http://lamyanders.blog.friendster.com/files/2_wives.jpg

Not another polygamy thread. Let's start off from a different angle here. It's possible, and some are saying "more than likely" this recession is going to get worse. If and when, the big 3 Automobile companies here in America fold, the domino effect will be historic at best. Layoffs, downsizing and job cuts will be as normal in the daily news as bombings in Iraq. We must really consider what these stress factors are doing and will continue to do in our relationships, especially within two income families.

One day the Wife or Husband comes home with a pink slip, the employment market already in dire straits, and people on unemployment are at it's all time high.

It's within this perspective, we being to understand family, and not just family but financial contributors. It's within this perspective that we being to understand the Main Wife/Queen and the Co-Wives of our earlier traditions.

Under this subject header, it's actually amazing how many of us claim to love "Black people" but would rather see Women and Men homeless, than live together in harmony under one roof.

Now, of course- this all sounds like an amazing argument for any Man wishing to petition his Woman to allow a strange Woman to move in with them. It could be, but some serious points could be made here as well. The main point, is having a house of financial contributors.

One of our very intelligent Sistahs might say, wait. Stop right there. If it's only about having extra financial contributors in the house, couldn't I just as well move a strange Man up in the house?

Technically yes, and actually in indigenous culture this is acceptable, some Women have 2-3 Husbands, all that contribute to the land and children. However in our society the Male ego factor would prevent such, unless the extra Male is already family- a younger Cousin or Nephew.

There is a female ego factor too, which is most likely why no Man in their right mind would ever create such a proposal. What we should consider however, is that the overwhelming majority of Women living below the poverty level are Black single Mothers. Could you home benefit from an extra $10-$25,000 a year?

http://images-cdn01.associatedcontent.com/image/A2349/234993/300_234993.jpg

America's immigrants learned these lessons early. The more financial contributors you have within the home, the more stable your domestic economy. How did math that simple go over the heads of America's economic strategists?

Does it have to be a "Co-Wife" perse, perhaps not. But it's possible we will have to begin rethinking our domestic affairs right away. Families will have to start consolidating space in order to survive. Having 2 Women under one roof might be something for a Man to brag to his boys about, but the "Co-Wife" status is optional, and would never work anyway without the full approval of the Queen.

The Co-Wife is not only handy because she can work outside, but inside as well. If our Women learned how to create their own fashions, design their own hair and makeup imagine the money the household would save?

Naturally, the Co-Wife system doesn't work and would never work for all of us. But a time might come again (remember Katrina) when we will have to open up our homes to friends and family. As long as there is a well structured domestic system in place, things will run smoothly.

Also, having a Co-Wife does not means indentured servant, or sex slave. She is basically the 2nd Woman in command, assistant to the Wife. She is employed in most cases by the Wife and not the Husband. Only those who are mature enough for those domestic affairs should attempt them. But at least you won't be struggling as hard to make ends meet with extra income and help around the house.

Then again, we could always downsize as well. There are always options.

http://www.howardsview.com/lost/new-york-homeless.jpg

In addition to re-thinking the co-wife, people can also consider adding more families to a house hold. Pool together and purchase a large enough house or complex, and everyone within that structure help to financially support it. This is also an option to consider.

I know one thing, when that recession hits/if it hits, everybody is gonna need to do something. We will need to work together for the best result.

:heart:

In addition to re-thinking the co-wife, people can also consider adding more families to a house hold. Pool together and purchase a large enough house or complex, and everyone within that structure help to financially support it. This is also an option to consider.

I know one thing, when that recession hits/if it hits, everybody is gonna need to do something. We will need to work together for the best result.

:heart:


A lot of ppl here in Long Island are renting their basements out but in most cases it is illegal here, unless you have a permit.

The local govt wants that extra tax money from each family which they can't get from the renters in the basement.

I agree with the community model, not the co-wife thing. That was what we used to do in the past. Generations of families shared common living quarters. Where my parents come from, as children left the main house, they built homes for themselves on the same property. This way, everyone was guaranteed food and child care. Once we 'integrated' we modeled the filthy habits of our oppressors and tried to do like the white man and adopted their ways and actions. That was against our nature and culture. Now our babies are lost and the white man says that we should just leave them lost and start fresh with the next generation knowing that that is impossible. Now the newest immagrants are doing what we used to and are prospering! A friend of mine is still working in the mortgage industry. Guess who now can qualify for mortages? The new immigrants!

Ooops! I came off topic. But you get my point.

http://lamyanders.blog.friendster.com/files/2_wives.jpg

Not another polygamy thread. Let's start off from a different angle here. It's possible, and some are saying "more than likely" this recession is going to get worse. If and when, the big 3 Automobile companies here in America fold, the domino effect will be historic at best. Layoffs, downsizing and job cuts will be as normal in the daily news as bombings in Iraq. We must really consider what these stress factors are doing and will continue to do in our relationships, especially within two income families.

One day the Wife or Husband comes home with a pink slip, the employment market already in dire straits, and people on unemployment are at it's all time high.

It's within this perspective, we being to understand family, and not just family but financial contributors. It's within this perspective that we being to understand the Main Wife/Queen and the Co-Wives of our earlier traditions.

Under this subject header, it's actually amazing how many of us claim to love "Black people" but would rather see Women and Men homeless, than live together in harmony under one roof.

Now, of course- this all sounds like an amazing argument for any Man wishing to petition his Woman to allow a strange Woman to move in with them. It could be, but some serious points could be made here as well. The main point, is having a house of financial contributors.

One of our very intelligent Sistahs might say, wait. Stop right there. If it's only about having extra financial contributors in the house, couldn't I just as well move a strange Man up in the house?

Technically yes, and actually in indigenous culture this is acceptable, some Women have 2-3 Husbands, all that contribute to the land and children. However in our society the Male ego factor would prevent such, unless the extra Male is already family- a younger Cousin or Nephew.

There is a female ego factor too, which is most likely why no Man in their right mind would ever create such a proposal. What we should consider however, is that the overwhelming majority of Women living below the poverty level are Black single Mothers. Could you home benefit from an extra $10-$25,000 a year?

http://images-cdn01.associatedcontent.com/image/A2349/234993/300_234993.jpg

America's immigrants learned these lessons early. The more financial contributors you have within the home, the more stable your domestic economy. How did math that simple go over the heads of America's economic strategists?

Does it have to be a "Co-Wife" perse, perhaps not. But it's possible we will have to begin rethinking our domestic affairs right away. Families will have to start consolidating space in order to survive. Having 2 Women under one roof might be something for a Man to brag to his boys about, but the "Co-Wife" status is optional, and would never work anyway without the full approval of the Queen.

The Co-Wife is not only handy because she can work outside, but inside as well. If our Women learned how to create their own fashions, design their own hair and makeup imagine the money the household would save?

Naturally, the Co-Wife system doesn't work and would never work for all of us. But a time might come again (remember Katrina) when we will have to open up our homes to friends and family. As long as there is a well structured domestic system in place, things will run smoothly.

Also, having a Co-Wife does not means indentured servant, or sex slave. She is basically the 2nd Woman in command, assistant to the Wife. She is employed in most cases by the Wife and not the Husband. Only those who are mature enough for those domestic affairs should attempt them. But at least you won't be struggling as hard to make ends meet with extra income and help around the house.

Then again, we could always downsize as well. There are always options.

http://www.howardsview.com/lost/new-york-homeless.jpghaaaaaa,let me explain a simple fact of life to you...AIN'T GONNA EVER BE TWO HENS IN THE HEN HOUSE...translation-there's only one queen on the throne and she ain't sharin that power with nobody...you heard it here first.

haaaaaa,let me explain a simple fact of life to you...AIN'T GONNA EVER BE TWO HENS IN THE HEN HOUSE...translation-there's only one queen on the throne and she ain't sharin that power with nobody...you heard it here first.

Tell em Oldiesman!

:thinking::thinking: And most (particularly the Queens) would find a reason for it to not work. We as a people are too Europeanized for ANY communal living arrangements to become a worthy choice. Most KNEEGROS would rather we DIE as a people.:thinking:

Very true Bro Oldiesman! Two Hens would fight! But as most of agree communal living would benefit many of us if it came down to it. Bro. Hiphopolx, the Gov't has been trying to crack down on that for awhile now. What interesting, we wouldn't have a mortgage crisis to being with if more people thought about that.

And as Queen Bootzey suggested, our older model is the model most immigrants follow. Now we say 2 Hens can't live in a Hen house. But what if that Hen is a Sister, Aunty, Cousin or Niece? When tax time comes around, some Black folks go looking for other people's children to claim on their taxes in order to claim more exemptions and get more money. What I find interesting is that we'd do that, and not give it a thought that perhaps if we did actually house a friend or family member that wasn't working for 1 year we could still claim them on our taxes. But the people who are getting along well domestically with family, are doing something we only dream about.

