Am I to picky ?

My friends claim that I will never have a man because I am to picky ! Frankly I disagree !
I know what I want and I will not settle . Besides, I have a lot to offer.I am not asking no more than what I am willing and able to bring to the table . I think it is reasonable to want honesty ,faithfulness, good hygeine, spirituality etc.
The problem you ask ?
I am alone !

Well to be exact I would like a man that posses a spiritual soul , stablility, determination , a sense of humor & a sense of family. I have carefully analyzed myself and what I am able to tolerate . I am focused: I have a fulltime job and I am a undergraduate student going fulltime . I really don't have much time in between therefore I need a man that is seeking similar goals .

I am able to be a supporter , a friend , a compainion but I refuse to carry someone . It is so stressful to deal with men that don't have a clue what they want to strive for and they are 25-30 yrs of age . If they do have they do have there career to gether they are screwed mentally . I mean they are afraid that someone is out for their money or to use them . Stuck on the Stuff there "baby 's momma " has done to them.

To your final answer No !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well i see both ya points but i agree wit Kemet. coz a man do
need attention and affection just as his mate would now i
know a few females who have da greatest back ground for
motherly love affectional love sweet and kind yet they lack da
heart to know what a mans need is so that put them alone!
i feel u on what u seek in a good man to u but when do u have
the time to be that lovin mate he seeks even if his goals r just
what u wish for their is a chance u could lose him coz of lackness
dis come inside every mind when we go into a relationship
but it works both ways u might not have what he seeks so again
the alone thing comes up ........ hummmmmm! making me wonder
if i'm asking for too much of her and not given enough of me!??

Thank you for both of you guys input, it made realize that I am to focused on me right now and I don't have room for a relationship.
Thanks Again,
Poetic

INDEED YA MOST WELCOME SWEETIE BE WHAT U NEED TO BE
FIRST THEN SEEK YA KING!.........

hummmmm!!! i would like to hear dis answer!?

No I don't believe in booty calls (i respect my treasure more than that )
I do have a friend that has a schedule as hectic as mine.We have an understanding and we don't pressure each other about spending time . It isn't perfect but it works for the "meantime" .
I redefine my needs and what I was able to give and than
"EJ" appeared ! So we will see

Booty Calls are for the desperate , lonely and no confidence woman !

well said sistah and i give my upmost respect to u for dat!!!!
u r sweet and mindfully blessed so continue ya walk before
u run ........

Just met a young lady (31) in a training I'm in. We were talking and it came out that she and her fiance are looking at new homes. They both want to get escrow started so they can move in when they marry next year. Her personality is sparkling, she was very warm, and funny as all get out. We got a bit more personal, and she said she is a Christian, and so is her man. They are both looking forward to their wedding day, and living together for the rest of their lives. She shared that it's been very difficult all these years, waiting on the right man; so many "pretenders" along the way. And the clincher is that she is still a virgin.

She said that she sees herself as the best jewel she has to offer a good man. And she wants him to have the best. There was a temptation to move in together first since they are "engaged", but they prayed about it and decided against.

Now I realize, as human beings, we do our thing and make bad choices. But it doesn't mean we can't correct our lives by not repeating behaviors that took us down in the past.

I was encouraged when I spoke to this sista. She has high standards and even though she is in a society that thinks little of what she's doing, she hasn't let the pressure get the best of her.

And I think about her man. He'll be the first. There are many who would say that sexual experiences before marriage is good for men and women. But as another man once shared with me, "I wish I had saved myself for my wife; because then I wouldn't have all these other freaks in my head when I'm making love with her"....

Not even trying to preach here. I wouldn't dare. But I had to give props to my 31 year old sista who said she'll be well worth the wait. :)

No such thing as being "too picky" when we're coming with quality....

a

Heardja, and what you say is true. There is more, much more. And there is much work to be done in preparing oneself (males and females alike), that gets lost in the shuffle in this fast-paced, immediate gratification life style most are trying to live. I'm speaking to that part of our population (male and female) who want everything, but are all too willing to offer the used goods along with the baggage of past relationships.

If a person values themselves and has been taught (upbringing is all too key) to value and respect others, they are more likely to bring that helluva lot more than sex to the table.

And er uh, since the surveys show what they show about sex, Kem, then it really shouldn't be a big problem if she is a virgin, huh?

Just a thought... :)

a

Yes, I continue to be impressed with this particular young lady. We're in a 6-week training together and I can see why she sports that carat on her ring finger. She's the genuine article, Kem. The girl is quality. Intelligent, witty, warm, sensitive, and about to be an invaluable support system in her choice of career. It is refreshing to say the very least. :) And yeah, she was raised in the Old School fashion.... she knows her way around the kitchen. (we gonna have a potluck and I'm too happy about it)

a

indeed Kem...... sex really don't even play a role
the one's who think so only find out it's lust...
i agree wit ya brutha

No, you are NOT being picky! You are exercising YOUR standards for YOUR life. If anything, your single sisters ought to be commending you for having standards.

And, from a man's point of view, I would not have too much respect for a woman who does not know how to say NO and mean it!

Time after time, I have seen single sisters 'push' a fellow single sister into compromising her standards. The reason why is simple: THEY are miserable, and they LOVE company. Before my present wife and I got married, she had a married friend with a LOUSY marriage, further complicated by her manipulating mother.

Eventually, their marriage ended in divorce.

Do you know that, once my wife and I got married, her friend STOPPED talking to her for a number of years? WE are happy and our marriage is going strong. Eleven years and continuing.

I learned four things along the way, from a brother's point of view, after my first marriage ended in divorce. I'm blessed to be married again. Maybe this will help you down the road:

1) Let him find YOU and offer his friendship.

2) Don't bed, until you WED.

3) First, friendship, then dating, then courtship, then marriage, in THAT order.

4) Realize that marriage is only the beginning! It's gonna take a LOT more work AFTER the 'I DOs' are said.

Keep those standards, my sister. In fact, pass em on!

A LOT of singles will be blessed by your words.

Mike Ramey
:toast:

I really appreciate your words of wisdom !
Your words blessed me more than you know .
Thank you
Brotha

MSPOETIC:

Glad I was able to help out!

I wrote more on the subject over in my new forum, courtesy of Destee. Three of the posts, How to Lose Your Man, How to Lose Your Woman, and Woman, Teach Thy Sister, deal with this issue at length.

The underground reality of our modern day, standards are STILL needed. Those who have them may feel like they are the 'squares' and 'party poopers' of our modern day, but they ain't gonna be 'wondering why or who' on their Wedding Day!

The bottom line--there are some slicksters among the brotherhood, and WE are policing our own! There ARE some Jezebels among the sisterhood, and we know y'all are policing your own. Don't lose your voice...its the one thing that you have that is YOURS.

Mike Ramey

:heart:

If I can hurry and type in a quick response to this topic, I can get on over to Mike Ramsey's new column.

I am infinitely gleeful to have read your response, Brother Mike, relating to your current marriage, which is "going strong--eleven years and continuing". You talk about encouragement? THAT is ENCOURAGING to read! I hear and read so few words coming from husbands who are happy being married. And the vast majority of the Afrikan men I know who are happy in their marriages.....are married to white women.

I too have been told I am single because I am too picky. It has caused me to actually question my own ideal qualities for a mate. Now some people have told me that my standards are simply too high (and that there is no man out there who is like that). Recently however, two different friends (one male, one female) gave me the same piece of advice, perhaps about two months apart. The male friend (who is separated from his wife, and has made advances my way) told me, "good luck" in finding my idea of my ideal mate, adding that he really means it. I had told him that I was not interested in anything with him, because even though he is separated, he is still MARRIED. Even though they no longer live together, and she has someone new, the are STILL MARRIED. He could not seem (or was perhaps unwilling) to comprehend my point. I added that I am looking for a certain type of man anyway. One who believes in what I believe in, enjoys what I enjoy most, shares my values, etc. That pretty much rules him out (even though his marital status already ruled him out). He told me that it does not work out when two people are too much alike, and that he would not want someone who was just like him.

Then comes my old middle school and college chum, who is now married with twin daughters. I ran into her in the supermarket. She asked if I had gotten married. Hearing the negative, she immediately told me, "don't wait for a man who is just like you; you will never find him--you will never find a man who is JUST LIKE YOU". She added that she married her husband not because they were very much alike, but because he accepted her for who she was, even though they were different in many ways.

