This topic deals with long term relationships where one or both partners engage in infidelity. I've been gone for a minute. But, during that time I did a little research. Several peeps in my circle of friends are in unhappy relationships, getting divorced and or having affairs. Those of you who Know my story realize I fall in to one of these categories. My research which did not start out that way(I was just venting my pain)consisted of choosing the right moment to confront several of these individuals and ask why their relationships failed or were failing. Almost all of the brothers complained of the sex becoming less frequent. The time frame for this was a 3-5 yr mark. Now sisters please do not get angry? There were only 2 women who weren't related to me that spoke what I perceived to be pure honesty. All together there were 4. The other two being relatives. When I asked why the sex became less frequent? All agreed they just wasn't feeling sexual towards their man. When I probed further all but 1 express desire for another man. Someone they knew or just being open to someone different. I suspect my cousins were already in an affair. Here's my question. 1.Ladies, Is the idea of women being naturally monogamous a myth? 2. If it is then why do women deny themselves sexual fulfillment. Is it because of men and our insecurity dealing with paternity? The stigma of being called for a better word loose? I believe there's something to this. How do we explain the majority of divorces and separations having been initiated by women.

This topic deals with long term relationships where one or both partners engage in infidelity. I've been gone for a minute. But, during that time I did a little research. Several peeps in my circle of friends are in unhappy relationships, getting divorced and or having affairs. Those of you who Know my story realize I fall in to one of these categories. My research which did not start out that way(I was just venting my pain)consisted of choosing the right moment to confront several of these individuals and ask why their relationships failed or were failing. Almost all of the brothers complained of the sex becoming less frequent. The time frame for this was a 3-5 yr mark. Now sisters please do not get angry? There were only 2 women who weren't related to me that spoke what I perceived to be pure honesty. All together there were 4. The other two being relatives. When I asked why the sex became less frequent? All agreed they just wasn't feeling sexual towards their man. When I probed further all but 1 express desire for another man. Someone they knew or just being open to someone different. I suspect my cousins were already in an affair. Here's my question. 1.Ladies, Is the idea of women being naturally monogamous a myth? 2. If it is then why do women deny themselves sexual fulfillment. Is it because of men and our insecurity dealing with paternity? The stigma of being called for a better word loose? I believe there's something to this. How do we explain the majority of divorces and separations having been initiated by women.


1. Has always been a myth

2. You do know even Oprah says that one third of them are diagnosable :lol:


Running out of the room :horse: :climb: :swim: :run:

Okay, now you did ask for it.

I think that most women that I’ve talked with over the years can and WANT to be monogamous. Many of the women who initiate divorce must be very dissatisfied about something. Two of the major sources of dissatisfaction that I’ve heard women express are money issues and sexual issues.

When a wife and husband are unable to see eye to eye about money issues, this is very stressful to many women. I’ve heard this a lot.

When it comes to sexual matters, many women are just not satisfied with their husband in the bedroom. Their husband do not satisfy them sexually in many cases and when you add that to the other stresses in a marriage, it often becomes not worth it for a woman to want to continue. I was just reading a NEWSWEEK magazine sex survey a few days ago that talked about the different amount of sexual enjoyment experienced by married men and women, with men enjoying it more and thus wanting to do it more. IF women were enjoying sex with their husbands AS MUCH as men enjoy sex with their wives, then women would want to do it as much. Think about that.

Now the following may apply only to a certain demographic of women:

When women talk with each other about sex, they talk about how their men don’t want to engage in verbal or physical foreplay long enough or are just not sexually creative. For ex. many men want to kiss and do a little caressing and then they’re ready for sex.:lol: This is not nearly enough for many women. It takes a woman quite a bit longer. Also, women say that many men don’t understand that a lot about sex (for women) is not in the bedroom, and that many times their men don’t make them feel feminine, etc. I’m just thinking of a few of the things I’ve heard over the years.

Also, it seems to me that many men are hung up on their “size” and prowess and seem to be self-involved with their genitalia and don’t seem to understand that women put a lot more emphasis on the emotion involved in sex rather than mechanics or acrobatics. In my experience and from what I’ve heard, when women try to talk with men about these differences, many men become annoyed and argumentative. Most women will drop the subject at this point and go read a romance novel and fantasize about other men or talk to their girlfriends to relieve the stress. LOL Some women go further (cheat) and try to find another man who they can fully enjoy sex with. Other women decide to just make a clean break—divorce. Of course, others stay faithful and remain married and remain unhappy. However, there are some women who are quite satisfied in all respects with their men and their marriage.

Oh, I forgot this. Sometimes a man who genuinely loves a woman will say to that woman, “Just tell me what you want sexually, and I’ll do it—anything you want.” Then he may get upset if the woman doesn’t QUICKLY and graphically go into detail. :LOL: Many women just don’t function like that and the man can’t understand why. Well, many women are not socialized to gush out lots of graphic details to a husband this quickly, out of fear that he will wonder just where did she learn all of that and think she’s a ****. I think it would be much easier for a woman, for ex. to tell a male prostitute (gigolo) what she wants than to tell her husband because she wouldn’t have to worry whether the gigolo thought she was slutty. I would say Women DO have to be concerned about this with their husbands, depending on the type of man he is, because it can come up in arguments later on.

