto me quite heavily and quite irresistably. What sustained my interest and attraction was the substantial amount of potential I detected in him. I felt that if he really wanted to, he could be the man for me. Just needed a bit of tweaking to the mentality, which was borderline hoodrat. So why was I doing it? I was feeling lonely and hopeless at the time and he was the closest thing to a suitable mate that was on my path at the time. I didn't have the values back then that I have now.

When does it or has it EVER meant anything?

It means something only when the partners actually love one another.
For me, I don't believe I have ever been in love. I always hear folk say that when you fall in love, you will know it for certain. I have had tearful arguments and tearful breakups, but does that mean I was in love? I've never been with anyone whom I simply could not see living my life without. People have meaningless sex all the time. I cannot say that I felt NOTHING toward anyone I have been with, but I also cannot verify having been in love. I think it was more like playing the role of a person (or people) in love.

How many boyfriends?

Intimately speaking, all I'm saying is it is a single-digit number. :o

So... you're saying that EVERY woman you have ever had, other than the one(s) immediately following your divorce, has been a woman you loved?

O.k.

How many girlfriends?

Now, I've known some really brave women who have been raped in their lifetimes. One was a housewife, and another was a police officer. Both of them--and their husbands--made the decision to keep the children, and the marriages grew stronger, instead of weaker.

Not only this, but they helped to inspire other rape victims.

The Bible holds that adultery is GROUNDS for divorce. IF both parties can forgive each other and themselves, then the marriage can be saved...which is the objective.

Now, let me throw this proviso in here. That is IF both sides WANT to have their marriage saved. Sometimes, no matter how much we would like to 'think' that we are enlightened and tollerant, the basic, bottom line denominator is "I don't know".

I've read and seen marriages restored for a LOT worse than a child born out of the marriage bond. :love:

Would you kick your child to the curb if they didn't get on the Honor Roll at school? If you WANT mercy, you have to SHOW mercy.

Nuff Said :cool:

Mike Ramey

Was that a numeric answer?

Was that a "4" or a "40" disguised as a 4+lol ???

:jawdrop:






In the words of Joyce.........."You sho?"
:confused:
Alright, now why would you wish it were 40 rather than a smaller #??? Further, don't you have control over the quantity? And frankly, I find it rather next to impossible to believe that numeric answer.

hummm!! Keme ya taking dis to da bank

Don't you mean AFTER your divorce?

Get the story straight, now. :nono:

I just find that one difficult to believe, for I've only known one Brother to tell me he's been with less than 10, and he was only like 25 or so at the time and had only had one mate. I know several men who started after high school, or even during or after college, but once they started, they sort of went on a rampage. I know WOMEN who's belt notches number upwards of 100! YOUNG women! Amazes me.

But don't get ya feathers ruffled; I commend ya if you truly are that minimally "at risk". (that is, if you are being truthful)

:toast:

What makes you think I HAVEN'T associated with nice guys??? My breakups have not all been based on a lack of kindness/goodness from a Brother. Or perhaps you mean "nice" as in "decent".

To be frank, I would say that my decision was primarily based on ONE bad experience. My most recent experience, that is.

The Brother in the picture is not someone I have dated. He is a well-known scholar whom I had the priviledge of meeting.

I already told ya Kem, it is a one-digit number; that's all ya get.

:lol::x:

deep stuff

Uh...

Why would I stalk someone I want to ERASE from my past? I DID move on, and IMMEDIATELY. I think you may be inferring that I fell in love, was "used" and then "dumped", but that is not what happened. It is way deeper and way dirtier and way uglier than that. What it boiled down to was unabashed betrayal and deceit. The lesson learned was that I had contributed to the hardship by giving him what he wanted yet not getting what I needed, in return. Therefore, I was not much different from all the "others" I discovered he cheated with.

Hence, the fact that I now dare to be different.

No hablo ingles.

Uh...

:lol:

Kemster...

ya weren't :cool: that time.

:laugh:

*zi-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-p*

men are such dogs

:bomb:






















with minds always in the gutter

:smash:
































:grin:

Now, I KNOW that y'all don't mean these words.

Kiss and make up!

BOTH of you have been BURNED. Burning each other is NOT going to make the scars heal better, is it?

No matter HOW much we post, the posts are just an extension of ourselves. They are NOT the real us.

Some hurts take YEARS to heal.

NEVER lose hope.

Mike Ramey:love:

You owe me an apology.

:rolleyes:

I just got here but.....after a maternity test (if I wasn't sure) if it turns out that the child is not mine then she is gone. Period. Good luck.

Now if she were raped, then we'll make that decision 2gether. She's still my wife after all. I'd resolve 2 do a better job of protecting her.

Hmmmmm. What I find interesting is that some men say they would ask for a paternity test, while others would not. Very interesting. I know at least three men (two are family members, the other a neighbor) who did not ask for a paternity test, even though the children (all girls) clearly bear no resemblance to them. Moreover, all three women in each situation cheated, basically to the knowledge of each man. Leaves me feeling :confused:

What do you do then? (after waking up)

What do men do after they 'wake up'?

Same thing sisters do--Hit the 'New Topic' Button:jumping:

And...keep on going!

I think we're getting a little 'too' series up in here! C'mon Fam, we could 'boot' this around all day, but the reality is going to come like the 'light' at the end of the tunnel:

1) When one gets over a bad relationship

2) When one finds a new relationship

3) When one learns how to accept themselves as God made them!

Mike Ramey

I can not recall having EVER heard of any serious act committed against anyone who has conceived/bore a child "illegitimately". By "illegitimately", I mean someone stepped out and made a child with someone outside their marriage or "committed" relationship. Now I HAVE heard about folk getting beat down, shot, cut up when caught in the act of cheating.

But it seems to me that most folk take the passive approach when they don't have really HARD facts, especially when the cheater adamantly denies having cheated, and in the case I have presented in this thread, especially when the female insists the child is her husband's or her significant other's, regardless of the absence of resemblance.

and another thing

Folk don't usually "hit the 'new topic' button" when they do not have HARD facts, i.e., caught their partner in the act of cheating.

:angel:Tragically, if the child is not the husband’s biological offspring, then the wife is guilty of a twofold deception. First, she has lied to her mate about who truly fathered her child, and she is lying to her child about the identity of its biological father. No matter what the mother’s ulterior motives were, she ultimately runs the risk of undermining her relationship with both stepfather and child. Since the ground of all intimate relationships is composed of trust and self-disclosure, her failure to disclose her prior relationship represents a breech of that sacred trust and places both relationships in jeopardy.

Naturally, her infidelity will breed resentment, suspicion, and contempt within her present husband, but the innocent child will also grow to feel that he or she is a pawn in a game being played by his or her mother. Without doubt, the child will want to know who its true biological father is and grow to resent his or her mother for lying about his identity.

Additionally, there is the question of financial support of the child. Should the true father of the child be required to pay child support? :bomb: