Men and women play a dangerous game when they decide to cheat. To many it is morally wrong, sexually dangerous and rarely brings about anything good. History is filled with the stories of love affairs gone wrong destroying individuals and families. On a larger scale, nations have been lost for the sake of romantic escapades.

Affairs are usually marked by selfishness and secrecy. These are two of the same things that also destroy relationships and social standing. In the darkness of secrecy, affairs tend to be exciting and filled with all the things that are missing from the mundane world. Moreover, the very idea of an affair provides that extra boost of adrenaline by being socially unacceptable making cheating a great game for risk takers.

Selfishness is readily apparent simply because the risk takers actually give serious thought to the consequences and decide to do it anyway. Then there is the real danger of sexually transmitted diseases such as Herpes, syphilis and AIDs of which the latter can be fatal. It is not a pleasant gift.

The moral issue is one that may or may not have an affect on either party depending upon each persons values, upbringing and formative training and even then none of these things are a sure way to keep it from happening. Often the risk factor cancels out common sense. This type of risk taker has already decided to take the risk for something they perceive as better or to fulfill a personal desire. If there are strong moral foundations in place, then either one or both are setting themselves up for a life time of soul torturing guilt until the truth is finally known in some form.

Though the secret may be kept, it is not a secret that fades away quietly and it will not fade until the issue has been dealt with in some fashion. At this point, the real risks that were once hidden or at least forgotten become readily apparent. This is the point where perform their bodily function or get off the pot. It usually comes in the form of some type of confession or disclosure either to the aggrieved party or to a close confidant or even clergy.

Sometimes the choice to decide that confession is good for the soul is forced by an outside party who is concerned for one of the individuals, or someone who likes to stir up trouble or believes that it should be brought to the light no matter who gets hurt.

Many times it is one of the individuals who is involved in the affair or has something to gain who brings the issue to the fore. Often this revelation may be the beginning of a new life or the destruction of an old one. From that moment forward things will never be the same even if true forgiveness is offered and accepted, of if the risk taking pair decide to stay together it is also a new beginning only now the risk is gone and reality moves into its place.

The history of love affairs that end on a good note are rare. Someone always ends up getting hurt in the end. In most cases, the cheaters lose first. There are not many cases where the lovers opt to be with each other. Usually one or the other backs out and returns to their spouse.

The prevailing thought for those who back out is a trust issue. They do not believe they can trust the other individual now that they have been forced to make a decision. At that point, the interloper loses out but that does not mean that it becomes any better for the party that backs out. They are not easily accepted back into loving and trusting arms. Once the decision to back out is made the thought of whether it was the right decision will always haunt the memory until time either erases it or forces a different decision regarding the same party.

The history of people who actually leave is not strong unless the decision to stay is worse than the decision to leave. In cases such as this, there is some history of these romances surviving although there is often guilt associated with cheating on even an unfit and undeserving spouse. Often this behavior is a form of self-preservation although society would hardly deem it so, but that is not the issue.

The issue is selfish conduct. It makes no difference of the circumstances; either party sees something they want and goes after it. There are different rationalizations but the most popular and misguided one is “this will only be a casual” romance. That may be the thought but the reality is much different. In reality, the most dangerous element of having an affair is the minds natural proclivity for making comparisons. In nature, the mind is constantly called upon to judge differences in color and size whenever we get dressed. When we drive our mind rapidly calculates the differences in speeds of approaching vehicles so we are not hit pulling into traffic. It tells us the difference between wine and vinegar, sugar and salt and people.

This is the worst by-product of an affair because the mind does not take into account all the variables; it only takes in the ones necessary to make a comparison at a particular point in time. Whether or not that comparison is fair or even true is of little matter.

Our minds tell us immediately the difference between two elements and it does the same with relationships. However, the reality reservoirs of the mind are left to the side when these types of comparisons are being made. Instead, the mind compares individuals out of context and often misleads our thoughts to a wrong conclusion. A man who has slept with more than one woman is bound to make comparisons but the comparisons cannot be fair. The very fact that they are no longer in the relationship forfeits any accurate comparison. The same is true for women.