Bisabee I'm glad that you and Kemestry responded to my post. Thank you. However, I must disagree with you. I know that this is a touchy subject(FEMALE INFIDELITY). Nevertheless it should be explored. Is it possible sisters in their sexual prime(LATE 20'S and ON) are more prone to gather more then one male's seed? Could it be biological in nature? Is it biological for males to spread their seed. Brothers when you were in your sexual prime(16-27) roughly, how many sisters did you sleep with or had a desire to sleep with. And especially in our teens did we not sexually become bored with the same partner. Why then would not the same apply for the female in her sexual prime. Yes sisters do quite often blame the male for the troubles in the relationship whether it be money problems, sex or whatever. But, the sex was good in the beginning. Why not now? Could it be boredom? What about wanting something or someone different as we brothers desired in our prime? In my opinion this behavior is not a detriment to sisters. One cannot be made to be ashamed of their true nature. But this myth about manogomy was forced upon the female by an insecure male who was concerned about protecting his sperm and whether the offspring would truly be his. Bisabee newsweek also did an article on the rise of female infidelity. One of it's components was that women no longer have the need to rely on the male for financial security. Therefore she can dispose of him at will. Please sisters feel free to respond because a lot of relationship issues we face today are intertwined in this issue.

Brother Kashif this is a very interesting debate. First I want to say to sista Bisabee that with all of the daily influences that women and men get from t.v. radio, magazines, people, etc. is it quite possible for BOTH the man and the woman to get bored with the sexual relationship that they have with their spouse? If that is true, then what would prevent a woman from cheating if the oportunity presented itself? What would prevent a man if the opportunity presented itself? Women seem to want the "sweep em off of their feet love" from men in relationships. Although I am all for pleasing my woman, that kind of momentum that a relationship has in the begining is nearly impossible to sustain through 3 or more years of committement. I thought that the "relationship" aspect was suppose to allow a couple to gain momentum for a different cause. I thought marriage was suppose to be a "partnership" more than a "please me" contest.

This is the issue with our relationsips, SEX is put on such a high pedestal that people feel like they cant make it if their man or woman doesnt freak them the way they want to be freaked. Honestly, If I am with a woman for 10, 20 or 30 years of more our focus better be on preparing for retirement, putting our children through college, bettering our communities, and counseling young couples on what it takes making relationships work. At some point we need to realize that there are far greater ways to please one another. Sex is merely a fraction of the fulfillment one should recieve when one is truly in love.


But then again, I could be wrong. What do you all think?

Brother Kashif this is a very interesting debate. First I want to say to sista Bisabee that with all of the daily influences that women and men get from t.v. radio, magazines, people, etc. is it quite possible for BOTH the man and the woman to get bored with the sexual relationship that they have with their spouse? If that is true, then what would prevent a woman from cheating if the oportunity presented itself? What would prevent a man if the opportunity presented itself? Women seem to want the "sweep em off of their feet love" from men in relationships. Although I am all for pleasing my woman, that kind of momentum that a relationship has in the begining is nearly impossible to sustain through 3 or more years of committement. I thought that the "relationship" aspect was suppose to allow a couple to gain momentum for a different cause. I thought marriage was suppose to be a "partnership" more than a "please me" contest.

This is the issue with our relationsips, SEX is put on such a high pedestal that people feel like they cant make it if their man or woman doesnt freak them the way they want to be freaked. Honestly, If I am with a woman for 10, 20 or 30 years of more our focus better be on preparing for retirement, putting our children through college, bettering our communities, and counseling young couples on what it takes making relationships work. At some point we need to realize that there are far greater ways to please one another. Sex is merely a fraction of the fulfillment one should recieve when one is truly in love.


But then again, I could be wrong. What do you all think?

Once again, it seems that this is being approached from a male point of view.

I'm not talking about mechanical sex. I'm talking about EMOTION and forming an EMOTIONAL bond with a woman. If you know how to form an emotional bond with a woman, it can last and last.

You also have to look at the EMOTIONAL aspect if you want to better understand most women when it comes to satisfying her sexually. It seems that some of you guys keep going straight to the physical. Most women like the physical too, but if the emotional is combined with the physical, then that's a supreme experience for a typical woman. As a matter of fact, some women can and do get satisfied with a whole lot of the emotional and not much physical.

For ex. Coach707, you ask how does a women handle the visual stimulants from the media, and what would she do if a sexual opportunity presented itself, well, many more women are turned on more by the audio stimulants and the EMOTION they stir up in her than looking (visual) at 50 fine men :lol: This is why women tend to love romance novels because we can just HEAR that man talking to that woman.:lol:

So to get back to your question, if that stimulating man stepped out of the media AND said the right words to conjure up EMOTION in the woman and made her feel feminine enough, then she's his. If he doesn't know how to make her feel feminine, then she may just have sex IF he's nice and sweet to her in other ways. But that doesn't mean she will continue wanting to have sex with him. This is one of the main reasons why a wife may not want to have sex as much as a husband. He does not know how or doesn't take the time to make her FEEL feminine and get her to the point where she WANTs to do it.

Brother Kashif this is a very interesting debate. First I want to say to sista Bisabee that with all of the daily influences that women and men get from t.v. radio, magazines, people, etc. is it quite possible for BOTH the man and the woman to get bored with the sexual relationship that they have with their spouse? If that is true, then what would prevent a woman from cheating if the oportunity presented itself? What would prevent a man if the opportunity presented itself? Women seem to want the "sweep em off of their feet love" from men in relationships. Although I am all for pleasing my woman, that kind of momentum that a relationship has in the begining is nearly impossible to sustain through 3 or more years of committement. I thought that the "relationship" aspect was suppose to allow a couple to gain momentum for a different cause. I thought marriage was suppose to be a "partnership" more than a "please me" contest.

This is the issue with our relationsips, SEX is put on such a high pedestal that people feel like they cant make it if their man or woman doesnt freak them the way they want to be freaked. Honestly, If I am with a woman for 10, 20 or 30 years of more our focus better be on preparing for retirement, putting our children through college, bettering our communities, and counseling young couples on what it takes making relationships work. At some point we need to realize that there are far greater ways to please one another. Sex is merely a fraction of the fulfillment one should recieve when one is truly in love.


