Destee,

Didn't you just tell Music Profucer that you would not speak to him again concerning his behavior? Now the man has gone soo far as to take what sista heart shared with us and throwing it in her face.

Sista heart opened herself to us sharing her deepest fears and most private experience, reaching out to brotha Sek for guidance. Whatr this man has done is the meanest thing I have ever seen here. We have put up with his disruptive posts with astronomical patients but now he has gone to another level and I don't dig anyone attacking my family this way.

http://destee.com/forums/showpost.php?p=437804&postcount=16

Destee,

Didn't you just tell Music Profucer that you would not speak to him again concerning his behavior? Now the man has gone soo far as to take what sista heart shared with us and throwing it in her face.

Sista heart opened herself to us sharing her deepest fears and most private experience, reaching out to brotha Sek for guidance. Whatr this man has done is the meanest thing I have ever seen here. We have put up with his disruptive posts with astronomical patients but now he has gone to another level and I don't dig anyone attacking my family this way.

http://destee.com/forums/showpost.php?p=437804&postcount=16

Sister River ... no, i didn't tell Brother Music Producer that i would not speak to him again concerning his behavior. What i told him was that i would not ask him again to stay out of that thread (http://destee.com/forums/showpost.php?p=436645&postcount=71) he was in, being disruptive. He honored my request, i believe, and has not posted in it again.

In regard to your concern about Sister Cursed Heart being "violated / offended" ... let me say first, that she must be the one that brings the complaint. You can't make this determination for her, because what may offend you, may not offend her. This has happened before (http://destee.com/forums/showpost.php?p=313122&postcount=28). There's even been a time when Members actually got mad at me, for not being personally offended by what they thought should offend me. I do appreciate you looking out for the Family in the manner that you are, we're so blessed to have you, but in order for there to be a violation ... those "violated" must speak for themselves.

This kind of complaint has come up before, where a Member shares their personal information, and it is then mentioned in subsequent discussions. Below is the relevant part of my response (http://destee.com/forums/showpost.php?p=420051&postcount=11) to that previous complaint, and the same still applies.


Sister Karmashines ... may i be honest with you for a moment, go a little deeper? Thanks. :)

What i believe is happening, and has happened before with others, is that folk come here saying they are in an IR, are biracial, are homosexual, are republican, are devil worshippers, are Christians, are Muslims ... what have you ... and they are immediately and probably forever colored by those personal disclosures. They open themselves up to this being a part of the discussion, folk asking them about it, judging their comments and behavior based on this, because they put the information on the table.

No one would ever know, if they didn't tell it.

I have seen Brothers who have come here and admit they were with white women in the past, and how much they enjoyed it. When someone calls them out on it, or speaks to this fact they shared, they get all offended. They've shown their own hand, and for them, the discussion takes on a personal tone. It's not easy for them to be objective, because they are deep in it.

Now, there are also those who have put personal info on the table, and have no problem defending it, not taking any comments personal, and responding word for word and blow for blow. It seems these folk are much more rooted in their life choices, happy with them, and nobody can move them from that.

Discussions regarding someone's personal self, are not allowed, unless the Member themselves open the door .. put their personal stuff in the discussion ... then it becomes fair game for others to comment on.

Knowing that we are a Black site, all about Black people ... mirroring the challenges that our offline communities possess ... knowing all of this they come in and say ... i'm white ... i'm homosexual ... i'm this, i'm that ... surely they must anticipate that there may be "something" they will face as a result of doing such. I can't believe that making such disclosures only elicit reactions at destee. We aren't that different than the rest of the world.

All of this to say Sister ... we sometimes bring things on ourselves, by being so forthcoming.

Everybody don't gotta know everything.

If i come here talking about i've had 13 abortions and i'm 28 and pregnant again, opinions are going to be formed, and questions are going to be asked. It's just the nature of this beast, and there's really no way for me to protect a Member from that, from their own self.