Nation building.

If the recession gets worse, it might force us to do just that. What's even more interesting is that one day we will wake up and realize because we can't organize are people we spend more money. Take your average apartment complex for example. One building is nothing put a big house that is partitioned off for 6 families or more to live within it. That building costs the developers and owner let's say $80,000. Each family is paying $1200 a month for that 2 bedroom apartment. 6 families? That's $7,200 a month, that's $86,400 a year on 1 building. But an apartment complex usually has 5 or more buildings.

That building pays for itself within the first year. Communal living does work, and this is why there are more developers doing apartment complexes and real estate communities. It's cheaper for them and they make more money. Now couldn't 2 or more families just as well purchase a 2 family house or building and do the same thing? A house could be duplexed for the same purpose. If privacy is an issue there are homes where everyone has their own private entrance.

The reason why the "Co-Wife" is still so very important, is because the #1 reason why most Single Mothers can't make more money and can't go out to work to begin with is- child care. If we looked at ourselves as a Black nation, and wanted to point out reason why our national production is so slow, child care would be one of those issues. Most Immigrants don't have that problem. Because one of the "common sense" rules of Nation Building is having a plan for keeping children while the Adults work.

The "Co-Wife" is important especially in the aspect of being a Co-Mother as well. Ask 100 Single Mothers if they'd be able to make money and get more jobs if they had someone to take care of their children at home and we could only imagine the overwhelming response.

And while we have Mothers running out paying for daycare so they can go to a job that doesn't pay them enough to begin with, there are more than enough Mothers at home already on welfare or Gov't assistance doing nothing but taking care of 1 child?

We fail to see how our lack of community will be the real enemy to destroy us in the long run.

One of my earliest memories is of living this communal experience. When my parents and their generation first emigrated to UK, housing and jobs were a problem if you were of Afrikan descent. There were signs saying, no Irish, no Blacks and no Dogs (Irish considered by English to be the lowest of the low). Anyhow, my parents along with many of their generation had to pool their resources to buy a home. My father, my uncle and aunt and ALL (total of 16) the children lived in one house. My aunt with 3 children was the first to move out. My uncle with 6 children followed. This was achieved by afrikans pooling their money in a PARDNER system. Every week money was given to the person running the pardner. If 20 people in the pardner you throw you money for 20 weeks. Each week a different person had the full amount of money. One weeks money equated to one hand, if you wanted to you could throw 2 hands so that you got 2 hands money when your time came. It was a very very effective system and enabled many - if not the vast majority - of Afrikans in UK buying their homes. This system is still in existence here, although not with so much frequency. I think we didnt go far enough with it for when the Asians arrived they too had a similar system. They took it one step further. They bought businesses and worked for free in that business until they were in a position to buy their own. Come here now, most corner shops are owned by a Patel (clan/family).

Time and time again history has taught us that our progression and economic success is fruitful when we act collectively (even with families). The Me-ism of western philosophy hampers, distracts and turns our progress sluggish. We already have the solutions to some of our problems ... I feel we lack the 'willingness' to put them into effect ...

ps - there are some men in our community who already practice a 'co-wife' scenario ..... its just that the Queen (main wife) is unaware of her existence ......

Peace

How far have we indeed moved away from who we are? MetaSaience, the thread was on time but our European incubus won't let it happen. So what are the facts on this?

Point # 1. The facts are that "polyandry", the system of a woman having more than one husband existed before "polygamy" existed, the system of a man having more than one wife.

Point #2.The average black person in America is NOT MONOGAMOUS anyway. Brothers and sisters may not say it and I want to emphasize that this is not to say "all" but the majority. The majority are getting some extra booty on the side, both male and female. We may hold the illusion of monogamy in our minds and in our values that we fight to uphold...but in reality it ain't really working.

Point # 3. There are those of us who would know how to handle and divinely make such a relationship work...but for the masses of us it would just be extra sex in the house. Bottom line; We still got a lot of cleansing and serious deprogramming to do and it won't happen in my lifetime or my daughters lifetime and she's just 13.

Personally speaking I could work with either system that gets the job done...but that's just me speaking because I'm at that level and understand the bigger picture in terms of who we are on this planet.

:thinking::thinking: And most (particularly the Queens) would find a reason for it to not work. We as a people are too Europeanized for ANY communal living arrangements to become a worthy choice. Most KNEEGROS would rather we DIE as a people.:thinking:


Emphatically No!

How is not sharing a man going to mean the end of our people? Why not have a fre-for-all and no one get into solid relationships? Why not everyone just do whomever and who ever? Why not merge couples and not just bunches of women?

Emphatically No!

How is not sharing a man going to mean the end of our people? Why not have a fre-for-all and no one get into solid relationships? Why not everyone just do whomever and who ever? Why not merge couples and not just bunches of women?

Are you looking at this beyond the man/woman ego?

Queen Sistah SeekingMaat, I'm stealing that term from you. "Me-ism", I figured since you are always in my head anyway I can steal that one! Your experience is on point! That system still works here in America for native Africans and people from the Caribbean. In fact a business associate of mine got his business that way, he worked for the owner for about a year and got his own business going.

Bro. Keita, as always- you make excellent points! I also believe the majority of us are not monogamous. And I also believe if some of these Sistahs had it their way, polyandry would be back in effect. Most of us will deny these allegations of course, for moral and upright reasons, but truth is truth.

Queen Bootzey, perhaps "sharing a Man" or not sharing one, will not be the end of our people. My Queen shares your view as well, and personally I respect it, "some" Men could care less about having more than one Wife. But what about the sharing of a Father and a Provider? How many of us know Black Mothers sharing one Father between them? So what's the difference?
Black Men are practicing this regardless as Queen Seeking suggested. What's interesting, we'd rather see a Black Man go to prison for not taking care of his children, than to see him come up with a system that helps him support those children financially. Like having everyone under one roof?

All of your "why nots" are actually in practice. We hardly get into solid relationships. Some of us are doing whomever and who ever. And couples are merging too!

But it's clear that only a small few can carry out these living arrangements, the main point of the thread is that a time might come when we don't have the luxury of not having extra finances coming into the home.

A Man or Woman is never belongs 100% to any one person. A Man especially has the capacity to provide for many Women financially without those Women ever meeting the Wife. You are not only sharing your Man at that point, but your finances as well. So it's not just about who gets the penis, it's about who is getting the bank?

Queen Bootzey and others- here's a hypothetical. You are living with your Husband or boyfriend. Your best female friend loses her job and needs a place to stay for awhile. She has no one but you.

Do you move her in?

http://lamyanders.blog.friendster.com/files/2_wives.jpg

Not another polygamy thread. Let's start off from a different angle here. It's possible, and some are saying "more than likely" this recession is going to get worse. If and when, the big 3 Automobile companies here in America fold, the domino effect will be historic at best. Layoffs, downsizing and job cuts will be as normal in the daily news as bombings in Iraq. We must really consider what these stress factors are doing and will continue to do in our relationships, especially within two income families.

One day the Wife or Husband comes home with a pink slip, the employment market already in dire straits, and people on unemployment are at it's all time high.

It's within this perspective, we being to understand family, and not just family but financial contributors. It's within this perspective that we being to understand the Main Wife/Queen and the Co-Wives of our earlier traditions.

Under this subject header, it's actually amazing how many of us claim to love "Black people" but would rather see Women and Men homeless, than live together in harmony under one roof.

Now, of course- this all sounds like an amazing argument for any Man wishing to petition his Woman to allow a strange Woman to move in with them. It could be, but some serious points could be made here as well. The main point, is having a house of financial contributors.

One of our very intelligent Sistahs might say, wait. Stop right there. If it's only about having extra financial contributors in the house, couldn't I just as well move a strange Man up in the house?

Technically yes, and actually in indigenous culture this is acceptable, some Women have 2-3 Husbands, all that contribute to the land and children. However in our society the Male ego factor would prevent such, unless the extra Male is already family- a younger Cousin or Nephew.

There is a female ego factor too, which is most likely why no Man in their right mind would ever create such a proposal. What we should consider however, is that the overwhelming majority of Women living below the poverty level are Black single Mothers. Could you home benefit from an extra $10-$25,000 a year?

http://images-cdn01.associatedcontent.com/image/A2349/234993/300_234993.jpg

America's immigrants learned these lessons early. The more financial contributors you have within the home, the more stable your domestic economy. How did math that simple go over the heads of America's economic strategists?