People do some things well. Others often do it better. Some people even become experts at one thing or another. Yet, is it fair to dismiss someone because 10 percent of the things they do we consider to be wrong? Alternatively, is it more important to take into consideration the 90 percent of things they do right? More than likely, this perceived bad part is seen more acutely while the better self goes unnoticed and this type of thinking leads to making relationship bad decisions. Men do it. Women do it.

More than once comparative thoughts will slip into the consciousness. We convince ourselves that things are better with another person when in reality we have no basis for making that comparison in any accurate fashion. Of all the harm that comes from illicit affairs perhaps, constant comparison is the one thing that causes more problems and can eventually lead to more affairs as superficial dissatisfaction closes eyes to the reality of a solid relationship. A comparison in relationships is fool’s gold. It has little value and the effort to gather it far exceeds its worth.


:rolleyes:

MAN U GET MAD TURN YA HEAD AND BECOME SAD
CHEATING IS COMMON YET DANGER LAY WITHIN
SO MANY GO OUT THIS WAY TRYING TO PLAY AND LOSE
THE LOVE THE HEART THE TRUST AND EVEN SOME TIME
LIFE.........MAN ITS KNOWN TO BE A MYTH OF LOVE BUG
BUT TRUELY IT'S A SELF DESTRUCTION GAME THAT LEAVES
NO WINNERS JUST PAIN ....SO WHY DO WE DO THIS!??

IS IT A ACT OF SEXUALITY
OR JUST OUT OF LUST ??

Sexuality and love have a common thread. Nevertheless, it is wise to distinguish between the two because when minds are changed at the last minute with no thought of consequences we are setting ourselves up for failure in a large way--cheating never ends right, it just ends and we have to deal with the aftermath--Ra

God **** RA you got this down to a science.

No one likes to admit it, but our own promiscuity can often have unintended effects such as the comparisons that I sopke of and knowing this it is easy to see how one would never be satisfied because we are always comparing what is now with what once was and in those cases rality always loses out to wishful thinking--Ra

i've seen many in **** like dis and who knows why!
i guess ya right coz only thang good from it
is that u still have ya sanity but yet a broken heart
man this road i've been one in my life
if i could do it all ova i would do it without cheatting
i only lost...i was checked wit no mate))):rolleyes:

we start with ourselves and the wants and desires that we have. It isn't until it is too late that we recognize what it does tto us and worse what it does to others--Ra

that's why i took years ago that look
into da mirror and saw the false lust
love and rapture before it got out of
hand .......man so many turn there back
and let it be coz of some lustful act or
a booty call that can be fatal
it's a self destructional world of bliss
we live in so much corruption in the thing
called LOVE
not many can live right after a torn relationship
wit all the pain and lost trust
we seem to forget our true love at home
for a fast piece of tail....that can blow ya into
a coma of bad consumptional sexuality
why cheat !
why lie
whats wrong at home
well men let there little head run thangz
and foolishly ya big head smiles
women that sweet tingle of twich
can cause ya lover ya trust and self
respect under false fast sex of hot lust
one pose......washing won't do !!
Amun-Ra man this is real so preach the word
maybe some of us r listening.......:rolleyes:

They have to be made or we end up chasing our tailes and wondering who is the next in line until out turn finally comes and we come face to face with ourselves and find that we don't look so good any more--Ra

throughtout time and countries, in many societies and cultures, adultery was not only committed but accepted.....how many cultures accept that men can have more than one wife, how many cultures accept that it is a mans right to have a mistress, which his wife has no choice but to accept or leave....in Saudi Arabia, they are allowed more than one wife, to bear their children... a mistress or mistresses, who they will keep but not have children with..and concubines that they can have sex with..

Queens and ladies, while not doing it openly, also liked to have affairs behind their husbands backs, as long as it didn't become public knowledge, it was swept under the carpet...

my point is, that throughout time, this type of behaviour has been accepted practise....so maybe in a round about way..that mentality has carried over into todays society....for both men and women...

I think people who cheat are selfish, but they always have the thought at the back of their mind that they will not get caught doing it...so they are prepared to take the risk...then there are those who don't care anyway, if they cheat and their partner leaves, simple, find another partner...

it's another case of the grass looking greener on the other side, until you get to the other side and look back over the fence...

K

u speak truth here but some can't help it!!
life has delt a hand of lustful notions and
so many of us humans feed into this style
yet the other partner stay in it coz of love
and devotion but cheating should be a crime!
becoz it only hurt othes who love's their mate
well one thing 4 sure this will play a role in life
til the world end.......

