I am a black woman and I have a guy friend who thinks that nappy hair is unattractive on a black woman. For some reason, this bothers me. Although, I know he has a right to his own preference something about that just doens't sit too well with me. He has said some very negative remarks about natural hair saying it looks "undone" and "wild", very narrowminded. I have even considered ending our friendship.

What do you all think of this? Am I wrong for feeling this way?

I am a black woman and I have a guy friend who thinks that nappy hair is unattractive on a black woman. For some reason, this bothers me. Although, I know he has a right to his own preference something about that just doens't sit too well with me. He has said some very negative remarks about natural hair saying it looks "undone" and "wild", very narrowminded. I have even considered ending our friendship.

What do you all think of this? Am I wrong for feeling this way?
You are not wrong at all. It just shows he is so well conditioned that he would reject the natural beauty of a Black woman. Maybe he shouldn't be around Black women if he can't accept their NATURAL beauty.

I am glad I came here because on most mainstream forums they would have simply told me to "get over it", and to accept his opinion.

And although it IS his opinion and he has a right to it, it doesn't feel very right to me to be friends with a black man who thinks that my hair is inferior to straight hiar no matter how you look at it. I often find myself resenting him. We have gotten into arguments about this, and our friendship has been put on the line. Some of the things he says in the midst of the argument just further infuriates me and drains all of my energy..the way he describes nappy hair on black women as being "masculine" "extremely unattractive" is just very unsettling and depressing IMO. What angers me even more is that he wears his hair natural, yet he thinks it's wrong for black women to wear their god given hair.

I have purposely not spoken to him in several days. When he calls I refuse to pick up the phone.

I am glad I came here because on most mainstream forums they would have simply told me to "get over it", and to accept his opinion.

And although it IS his opinion and he has a right to it, it doesn't feel very right to me to be friends with a black man who thinks that my hair is inferior to straight hiar no matter how you look at it. I often find myself resenting him. We have gotten into arguments about this, and our friendship has been put on the line. Some of the things he says in the midst of the argument just further infuriates me and drains all of my energy..the way he describes nappy hair on black women as being "masculine" "extremely unattractive" is just very unsettling and depressing IMO. What angers me even more is that he wears his hair natural, yet he thinks it's wrong for black women to wear their god given hair.

I have purposely not spoken to him in several days. When he calls I refuse to pick up the phone.
For him to wear his natural hair and not want the same for you is hypocritical and honestly just stupid

get a man who likes what you got. next question?

get a man who likes what you got. next question?

He is a friend, like a brother to me. People automatically see a situation that involves a man/woman and thinks it has something to do with possible romance, and it's nothing like that

I am a black woman and I have a guy friend who thinks that nappy hair is unattractive on a black woman. For some reason, this bothers me. Although, I know he has a right to his own preference something about that just doens't sit too well with me. He has said some very negative remarks about natural hair saying it looks "undone" and "wild", very narrowminded. I have even considered ending our friendship.

What do you all think of this? Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Peace Sistah Jayla (if I may call you that) and Welcome to the Destee Family!

Given the fact that we are speaking of a friendship, I feel that as a friend, you should let him know how you feel about his remarks, and tell him while he is entitled to his own opinion, you would appreciate it if he kept his comments/remarks to himself. No real friend will make you uncomfortable in any way, shape or form, especially if he values your friendship. Of course I am assuming that you do not do the same thing to him. Then again, like I said, it would be better for him to keep his comments to himself.

Hope my .2 was helpful to you. You are at home here with the Destee Family!

KWABENA

He is a friend, like a brother to me.
get a brother who likes what you got. he sounds ill to me. i would not take the time. if you want to be abused, that is your choice.

get a brother who likes what you got. he sounds ill to me. i would not take the time. if you want to be abused, that is your choice.
I could say he is a self-hatin fool that hates his mama, but that would be too rash!

How's this. He sho don't like himself. Has he looked in the mirror lately?

What about this, don't waste your time!
Can't change people. He needs to get a straight head woman and you need to move on!