Does it have to be a "Co-Wife" perse, perhaps not. But it's possible we will have to begin rethinking our domestic affairs right away. Families will have to start consolidating space in order to survive. Having 2 Women under one roof might be something for a Man to brag to his boys about, but the "Co-Wife" status is optional, and would never work anyway without the full approval of the Queen.

The Co-Wife is not only handy because she can work outside, but inside as well. If our Women learned how to create their own fashions, design their own hair and makeup imagine the money the household would save?

Naturally, the Co-Wife system doesn't work and would never work for all of us. But a time might come again (remember Katrina) when we will have to open up our homes to friends and family. As long as there is a well structured domestic system in place, things will run smoothly.

Also, having a Co-Wife does not means indentured servant, or sex slave. She is basically the 2nd Woman in command, assistant to the Wife. She is employed in most cases by the Wife and not the Husband. Only those who are mature enough for those domestic affairs should attempt them. But at least you won't be struggling as hard to make ends meet with extra income and help around the house.

Then again, we could always downsize as well. There are always options.

http://www.howardsview.com/lost/new-york-homeless.jpg

Greeting my brother...

While reading your thread...i couldn't help but smh...reason being for me catching hell form one woman is enough for any man...mush less two or more..cause I know I'm not perfect. And I really wouldn't want that headache.

But i do think that maybe having family move in is a better solution. I'd do that in the drop of a hat. And I'm doing that at this moment. It's good to have someone else to talk with. And share the household work with...for me Money is the thing..it's just giving when the need arises that counts.

Lilpea :1on1:

I'm trying to keep this nice for the forum. Not trying to be banned. Bare with me....

HipHoplx: No I am not looking past the man/woman ego. And why should I?

Metascience: I see your point but still I disagree with the premise. Of course I would allow my friend whether it be male or female stay with me. But it ain't no free ride. They have to financially contribute.

Lilpea: You are right on track!


What I believe is missing is the reality behind what is being asked of a woman in a polygamous relationship. The woman is asked to make all the sacrifices. It's not like these women will be living ing the lap of luxury and not working. I refuse to be in a relationship with a man where I have to work and bring money and support in the house and all I get in return is being part of some stable? Absolutely not! How is this different from being 'Turned out' and put on the stroll? You say that men are doing this anyway and I beg to differ. If a man truly is desirous of a polygamous relationships, then he needs to be the sole financial provider for his ENTIRE extended family.

Yes I know men who are not monogomous with children scattered all up and through. But I have yet to witness a man who supports his children without their mothers financially contributing.

And don't take this the wrong way. I am not knocking folks who are into this. To each his own. But I do have a problem with folks acting like I am selfish to completely disagree. Besides, there is always going to be opposition.

Add on.

Peace.

Queen Bootzey, your perspective is well respected because it is shared by millions of Black Women in America. Bro. Lilpea said it best, one Woman is enough, but for some of us. Brothas like Lilpea and myself may not have the temperament necessary to have more than one Woman within the same household that we are romantically and financially involved with. I've often said in the past that having one Black Woman is like having 3 Women period.

But this subject has a different angle to it. Speaking as a Man with a allot of female associates and friends, if anyone of them indeed needed a place to go, they are welcomed in my home. Of course, there will be rules. That's a given. And naturally the arrangement will only be temporary- and it would have to be their very very last resort.

In Atlanta, if you do happen to have a respectable Brotha at your side, most likely there are 10-15 Women out to get him. This is true. How Brothas deal with that depends on their level of awareness. I understand why Black Women would be very over protective of their relationship, even from their friends and family. A female once told me "I don't even trust my own Momma around you." What? But these are trust issues, insecurities and emotional issues among ourselves. Let's just call it what it is.

There are also lots of Black Men financially supporting Women as strippers or prostitutes. Black Men do in fact support Women who don't work, but stay home and take care of their children. Sometimes those Women are already on welfare or Gov't assistance.

If a Man wants polygamous relationships he should be the sole provider of his extended family? Very true. If we took a census, we'd be amazed at how many Black Men are already doing that. Sometimes these Men are just wealthy, lawyers- Doctors, Rappers, Athletes, Business Men or drugdealers. But if that statement were published to the public, we'd also be shocked at who many Men are capable of this. And then what can Women say? Which is why they would never allow that either. Sometimes Women work so they "don't" give all their power to a Man. A Football player's Wife doesn't have to work. But she shouldn't be naive not to think he couldn't have other families out there either and providing for all of them.

The people we are really talking about here are not the wealthy, but the working poor and middle class. What most of us fail to realize is that "earnings per household" is different than the earnings of an individual. So while Black America is classified as a majority of poor and working poor to middle class people, this classification is not based upon earnings per household. Why? Because we don't keep working households, not as a majority. Blacks in America seem to be the only group with this problem. Everyone else has gotten the message. Jews, Chinese, Koreans, Italians, Russians, Latinos, etc.

The reason being, Black Women are the most "un-married" group in America. And "earnings per household" aren't calculated for unmarried groups. And this is where it gets interesting. This is the true reason behind the "Gay Marriage" ban, because then- such groups get to be "households" instead of individuals. And also allot of legal statutes will go out the door. Men will use the marriage to other Men as a way to protect their assets, or build assets and gain marriage benefits. Even if those 2 Men aren't homosexual.

That was the whole premise behind this movie here:
http://news.premiere.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/11/15/i_now_pronounce_you_chuck_and_larry.jpg

And while Black Female "Gay enablers" don't realize is that in time, Gays have more power than Black Women and Men because we don't have a communal base, which is the household. Some have suggested Gay Marriages will lead to the break down of marriage period, and perhaps the polygamy practiced by Black Men will no longer be occult. If we aren't building up households, then we aren't surviving period, we are just making do. But -A House is not a Home. There are home-less millionaires, because in order to make a home you need family. Millions of us don't have homes period, we live scattered around- unconnected. Meanwhile, this is our greatest flaw.
Not having a 2nd Wife or 2nd Husband- not having a "free for all" in our relationships- but our inability to form households- period, which are the foundations of community and nations. The Man is the nail that is hammered into the floorboards of nation building. Thus Black Women will continue to be the most un-married group, so long as the Black Men aren't getting what they desire from those relationships. If African Men have historically been polygamous, and if the indigenous Man period- have historically been polygamous, and if most Black Men today are still very polygamous but in secret- perhaps the problem lies in our mental reality programming.

The heavy burden of truth? We aren't emotionally programmed for these types of arrangements to begin with. The Co-Wife will continue to be occult. But the main point is that in our tradition the Wife and her family of Women would choose that 2nd Wife.

If you have a close female friend, especially one that has been in your life for awhile, most likely she would be somewhat attracted to your boyfriend or Husband because you might share the same likes in Men. This is true for Men as well. Close friends often have the same taste in Women. Let's keep in mind however, that the "Co-Wife" or some might call her "the concubine" in this instance is not there for a sexual arrangement. She is not there to share the financial responsibilities not the bed. Which means it shouldn't matter if she gets her own room with a lock on it, and there are security cameras all over the house. She is only there to co-exist with the family for stability.

This arrangement we are speaking of, naturally will be difficult for people already in stable relationships. It's not like bringing home a stray dog. But it may not be as difficult for people who are in casual relationships, who are not living together but decide to create a domestic environment together.

Sometimes the arrangement is reversed too. Sometimes it's the couple that needs a place to stay, and the only available person is a single Black Mother.
Ironically, we expect Momma or Aunty to let us in when we fall flat too. We might see more of this going on in 2009.

Considering that the bulk of our income goes into keeping a roof over our heads, it make perfect sense that if things get worse in America, as more and more people become laid off, or on the path towards homelessness that we consider our friends, and our family. One day it will be one of us. We agree it doesn't have to be about a Co-Wife perse. But we know where Black Men go when things get rough. Unfortunately- prison.

KC7-Fm7qxjA

I over heard my mother telling a friend of hers when I was much younger that; "she had one for the thrills and one for the bills". At that time I had no idea of what in the world she was saying. As time and experience has allowed me to see the world and my own previous relationships for what they were, I find her words even more true today than it was back then. In 2008 I often hear sisters talking about who they gone hit up to get their hair done or if they want to go somewhere special. I confronted a few of them and asked them; "what's up with that?...I thought xyz was your man?" They generally confessed that xyz is their man but that they still got that spare on the side who's big on them that they manipulate or lead on for financial purposes.

The real bottom line is that we are monogamous "on our own terms". We talk that good s--t but we got our own terms that we function on and nobody, and I mean nobody does it better than a woman! So I can read all the hoop and hooray on here that people write in terms of this subject....but in reality, I know better.

Emphatically No!

How is not sharing a man going to mean the end of our people? Why not have a fre-for-all and no one get into solid relationships? Why not everyone just do whomever and who ever? Why not merge couples and not just bunches of women?