We often lose sight of the fact that there are always two parties involved--it seems that it has been the exclusive domain ofmn as far as acceptance is concerned--of course women do it and have done it for years, but it has been looked upon as a male thing--with a wink of the eye--but it ain't funny no more--Ra

sure u right female has roam and played da game long
ago as male did and sometyme i ask who started it all
where did this come from as i search for many answers
cheating has took storm in da world and roam freely
like a destructional mad vibe on da loose...it ain't funny
now as we watch love one fall by da waste side alone

like this thing wit M.J the jordans smashed in da eye
like never before and here stand a woman saying she
been wit him ova 8 months or so .....one happy home
gone to trash is a prime time show but who's laughing

it's a loosers game that i wish not to play never again
i was young unwised and foolished at some point
but truely i've learned the standard of life & love
and what cheating can do ......it's a rude awakening
to self destruction and hurt & pain in da end only shame
shine in minds ...it's not funny :eek:

Basically, it all boils down to integrity. When we make a promise or commitment--how good is our word? Men and women have built entire careers based solely on their word because they proven their integrity. They do the right thing even when it is not personally beneficial, but they do not risk their integrity. Cheating breaks integrity. It is the breaking of the promise that stigmatizes it. Once the promise is broken so is integrity. Words no longer count at that point.

Ra

and it is important to live true to one's word. Our word is our bond and our actions should be in agreement with what we've said. Even the Bible teaches that it is better not to make a vow, than to make one in vain and break it.

You have written on this topic before, and I have your work, in a more extensive dissertation, in my files. Now that this has come to my attention once again in this forum (I'm cruising for mental nourishment...finding it, too!), I will be going through the studies you've provided me with on the subjects of Polygamy, Monogamy, Polyandry ... and their place in our world, vs. "cheating". Many people (especially men), don't like to use that word; perhaps preferring some other euphemistic label. But in my estimation, if something is being done undercover, where all parties are not aware, that's plain and simple cheating. We have to be able to call it like it is, no matter what side of the coin we may find ourselves on, be it the "cheater" or the "cheatee".

Michael Baisden, a brotha, wrote a book entitled "Never Satisfied: How and Why Men Cheat". I've read it and recommended it to everyone. It is from a survey of men AND women, and how many factors play into this thing called "cheating"...on many levels, i.e. engaged folks, boyfriend/girlfriend, live-in lovers... marrieds...etc. He received a lot of flack from brothas because it seemed he was giving up the brotha-hood secrets..selling the brothas out. But I believe the book is beneficial for people interested in learning some of the reasons why relationships get into stuck-modes, thus causing people to wander. Of course, there are those cases where some folks are just gonna be "out there", don't need no "reason". The author himself, is a recovering "cheater", and said the book was partly for healing himself. He has a daughter from a relationship that didn't work out; and he saw his former behavior as a detriment to positive role modeling and child rearing. What was his daughter learning from him, and her mother? I recommend people check it out and see what they think.

Ra, what you've brought here is very strong. Honor and integrity is what men and women should be about. No matter what the temptation or how alluring the attraction.

Now, with all the good words we've written... is just saying "no" all that's needed in order to stop the cheating heart? Can a person just do it on will power alone? Are there other, more intense, more spiritual, introspective things people need to do in order to "change" hurtful/harmful behaviors?

Come back Ra @ me, I know you will :)

Thank you
a

Saying no is just the beginning. Once we make our minds not to do something, the opportunities to do what we have stood against will come again and again and with different rationales as to why we should change our minds, but it is all the same--either we have integrity or we don't. This is not to say that we will not slip and fall. Everyone slips and falls in some fashion whether it is just in our mind. As President Jimmy Carter lusted in his heart he was guilty of cheating on Roselyn to a lesser degree, but at least that was excusable because we can't always control what comes into our minds. BUT! We can control how long it stays there.

In my mind I have ravished too many and I am guilty because I made no attempt to put it out. I enjoyed it. Still, my integrity remains in tact until I take physical action, even though I know within myself that my integrity has been breached just a little. However, that internal breach harms no one and can even lead to stronger attraction to the ones we love, or, it can lead us to fall into the tender traps that lie in wait for all of us whenever we have that moment of weakness that inevitably calls on each of us. That is when we separate the men from the boys and the girls from the women. We can all stand tall when the temptation is small or undesireable, but when desireability combines with secrecy, suddenly our integrity may be in jeopardy.