But then again, I could be wrong. What do you all think?
As far as I am concerned some of your questions are hitting it right on the head but "conventional wisdom" says otherwise. For example, the age old argument that Black men are "afraid of commitment" is certainly not true of Black men who are in committed relationships AFTER their "prime". But since women reach their prime later, they also do tend to get "bored" and complain about their men no longer satifying them. But this is an excuse used to rationalize their own infidelity and what happens is when other Black men see how this goes down then yes, increasing numbers do become 'afraid of commitment' because they dont want to repeat the cycle of Black men they see before them who got left high and dry by their wives infidelity.

Marriage used to be not merely a "partnership" but a "social contract". Nowdays it is merely an exercise in futility...

Once again, it seems that this is being approached from a male point of view.

I'm not talking about mechanical sex. I'm talking about EMOTION and forming an EMOTIONAL bond with a woman. If you know how to form an emotional bond with a woman, it can last and last.

You also have to look at the EMOTIONAL aspect if you want to better understand most women when it comes to satisfying her sexually. It seems that some of you guys keep going straight to the physical. Most women like the physical too, but if the emotional is combined with the physical, then that's a supreme experience for a typical woman. As a matter of fact, some women can and do get satisfied with a whole lot of the emotional and not much physical.

For ex. Coach707, you ask how does a women handle the visual stimulants from the media, and what would she do if a sexual opportunity presented itself, well, many more women are turned on more by the audio stimulants and the EMOTION they stir up in her than looking (visual) at 50 fine men :lol: This is why women tend to love romance novels because we can just HEAR that man talking to that woman.:lol:

So to get back to your question, if that stimulating man stepped out of the media AND said the right words to conjure up EMOTION in the woman and made her feel feminine enough, then she's his. If he doesn't know how to make her feel feminine, then she may just have sex IF he's nice and sweet to her in other ways. But that doesn't mean she will continue wanting to have sex with him. This is one of the main reasons why a wife may not want to have sex as much as a husband. He does not know how or doesn't take the time to make her FEEL feminine and get her to the point where she WANTs to do it.


.o0( Did you really think we would approach it from any other point of view )

Once again, it seems that this is being approached from a male point of view.

I'm not talking about mechanical sex. I'm talking about EMOTION and forming an EMOTIONAL bond with a woman. If you know how to form an emotional bond with a woman, it can last and last.

You also have to look at the EMOTIONAL aspect if you want to better understand most women when it comes to satisfying her sexually. It seems that some of you guys keep going straight to the physical. Most women like the physical too, but if the emotional is combined with the physical, then that's a supreme experience for a typical woman. As a matter of fact, some women can and do get satisfied with a whole lot of the emotional and not much physical.

For ex. Coach707, you ask how does a women handle the visual stimulants from the media, and what would she do if a sexual opportunity presented itself, well, many more women are turned on more by the audio stimulants and the EMOTION they stir up in her than looking (visual) at 50 fine men :lol: This is why women tend to love romance novels because we can just HEAR that man talking to that woman.:lol:

So to get back to your question, if that stimulating man stepped out of the media AND said the right words to conjure up EMOTION in the woman and made her feel feminine enough, then she's his. If he doesn't know how to make her feel feminine, then she may just have sex IF he's nice and sweet to her in other ways. But that doesn't mean she will continue wanting to have sex with him. This is one of the main reasons why a wife may not want to have sex as much as a husband. He does not know how or doesn't take the time to make her FEEL feminine and get her to the point where she WANTs to do it.




I totally understand what you mean by emotions sista, but I am wondering if you can admit that reading those "emotional" love stories in those romance novels contribute to the misconception of what realtionsips are REALLY about. If you ever realized sista, those books never talk about other aspects of a relationship that ARE far more important in my opinion. (companionship, trust, dedication, hard work and financial empowerment for examples) Are these books giving of the notion that EVERY man is suppose to show his love in ONE way? Are these books implying that ALL women need X amount of emotional gratification from their mate to be happy? They are, and they are wrong. I would not choose to place black women in such a small box! I honestly dont think that the right formula of romance and sex will make a woman feel complete. Think about all of the women who are complaining about men who satisfy them in the bedroom but cant keep a job, has baby mama drama, is controlling or violent, etc. This situation is far more complicated that you give credit because the fact remains that there will be times in a loing term relationship when the flame, the passion, or the emotions will run low. I thought that the companionship that two people develop over time is suppose to outlast the sexual appetites of a couple of horny teenagers.



Sista, those novels make it hard for men to understand women because they seem to be used for more than just entertainment. Whats the difference in reading a romance novel and wanting to be that woman in the book, and a man watching a rap video and wanting to be the rapper with women all over him?

Doesnt seem like much difference to me. Both are allowing outside forces dictate what their realities are.

This is way I say the whole notion of marriage and family has to be redefined because men and women roles have changed.
Women have more options know when it comes to sex and relationships.
We can talk about how sex is not the most important aspect of the relationship which is true, but I don't think some of you brothers are listening to what the women are saying.
The women are not saying that they are not satisfied with the physical act of having sex.
They are saying that the men in their lives are not treating them in away from and emotional point that makes them want to take it to the next act of having sex.
Most women are complaining about that fact that men are not stimulating them in away to make them feel sexy.
I don't think that this type of disatifaction is new what I believe is going on know is that women do not have to remain in a relationship unsatisfied in this way because they have more options.

Women are out here working and meeting people everyday and if a women is not happy with her situation at home she has more than enough opportunities to make a connection with a man outside of her home.
It could be the brother she works with who always compliments her style of dress and he always notices when she has done something new with her hair.
From my experiences I've noticed that it is just the little things you can do to make a woman feel like a beautiful, and sexy lady.