Again, you are thinking from an insecure, eurocentric way of life. :thinking: it's not your fault. however, it does seem like you are always in a hurry to take a contrary point of view when it comes to BROTHERS. YOU seem to revel in that. but thats cool. I say we need to stop thinking like foolish programmed SLAVES and start thinking about US as a people. Being jealous and catty will not get it done.

Very true Bro. Keita. Some Sistahs get what they want from certain Men with the promise that one day he will get some. A Sistah was just telling me that she has a special dress she wears when she goes in to get her car fixed. We can only imagine what that dress looks like, and she's married. She says when she wears the dress the discounts come pouring in.

I've learned over the years that even my own Mother has a special dress. And my Aunts as well. They all know the Man they can go too- who will bend over backwards just from the assumption, that one day, God - willing. He will get some.

In the case of the "Co-Husband" some Women might retreat from that idea as well. Polyandry seems like a far and distant idea. It begins to sound to closely related with Whores sleeping with many Men for pleasure. Men and Women do some of the very same things, it just that the nexus of our social arrangements are different. How do we connect with society? Women will say, well we don't cheat like Men do. Women don't have the same nexus as we do. But Women still cheat on Men, because "cheating" could be defined as anything done outside the union that is not approved of by the partner committed to that union. Women cheat emotionally, and sometimes when she is not fulfilled emotionally this will lead to her cheating physically. One of the problems that Dr. Ben pointed out, is that most Women want Men to be their lovers, husbands and best friends too. They want a Man to be a provider as well as the ones they go shoe shopping with. And obviously most Men don't approve of this at all. Shoe shopping would kill a normal Man.

There are no emotionally stable Women without Sisterhood. In the same sense, there are no "physically" stable Men without Brotherhood.

It is our Sisterhood and Brotherhood that we should be examined here, because we are only extensions of either. Sometimes Women use relationships with Men to cheat on their Sisterhood, while a Woman can be healed by a Man her emotional development takes place with the female dominated society of her peer group. Ironically, if Women had better Sisterhood especially within their community they would never have to worry about what Man was cheating and who he was cheating with because all the Women communed together. So if he did in fact want an extra spouse the Wife would be the first to know.

Judging ourselves as extensions of Sisterhood and Brotherhood, the true purpose and "value" of both the Co-Wife and Co-Husband begins to take it's proper form. It is a disturbing idea perhaps for those who are used to the ideas of loyalty and devotion to one mate, still- those same ideas fade if not encouraged by the overall majority.

In a sense, our sex lives are designed by the dominate minds we learn our social behaviors from. We know that the majority aren't mature enough for these systems of Polyandry and Polygamy. Meanwhile how many Mothers have several Fathers for their children? Or how many Brothas like myself have been in relationships with single Mothers and had to deal with the child's Father coming by and had to learn a level of maturity to deal with those situations?

How many of us are willfully sharing a Woman, not romantically but with Male Bosses? Isn't that relationship important to your household?
How many Women have a Man for a different bill or job in the house? The Butcher the cuts you the best meat, the Mechanic that doesn't charge you an arm and a leg, and the Men you date from time to time that buys clothing for your children?

Everything about how our society is structured is about relationships and systems that govern over those relationships. If you have support in a monogamous relationship, if that system works well for all parties, why rock the boat? But if you are honest about your relationship needs, and you know you need "more hands on deck" for your household to be stable, then if these choices are being made for the proper reasons who can judge you?


d4yjrDSvze0

Whoa.. did anyone watch the video?
What an example of polyandry! I was tripping when the man said "If she is smart, she would sleep with each man every night." All I have to say is this has to be a special woman.
I do believe that it will take the breaking down of certain mindsets to be able to prevail out of the mess we are in and to even contemplate ideas such as these. I am speaking of black people in the US in this time of economic distress. Some people are flourishing right now. Many are not. Why? I am starting to believe it is the mindset of the individual.
SeekingMaat said:
ps - there are some men in our community who already practice a 'co-wife' scenario ..... its just that the Queen (main wife) is unaware of her existence ......

You aint nevah lied..lol
This is so true. I have known many men to take on the responsibility of ANOTHER man by helping w/the bills, being a role model for sons, providing for Christmas, etc...
Aren't these the good men? Or are they the bad ones? If the women knew of each other and got together, would it make it alright? Everyone is provided for and honesty is in your face. Transparency. Isn't that what we as women want. Someone we can trust. Men want that too. But sometimes, imo, men are the ones who do not trust us bc we can wreck HAVOC in a situation where a man believes is productive all bc of our insecurities.

Wait..Dont get me wrong. I don't want to share mine, but it's not about the sex. i am looking at it from a stability perspective. Financial stability and emotional stability for the children.

Queen Lite, you would have to be a special Woman indeed for that kind of arrangement. But look at Lil' Kim. She was at one point financially supporting most of "Junior Mafia." They all lived in her home, ate her food and I'm certain when she needed special services they provided that too.

In our society we've just cut out the marriage part, but we are still practicing the same principles. Like a female would never be able to marry 2 Men, but she might keep one at home and have another one on the side providing a service for her. I saw some show where a Black female was married to an old Wealthy White Man and when the Man was at work she would sneak a Brotha in the house to service her. What she didn't know was that the Old Wealthy White Man has cameras hidden all around the house.

Some Women because if their emotional needs have decided Gay Men are a better fit as far as being the "Co-Husband" while he may not be spending his money on her perse, he is spending his time, something that the first Husband may not have.

At one time in my life I lived with 4 females and one was my Girlfriend. We moved into a place together, and about a month later a close friend of hers was thrown out on the street by her Mother after having a baby. So the friend moves in. Then later on, because she didn't have a job she ended up stripping at night and inherited 2 more friends from the club that wanted to move in also for financially or family reasons.

So there I was, living with 3 strippers and my Girlfriend. I was young, I couldn't imagine what I'd do with an experience like that currently. But what I learned from the experience was that we never had to worry about money. The system was working so well, we ended up moving to a bigger place more bedrooms. Everyone in the house was very respectable, despite their chosen career paths- and the question most people ask when they hear this story is did my Girlfriend trust me. She didn't have too. She was the most feared person in the house. Everything was done by her rules. No ifs ands or buts.
She was the Mother Hen, here's the key -she made sure all the Women were in good and healthy relationships thus there was never a question about extra sexual activity going on while she wasn't around. Was I attracted to some of these Women, of course. Did my Girlfriend know it, of course. But again, her friends' respect for her was greater than any desire I or anyone could have. Also my Queen at that time was excellent at everything in bed and out and was not threatened by the company of other Women.

But this arrangement was only temporary. In time, everyone moved on to their appropriate spaces. But the arrangement helped everyone to amass the wealth necessary to move on and even change careers, see the point?

One might say that having allot of roommates of the opposite sex is far different than having a Co-Wife or Husband, and that is true. However some of the same situations apply.

Queen Lite, you would have to be a special Woman indeed for that kind of arrangement. But look at Lil' Kim. She was at one point financially supporting most of "Junior Mafia." They all lived in her home, ate her food and I'm certain when she needed special services they provided that too.

In our society we've just cut out the marriage part, but we are still practicing the same principles. Like a female would never be able to marry 2 Men, but she might keep one at home and have another one on the side providing a service for her. I saw some show where a Black female was married to an old Wealthy White Man and when the Man was at work she would sneak a Brotha in the house to service her. What she didn't know was that the Old Wealthy White Man has cameras hidden all around the house.

Some Women because if their emotional needs have decided Gay Men are a better fit as far as being the "Co-Husband" while he may not be spending his money on her perse, he is spending his time, something that the first Husband may not have.

At one time in my life I lived with 4 females and one was my Girlfriend. We moved into a place together, and about a month later a close friend of hers was thrown out on the street by her Mother after having a baby. So the friend moves in. Then later on, because she didn't have a job she ended up stripping at night and inherited 2 more friends from the club that wanted to move in also for financially or family reasons.

So there I was, living with 3 strippers and my Girlfriend. I was young, I couldn't imagine what I'd do with an experience like that currently. But what I learned from the experience was that we never had to worry about money. The system was working so well, we ended up moving to a bigger place more bedrooms. Everyone in the house was very respectable, despite their chosen career paths- and the question most people ask when they hear this story is did my Girlfriend trust me. She didn't have too. She was the most feared person in the house. Everything was done by her rules. No ifs ands or buts.
She was the Mother Hen, here's the key -she made sure all the Women were in good and healthy relationships thus there was never a question about extra sexual activity going on while she wasn't around. Was I attracted to some of these Women, of course. Did my Girlfriend know it, of course. But again, her friends' respect for her was greater than any desire I or anyone could have. Also my Queen at that time was excellent at everything in bed and out and was not threatened by the company of other Women.