To cut straight to the heart of the matter--it is about the promise. It is that simple. When we commit to one person we are in effect promising that he or she is the only person in our lives PERIOD! Not some time. Not every now and then, but always! Now we know that people stray and that is only human and sometimes it happens, but when we go into a relationship al ready prepared to step out of it when an opportunity presents itself then we have lied twice. We have lied to the person who accepted us at out word and we have lied to all the eyes that believed us.

Basically, integrity is having the willpower to always do the right thing. Not the things we want to do, but the right thing. The things we are supposed to do. I have lusted for Halle Barry since she hit the screen, but I am afraid that I would have to leave her alone because I would not want to inpune her or my integrity. I might waste a few minutes lsuting in my heart, but in the final analysis, I just have to walk away with strength.

It is easy to go from one to another as the grass is always greener and there is plenty of grass that needs to be mowed, but a real man or woman understands that their word is bond and when it comes down to it, our reputations are all we have that says anything about us. And for those who don't believe it, truly what goes in the dark willl come to light!

Ra

:heart:

and much appreciated. And so true, down to your last sentence.(sentiment found throughout the Scriptures, but I chose Luke 8: 16-18 for this discussion).

"For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad.


What you are saying/teaching here is sound Christian-based doctrine, Ra. I mean no offense here, and you know this, but this is good and true information for all people who struggle with their lusts/passions. Practicing this kind of behavior (no matter what your religious persuasion) will ensure a good, enriched life. And for those of us who believe, it's one of the principles we must adhere to if we're striving for the Kingdom.

Thank you again my ever-thought-provoking-brotha!

a

ps ...and to quote a Pastor I heard one time, "as I speak, I am also listening"...

Even though I am on the other side of the coin when it comes to religion, I do not deny that in the hallmark books of all religions there is much wisdom that needs to be embraced and those who are wise do so. I know that infidelity is such a touchy subject that few can discuss it without becoming caught up in an either or situation. I would be the last to condone such behavior, but I would be the first to say that it happens and that not everyone who does it is worthy of our derision.

I could see myself in those shoes too easily for I am a weak man and I love women, just about all women. I fear that if I were tempted too regularly that I might slide off the hill. So, I can hardly throw rocks at someone who has all ready fallen unless it is repeated behavior. At some point it stops being a mistake or a moment of weakness and becomes willing deception.

This is a moment when the saying "hate the sin, not the sinner"comes into play because I see where it could be anyone. I am sure that Jesse Jackson was repentant and wished he had never done what he did, but it happened. Do we keep beating on Jesse, or do we acknowledge that such things happen and try to understand Jesse the man, instead of Jesse the preacher?

There is no way to make it right, but we gain nothing from beating on Jesse especially when we don't know if we will be next. I have lived long enough to know that it is unwise to say what you'll never do, because I have done most of those things that I said I would never do and I wonder if I am doomed to do the rest.

Hopefully not. My heart is with those who are hurt by this deceptive behavior, this breaking of faith, this willful destruction of trust. Men and women, we play a dangerous game when we cheat and the consequences can be long lasting.

Still, I want to be clear that I cast no stones here because my windows are of glass also.

Ra


:heart:

I think that before the word no is said, the person who is considering cheating on their spouse should ask themselves why they are cheating...why is it that the one they are with has to take a back seat while they go out and play...

if two people are mature, and they make a committment to one another, then part of that maturity should be to realise, that if there is a problem in the relationship and they find they would like to have a bit on the side, that they owe it to their partner to be honest and open and bring the problem to the table, sit down and discuss it, and see if it is something that can be repaired or if it's too late, and therefore they agree to go their separate ways..

the act of cheating is a big enough betrayal to a relationship, but to try and do it, while hoodwinking your partner and then pretending that everything is rosy at home, is an even bigger betrayal....

who knows exactly why women and men cheat on each other, the reasons are many and varied, but I think the bottom line here, from my point of view anyway, is as you said, integrity...caring, consideration, thoughfulness, towards someone you profess to love...if you fall out of love or have to play the field, at least do it with a semblance of decency...be man or woman enough, to treat your partner as a person, not as used goods that you no longer have use for...and take into consideration what you already have and weigh up wether or not it's worth losing for a bit of pleasure on the side....how many times do you hear,"it didn't mean anything" ....if it has no meaning, why do it?...