Whatever!!?

The Funny Ironic Part is HE wears his hair Natural

Hello Sister JaylaMaria(Beautiful Name:))
The reason why He can wear his hair, the way he does is....It is acceptable in Todays Culture(ugh!) For a BLack man to keep his Condition.....Maybe because their minds are conditioned enough that they can withstand the Barrier of knowledge of self....
Womens minds are more in depth and it takes more that just changing a few ways of life....It is eeded to change Mind and Appearance, Because in that aspect Women feel more Broken(unattached) so reconciling with her NATURAL self....
Black men began to facilitate in a way..
I know you have a certain issue that you are looking for advice on...but more understanding some of the problem might help as well:)(or I just wanna talk a little:D)
I had an Older man about 3 weeks ago call me an angiemama, anchimima auntjamima(I do not even know how to spell it...smh) Then he told me to get a perm.........:SuN045:

In a most likely case, I do not have to elaborate on 1. what i thought about that
2. the propable mind-set of a BLACK BROTHER
But then I wqent on to realize that African Men suffer also....
When I took a look and realized that Du-Rags promote changing the natural sway of African hair...by giving "waves" The appearance of "good hair"
(even the saying "good hair"...It's sad)

Young men get perms so the can have Straight braids....EVEN FLAT PRESSES!
It's a Contagious Disease.......Only few have the cure to....and it seem to be decreasing

Sister please reserve your cure
By you just Living Natrally and not submitting to what we "should" look like according to "others" You are saving a peice of the cure(I know I am Corny:))

When That man says that you need a perm You let him know where he got it from!
EDUCATE HIS BEHIND
He will be mad.....
But WHo Loves Him more......I am sure it's not the "others"
If Black is Beautiful, Why Does Black Need a Chemical Change?
Mch Love Sis
Peace
and GOD Bless:)
(from on Natural Sistah to another:hearts2:)
I hope I was of some help...
If Not.....I'LL BE BACK!!:10200:

it it other people who have a problem with your hair -- not your problem. as long as you know and continued to love and appreciate your hair, your own beauty, YOURSELF, you shouldn't have to worry about your friend's own insecurities.

i've been natural for over 10 years; i've received the most negative remarks from Black folks.

i would wera an outragishly long, blonde wig and then ask your friend which he prefers...maybe he'll get the hint.

but probably not.

this friend may be interested. otherwise he wouldn't have so much concern, you think?

I am a black woman and I have a guy friend who thinks that nappy hair is unattractive on a black woman. For some reason, this bothers me. Although, I know he has a right to his own preference something about that just doens't sit too well with me. He has said some very negative remarks about natural hair saying it looks "undone" and "wild", very narrowminded. I have even considered ending our friendship.

What do you all think of this? Am I wrong for feeling this way?


Did you tell him how you feel? :welldone: :thinking:

The Funny Ironic Part is HE wears his hair Natural

Hello Sister JaylaMaria(Beautiful Name:))
The reason why He can wear his hair, the way he does is....It is acceptable in Todays Culture(ugh!) For a BLack man to keep his Condition.....Maybe because their minds are conditioned enough that they can withstand the Barrier of knowledge of self....
Womens minds are more in depth and it takes more that just changing a few ways of life....It is eeded to change Mind and Appearance, Because in that aspect Women feel more Broken(unattached) so reconciling with her NATURAL self....
Black men began to facilitate in a way..
I know you have a certain issue that you are looking for advice on...but more understanding some of the problem might help as well:)(or I just wanna talk a little:D)
I had an Older man about 3 weeks ago call me an angiemama, anchimima auntjamima(I do not even know how to spell it...smh) Then he told me to get a perm.........:SuN045:

In a most likely case, I do not have to elaborate on 1. what i thought about that
2. the propable mind-set of a BLACK BROTHER
But then I wqent on to realize that African Men suffer also....
When I took a look and realized that Du-Rags promote changing the natural sway of African hair...by giving "waves" The appearance of "good hair"
(even the saying "good hair"...It's sad)