But this arrangement was only temporary. In time, everyone moved on to their appropriate spaces. But the arrangement helped everyone to amass the wealth necessary to move on and even change careers, see the point?

One might say that having allot of roommates of the opposite sex is far different than having a Co-Wife or Husband, and that is true. However some of the same situations apply.


This does not describe a polygamous situation. You had 3 female roomates. You were not financially responsible for any for these women.

Queen Bootzey - are you certain about that? Truth be told, when you have roommates you are in fact financially responsible for everyone. Every Judge in small claims court already knows that one. You share the financial responsibilities. What happens when someone doesn't have their part of the rent, of their part of the bill? Someone has to pay for it right? Most likely the person with their name on that lease or bill.

And what would be the major difference between a Man living Women un-married to them, and a Man living Women but married to them?

Is sex the major difference? How so? A Husband or Wife is not declared that title because of sex, they are given that title because of certain rights, responsibilities and ownerships- that are recognized by the society/family they belong too. Which is why I mentioned in another thread that a Man's so-called "Baby's Momma" is in fact his "Wife" in literal terms.

Thus- a Co-Wife is someone who also shares in certain rights, responsibilities and ownerships within the Household.

There are people that have been married for years that never have sex. Do we call them Roommates?

http://blogs.elcomercio.com.pe/tvenserie/threes%20company.jpg

You mean Three's Company wasn't about a Polygamous relationship just because he wasn't sleeping with or married to Janet and Chrisy?

Here's a little known fact, not long too long when a Woman lived with a man for at least 6 months she became what is called a 'common law" Wife. Right, most people know that one. But while most Men believe they've dodged that bullet, this is untrue. Check the laws in your state, while the term "common-law Wife" was last used here in the state of Georgia, the "principle" is still on the books.

For example, if a Woman moves in with a Man, and if she's been getting mail to that home for at least 6 months, she is judged as being part of that household. Meaning he can't just up and throw her out regardless of if she's not paying rent or not. He has to go to "court" to get ride of her. That's the same thing as a Common Law Wife!

So it's obvious that people and the Government have 2 different ideas about what "marriage" really is.

What's also interesting, this same law applies for Men, and as well if a Man is living with more than one Woman. It doesn't matter. Who rules the code of Marriage? The law of the land not the laws we design within our heads. Marriage is based on the imagination.

I'm all up for extended family communal living. Pooling resources not only lessens the financial and domestic burdens, but also can increase the standard of living of all involved.

:heart:

I hadnt put sex into the equation, as I dont think that's what is key here. I mean, we are all responsible for taking care of each other in the ways that we can - sharing domestic responsibilities as a matter of survival. If one has the space, sharing a home should be an option.

I hadnt put sex into the equation, as I dont think that's what is key here. I mean, we are all responsible for taking care of each other in the ways that we can - sharing domestic responsibilities as a matter of survival. If one has the space, sharing a home should be an option.

Very wisely spoken....for in all honesty, the average visitor and reader of this thread automatically and subconsciously went straight to the lowest common denominator of sex instead of the beneficial effects of such an arrangement. Ain't it funny how the groups of people who "do share such arrangements" such as the spanish and the mexicans have now moved ahead of us as a group?...well not the Mexicans totally but it'll only be a minute. As I said earlier, we got a lot of deprogramming to do and it's mostly the women that got to do it. Why so? Because men follow women and men move off of her value system and men "only do what a woman allows him to do"...so if her head ain't right, then bam!...the brother is going to fall right to her level. So for all the brothers reading this...if you know your course is right and the woman you got won't grow or is a handicap to you as well as herself...then you best make plans to leave and seek something greater than yourself.

Queen Bootzey - are you certain about that? Truth be told, when you have roommates you are in fact financially responsible for everyone. Every Judge in small claims court already knows that one. You share the financial responsibilities. What happens when someone doesn't have their part of the rent, of their part of the bill? Someone has to pay for it right? Most likely the person with their name on that lease or bill.

And what would be the major difference between a Man living Women un-married to them, and a Man living Women but married to them?

Is sex the major difference? How so? A Husband or Wife is not declared that title because of sex, they are given that title because of certain rights, responsibilities and ownerships- that are recognized by the society/family they belong too. Which is why I mentioned in another thread that a Man's so-called "Baby's Momma" is in fact his "Wife" in literal terms.

Thus- a Co-Wife is someone who also shares in certain rights, responsibilities and ownerships within the Household.

There are people that have been married for years that never have sex. Do we call them Roommates?

http://blogs.elcomercio.com.pe/tvenserie/threes%20company.jpg

You mean Three's Company wasn't about a Polygamous relationship just because he wasn't sleeping with or married to Janet and Chrisy?

Here's a little known fact, not long too long when a Woman lived with a man for at least 6 months she became what is called a 'common law" Wife. Right, most people know that one. But while most Men believe they've dodged that bullet, this is untrue. Check the laws in your state, while the term "common-law Wife" was last used here in the state of Georgia, the "principle" is still on the books.

For example, if a Woman moves in with a Man, and if she's been getting mail to that home for at least 6 months, she is judged as being part of that household. Meaning he can't just up and throw her out regardless of if she's not paying rent or not. He has to go to "court" to get ride of her. That's the same thing as a Common Law Wife!

So it's obvious that people and the Government have 2 different ideas about what "marriage" really is.

What's also interesting, this same law applies for Men, and as well if a Man is living with more than one Woman. It doesn't matter. Who rules the code of Marriage? The law of the land not the laws we design within our heads. Marriage is based on the imagination.


So if you were living with a bunch of men, would that make you polygamously homosexual? I once lived in an apartment with 4 other females. Does that make us polygamous?

Queen Bootzey, if I were living with 4 Men we would be Brothers/Family in that scenario- at least for me. But a gay Man would be happy to call that a polygamous relationship.

The reason I'm pointing this out is to show how we are already practicing older systems still. But if our Elders called Men living together a polygamous relationship/marriage, or Women living together a polygamous relationship/marriage then the answer to your question would be Yes.

The relationships we are speaking about here are the ones between opposite sexes. The ones that both polygamy and polyandry were founded on.

My point was about the arrangement of Men and Women living together that don't have sex. On the show Three's Company- Jack pretended to be gay because the landlord wouldn't let a straight Man live with 2 Women. Jack wasn't gay, and even though he flirted with both Chrisy and Janet- they still lived as roommates and contributed to the household. People would still call that a polygamous arrangement. So what's the difference?

If two people live in a home and both names are on the lease, a car is in their names, and credit cards are in both names, these people are married regardless if they never stepped down the isle. There are more contracts between them than a marriage license. They still go to Court just like anyone else to get divorced from those contracts if those contracts are not fulfilled.

Marriage as a legal statue, is a contract between two or more people. Written or oral, it's still a contract. Meanwhile, some Women even now are married to the Government through contracts. Section 8, Welfare are all contractual marriages with the Government. Ironically some Women in these marriages expect to get married to a Man one day, even though their contract with the Government forbids it.

These same Women who are on welfare or section 8, usually need these services because they have children but no support from the Father or family.

What would happen to such Women if the Government decided to discontinue or downgrade on Welfare and Section 8 programs that keep more than 20% of Black single Mothers housed?

The reason why this conversation is so much about the Co-Wife verses the Co-Husband is because most likely, that person knocking on your door looking for aid or assistance and is single Mother trying to save herself and children from homelessness.

This reality is grossly overlooked. Hindsight 20 20. When economic times get harder, the incarceration rate among Black Men goes up and the rate of homelessness, and inquires for Gov't assistance goes up among Black Women and families.

But as most of us have already agreed, the Co-Wife situation is not an option for most relationships. What is an option however is communal living with anyone that can help out your household financially.

Sex is not the point here, survival is. And if we are willing to put our emotional insecurities away for a moment, we have a better chance of survival.

For the Sistahs who speak about moving back to Africa, what do you expect there? In many parts of Africa Islamic law is followed by the letter, as well as traditional law. If a Man wants more than one Wife that Man gets more than one Wife. So if we ever hope to return to the Mother continent then perhaps we are the ones hoping and praying for Christianity to take over it first.

I have no problem with what you are saying. I have a problem with calling it polygamy/polyandry. There is a difference. If what your advocating that we support each other, then I am all for that. But when you introduce the terms, polygamy,polyandry, cowife, etc., you are implying sexual relationships.

Quote:

“This is so true. I have known many men to take on the responsibility of ANOTHER man by helping w/the bills, being a role model for sons, providing for Christmas, etc...
Aren't these the good men? Or are they the bad ones? If the women knew of each other and got together, would it make it alright? Everyone is provided for and honesty is in your face. Transparency. Isn't that what we as women want. Someone we can trust. Men want that too. But sometimes, imo, men are the ones who do not trust us bc we can wreck HAVOC in a situation where a man believes is productive all bc of our insecurities.

