of all the interesting aspects in this forum, I'm starting here.. it is a pressing issue.. it's always there.. my hair ;) I am such a down to earth, natural person, I am currently in shock mode and need help.

I have always been natural. seldom wear makeup and always pure afro. Now.. it is no excuse or anything.. but I wasnt raised in a home where anyone knew what to do with an afro.. so it's always been that. plain afro. didnt love, didnt hate - just there. no wax, no gel, nothing but a metal pick with a black fist (must be almost 20 years old) to get my fro ready for the day.

My fro was always short and (realtively) neat. Just went to any barber for a trim now and then. But 4 months ago, age 36, i decided to try something new.. to grow it.. and I went to a real hair salon for the first time. I explained what I wanted to do long term..

...and they flattened the heck outta my head! I dont know WHAT do do with it. I was/am extremely upset. this lifeless stuff hanging on my forehead. I can only gel it back.. like some plastic image (admittedly, it goes well with my business suits) but really, it is not what I want.

I've been back every 2-3 weeks for a "do" - thats lasts for a couple days then I'm at a loss... but every other time I'm there they insist I need to keep it straight. In order for it to grow longer.

You need to excuse my ignorance, please, but I dont understand that logic. every time my curls reappear they flatten them out. and those already flattened, stay so.. after 6 more months can I can return to a luxurious afro, longer and taller than before or do all the dead/straight bits need to chopped off?

I've asked the salon - they are the only black salon on town, and they tell me to be patient.. at the same time every chopper there is sporting long blond/black hair.. not an afro in sight.

(i gotta add here.. this intro into black hair management has totally opened my eyes to what lengths people will go to.. for hair. I didnt know half the stuff exisited before then.. amazing.. remarkable!)

but yeah - to each their own.

I'd just really like to know if I should chop all this off now - and start afresh -or is what my hair dresser is saying is true.

thanks in advance :)

of all the interesting aspects in this forum, I'm starting here.. it is a pressing issue.. it's always there.. my hair ;) I am such a down to earth, natural person, I am currently in shock mode and need help.

I have always been natural. seldom wear makeup and always pure afro. Now.. it is no excuse or anything.. but I wasnt raised in a home where anyone knew what to do with an afro.. so it's always been that. plain afro. didnt love, didnt hate - just there. no wax, no gel, nothing but a metal pick with a black fist (must be almost 20 years old) to get my fro ready for the day.

My fro was always short and (realtively) neat. Just went to any barber for a trim now and then. But 4 months ago, age 36, i decided to try something new.. to grow it.. and I went to a real hair salon for the first time. I explained what I wanted to do long term..

...and they flattened the heck outta my head! I dont know WHAT do do with it. I was/am extremely upset. this lifeless stuff hanging on my forehead. I can only gel it back.. like some plastic image (admittedly, it goes well with my business suits) but really, it is not what I want.

I've been back every 2-3 weeks for a "do" - thats lasts for a couple days then I'm at a loss... but every other time I'm there they insist I need to keep it straight. In order for it to grow longer.

You need to excuse my ignorance, please, but I dont understand that logic. every time my curls reappear they flatten them out. and those already flattened, stay so.. after 6 more months can I can return to a luxurious afro, longer and taller than before or do all the dead/straight bits need to chopped off?

I've asked the salon - they are the only black salon on town, and they tell me to be patient.. at the same time every chopper there is sporting long blond/black hair.. not an afro in sight.

(i gotta add here.. this intro into black hair management has totally opened my eyes to what lengths people will go to.. for hair. I didnt know half the stuff exisited before then.. amazing.. remarkable!)

but yeah - to each their own.

I'd just really like to know if I should chop all this off now - and start afresh -or is what my hair dresser is saying is true.

thanks in advance :)

Sister Zulile ... Hello and Welcome ... :wave:

Bless your sweet heart, to have embraced your own hair all the years, then take another route ... bless your heart. You were already on the right path, in my opinion, and now have strayed off course.

You say they flattened your hair, but how did they flatten it? Did they press it, or give you a perm? If it is just pressed, a good wash will take that all away, and you will be back to your beautiful coiled hair that God blessed you with. If it is a perm, you will have to cut it out, and start all over.

Yes, i think all little girls, and older women too, want long flowing hair because that is what the media (the world) tells us we must have to be beautiful. But that isn't true. All of us will not have long hair, no matter what we do ... unless we ship in some hair from china or wherever they get that stuff ... and weave it in ... but never will it be our own. We aren't all meant to have that. Just like we aren't all meant to be tall. No matter what i do, i probably won't get any taller. I can spend my life looking for schemes and scams that promise tallness, but it'll be best for me just to love my short self. Likewise, some of us have short hair, and it probably won't grow any longer than it's naturally meant to be. We have to love ourselves as we are. It's something that's been denied us way too long.

That's why i say, you were already on the right path, loving your natural self.