I've had married women make it known that they would spend some quality time with me.
In my younger days I would definitely take care of them, but know at thirty one that is not something I will do.
But even to this day I still get invitation from married women, are from women who are in relationships.
Especially at my job alot of the women here know what type of business I'm starting so they come and talk to me about some of their desires and what type of toys they are interested in.
One of the things I have noticed is that most of the women I talk too is that their spouses do not make them feel comfortable about their sexual fantasies.

The bottom line to all of this for me is that first of all there is no excuse for cheating on someone you have made a commitment too.
But at the sametime alot of us men have to recognizze that todays woman has options and she is not going to just settle for a good boring life like the women of the past.
So if you are married are in a relationship with a women that you love let her know how much you care.

Compliment her shoes, go on little trips and get a hotel room this weekend some where not to far out of town.
Go to a nice restuarant where both of you have to dress up nice and when you are done eating go dancing somewhere nice.
Afther the night is done take her back to your hotel room and ask her to put on the sexy lingerie you brought her and would love to see her in.
And for the brothers I will give you some advice please do not totally disregard the romance novels.
If your wife are girl reads them when she is not around take a look in them and scan them to get a good idea of what she likes and recreate one of the scenario out of the blue.

Youngblackceo I want to go a little deeper in our thinking analysis. Their are plenty of brothers doing all of the things you said women want from men. The little compliments. The weekend getaways. etc. But, some women still choose to cheat. I believe when sisters state the reasons given by you for their indiscretions it for one reason and one reason alone. They want to protect their goodgirl status. No one wants to admit they cheated because they just desired someone or something differrent. Let's remember as brothers in our sexual prime, we were always on the prowl for the new stuff. Even though most of our partners at that time were treating us just fine. Biologically we just wanted something different. So, once again if men are naturally prone to spread their their seed, why aren't women naturally prone to gather it? The word gather suggest not just from one source. I think it's great that women are challenging this so called goodgirl status and no longer worrying about accumalating what many perceive to be negative mileage(YES SISTERS MY COUSINS REVEALED THIS SECRET TO ME). I remember listening to M.B. show Love Lust and Lies and married sisters or women in long term relationships were confessing to all types of indiscretions. These women were saying they were the last to leave the clubs and hoping they could find some before the night was over. The brother at home had no idea. After all he had a goodgirl.

This is way I say the whole notion of marriage and family has to be redefined because men and women roles have changed.
Women have more options know when it comes to sex and relationships.
We can talk about how sex is not the most important aspect of the relationship which is true, but I don't think some of you brothers are listening to what the women are saying.
The women are not saying that they are not satisfied with the physical act of having sex.
They are saying that the men in their lives are not treating them in away from and emotional point that makes them want to take it to the next act of having sex.
Most women are complaining about that fact that men are not stimulating them in away to make them feel sexy.
I don't think that this type of disatifaction is new what I believe is going on know is that women do not have to remain in a relationship unsatisfied in this way because they have more options.

Women are out here working and meeting people everyday and if a women is not happy with her situation at home she has more than enough opportunities to make a connection with a man outside of her home.
It could be the brother she works with who always compliments her style of dress and he always notices when she has done something new with her hair.
From my experiences I've noticed that it is just the little things you can do to make a woman feel like a beautiful, and sexy lady.

I've had married women make it known that they would spend some quality time with me.
In my younger days I would definitely take care of them, but know at thirty one that is not something I will do.
But even to this day I still get invitation from married women, are from women who are in relationships.
Especially at my job alot of the women here know what type of business I'm starting so they come and talk to me about some of their desires and what type of toys they are interested in.
One of the things I have noticed is that most of the women I talk too is that their spouses do not make them feel comfortable about their sexual fantasies.

The bottom line to all of this for me is that first of all there is no excuse for cheating on someone you have made a commitment too.
But at the sametime alot of us men have to recognizze that todays woman has options and she is not going to just settle for a good boring life like the women of the past.
So if you are married are in a relationship with a women that you love let her know how much you care.

Compliment her shoes, go on little trips and get a hotel room this weekend some where not to far out of town.
Go to a nice restuarant where both of you have to dress up nice and when you are done eating go dancing somewhere nice.
Afther the night is done take her back to your hotel room and ask her to put on the sexy lingerie you brought her and would love to see her in.
And for the brothers I will give you some advice please do not totally disregard the romance novels.
If your wife are girl reads them when she is not around take a look in them and scan them to get a good idea of what she likes and recreate one of the scenario out of the blue.

:welldone: Just Wonderful! Once again you hit a home run!!

In many other threads Bisabee your prevailing theme is the shortage of quality black men, or our supposed inability to protect black women.

But in this one you are giving thumbs up that there actually is a plethora of black men that sisters are now taking options on because they're not getting what they want from the committed ones they have at home.

Interesting. :?: Also found it interesting you seemed to imply women are justified initiating divorce to find better sex or have less arguments about money. :?:

Ceo if the notion of marriage and family is to be redefined we better not redefine it around sex because sex is not the most critical component of marriage nor any solid relationship.

So if we can agree on that, how do you propose marriage and family be redefined?

BTW I'm still interested in your response on what sisters could be doing to heal the black family.

Kashif - great thread, very provocative. My take is black PEOPLE don't have the luxury of our women "gathering seed" in their late 20s and 30s to satisfy every sexual desire, nor our men spreading theirs. If this really is the trend, we better come up with a solution quick like.

Our families are in enough trouble as it is.

Those in committed relationships have to elevate above selfish desires and make black love work for all our sake.

In many other threads Bisabee your prevailing theme is the shortage of quality black men, or our supposed inability to protect black women.

But in this one you are giving thumbs up that there actually is a plethora of black men that sisters are now taking options on because they're not getting what they want from the committed ones they have at home.