Wait..Dont get me wrong. I don't want to share mine, but it's not about the sex. i am looking at it from a stability perspective. Financial stability and emotional stability for the children.”

Sister Lite there are some very good and honourable men in our community, likewise there are the not so good. This applies to women too. I would say that we live in an environment/culture which is alien to our psyche and it’s like trying to fit a circle into a square box. You can squeeze it in, but ultimately it will be an uncomfortable fit. Historically western ideology has never been about ‘brotherhood’ or ‘sisterhood’. Women are raised to compete against each other, so women view other women as rivals, never sisters. Your rival/adversary is not someone you willingly trust. Trust is fundamental to healthy relationships. I will concede that western ideology does have a form of brotherhood, usually manifested in some form of violence – men going to war, comaradere etc.
Historically the Afrikan world view has always contained elements of brotherhood, sisterhood (rites of passage/open house etc). During the Maafa this genetic memory enabled us to survive. Children were sold from their natural parents to an unknown plantation. The majority of these children were embraced by women and men unknown to them who (if time allowed) were raised as their own. In the 1950s/60s with the mass emigration of Afrikans from their respective islands to the UK and US (the life force of these islands)– leaving either the aged and/or the very young (whole different thread) children were entrusted to family members or indeed extended family to raise. Now I stand to be corrected, but historically I know of no Afrikan orphanages. This was not a concept within the Afrikan’s thought processing, until very recent history. Afrikans did not hand their children over to the state/government – do not forget we were never included in this process – so our motherless or fatherless children were cared for by ‘sisters’ or ‘brothers’ within the community. ‘Village’ mentality.
Now onto sex haha. Fidelity or lack of in my opinion is in the hands of the woman, for truly, men only get away with what women allow. Unfortunately we live in a disposable society – everything from food, clothes to relationships and people – Mr or Mrs All Right For Now. If the Afrikan woman practiced a form of ‘sisterhood’, our men would be somewhat hesitant/reluctant to enter into these extra marital affairs haha. Problem is the Afrikan woman has been taught to view her ‘sister’ as a rival/enemy and not a compliment/helper/aide to her. Yet we all have fantastic ‘sister friends’. I’m sure every woman here can call on at least one ‘sister friend’ who is bone fide got your back. If we all can call on one, this relates to hundreds of thousands of women who one could turn to and who you trust. The same applies to brothers. We have the framework, but not the cultural/environmental support to develop and enhance our Afrikan worldview (village ethos) and are bombarded by western society’s dictates that their way is the only way – even if it don’t fit …

I will share something…. Years ago I was asked by a respected elder to become a co-wife along with her. It was she who approached me. I was very surprised, but in an odd way flattered that she thought enough of me to ask me. I understood her reasonings behind it – some I very much agree with. I too would like to see all my sisters in happy and healthy relationships. I too dislike seeing my sisters lonely, stressed, struggling and sometimes wanton in their behaviour as none of their needs are being met.

I did ask about the sexual ‘arrangements’ and was told we share. I said, what if spent day with you then came to me … I would not like to hear those Neopolian words “not tonight Josaphine” I would be VEX haha. Joking aside, I had to respectfully decline the invitation, although I know that it is practiced. For me personally it would need to have a cultural base to be healthy and beneficial for all. The environments we live in are not conducive to such a system – the main theme being women are not raised to see each other as a ‘sisterhood’, and I must view that other woman as being my rival in my quest to ‘catch a man’ …….:qqb003:

MetaSaience

In many parts of Africa Islamic law is followed by the letter, as well as traditional law. If a Man wants more than one Wife that Man gets more than one Wife. So if we ever hope to return to the Mother continent then perhaps we are the ones hoping and praying for Christianity to take over it first.

Greetings Brother...
I must Admit I know little or nothing about Islamic Law..however wouldn't it be wise to say that one would have to convert to it..and in doing so the man would be the head of the household with all power granted him by that Law. Meaning his decisions are law. If that being the case then it would be easy to live under those conditions..for the African American male...now...I really don't believe to many African American female could live under that Law. I mean being really submissive in all that comes up. It would seem to me that a person would have to be raised up in that situation to be able to except that kind of treatment.

Lilpea :1on1:

Queen Bootzey using the terms polygamy,polyandry and Co-wife is being done on purpose to motivate a thought process that might just free some of us from our illusions about the relationships within the Black community and America in general. Let's give some examples so that we can be clear that these terms have absolutely nothing to do with sex.

A Woman is living with a Man that has a child with a Woman outside the home. This couple has a house together, car together, bills together. They are in love, so they decided to get married. About a few months later, she notices money is being garnished from her check.

Or another situation is, the Cops come in the house, snatch him up and take him to prison for non-payment of child support.

Doesn't the relationship this Man has with his Ex and the Child affect his current relationship? Of course, and while such a relationship "was" based on sex at one time, the current relationship (in most cases at least) is not. It is based on a reality going on in the Black community most Women often ignore.
In fact they act as if that Child's Mother is not even relevant to their current situation. She is treated as an outcast without power, when in fact if the Father does not keep his end of the bargain she has more power than any Woman he could hope to attract.

So using the "term" polygamy in this case, is not done to enhance the sense of the "sexual" relationship between a Man and two Women, but the be clear about the "responsibilities" this Man ~should~ have towards these two Women. Thus the term "Co-Wife" can be applied to child's Mother because obviously she is helping out that household by taking care of that Man's child?

Next situation.

A Woman was married to a wealthy Man, they divorce but because the judge decides the Man is "responsible" (key word) for keeping her standard of living, she is granted alimony that is enough to provide for her so she doesn't have to work at all. She gets into a relationship with another Man, whom she falls in love with and wants to marry, but this Man would not be able to sustain her standard of lifestyle like her Ex. Husband. Also, if she did get married she would lose her alimony.

Do we say this Ex-Husband does not effect the relationship of the current? Of course he does. And of course she decides not to get married in order to keep the money rolling in, which allot of Women who were married to wealthy Men do. But that's not called polyandry in our society even though, her Ex Husband services the bills and her current Male services everything else?

Sex is not the only thing that defines or creates our relationships. Responsibilities do. In fact, sex in most cases is a way to create a contract between 2 people, and sex just keeps that contract current. Meanwhile, we don't call these relationships polygamous or polyandrous in most cases "only" because they are not socially acceptable. That seems to be the only reason, otherwise the terms can easily be applied to the relationships and marriages we create based upon contracts and agreements between the opposite sex.

These terms aren't used because it's cute and fun to use them. They imply a great level of responsibility and importance who those that practice these systems. It's not just something fun do to when a Woman has 2-3 Husbands. It's a matter of life or death in some cases.

Perhaps too many Africans in America have lost their ability to recognize their life or death situations outright, we recognize them but we downplay them in public. Like the fact that most Women don't realize how many Women their Man was providing for until after he passes away. Like in the case of Ol' Dirty Bastard only to have his estate fought for among them.
He had about 13 children.

And this is why such terms are important in the long run, because if all of these Women were legally known as "Wives" then there wouldn't be an issue.
And if it's really about children away, Women shouldn't care about how many Women a Man claims as "Wife"- the real problem is within the Sisterhood among Women actually. Everyone wants to seen as #1, and how would that be possible if Women are the majority?


"If life were fair all the faithful Men would have all the Women."
- Anonymous.

Bro. Lilpea, I figured it like that too myself at first. But I learned that there are Black Men that moved to Africa who are in fact practicing the concept and aren't Muslim.

The whole point of it begin acceptable is what allows it to take place. I have a Native African friend who is from Kenya, him and his Wife have a business here in Georgia, how he has 2 other Wives in Africa. I've talked with the first Wife, in her heart she feels she is getting a better deal because she is the one here with him in America and has a successful business while the others are in Africa raising children. She doesn't have any children for him.

From time to time he goes back home to Africa, to stay with them- and he also provides fully for his extended family. And he's a Christian. So the idea is not you have to be Muslim to have many Wives, but that this is still part of the practice/custom in Africa and is acceptable in most cases. The truth is this Man's 2 Wives make up the largest population of Women on the planet. Child rearing Mothers. Women who's sole aspiration is to provide for their children and family. So while his first Wife might place it in her mind that she is getting the better deal, what she doesn't realize is that these Women don't want anything else but to be provided for. What did the Mothers in the movie Malcolm X says about Elijah Muhammad fathering their children? They said all we want him to do is provide for them right?

We must keep in mind also, that Europeans have been targeting this practice specifically because it is a wealth building system and not due to any morals etc or emotions people place into the equation. Because if it were just about the fact of a Man having sex with different Women he doesn't have to be married to do that. Any Man can do that.