Young men get perms so the can have Straight braids....EVEN FLAT PRESSES!
It's a Contagious Disease.......Only few have the cure to....and it seem to be decreasing

Sister please reserve your cure
By you just Living Natrally and not submitting to what we "should" look like according to "others" You are saving a peice of the cure(I know I am Corny:))

When That man says that you need a perm You let him know where he got it from!
EDUCATE HIS BEHIND
He will be mad.....
But WHo Loves Him more......I am sure it's not the "others"
If Black is Beautiful, Why Does Black Need a Chemical Change?
Mch Love Sis
Peace
and GOD Bless:)
(from on Natural Sistah to another:hearts2:)
I hope I was of some help...
If Not.....I'LL BE BACK!!:10200:
Yeah when I educate him he does get defensive. I don't even discuss natural hair with him anymore, his atttiude gets really ugly, and he rants on and on about how "ugly" and "unattractive" natural hair is that it HURTS my feelings to where I just don't even like him as a friend anymore. It's one thing to say, "that look isn't my preference" but to continue to use terms such as "nappy hair ain't done" and to say women who wear afros and natural styles need a pressing comb sickens me. As a result I have not spoken to him in weeks.

Yeah when I educate him he does get defensive. I don't even discuss natural hair with him anymore, his atttiude gets really ugly, and he rants on and on about how "ugly" and "unattractive" natural hair is that it HURTS my feelings to where I just don't even like him as a friend anymore. It's one thing to say, "that look isn't my preference" but to continue to use terms such as "nappy hair ain't done" and to say women who wear afros and natural styles need a pressing comb sickens me. As a result I have not spoken to him in weeks.
His Beautiful is not your Beautiful(and his isn't beautiful at all when you realize the origins of it....but we will not get into that)
The only purpose of ATTEMPTING to degrade you is manipulating you into conformaty...which gets MANY people
To call someone nappy is disrespectful and racist(unless in a discussion of it's uniqueness and/or Beauty:))
Personally I can not stand the word....I am not sure is is to define the natural state of a African Womans hair or if its another way to say "not straight and Knotty" I have no problems with Knotty Kinky...But Nappy?
I do not know but...Back to the subject,
Your friend is not being a friend and he sure is not genuine
Take it from me, trying to hold on to someone you KNOW is treating you wrongly...falls into YOUR detriment, not theirs....
Loving yourself takes more than with standing a few rude comments
(and those were rude!)
Hey Your a Natural Black Beauty
Who So ever can not rise unto.....
:getout:
OH YEAH!!!

LOL
Peace sis....Get back to me:)

I am a black woman and I have a guy friend who thinks that nappy hair is unattractive on a black woman. For some reason, this bothers me. Although, I know he has a right to his own preference something about that just doens't sit too well with me. He has said some very negative remarks about natural hair saying it looks "undone" and "wild", very narrowminded. I have even considered ending our friendship.

What do you all think of this? Am I wrong for feeling this way?

get around those who will uplift how you decide to express yourself.

question; is this the only thing that is driving this wedge between you all, because if it is it should be no cause to end the friendship and i do not understnad why everyone is suggesting you do this.
ok fine he is a hypocritical black man, one of millions; problem identified.
you should not attempt to fix the problem. you cannot expect a man born in a system to think outside of the system overnight.
pardon my "conservative" opinion, but a "freind" is someone who you cherish and you rely on in bad times and you try to keep them "running straight" so if you see them wander you try to get tehm back on the right path. and you referred to him as almost a brother to you. if that is the case help your brother back on the "right path" hellp him the hypocrite in him. makes no sense us trying to empower black minds and inspire self love and apprecition from black people, and leaving others behind who we are deeming to deep into the system to be bothered with, because essentially whne u are telling her to leave him be, thats what you are doing leaving another brother in the system trapped.
im just saying, don throw away friendships over something like a difference in opinion, dont leave a misguided brother behind, you arent helping the cause when you do this, and help a brother....its each person duty to bring them out. leave no man behind.