K

i've seen dis way too many tymes
da older da less mature like been
a child again yet some do become
wiser...cheating is most def an act
of betrayal to the relationship many
can't go to da table trying too work it
out it only bring more madness within
coz one in denial of cheating....

maybe if they are not acting mature as they age then perhaps they never were mature to begin with...I do understand your point though, and of course you will have noticed that when it comes to going through a "second childhood," it is mainly the male that gets talked about....I'm not saying I agree with it, but it seems the men are in the spotlight when it comes to this issue...

I would not say however that all people fit into the category of acting less mature as they age...like all things in life, some do, some don't...

and what exactly is the definition of growing up...because I personally don't ever think we grow up...no matter how mature you are, how well educated you are, or your position in life, every single day there is something new you can experience and learn from..so therefore I believe I am growing up each day..and on the other hand I also believe it's a great thing to never lose sight of the child, the teenager, the young woman/man inside yourself..they are all part of what makes you who you are...

K

. . . this one is hard to differentiate, because there differnet ideas as what is mature and what is not, hopefully I will never grow up, but I hope that I mature meaning that I learn from my mistakes, commit fewerof them and learn how to handle the world as it is. I would accept the maturity as a reason for infidelity, but I think it is a mixture of biology and self-control.

Everyday, I pass aplethora of women who if they were willing and I had the time and was not married I would engage them all. However, I am married and even though in my mind I lust, I have to let it pass. It does't change my ideas, but I know it is not something I want to risk because of what it does to me, not to mention what it does to them.

I certainly am not claiming a holier than thou position. In fact, I am claiming the opposite. I still want almost every woman I see, BUT I know that when I have promised to another another then I run the risk of breaking my promise. I do not take my promises lightly. I like to think when I say I am going to do something, that I do it.

I have broken many promises and I have not always been a better person for it, other than it made me try even harder to have people believe that when I say something--you can take it to the bank. I'm still trying, but I have done well in this area, but I cannot say what I won't do, in the right circumstances, the right environment and the right person. I'd like to think that I would do the right thing, but human beings are notoriuosly inconsistent.

Ra

:heart:

I agree...there's no harm in looking and wanting, but as you say, you made a promise to one person and this stops you from doing more than looking...for some though it goes further and therein lies the difference....

I think it's only natural to be attracted to others as well as your spouse, some people even claim to be in love with more than one person at a time, but, if you make a promise to one person, then I believe you owe it to that one person to be faithful, and if you can't be faithful, sit down and talk about it, and see what comes of it....I know this sounds like a black and white view of things but to me it's that simple....when we commit we commit on all levels, and we bind ourselves to another..the road won't always be smooth and sometimes you'll feel like walking away, but we are not meant to be perfect, we all have our faults, if we are mature enough, in our relationships we can accept these faults and find a way to work them into the relationship...

it's a case of tending to your own garden...relationships need work, care, and love to survive....they don't just blossom on their own...

K

did you miss the part where I said, "I'm not saying I agree with it."

us girls talk about a whole lot more than just males, we talk about things like, how we'll wear our hair, what dress goes with which shoes, what colour lipstick we have to wear etc etc....

I didn't say women did not act childish, I said the spotlight seems to shine on the men, and it does....when women go through menopause, one of the side effects is not to go out and have an affair, we are reported to act totally opposite to our normal selves, turn into screaming, whining shrews and make life hell for the man in our life,whereas when men go and have an affair in their middle age, it is said they are going through a second childhood or suffering from "male menopause"....I didn't say it was fair to label men like this, but the fact is they do....it's not fair to label women like this either, but they do.....

and yes I agree women do act childish in their "mature" years as well...jeez just the other day I went barefoot and went out and played in a puddle of mud, squishing it between my toes and gettin all dirty..then I got into trouble and had to go and wash my feet....but it felt good while I was doin it....