Hopefully you don't have to cut your hair, in order to get back on track.

Also ... it's rare that Sisters live beyond their teens, never straightening their hair, as it usually happens soon after birth. You are a beautiful exception to the rule, and it's a pleasure meeting you.

Please make yourself at home, because you are.

:heart:

Destee

Also ... it's rare that Sisters live beyond their teens, never straightening their hair, as it usually happens soon after birth.

:lol: Oooh Sister Destee, soon after birth? :lol:

:wave:Hello and Welcome Zulile!:wave:

:heart:

it's rare that Sisters live beyond their teens, never straightening their hair, as it usually happens soon after birth.
How does one go about doing that? Having the kid wear a doo-rag up until age three, then the hair is "trained"? :qqb006:

Thank you for the warm welcome :)

Destee - after posting yesterday I realized I probably sounded like an... idiot :) I'm a successful black woman, for goodness sake! So i simply called the salon this morning and asked them what they are treating my hair with. It's a "relaxer" - they were very adamant it is not a perm. But you know what? I havent seen a curl in those straight ends for 4 months.. so I'm going to end the experiment and just chop it all off this weekend. I'm headed on vacation for 3 weeks, plenty of time to grow some fuzz before I'm back in the office. thank you for the *push*!

:lol: Oooh Sister Destee, soon after birth? :lol:

:wave:Hello and Welcome Zulile!:wave:

:heart:

Sister Purple ... you know i am so serious ... yes, soon after birth ... babies ... we do it to our babies ... :(

i love you! :love:

:heart:

Destee

How does one go about doing that? Having the kid wear a doo-rag up until age three, then the hair is "trained"? :qqb006:

Sister Spicy ... i'm so glad you asked this question ... you always give me opportunities to elaborate! :D

I hope i'm understanding your question(s) properly, as this has crossed my mind a few times.

It is true that we don't know what to do with our own coiled natural hair, especially when considering making the transition. Not a lot of hairstyles immediately come to mind, compared to the hair styles we've been conditioned to think of (long, straight, managable hair). Even right now, it's been over a year since i went natural, i still don't know what exactly to do with my hair. I'm learning, that i just gotta let it be, 'cause it's gonna do what it wants anyway! :lol: Isn't that powerful, a thing doing what it wants, no matter what! Most people can't even make that claim, but our hair can, and we kill it?! I think we are spiritually raping ourselves, by doing this. Denying ourselves and our children a most beautiful and natural example of living ... as usual ... i have disgressed a bit ... :)

Imagine how much more we'd know about doing our own natural hair, showing our daughters how to do theirs, tips and tricks ... inventions ... we would have created, had we been allowed to wallow in our own wonderfulness. Inventions, creations, made only for us! Get outta here! You know they couldn't have that! We were not allowed that privilege. So instead, we know all about straightening our hair, and what to do to "fix" our "broke" hair. This is what they've given us in the past, given to our Ancestors ... the Mothers before us ... but we can give our daughters something different ... because now we know. Our Mothers before us, let us live, survive, to this day, so we could learn and do better, than they did. That is every Mother's hope for her child, and we are blessed because of them.

So ... yes ... right off the top, the options seem limited and the prospect bleak, as it relates to wearing our natural hair. That is how they want it to look to us. If you had a slave, would you want your slave to think its own self beautiful? Would you empower them to love their selves? If you did that, they would not be slaves, they would be friends. No, there aren't a lot of things helping us love ourselves, but we can change that.

The more we wear our own hair, we'll realize, it is born trained ... just like our eyes, ears, and everything else.

Thank you Sister Spicy for lett'n me talk! :D

i love you! :love:

:heart:

Destee

Thank you for the warm welcome :)

Destee - after posting yesterday I realized I probably sounded like an... idiot :) I'm a successful black woman, for goodness sake! So i simply called the salon this morning and asked them what they are treating my hair with. It's a "relaxer" - they were very adamant it is not a perm. But you know what? I havent seen a curl in those straight ends for 4 months.. so I'm going to end the experiment and just chop it all off this weekend. I'm headed on vacation for 3 weeks, plenty of time to grow some fuzz before I'm back in the office. thank you for the *push*!

Sister Zulile ... you sound like a very beautiful Sister, that is exceptionally blessed, as you've somehow avoided the onslaught of weapons put against us collectively (as it relates to our hair). That is a blessing, and since you're the recipient of the blessing, and you're here, that makes me blessed by it too! :love:

It's interesting they'd say a relaxer isn't a perm ... hmmm ... i thought they were exactly the same thing.

Thanks for sharing Sister, and enjoy your vacation!