Interesting. :?: Also found it interesting you seemed to imply women are justified initiating divorce to find better sex or have less arguments about money. :?:



Huh? I didn't give 'thumbs up' to anything. That was your interpretation. If you're implying that I approve of any person cheating on their spouse, then you misinterpreted what I said. Also, I'm sure that you realize that husbands and wives sometimes fail to meet each others needs. It's mature and wonderful to commit/marry but that doesn't always guarantee that both parties needs will be met. That's an area for communication and negotiation in a relationship. Relationships require work, but both parties have to realize that and do the work. It's not a one-sided thing. That being said, I think relationships are worth every second of the work.

Also, I NEVER justified getting a divorce to find better sex. I stressed the need for men to focus on a woman's EMOTIONAL needs throughout ALL of my posts above, yet most of you guys keep bringing the focus back to sex. My posts will NEVER stress sex alone because sex without the emotional component for most women is pretty empty.

Youngblackceo I want to go a little deeper in our thinking analysis. Their are plenty of brothers doing all of the things you said women want from men. The little compliments. The weekend getaways. etc. But, some women still choose to cheat. I believe when sisters state the reasons given by you for their indiscretions it for one reason and one reason alone. They want to protect their goodgirl status. No one wants to admit they cheated because they just desired someone or something differrent. Let's remember as brothers in our sexual prime, we were always on the prowl for the new stuff. Even though most of our partners at that time were treating us just fine. Biologically we just wanted something different. So, once again if men are naturally prone to spread their their seed, why aren't women naturally prone to gather it? The word gather suggest not just from one source. I think it's great that women are challenging this so called goodgirl status and no longer worrying about accumalating what many perceive to be negative mileage(YES SISTERS MY COUSINS REVEALED THIS SECRET TO ME). I remember listening to M.B. show Love Lust and Lies and married sisters or women in long term relationships were confessing to all types of indiscretions. These women were saying they were the last to leave the clubs and hoping they could find some before the night was over. The brother at home had no idea. After all he had a goodgirl.


While my response was to the question of women not being satisfied.
Know if you want to get technical about women who cheat are doing it for the very same reason we do it.
There are women who do all the things we ask of them and yet we still cheat.
Like I said in my first paragraph the whole notion of sex and relationships and marriage in my opionion needs to be evaluated.

Bisabee I'm glad that you and Kemestry responded to my post. Thank you. However, I must disagree with you. I know that this is a touchy subject(FEMALE INFIDELITY). Nevertheless it should be explored. Is it possible sisters in their sexual prime(LATE 20'S and ON) are more prone to gather more then one male's seed? Could it be biological in nature?Actually women don't reach their sexual prime until later in life (late 30's early 40's)

Is it biological for males to spread their seed. Brothers when you were in your sexual prime(16-27) roughly, how many sisters did you sleep with or had a desire to sleep with. And especially in our teens did we not sexually become bored with the same partner. Why then would not the same apply for the female in her sexual prime. Women don't have a seed to spread, so our drives are not the same. As mentioned in another thread, they are very much dependent upon our fertile times of the month.

Yes sisters do quite often blame the male for the troubles in the relationship whether it be money problems, sex or whatever. But, the sex was good in the beginning. Why not now? Could it be boredom? What about wanting something or someone different as we brothers desired in our prime? I think naturally people want to explore and learn, and you can do that within a marriage to a certain extent. Women initiate a divorce probably more for financial reasons, and also due to past infidelity by their spouse. This can cause the woman to, out of spite, seek to violate the relationship as well.

In my opinion this behavior is not a detriment to sisters. One cannot be made to be ashamed of their true nature. But this myth about manogomy was forced upon the female by an insecure male who was concerned about protecting his sperm and whether the offspring would truly be his. Any civilized society can be judged by its women, because we are the first teachers of the children in a society. If we teach men and women to be irresponsible sexually, we damage the family unit and our nature to have order and be civilized. Sexual freedom does not mean 1,000 partners or how to do 501 freaky things. It is an individual being comfortable with themselves, what they like, and enjoying that with whatever partner they choose at the time. If we want to contribute something to our people and our future, we will be wise and settle into families in some way, shape, or form and nurture a new generation. This cannot happen if everyone is only focused on fulfilling sexual desires and running rampant. Let's remember, the purpose of sex in the first place is procreation.

Bisabee newsweek also did an article on the rise of female infidelity. One of it's components was that women no longer have the need to rely on the male for financial security. Therefore she can dispose of him at will. I can see the truth in this. As women become more "independent" financially and socially, some of us do not see marriage as a necessity. This is a reality, but it is still dysfunctional. We need each other as Black men and women, and the sooner we realize this the easier it will be for us to understand each other and satisfy each other's needs.

Huh? I didn't give 'thumbs up' to anything. That was your interpretation.

Actually I was referring to the "Well Done" emoticon you posted which illustrates a character giving a thumbs up.


If you're implying that I approve of any person cheating on their spouse, then you misinterpreted what I said.

Na, I didn't imply anything about cheating, I specifically mentioned divorce.

You responded to Kashif's question about the reasons women initiate divorce.


Many of the women who initiate divorce must be very dissatisfied about something. Two of the major sources of dissatisfaction that I’ve heard women express are money issues and sexual issues.

Your response addressed two reasons, money and sex, despite your claim you've only dealt with emotional ones.




Also, I'm sure that you realize that husbands and wives sometimes fail to meet each others needs. It's mature and wonderful to commit/marry but that doesn't always guarantee that both parties needs will be met. That's an area for communication and negotiation in a relationship. Relationships require work, but both parties have to realize that and do the work. It's not a one-sided thing. That being said, I think relationships are worth every second of the work.