K

as long as we don't harm anyone, it does us some good to go out and act the fool every now and then. However, when we go out and act the fool by getting involved with someone else when we all ready have some one--that's not acting the fool, that is being the fool. I would have to apologize tomy wife constantly if I were to tell her of the thoughts that I have, but just as there are certain thoughts I won't tell her simply because it serves no purpose, I hope that she would grant me the same courtesy--no harm, no foul.

I surely know that women can be just as silly as men when it comes to having affaris and there is no age limit on being a fool. Years ago I became involved with a married woman. I was young and single and it seemedlike an exciting thing to do, especially seeing that she was older (28)! It was exciting dealing with a woman who was married and knew her way about the bedroom. However, after about a month of sneaking around and lying to myt friends and family, I started to see what it was that I was doing. I was helping someone break a trust. I thought about it a long time and decided that I wouldn't have liked it very much if it had been my wife.

I'd like to say that I broke it off immediately, but a hard member and 22 years of age don't always seem to do the right thing, but I did break it off after another week because I got to feeling real guilty about it. I was tempted to go back, but I decided there were a lott of single women out there and that I didn't need to help add problems to a marriage that obviously had major ones.

Yes, women are foolish too. Almost as foolish as us men, except they don't fall in love with their lovers. We men get all messed up by the lovin' and think we are in love and run away from home like a little boy. I've had toomany friends do it and then be sorry and wish they could get back to mamma, but it's too late.

However, as long as Halle Berry, Angelka Bassett and Jenifer Lopez keep calling me asking me to come over--I'm wondering how lonbg I can put them off.

Ra

:D

u made it point clear and well said .....well we do act
out foolishly yet no harm done and we look but don't
touch .......i feel cheatting always was a loser game
i've been down this street on both ends
it feel good to a point where u act foolishly thinking
u doing something big and it hit that u only losing out
and when it's done to u ....u feel alone as if she's da
only one and u run hide coverup and no one want to
admit their wrongfulness.....cheaters never win!:eek:
just slide by for a while before **** hit da fan.......

It always hits the fan wether it is tomorrow or 100 years from now, it all comes out in the wash as they say. It is probably better for it to come out sooner than later and that way the parties can either decide to deal with it or move on with their lives.

Unfortunately, the history of these these working out is poor going both ways.

Ra

;)

hmmmm I have a question, Can cheating be a "generational curse" and if so how does one go about breaking it?

Unfortunately, I think we are programmed for it to a certain extent. As a human species, the desire to reproduce is one that is inbred, but as thinking animals we do have a choice as to who, when and where. In addition, as man has become more civilized the need for curbing indiscriminate reproduction became important to preserve legal lines, as well as, avoiding potential health problems such a hemophelia and insanity by avoiding marriage into the same family. Later, it has become important to limit population growth to avoid outstripping our resources.

Behind the will to survive, the sex urge is one of the powerful of man's needs. Men and women have been doing it for centuries and it shows no clear signs of letting up.

Ra

Ra...... I often wonder if we as humans give up sex and da
lustful emotional feelins what would we do then!?
true we have become what we already way through tyme
and surely if we could how many peoples/mates /lovers
sex buddies would die............? hummmmm!:confused:

Nobody is going to give up sex willingly--even when it is in our best interests, that is why it is paramount that men and women develop sharing relationships as well as keen sense of reality. We must be preapred for human foibles and at the same time never put ourselves in a postion that we aren't likely to do the right thing or make it difficcult to do the right thing--sooner or later the flesh is weak and yes, we will be sorry afterwords, but for that few moments, those few exquisite moments we will slide and we will enjoy it all until it is done and reality comres to visit!

Ra

people cheat for many reason, 1)they not geting alot of love from there other partner 2)they just want to play around 3) they just do it because sometimes they can't help has they say i think that cheating is not helpful in the relationship it makes situation worst and it sometimes breaks a person heart.
holla at me
soulsistah16

u r rite==unfortunately cheating hurts all==we do things and then change, but it is too late==we have to stop beforehand==Ra

also people cheat to get revenge, due to the way their mate has made them feel or more commonly to get back at the first cheater. i think that this is wrong on both sides, if the person that was cheated on first knew they could not forgive, they should have let that person go.

It proves nothing other than that we can be just as trifling as the other person--you are right--it is probably better just to walk away--because cheating for revenge isn't any good unless we tell it or make it known somehow and that defeats the purpose, because we have let someone else make us do something we weren't inclined to do and they win anyway, if it were a game--but it isn't--I totally agree with you--walk away!