Why most of us would reject this idea is because these system make having more than one Woman acceptable. Beit acceptable or not, Men are having more than one Woman. An African Man was made a Chief of a village and he was already married, but the new village offered him more Wives, he said please! I already have a tribe of Women and he pointed at his Wife.

Many of us feel that way, and it's a very honorable position and I know most Women would rather it be that way. However this is not the reality. As long as Women are the majority on the planet, and as long as nature has to produce human genetic sequences between families to maintain surviving Humans, there will be more Men mating with several Women than Men mating with one Woman. And that's the science behind that.

The whole point of it begin acceptable is what allows it to take place. I have a Native African friend who is from Kenya, him and his Wife have a business here in Georgia, how he has 2 other Wives in Africa. I've talked with the first Wife, in her heart she feels she is getting a better deal because she is the one here with him in America and has a successful business while the others are in Africa raising children. She doesn't have any children for him.

OK brother...one more question..Higher power forbid...something should happen to the guy and he dies...would the wife here be obligated to take care of the extended family also... i mean it would seem to me if he fathered those children before marring his present wife ..the present wife should take on that responsibility also....being she is left with all the assets.

Lilpea :1on1:

OK brother...one more question..Higher power forbid...something should happen to the guy and he dies...would the wife here be obligated to take care of the extended family also... i mean it would seem to me if he fathered those children before marring his present wife ..the present wife should take on that responsibility also....being she is left with all the assets.

Lilpea :1on1:


This is why I don't like to date men with children...

Unless the will states that she is the sole beneficiary to the exclusion of the children, the estate is always 50% children and 50% spouse. Maybe said dude should have a will.

This is why I don't like to date men with children...

Unless the will states that she is the sole beneficiary to the exclusion of the children, the estate is always 50% children and 50% spouse. Maybe said dude should have a will.

But are we sure that this country will acknowledge a plural marriage especially one of another country.

But are we sure that this country will acknowledge a plural marriage especially one of another country.

Indeed!

I had a friend (that I didn't live with) who was a US citizen and so was her husband/fiance. She was pregnant and went to her original country to visist with he parents. Her fiance followed her there and convinced her to marry him there. When they got back here, he acted like they weren't married and wouldn't live with her. And when she went to divorce him, the courts were like since youd idn't marry here, and never acted like husband and wife in this country, it was never legal here.

so as u stated it's a written contract that counts.....but back to the topic @hand

Good question Bro. Lilpea- how it usually works, like I mentioned with Ol' Dirty Bastard is that Husband's assets are divided among the Wives when he dies. In most traditions the Male is the provider so when he goes his assets are dispersed towards the children and Wives. But you've pinpointed an excellent legal debate that still happens in polygamous systems. What happens when it was the first Wife controlling the assets of the Husband? When he dies sometimes she doesn't want to give a fair share to the other Wives. In fact this very same thing happened with Bob Marley's Wife.

In those cases, yes the Wife is responsible for the extended Family of her Husband. The courts see it this way also, which is why even in the case of child support the Wife's wages can be garnished.

That makes some Women think twice doesn't it?

And while some Women are thinking on that one, doesn't it make sense to bring everything out in the open to begin with instead of pretending these relationships don't take place? True enough, some Men practice polygamy by not having several Wives at once, but by having several Wives within their livetime with many children- and even that should be addressed in our society. Ironically in legal terms, each Wife is addressed in order of appearance. 1st wife, 2nd wife, 3rd wife. What's the difference?

But without straying away from the main point of the thread- the Co-Wife could be an asset to the households that would need extra finances and help. Now, there are more psychological reasons among our people why such arrangements would never work. Why use such an extreme term?

When I first moved to Ga, about 5 months into it I started working with a Brotha producing music. We ended up extending his house and building a small recording studio. Because I was always creating, sometimes I would be there for weeks working on tracks. His Wife and children would usually be in house. Overtime, because I was there so often, family members would come by and see me there and ask about my presence. The Wife would tell everyone, to defend the situation that I was like her Son, even though she was only 9 years older than me. Still, it didn't take long for rumors to start up, that she had 2 Husbands, in a sense we were in fact working for her. Both of us were bringing money into the household, and she didn't have to work.

Calling me her Son as a form of respect helped her emotionally somewhat- and that's just what Humans do anyway. And even though people made jokes about a possible sexual arrangement going on within the studio and house, it never went there. And eventually I was like a Son, because we kept using the term.

At the same time, many blocks away a female friend of mine was living with her boyfriend and he asked her could his cousin and her baby stay with them for alittle while. She was ok with that. He wasn't working at the time, and she figured it was would be cool for him to have someone keep him company while she was at work. Don't worry, that's just the type of Brothas she often attracts, even now. Well, one day she comes home from work, and just as she's at the door about to turn the key she hears the little boy scream out "Daddy!" And then her boyfriend yelled back "stop calling my name!"

Cousin? This story gets ugly so I'll end it there. I'm basically pointing out how these terms often help to secure the truth about the arrangement, and sometimes used to create illusions. While I was not my business partner's Son, the term helped to create a type of mental barrier. The same thing is "supposed to" happen when a Man says a Woman is "like a Sister" or she says "he's like my Brother" this is often said to imply a non-sexual relationship.

And this is why I say, we should Re-thinking the "Co-Wife" because millions of Black Women in America are actually Co-Wives because of the relationships they have created either as Mothers or Women in life or death arrangements with Men. Using the term might actually help us to recognize the nature of the relationship or agreement, to which so far we've been deceiving ourselves about. But in this instance, I'm not saying the Co-Wife is an asset to the Man himself, but to the household in general or to the Wife herself. That being the case, the sharing of a Man is not up to the Man. In fact, that option is not on the table at all unless that is the nature of the people evolved.

But that's one step. Another step could be towards an intentional (egalitarian) community.

A few months back I had did some research on my own about polygamy and had a change of heart. I think its a good idea its just that the women will have to have that African mindset. Their all about the community and the family. Alot things need to be rewired in African american women's mind. I'm losing mines daily and I have the family members that will testify to it. Ok back to my story...
I was interested in becoming a co-wife because of this strong attraction I had to this man who was teaching me a few things. He was a Nuwaubian and already had two wives. I knew their names and everything, all their business. Any who, some thing wasnt right and I knew this because even though I could not put my finger on it I just had this bad feeling. Then one night his wifes appeared in my dream and told me to "leave their husband alone" ha lol. That was the end of that. Every woman wants to feel special, appreciated and loved. Can the men handle the hormones, finances, the scheduling between who's bed he will be sleeping in this night and the whole science behind sex and perserving that energy for his own health? In this land will it be possible to create a polygamous family structure? I dont think so with all these men out here secretly sleeping with other men. I see the death of alot of things, walls are tumbling down all around me.

A few months back I had did some research on my own about polygamy and had a change of heart. I think its a good idea its just that the women will have to have that African mindset. Their all about the community and the family. Alot things need to be rewired in African american women's mind. I'm losing mines daily and I have the family members that will testify to it. Ok back to my story...
I was interested in becoming a co-wife because of this strong attraction I had to this man who was teaching me a few things. He was a Nuwaubian and already had two wives. I knew their names and everything, all their business. Any who, some thing wasnt right and I knew this because even though I could not put my finger on it I just had this bad feeling. Then one night his wifes appeared in my dream and told me to "leave their husband alone" ha lol. That was the end of that. Every woman wants to feel special, appreciated and loved. Can the men handle the hormones, finances, the scheduling between who's bed he will be sleeping in this night and the whole science behind sex and perserving that energy for his own health? In this land will it be possible to create a polygamous family structure? I dont think so with all these men out here secretly sleeping with other men. I see the death of alot of things, walls are tumbling down all around me.

ok I saw 444 so someone is in disagreement with me. Oh no what did I say wrong? lol

I have a Co-wife question Bro. Metascience or anyone who cares to answer....

What if... A female agrees to be a "co-wife" What can she expect in return and what is she supposed to do? What happens if she finds a man she likes better? Can she leave? I'm curious.... But not curious enough to try. I freely admit that I'm selfish.

Sister SeekingMaat-
I missed your post when you did it and now I am saying, Thank you for responding to my thoughts.
YOu said:
Women are raised to compete against each other, so women view other women as rivals, never sisters. Your rival/adversary is not someone you willingly trust. Trust is fundamental to healthy relationships. I will concede that western ideology does have a form of brotherhood, usually manifested in some form of violence – men going to war, comaradere etc.