I agree with this 100%. But there WILL be times, sometimes prolonged, when your personal "needs" aren't being met, no matter how well matched you are with your mate.

The ultimate issue is whether we choose to work through those times for the sake of our COLLECTIVE future, or abandon the commitment in search of greener pastures.


Also, I NEVER justified getting a divorce to find better sex. I stressed the need for men to focus on a woman's EMOTIONAL needs throughout ALL of my posts above, yet most of you guys keep bringing the focus back to sex. My posts will NEVER stress sex alone because sex without the emotional component for most women is pretty empty.

Ok - thanks for clarifying. It sounded like you said a woman not getting sexually satisfied is often the last straw that justifies her not wanting to continue in the marriage.


When it comes to sexual matters, many women are just not satisfied with their husband in the bedroom. Their husband do not satisfy them sexually in many cases and when you add that to the other stresses in a marriage, it often becomes not worth it for a woman to want to continue.

So you really meant to type emotionally satisfied rather than sexually satisfied...I can buy that.

But is getting a divorce because another man gives you a better emotional connection any better than doing it because he lays better pipe?

Actually I was referring to the "Well Done" emoticon you posted which illustrates a character giving a thumbs up.


Na, I didn't imply anything about cheating, I specifically mentioned divorce.

You responded to Kashif's question about the reasons women initiate divorce.



Your response addressed two reasons, money and sex, despite your claim you've only dealt with emotional ones.



I agree with this 100%. But there WILL be times, sometimes prolonged, when your personal "needs" aren't being met, no matter how well matched you are with your mate.

The ultimate issue is whether we choose to work through those times for the sake of our COLLECTIVE future, or abandon the commitment in search of greener pastures.



Ok - thanks for clarifying. It sounded like you said a woman not getting sexually satisfied is often the last straw that justifies her not wanting to continue in the marriage.



So you really meant to type emotionally satisfied rather than sexually satisfied...I can buy that.

But is getting a divorce because another man gives you a better emotional connection any better than doing it because he lays better pipe?

I don't know about what's better. If a woman's emotional needs are not met and that continues over a long period of time, you are dealing with a time bomb in one way or another! She will either explode or implode. The way she handles it all depends a lot on WHY the man is not meeting her needs and also on her interior and exterior resources. Women suppress their emotional needs in various ways--few of which are positive or healthy from what I've observed.

Barring unusual circumstances, EMOTIONAL satisfaction is the key to keeping a typical woman satisfied overall because if a man meets her emotional needs, she will more likely open up and communicate with him more, she may initiate sex more and will undoubtedly enjoy sex a LOT more with him, she'll be an even better mother,etc.

Now, my question is: Do most men over 30 know this about women? If they don't, why not? Do most of the men who know it know how to meet a woman's emotional needs? Not that I plan to talk about this any more, because I'm not the expert, but I'm just curious.

Most men over 30 have no idea how to meet a women's emotional needs. So when a sister decides the relationship is over he has no idea as to why. I too am no expert on this matter. It just seems that women think brothers should know what they want. It also appears that brothers having committed to the relationship feels that the act alone is enough. Still curious about the biological factor. Wish more sisters would respond.

I don't know about what's better. If a woman's emotional needs are not met and that continues over a long period of time, you are dealing with a time bomb in one way or another! She will either explode or implode. The way she handles it all depends a lot on WHY the man is not meeting her needs and also on her interior and exterior resources. Women suppress their emotional needs in various ways--few of which are positive or healthy from what I've observed.

Barring unusual circumstances, EMOTIONAL satisfaction is the key to keeping a typical woman satisfied overall because if a man meets her emotional needs, she will more likely open up and communicate with him more, she may initiate sex more and will undoubtedly enjoy sex a LOT more with him, she'll be an even better mother,etc.

Now, my question is: Do most men over 30 know this about women? If they don't, why not? Do most of the men who know it know how to meet a woman's emotional needs? Not that I plan to talk about this any more, because I'm not the expert, but I'm just curious.
Quote: "Barring unusual circumstances, EMOTIONAL satisfaction is the key to keeping a typical woman satisfied overall because if a man meets her emotional needs, she will more likely open up and communicate with him more, she may initiate sex more and will undoubyedly enjoy sex a LOT more with him. she'll even be even a better mother, etc."

Can you PLEASE give me some examples of how a man gives "EMOTIONAL satisfaction" because I have been hearing this all my life and recently decided the bottom line still came down to "penis size" and "bling bling" and folks say that these things don't matter but I'm no longer buying it.

Most men over 30 have no idea how to meet a women's emotional needs. So when a sister decides the relationship is over he has no idea as to why. I too am no expert on this matter. It just seems that women think brothers should know what they want. It also appears that brothers having committed to the relationship feels that the act alone is enough. Still curious about the biological factor. Wish more sisters would respond.


"Most men over 40 have no idea how to meet a women's emotional needs."

Ironically, some of these women here have stated the opposite and have stated that they do not date "younger" men for exactly this reason.

Furthermore, how do you know? Most younger women who are in relationships with older men make this very same complaint constantly about men in their own age group!!!

This topic deals with long term relationships where one or both partners engage in infidelity. I've been gone for a minute. But, during that time I did a little research. Several peeps in my circle of friends are in unhappy relationships, getting divorced and or having affairs. Those of you who Know my story realize I fall in to one of these categories. My research which did not start out that way(I was just venting my pain)consisted of choosing the right moment to confront several of these individuals and ask why their relationships failed or were failing. Almost all of the brothers complained of the sex becoming less frequent. The time frame for this was a 3-5 yr mark. Now sisters please do not get angry? There were only 2 women who weren't related to me that spoke what I perceived to be pure honesty. All together there were 4. The other two being relatives. When I asked why the sex became less frequent? All agreed they just wasn't feeling sexual toward their man. When I probed further all but 1 express desire for another man. Someone they knew or just being open to someone different. I suspect my cousins were already in an affair. Here's my question. 1.Ladies, Is the idea of women being naturally monogamous a myth? 2. If it is then why do women deny themselves sexual fulfillment. Is it because of men and our insecurity dealing with paternity? The stigma of being called for a better word loose? I believe there's something to this. How do we explain the majority of divorces and separations having been initiated by women.