Ra

:cool:

yes walking away gives a better light then cheating
but many mental don't carry them in this fashion
when they something looking good they act
male & female cheating has become the thing to do
and the morals of love and faithfulness dem ......
what are we becoming ???

Yes, it is a tangled web we weave--BUT--it isn't always about lack of anything--sometimes, it is just people being who they are--not very nice people--I know a guy who cheated on his wife the night they got married--perhaps another discussion is in order--is there a fundamental necessity built into men that drives them this way? Some would say yes because of the over balance of reproductive carriers (sperm and eggs). A woman has only about 400 chances to get pregnant, whereas a man can produce viable sperm everyday until he is well into his 90's. Most of a woman's reproductive capability each month she doesn't conceive. Every year that passed means 12 opportunities that have passed. Is it that men are programmed to have more sex simply because a woman can only be pregnany nine months at a time? WHo knows, Makes a good argument for cheating men. Of course, it doesn't do a thing for cheating women, unless we could say they have excessive male hormones. Anyway, a thought.

Ra

:yo:

Cheating is a dreadful dream and inner choice of man , i think if cheaters would focus
more on why they doing it the less they will with so much to give up....
is it that the other sex lure a physical sexual atraction and twist the hormones into play
or is it within the eye of the beholder that see themselves digging deep for a piece
of the pie ?

Men cheat because they can. Women are sly whether your in a relationship or not if you are what she wants then it is you that she gets if you are weak. Thats the power of the yoni and a big butt with a smile!!

Cheating, on both ends (male and female) can happen if there is a want or need that is not being met. We cheat on ourselves when we decide to search for love outside of loving our Selves first.

good point , maybe this why so many cheat because there needs not met , why not
just leave the relationship and move on to someone who will meet them needs

or is it just that folks like to have there cake and eat it too or like playing this loosing
game call cheating !!!?

IT is a shame that people do cheat. I am a firm believer of what goes around comes around. so, this is why its such a vicious cycle because people get used to cheating and it becomes apart of every relationship for them.


people also have a false perception of what love is. you cheat, but you will kill someone if they did it to your sisters, mothers and daughters.
you would think with STD's and crazy people on edge, you would think people would have the sense enough to not cheat. pay back is a *****. people know this.

you know what? these cheaters have NO SELF CONTROL. they are so busy trying to mkae the other person look stupid, that they constantly set themselves up for a horrible life. then when it spirals out of control you hear:

ALL MEN ARE DOGS

ALL WOMEN ARE GOLD DIGGERS AND HOS

THATS WHY I AM GAY, NOW.

IT is a shame that people do cheat. I am a firm believer of what goes around comes around. so, this is why its such a vicious cycle because people get used to cheating and it becomes apart of every relationship for them.


people also have a false perception of what love is. you cheat, but you will kill someone if they did it to your sisters, mothers and daughters.
you would think with STD's and crazy people on edge, you would think people would have the sense enough to not cheat. pay back is a *****. people know this.

you know what? these cheaters have NO SELF CONTROL. they are so busy trying to mkae the other person look stupid, that they constantly set themselves up for a horrible life. then when it spirals out of control you hear:

ALL MEN ARE DOGS

ALL WOMEN ARE GOLD DIGGERS AND HOS

THATS WHY I AM GAY, NOW.



So are men no more dogs and women no more gold diggers when your gay?
Or does being gay just blind you from the flaws you see when your looking straight?:confused:

I hear everyone talking about the dangers and physiological affects of cheating. I don't re-call reading about the root cause of this phenomenon or how it can be stopped. Religion(mainly Islam) was mentioned as an example but all religions have played a part in this. Christianity/Judaism, Islam, Mormons etc. all have stories that give a sense of infidelity being the norm.

If not religion it is passed on through the generations by role models. During my childhood, Pimps were glorified throughout the community as well as on film. The Black Exploitation films often displayed being a Hustler/Pimp as the norm. Not only did the films shape my young impressionable mind it was male role models. Not all, but most taught me at a young age that having more than 1 woman was a "Rite of Passage" so 2 speak.