Mia: That's right, I'm married and I loooooooooove it! And, I AIN'T ashamed to shout about it! Even in the BAD times (which are few, but still happen) and especially in the GOOD times. If you do it right, it will BE right.

As I say in my column(s), if the Man is not ready, if the Woman is not ready, then marriage is not right. In order to have the right person find you, YOU have to be the right person who is willing to be found.

Can I say something at this point? Women give off a certain VIBE that indicates what's REALLY below the surface. That Vibe is your STANDARDS! Men are not as dumb as women would like to think we are. That's why Men are stimulated by sight, and Women are stimulated by sound.

Case in point: The neighborhood neredowell that has six women in different parts of town. Each of the sisters come from a different background, may be of different social strata, and may be of different races, and some may be married, or want to get married so bad they compromise. The brother has a hold on EACH one of them because he says what they want to hear based upon the standards they have set...and mean...in their lives.:eek: He gives Righteous brothers a BAD name!

Bottom line: He is a PIMP and has a HAREM! The only way out of a HAREM and away from a PIMP is out the FRONT door.

Another Case in point: The neighborhood hootchie mama who has six men in different parts of town. She appears with it stacked and packed on the job, so she attracts notice and money from the men in her office. She likes to get her roll on every weekend, so she has the blue collars and bikers beating a path to her door, cause she LOOKS so GOOD! And, several times of the year, she steps out in her finery, on the arm of a High Roller.

Bottom line: She is a J-Lo--style--Mae West-style--Janet Jackson-style blow up doll GOLDDIGGER! She's the type that thrives on doing wrong, and bats her eyes innocently and says "Who, Me?".:maddd: She gives righteous sisters a BAD name.

If you want the 'down low' on you, don't be affraid to talk with people you trust. And, nothing...and I repeat NOTHING...will help a marriage get off on the right foot than pre-marital counseling with your future mate, and HIS Pastor.

But then, this is another subject for another day.

Nia: Ya ain't crazy. You are sane! :toast: There are PLENTY of happily married brothers and sisters who want nothing more than to see you happily married if that's what you want to be. Ya just have to find us...because the mainstream press is more interested in folks who ARE crazy, rather than us REAL folks.

Hold out and BE the right person. He will find you. Oftentimes, the brother whom you don't even think will find you is at the end of your nose! The purpose of marriage is for two to become one; you complete him, and he uplifts you!

And, that's what its all about! :heart:

Mike Ramey

I agree but some do bomb out !
whats for me is for me ..............

So the question becomes, exactly how much should one negotiate their ideals for a mate?

I'll complete the remainder of this post over in your area, Mike R.

Nia: I've put the bulk of this in my other post, but I'll sum it up here....

Each of us, like a diamond, has 'flaws'.:eek: Some of those flaws add to the value of the person, and some take away from their value.

If you know your flaws, WHEN the right person comes into your life, you can best balance their flaws against yours! If you have been honest, and they have been honest, you have found the right person.

And, you'll know it!

If you have come across someone who has been in, or is coming out of a bad relationship, give them time to heal! Some folk try to 'jump' into a new relationship without taking the time to heal from the past. A 'rebound' is not a good place to start :martian:

If you have worked on being you, just be patient with those whom you meet....ya never know who may become your number one:toast:

Mike Ramey:uzi:

Thank you again, Brother Mike.

Nia

A relationship is NOT the place for 'Urban Renewal'. Meaning, WHEN he finds you, you KNEW what he was when you met him and he proposed, and you accepted!

IF he is 'blue collar', don't try to improve him...but pray for him to improve himself. Nagging a man will have HIM finding the door...or another woman...ASAP! If she is 'a generous soul' (brothers), don't nag her to 'pinch pennies'. SHE will be looking for the door, and another man.

Wife completes Husband; Husband covers Wife.

Nuff Said

Mike Ramey

:love:in' this!

Great points, Brother Mike!

Nia

U people R pretty cool. I think I'll stay a while....

By the way, I think I may be 2 picky as well.

There is NOTHING wrong with a man or woman who has standards and a mark that a potential date/mate must live up to in order to enter into a successful relationship.

ALL of us have been in those 'turn and burn' relationships. Hopefully, we've picked up some wisdom along the way that makes us realize that we don't have to continue in the 'drama'.

Mike Ramey