I'm not a sister but can feel I'm qualified to answer this question because I too was in a bad relationship and I am currently in a good relationship...First let me say men seek physical gratification and women seek emotional gratification. This mean men like to feel good from the outside in and women like to feel good from the inside out... In a relationship there is a complex dance between the couples of giving the other a little of what they want to get what they want...So people cheat when they are no longer satisfied with what their partner has to offer...Also this would never be an issue if people would married the right person...Meaning there are plenty of good people in the world but just because people are good doesn't mean they are good for each other...Finding the right partner starts with knowing ones self and honestly recognizing what one needs all the way around in their life...As the thread suggests also with honesty, compromise is required as well...

So to answer your first question yes women are naturally monogamous so are men. However in the case of male promiscuity it is not only accepted but rewarded...This is one of the mechanisms in place to keep our brothers and sisters separated by drama...

To answer your second question woman deny themselves sexual fulfillment because of two reasons. The first and most obvious is because it is not sexual fulfillment women desires. It is emotional fulfillment that women desire. Sex is merely a part of the package. This is why sex tappers off with many couples. Men stop doing the things that they did before they were married. Men stop treating their wives like the queens they were before they were married. Man don't see this because male expression of affection is through provision for his wife. Meanwhile women begin to feel like a slave to a tyrant. They feel like they are obligated to sex their husbands regardless of how they feel. This is a recipe for disaster. When a man feels like he gives his wife the world but can't get sex when he wants it's is only a matter of time before the notion that he could be giving another woman all that he gives his wife and she definitely would appreciate it and show her appreciation as well will manifest itself...In the case of a woman when she feels like the her husband no longer sees her as desirable or intriguing like before they got married and she is nothing but a means to satisfy himself she will shutdown...To exacerbate the situation the man then becomes frustrated because he doesn't understand what he is doing wrong...Now you have two people headed for an ugly break up.

Whether the woman or man initiates the break up in the relationship is irrelevant. What is relevant is that obviously there are two people that may be good people that are not good for each other...

Now I'm not an expert in relationships but my conclusions come from personal experiences from being married to a good woman who wasn't good for me and now being married to a woman who is a good person and is good for me. I've always been told if you want to know what a good relationship between a man and woman is like then ask a man or woman in a good relationship...That is why I have shared my observations...Also just so you know the physical expression love that strengthen the bond between my wife and myself has only increased throughout my marriage...I expect for this too continue as the years go by...


Peace.....

I'll first state that I believe in monogamous unions......

The problem I have with this thread is that there are a lot of the responses only tending to the women's emotional needs. Where is the balance? I think the myth is that men don't need as much emotional satisfaction as women, and that is what hurts people's marriages/relationships. The people that say men are not sensitive to their women's emotional needs and well-being need to place more accountability on the women. No person can make you emotionally happy, if you're not already there. A partner is just for enhancement. There was talk about romance novels..... Most of those novels only cater to the women's emotions, and the man is more or less a living dildo. Women tend to think that if I cook and let him bust one, then he's tended to. That's a false notion, unless the man himself is not well balanced. Men need just as much emotional tending to as women, and until both parties understand this dynamic, relationships will continue to be dysfunctional.

just my $0.02

I'll first state that I believe in monogamous unions......

The problem I have with this thread is that there are a lot of the responses only tending to the women's emotional needs. Where is the balance? I think the myth is that men don't need as much emotional satisfaction as women, and that is what hurts people's marriages/relationships. The people that say men are not sensitive to their women's emotional needs and well-being need to place more accountability on the women. No person can make you emotionally happy, if you're not already there. A partner is just for enhancement. There was talk about romance novels..... Most of those novels only cater to the women's emotions, and the man is more or less a living dildo. Women tend to think that if I cook and let him bust one, then he's tended to. That's a false notion, unless the man himself is not well balanced. Men need just as much emotional tending to as women, and until both parties understand this dynamic, relationships will continue to be dysfunctional.

just my $0.02

I hear what you’re saying but this thread specifically asked about women feelings about monogamy and womens’ sexual fulfillment.

From what I’ve learned, men and women have somewhat different emotional needs and get these needs met in different ways. Maybe you could start a thread that speaks to the emotional needs of men?

I hear what you’re saying but this thread specifically asked about women feelings about monogamy and womens’ sexual fulfillment.

From what I’ve learned, men and women have somewhat different emotional needs and get these needs met in different ways. Maybe you could start a thread that speaks to the emotional needs of men?

Maybe I do need to start a thread, I dunno.......

I guess I went the long way to make my point, which was really that the focus on women's infidelity and feeling on monogamous relationships seems to point towards the man's ability to emotionallly satisfy her. I tend to believe that its more than "just the man's fault", but that women should be more accountable for their own emotional health. By more accountable I'm saying that women need to be able to be emotionally happy, before they depend on a man to add to that emotional happiness. Because, there are some emotional needs that a man cannot give a woman. Rather it be because he doesn't know how, or because his psychological make-up doesn't allow for it.

Quote: "Barring unusual circumstances, EMOTIONAL satisfaction is the key to keeping a typical woman satisfied overall because if a man meets her emotional needs, she will more likely open up and communicate with him more, she may initiate sex more and will undoubyedly enjoy sex a LOT more with him. she'll even be even a better mother, etc."