Women are raised to compete. Hello pageant contests. but really we are. I have always been the type to compliment women. It comes natural, but I have recognized over the years that most women do not do that on the regular. Instead, when a woman walks by or in who looks good and "flawless" to a man, there is one woman who starts in. Then the others follow. It's sad. It's amusing for me to observe though. You even notice it on discussion boards or blogs where people CANNOT see one another. LOL! It's like the feminine energy is picked up on and the females pounce on em'.

Yes, western society does have forms of brotherhood like you say and that sometimes is to a females detriment. (I've heard of many "initiations" involving women, esp young females) We just have to "Rethink" this whole concept.

YOu also said:
Fidelity or lack of in my opinion is in the hands of the woman, for truly, men only get away with what women allow.

I concur. Now, I do believe that sometimes a woman is tried and her mate may attempt the 'step out', but it is up to us to say "No, sir. I will NOT deal with this. This is what I want out of a relationship, so it's either this way or no way." I just feel that partly bc of men being outnumbered by us that women are 'afraid' to say "NO" to that man for fear of losing him. Only to be disappointed and more angry down the road when she discovers that he is in fact "doing his thang" on the side."

Also..
I will share something…. Years ago I was asked by a respected elder to become a co-wife along with her. It was she who approached me. I was very surprised, but in an odd way flattered that she thought enough of me to ask me. I understood her reasonings behind it – some I very much agree with. I too would like to see all my sisters in happy and healthy relationships. I too dislike seeing my sisters lonely, stressed, struggling and sometimes wanton in their behaviour as none of their needs are being met.

I did ask about the sexual ‘arrangements’ and was told we share. I said, what if spent day with you then came to me … I would not like to hear those Neopolian words “not tonight Josaphine” I would be VEX haha. Joking aside, I had to respectfully decline the invitation, although I know that it is practiced. For me personally it would need to have a cultural base to be healthy and beneficial for all. The environments we live in are not conducive to such a system – the main theme being women are not raised to see each other as a ‘sisterhood’, and I must view that other woman as being my rival in my quest to ‘catch a man’ …….


Very interesting. I am intrigued by your story. It does seem like it would be an honor to be asked. I mean, what type of woman would another woman choose to share her family, husban with. very special I would think. I guess it depends on the type of people they are, but in most cases I think you would have to have something unique that sets you apart in this day and time.

Bro. Metasaience (the King of all posts!) haha. got that from Wendy Williams Queen of all media title. He said:
We must keep in mind also, that Europeans have been targeting this practice specifically because it is a wealth building system and not due to any morals etc or emotions people place into the equation. Because if it were just about the fact of a Man having sex with different Women he doesn't have to be married to do that. Any Man can do that.

And there he goes....

Queen Sistah Jai, that was a rewarding experience for you. And perhaps the "444" message you received was from a Spirit Guide or Ancestor suggesting not to worry about that situation because it would've been all wrong for you anyway.

Queen Bootzey, as often as I can- I try to enjoy my selfish Woman. I personally think very jealous and selfish Women are attractive. Based upon the type of arrangement we are discussing here, the Co-Wife takes on that position for security, finances and stability. The title is meant to establish a role of governance. And maybe the idea probably makes better sense for those who are just now establishing serious relationships.

Let's pick on Sistah Jai for a moment.

Let's say, next week- she meets a Brotha she really likes. Overtime, they decide it would make sense for them to share a household. Pay some bills together instead of spending a fortune separately. Sistah Jai has a close best friend, a female who says "well, can I move in too?"

Now the reason why Sistah Jai's female friend would be considered the "Co-Wife" is because a relationship has already been established between Sistah Jai and this Brotha. Now, judging some of the egos we have as Men, we can already see how ugly this picture is. But not if Sistah Jai establishes some of the same rules of governance African Women did using bicameralism. What would happen if this arrangement worked out? The cost of living factor for all 3 people goes down. This of course has to be part of the agreement. This is a collective effort.

Naturally this should be a temporary situation, so yes Sistah Jai's friend should be allowed to leave at anytime. And in fact she should be dating and keeping her boyfriend aware of the arrangement in the house. It's sad that such situations usually work best when the 2nd Female in the house is very unattractive, and it shouldn't have to be that way. The fact is, those who manage these arrangements- not for sexual reasons but for stability become wealthier faster. For people already in well established relationships, it would be harder for us to bring in an extra person.

Most likely that person would be a family member, Sister, Brother, Cousin etc. The same rules apply, but it's harder to throw family out on the street when they are not holding up their end of the bargain. I know so many people that decided to purchase a sofa sleeper for the living room and then all of a sudden, a family member with domestic problems wants to move in, lay around the house all day and not bring in a dime. However, if we are headed for a serious recession, our survival options become narrowed down to a few categories.

1. Make sure you never get fired from your job, and get as many jobs as possible. 2. Cut out all miscellaneous spending, purchase only what you need not what you want. No more fine dining, stay home more. 3. Donate more of your time to finding cheaper deals/food and earning more money. 4. Save, save, save. 5. Make a list of all the people you can really depend on if things get worse. 6. Plan for a communal living situation within your household.

To be frank, the average Man with a good income would ~love~ to come home to 2 Women. And if that is to the benefit of the household then there's nothing wrong with that. Those 3 blondes did that to Hugh Hefner, they took most of his money and it probably took them 3 minutes to put him to sleep. That's not the career for all Women, but some Women are good at that. So if 2 Women have "business" about themselves, and decide this is an option, then so beit. More Brothas at home, less Brothas in the street- and he'll most likely work harder because he is "responsible" for two Women.(?)

For the other Brothas, Men like myself - a selfish Woman will do fine. But such Women should understand that you are the Governance missing from the equation. It is your job, to be as feminist as possible and to see to it that your Sisters do not get harmed, disrespected or oppressed because they are sharing a Man or domestic situation with a Man and another Woman. Because the selfish Queen will keep him in line and in order. Such Women were the major component in bicameralism, because if that Man stepped out of line, it didn't take long at all to have him replaced by another. Just the idea of losing the throne keeps a King respectable.

Brother Metascience.....

What you describe is Communal Living. This I have Absolutely NO problem with. Actually I am an advocate of this type of lifestyle. Especially for Original people. We are naturally social. But we have adopted the ways of the devil to our disservice. But to keep this on topic... When you use the term 'co-wife' or 'polygamy', all I'm thinking of, and I would dare say a lot of people are thinking this way to though I would never speak for others.... Is a man with multiple sex partners and that's the part I have issue with.

Brother Metascience.....

What you describe is Communal Living. This I have Absolutely NO problem with. Actually I am an advocate of this type of lifestyle. Especially for Original people. We are naturally social. But we have adopted the ways of the devil to our disservice. But to keep this on topic... When you use the term 'co-wife' or 'polygamy', all I'm thinking of, and I would dare say a lot of people are thinking this way to though I would never speak for others.... Is a man with multiple sex partners and that's the part I have issue with.




You would not happen to be a school teacher would you? it,s just that you can switch between real stern and jovial so easy. Reminds me of my old teachers.:SuN035: OK I will be runnin now. Don't throw anything at me.:garbage:

You would not happen to be a school teacher would you? it,s just that you can switch between real stern and jovial so easy. Reminds me of my old teachers.:SuN035: OK I will be runnin now. Don't throw anything at me.:garbage:


One of many jobs I have had in my lifetime, though not my current profession. So your saying I need to get back on my bipolar meds?

One of many jobs I have had in my lifetime, though not my current profession. So your saying I need to get back on my bipolar meds?


Keep bein your usual, stern, kind, fussin, opininated, nice self. So we can continue our sparring.:hammer::hammer::love:

Sis Lite, IMO our whole dynamics needs to be -rethought/re-created! We are 'socialised' and indoctrinated from the moment of birth to cleave to western philosophy. One's culture and environment plays a profound way in one's thought processing.

Western society is based on Greek Philosophers worldview of ancient texts. From Socrates, Plato, Aritsotle etc shaped the dynamics for the next 2,000 odd years. Even instigating a 'new' Timeline (current gregorian calendar). If these 'philosophers' CREATED a new worldview, eye do not see why Afrikans ... in this present Time do not CREATE their own ..... we have all we need, already stored in our genes ...

In days ahead we might have to think very seriously about 'communal' living arrangements. If the right people are in unison with their thoughts and intent, the lowest denominator (sex) need not come into the equation.

My personal thoughts on multiple wives is that ..... a different time and space it is feasible, but most people vibrate at such a 'carnal' level here and now that the man in question would have to be extra-ordinary for me to join those ranks!

To unlearn all we have been taught to believe is uncomfortable for many ..but to be the CREATORS we are, we must strive to regain our God Given Divine Minds ... and take charge of our destiny. :hearts4:

Alexyss Tylor Speaks on Polygamy.
The conversation on polygamy pops off at about the 11:00 minute mark

Part I

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Part II

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