:heart:

Destee

Thank you for the warm welcome :)

Destee - after posting yesterday I realized I probably sounded like an... idiot :) I'm a successful black woman, for goodness sake! So i simply called the salon this morning and asked them what they are treating my hair with. It's a "relaxer" - they were very adamant it is not a perm. But you know what? I havent seen a curl in those straight ends for 4 months.. so I'm going to end the experiment and just chop it all off this weekend. I'm headed on vacation for 3 weeks, plenty of time to grow some fuzz before I'm back in the office. thank you for the *push*!
Chop it off girl! I'm proud of you. Those relaxers have the ph of drano. I believe those chemicals can get down into the brain.

hello Mystic :) I DID chop it al off - and loving getting back to "me". thing is, it had to be chopped very close to the scalp.. and I discovered i loved that! so for now, I'm keeping it a shortshort afro.

I plan on going acheiving the "full destee" before I'm 40 - try it on for size.. but for now I am so pleased to be rid of the cost and time one needs to dedicate to hair.

hello Mystic :) I DID chop it al off - and loving getting back to "me". thing is, it had to be chopped very close to the scalp.. and I discovered i loved that! so for now, I'm keeping it a shortshort afro.

I plan on going acheiving the "full destee" before I'm 40 - try it on for size.. but for now I am so pleased to be rid of the cost and time one needs to dedicate to hair.

lol @ the full destee ... hahahahaha ... :lol:

that is so precious! :D

when i first cut all of my hair off, it was real short too ... so short i couldn't even braid it ... i didn't like that on me! ... i looked like my son instead of my daughter! :eeek: ... but some Sisters can pull that off real nice like ... great to read Sister Zulile!

:heart:

Destee

Ms.Zulile!
OMG! You are soooo brave! I know this happened a couple of months ago but honey......I remember when did it. No one prepared for the emotional break down I had!:cry: LOL! I didn't realize that I had such a Chrome Dome on my shoulders, sooo embarassing....I made it though.:huh: I don't think I could do it twice (in this life time) thats why I'll never touch a relaxer again.
Hows the process going? When my hair grew back, and it was naughty...did what it wanted to do. Stuff that use to work,it didn't any more. :hammer2:

Peace&Love
~Tyme~

Ms.Zulile!
OMG! You are soooo brave! I know this happened a couple of months ago but honey......I remember when did it. No one prepared for the emotional break down I had!:cry: LOL! I didn't realize that I had such a Chrome Dome on my shoulders, sooo embarassing....I made it though.:huh: I don't think I could do it twice (in this life time) thats why I'll never touch a relaxer again.
Hows the process going? When my hair grew back, and it was naughty...did what it wanted to do. Stuff that use to work,it didn't any more. :hammer2:

Peace&Love
~Tyme~

Chrome Dome? hahahaha :D :D I hear you, sista!
nooo, I'll never do it again. I am glad I never need to wonder anymore though, and the things I learnt, still astound me! All I need to do is look at a pic of the time my hair was murdered.. *shiver* what was I thinking?

:SuN024:

You are so right about things not being same.. its been a couple months and my scalp is still recouperating.. but I have an all new appreciation for my fro.. loving it!

I am so happy for you Zulile I gotta cut my hair over Again.....(my own Fault)But I am Very content Living with out perm press, or relaxer(perm!)

I just feel kinda bad.....
Zulile......you did not know that that they permed your hair!!!!!
I needa laugh a little.....
Okay
We gonna do this together Zuli!!!!
:10900: :hug:

I am so happy for you Zulile I gotta cut my hair over Again.....(my own Fault)But I am Very content Living with out perm press, or relaxer(perm!)

I just feel kinda bad.....
Zulile......you did not know that that they permed your hair!!!!!
I needa laugh a little.....
Okay
We gonna do this together Zuli!!!!
:10900: :hug:

hahaha - yeah - I know it sounds really lame that I didnt know - but I simply wasnt exposed to this type of thing before, and (stupidly) didnt ask.. just went ahead and did it. :lol: thankfully, Destee and crew were able to set me straight, without TOO much embarrassment.. :o

Now, since I chopped that mess off, I was really loving my short fro, but due to a wager I made on destee, I cant cut my hair until January 12th at the latest ;) and this fro is a-growin'! I'll post a pic sometime - as should you! :heart:

you can stop laughing now.. hehehe

:10200:

I have a pic that I like n looks good wit a piece of my fro sticking up..LOL
I need upgrade then I will pt it up here
Recently I tried to chop it off a gain
Smh....
It wasn't hair scissors so it is uneven....LOL(see..I cant stop laughin yet)
But I wanted to cut it again...so impulse took over.....
But the picture is really recent I made a plan to premi-it-up in Jan....Nice n fresh fa 08'
And I am not sure if i want to cut it again or just trim it even.....I was doing ma thang for a while.....
As the Picture Presents...Lol
But I need a universal wire to hook it up to the Pc...
Any way I think i'm cool now...LOL

yeah - you're cool alright :great:
so lets set a photo shoot date ;) "Nice n Fresh fa '08" deal?