Fast forward 2 the here and now. Music, strip clubs, movies, tv shows etc. all perpetuate cheating. We can talk all day about cheating, but my question is this: "What can we do as a ppl 2 stop this madness and regain our sense of selves.

Give these devils back their maddness.




Return 2 the Sender in 2009

I hear everyone talking about the dangers and physiological affects of cheating. I don't re-call reading about the root cause of this phenomenon or how it can be stopped. Religion(mainly Islam) was mentioned as an example but all religions have played a part in this. Christianity/Judaism, Islam, Mormons etc. all have stories that give a sense of infidelity being the norm.

If not religion it is passed on through the generations by role models. During my childhood, Pimps were glorified throughout the community as well as on film. The Black Exploitation films often displayed being a Hustler/Pimp as the norm. Not only did the films shape my young impressionable mind it was male role models. Not all, but most taught me at a young age that having more than 1 woman was a "Rite of Passage" so 2 speak.

Fast forward 2 the here and now. Music, strip clubs, movies, tv shows etc. all perpetuate cheating. We can talk all day about cheating, but my question is this: "What can we do as a ppl 2 stop this madness and regain our sense of selves.

Give these devils back their maddness.




Return 2 the Sender in 2009

"What can we do as a ppl 2 stop this madness and regain our sense of selves?

Realize the connection btwn ppl. Essentially were we are all same beyond the physical body. Or simply put (as Jayhova says 'dumb it down for 'em)
Put your self in their shoes. And I must add ' the self' doesn't include the memories you've acquired as a result from living in your particular time and space. And I do recognize our physical bodies do play a role in our choices just as would our environment.
:em3200:
Our reality is built on balance and equality amoung other states of being. Learning to apply this in our relationships can help us tune in to the bond that is shared
that you otherwise might not sense at all.

Peace

My .05 cent donation to raising our consciousness LOL

So are men no more dogs and women no more gold diggers when your gay?
Or does being gay just blind you from the flaws you see when your looking straight?:confused:

being a gold digger or a dog has nothing to do with being gay. being gay is a whole different thread. i am just saying that thats what quite a few women claim to have turned gay because they have been cheated on or treated so bad for so long that they just gave up men altogether.

being a gold digger or a dog has nothing to do with being gay. being gay is a whole different thread.

That's what I say. Which is why I replied
after I read this
ALL MEN ARE DOGS

ALL WOMEN ARE GOLD DIGGERS AND HOS

THATS WHY I AM GAY, NOW.


After I read this it seemed non-sensible but I'm glad to see you say
being a gold digger or a dog has nothing to do with being gay. being gay is a whole different thread.

i am just saying that thats what quite a few women claim to have turned gay because they have been cheated on or treated so bad for so long that they just gave up men altogether.

So I'll just say this
Sometimes a screw can get stripped when it is in too tight or it wasn't being used by the right tool, all it needs to loosen up is the right driver. Not another screw.

:cool:

IT is a shame that people do cheat. I am a firm believer of what goes around comes around. so, this is why its such a vicious cycle because people get used to cheating and it becomes apart of every relationship for them.


people also have a false perception of what love is. you cheat, but you will kill someone if they did it to your sisters, mothers and daughters.
you would think with STD's and crazy people on edge, you would think people would have the sense enough to not cheat. pay back is a *****. people know this.

you know what? these cheaters have NO SELF CONTROL. they are so busy trying to mkae the other person look stupid, that they constantly set themselves up for a horrible life. then when it spirals out of control you hear:

ALL MEN ARE DOGS

ALL WOMEN ARE GOLD DIGGERS AND HOS

THATS WHY I AM GAY, NOW.

I don't believe all men are such thing , there are some brothers out here who value
there relationship/marriage and have strong family ties

I don't for once see or believe any sister is a H...... just confused on who to love
in order to get something you have to give something , what you call gold diggers
are young women looking for things that dream to have .

Gay is a two sided coin as well being gay don't mean one won't cheat as well
they play the game too wanting the pie and the cookie they look for gems and
wealth in life .

most of all we are human beings who make mistakes when we fail to learn from them
is when we become blind to the facts and the truth , cheating is a deadly game in some
cases and a foolish one in others ....you only win a round or two before it all come caving
in on your head , male / female gay don't matter they all cheat for many reasons
and some just to see if they can or weak mentally under the scope of lust / greed
or other means .