Sister River ... what was once "private" ... after being placed here ... is private no more. Among other things, we are an open discussion forum on the Internet. People will read what's shared here, be moved to join and/or respond to those comments. I don't see how we can get around this. If a Member does not want their personal stuff discussed, they should not post it.

Brother Music Producer didn't call Sister CursedHeart out of her name, didn't disrespect her, didn't curse her, nothing like that ... he only questioned what she had already shared. If she had not shared that, he'd not have it to speak on. As a result, she kinda opened herself up to this.

My suggestion to all Members would be that they not share those things they don't want anyone to know or ever make mention of. While i say this, no one will have to suffer continuous harassment about what they've said here ... but to make mention of it, that's altogether something different.

Sister River ... i know this is probably not the response you had hoped for, but all that you've mentioned has happened before, and i'd like to think we handled it in the best of manners the first time(s) ... though this doesn't mean we can't improve.

If you have suggestions on how we can better manage the community, or like situations, i'm open to that discussion.

Love You!

:heart:

Destee

Love you back sista Destee,

Well I have to give sista heart ^5 for her responce to Musin Producer. She handled herself with grace. So all will continue to be well.

I have to admit the problem with this man is not the man himself. He has not come up with anything new. The problem is we keep falling for the same bait. and the same arguments develop everytime. We vow that we have learned our lesson--again. Maybe one day we really will.

You have kept this family together all this time and I know it has not been easy. I'm not here to tell you how to run the community. If I point things out it is always with the understanding that my perspective is not necessarily correct and therefore is always open to counsel.

Hotep sista,

river

Love you back sista Destee,

Well I have to give sista heart ^5 for her responce to Musin Producer. She handled herself with grace. So all will continue to be well.

I have to admit the problem with this man is not the man himself. He has not come up with anything new. The problem is we keep falling for the same bait. and the same arguments develop everytime. We vow that we have learned our lesson--again. Maybe one day we really will.

You have kept this family together all this time and I know it has not been easy. I'm not here to tell you how to run the community. If I point things out it is always with the understanding that my perspective is not necessarily correct and therefore is always open to counsel.

Hotep sista,

river

Yes Sister River ... i agree, Sister CursedHeart seems to have taken it all with a grain of salt, and the interaction between her and Brother MusicProducer doesn't appear to be missing a beat. I went back and looked at their posts to each other, and everything looks like it is made for love. Yes Yes Yes. She did wonderful, as did he.

We, as a people, have so many problems, it's often difficult to focus on any one. I know it's sometimes disheartening to see how we fall for the same bait, manifesting itself in these discussions, but our ability to even discuss these things together is a relatively new phenomena for us. Prior to the Internet, when have we collectively (world-wide) been able to come together and talk? For many years, generations even, the laws of this land discouraged the gathering of ourselves together. We had to sneak and do these things. So what we are learning now, by doing this, can only be a blessing, even if the revelations are somewhat disheartening.

While we are not all at the same levels of consciousness, we all have (had) the same things to overcome. As a result, those of us who are "more conscious" than another Sister or Brother, must show patience with the rest. I have personally seen many, including myself, grow as a result of our coming together here. One of the ways that growth has manifested itself, is in how we respond to each other, especially in the most heated of discussions. It's beautiful. While the Moderators and myself are here to be mediators when necessary, it is always the desired choice, for Members to work out their differences without us, in the best of manners. I'm pleased to say that happens more often than not.

All of this to say, i'm more encouraged about us as a people, than i am discouraged ... as i'm sure you are as well.

Sister River ... WE ... have kept this Family together. You know i always say, this could not be done by any one of us, for it is truly a collective effort. We do this. I'm honored to have you here, and i believe with my whole heart that you only want the best for this community and all who call it home. I encourage you and other Members to share your thoughts with me, about how we can do things better. I'm no expert. I don't have all the answers. This community is as much a learning experience for me, as it is all the rest of us. Please don't hesitate in sharing your thoughts with me, for it may be your thought, and your thought alone, that takes us to the next level.

I Love You! :love:

:heart:

Destee