question; is this the only thing that is driving this wedge between you all, because if it is it should be no cause to end the friendship and i do not understnad why everyone is suggesting you do this.
ok fine he is a hypocritical black man, one of millions; problem identified.
you should not attempt to fix the problem. you cannot expect a man born in a system to think outside of the system overnight.
pardon my "conservative" opinion, but a "freind" is someone who you cherish and you rely on in bad times and you try to keep them "running straight" so if you see them wander you try to get tehm back on the right path. and you referred to him as almost a brother to you. if that is the case help your brother back on the "right path" hellp him the hypocrite in him. makes no sense us trying to empower black minds and inspire self love and apprecition from black people, and leaving others behind who we are deeming to deep into the system to be bothered with, because essentially whne u are telling her to leave him be, thats what you are doing leaving another brother in the system trapped.
im just saying, don throw away friendships over something like a difference in opinion, dont leave a misguided brother behind, you arent helping the cause when you do this, and help a brother....its each person duty to bring them out. leave no man behind.

That is SOOO true, and this is how I initially felt. I tried to educate him on this, but he is much older than me (30+) and set in his ways. He'll often talk over me and not try to absorb anything I have to say to him.

Lastly, it's not just his views on natural hair that bug me but on women period. He is quite sexist and quite frankly my self esteem cannot bare to be around him. I want to be surrounded with positive people and he brings too much negative energy for me to deal with.

I haven't told the whole story, but this guy friend has said some really harsh things in the middle of a debate before. He lashed at me and said "You wished you had beautiful silky long hair like a White woman", and other nasty remarks. I have given him chances in hopes that he would learn to handle disagreements much better, but it appears that some are so conditioned to a certain behavior that it's hard for them to break the habit. Whenever I reconcile with him, he'll start off really good but slowly go back into that ugly behavior.

Recently, I had enough and stopped answering his phone calls. Well, it appears that he will not leave me alone. He kept calling me back for 3 days in a row. And then a little more time has passed by and he is leaving me text messages saying "did you stop loving me?" and "I miss your personality you are so beautiful" and other text messages. I feel a stalkerish vibe coming from him. And it's scary, eery, and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Especially, since I don't have any kind of romantic feelings for him whatsoever. And never will.

Does he have feelings for me or what? Because I don't think this is the kind of behavior someone who consider you just to be a "friend" would display..I might have to change my phone number.

:lol:"Did you stop Loving me?"
:laugh: "You are so Beautiful"
:haha:
:lol:
:10800:

I already had that pegged sis......a very unsincere manipulative man.....
I am happy you released yourself sis...

what i wanted to say was said already... you dont need all that negativity around you. as they say, misery loves company, and this guy sounds really miserable

you can do better, even if hes just a friend.

I am glad I came here because on most mainstream forums they would have simply told me to "get over it", and to accept his opinion.

And although it IS his opinion and he has a right to it, it doesn't feel very right to me to be friends with a black man who thinks that my hair is inferior to straight hiar no matter how you look at it. I often find myself resenting him. We have gotten into arguments about this, and our friendship has been put on the line. Some of the things he says in the midst of the argument just further infuriates me and drains all of my energy..the way he describes nappy hair on black women as being "masculine" "extremely unattractive" is just very unsettling and depressing IMO. What angers me even more is that he wears his hair natural, yet he thinks it's wrong for black women to wear their god given hair.

I have purposely not spoken to him in several days. When he calls I refuse to pick up the phone.


Stand up for yourself, tell him how you feel. Educate him on his blackness if he refuses ditch the loser, apparently he has internalized white supremacy and hates himself just by making and actually believing those comments. Never waste your time with anyone who drains your energy, this is negative and detrimental to your aura. Sister you must learn to be intuitive and a better judge of character, it always pays off and will suit you better in the long run. You felt this way about the situation because something isnt right with this guys state of mind and your right about it. Always be proud of you and your african heritage never change for anyone if they cant accept you for you then peace out.