Can you PLEASE give me some examples of how a man gives "EMOTIONAL satisfaction" because I have been hearing this all my life and recently decided the bottom line still came down to "penis size" and "bling bling" and folks say that these things don't matter but I'm no longer buying it.

Let me ask again because it seems this got overlooked!

Maybe I do need to start a thread, I dunno.......

I guess I went the long way to make my point, which was really that the focus on women's infidelity and feeling on monogamous relationships seems to point towards the man's ability to emotionallly satisfy her. I tend to believe that its more than "just the man's fault", but that women should be more accountable for their own emotional health. By more accountable I'm saying that women need to be able to be emotionally happy, before they depend on a man to add to that emotional happiness. Because, there are some emotional needs that a man cannot give a woman. Rather it be because he doesn't know how, or because his psychological make-up doesn't allow for it.

Quote:
"rather it be because he doesn't know how, or because his psychological make-up doesn't allow for it."

Personally, I don't believe that it's because "His psychological make-up doesn't allow for it" but rather the needs of women seem to constantly change, are different from woman to woman, and as in the case above, when asked directly what these needs are, the questions men ask are often ignored, overlooked or not dealt with DIRECTLY!

Maybe I do need to start a thread, I dunno.......

I guess I went the long way to make my point, which was really that the focus on women's infidelity and feeling on monogamous relationships seems to point towards the man's ability to emotionallly satisfy her. I tend to believe that its more than "just the man's fault", but that women should be more accountable for their own emotional health. By more accountable I'm saying that women need to be able to be emotionally happy, before they depend on a man to add to that emotional happiness. Because, there are some emotional needs that a man cannot give a woman. Rather it be because he doesn't know how, or because his psychological make-up doesn't allow for it.

Well, I never said it was the man's fault. I was talking about what a woman needs from a man emotionally in order to have a more satisfying relationship with him. I'm not talking about an emotional illness. A woman is not emotionally unhealthy just because she wants to have a satisfying relationship with a man.

The more we discuss various issues about relationships here, the more I realize the extent to which many men just don't understand women, and honestly I don't know what to think about that or even what can be done about it. A pattern here is that it seems that the more we discuss these issues here, there seems to be more annoyance or agitation on the part of men.

In real life, rather than continue to go back and forth about this with their husband or man, this is where some women just retreat into a blockbuster romance novel.:)

Well, I never said it was the man's fault. I was talking about what a woman needs from a man emotionally in order to have a more satisfying relationship with him. I'm not talking about an emotional illness. A woman is not emotionally unhealthy just because she wants to have a satisfying relationship with a man.

The more we discuss various issues about relationships here, the more I realize the extent to which many men just don't understand women, and honestly I don't know what to think about that or even what can be done about it. A pattern here is that it seems that the more we discuss these issues here, there seems to be more annoyance or agitation on the part of men.

In real life, rather than continue to go back and forth about this with their husband or man, this is where some women just retreat into a blockbuster romance novel.:)

Okay, maybe I misread some of what you wrote. I also never mentioned anything about emotional illnessn nor said it was emotionally unhealthy for a woman to have a satisyfying relationship with a man. That would be absurd on my part, especially being a married man.

My next question is, what does a woman need in order to have a more satisfying relationship with a man?

I also find it interesting when you say that men don't really understand woman, because I feel that women don't really understand the emotional aspects of men. Women just assume they know what a man needs based off of sterotypes that are not accurate. I don't think most men are annoyed or irriated, but rather frustrated. Women ask for things, men give them, and she's still not satisfied. That's why I alluded to the fact that women have to hold themselves accountable for their own emotional happinesss, and that a man is just there to enhance the experience.

I also find it interesting that the more men ask how to please their women, the more vague she becomes. In short sometimes I don't think women actually know what women want. Seriously.


Romance novels are not reality, so to base your real life on fantasy is just........

Okay, maybe I misread some of what you wrote. I also never mentioned anything about emotional illnessn nor said it was emotionally unhealthy for a woman to have a satisyfying relationship with a man. That would be absurd on my part, especially being a married man.

My next question is, what does a woman need in order to have a more satisfying relationship with a man?

I also find it interesting when you say that men don't really understand woman, because I feel that women don't really understand the emotional aspects of men. Women just assume they know what a man needs based off of sterotypes that are not accurate. I don't think most men are annoyed or irriated, but rather frustrated. Women ask for things, men give them, and she's still not satisfied. That's why I alluded to the fact that women have to hold themselves accountable for their own emotional happinesss, and that a man is just there to enhance the experience.

I also find it interesting that the more men ask how to please their women, the more vague she becomes. In short sometimes I don't think women actually know what women want. Seriously.

Romance novels are not reality, so to base your real life on fantasy is just........

I could have misread you too, especially when you said a woman needs to be accountable for her own emotional health. This implies that she’s emotionally ailing when she reaches out to her man to get emotional needs met that only her man can satisfy.

A woman needs her man to treat her like she’s special. She needs him to notice her, love her, adore her. She needs her man to help her in her life so that she doesn’t feel she has to do it all alone. She needs her man to share passionate intimacies with (not just sex). She needs her man to show that he misses her and desires her. She needs her man to remember what she likes and make a plan to get it so that she doesn’t even have to think about it. She needs her man, to whom she can give love freely and trust that she will be loved in return. She needs her man to want to take care of her needs because he regards her as special. She needs to be able to confide in her man and trust that he will never betray her secrets.

These are some of a woman’s needs and these are NOT things a woman can do for herself, no matter how accountable she is for her own emotional health. Some men know how to start meeting many of these needs when they first take a woman out and all during the dating process.

A man does NOT have to do all of these things at once but a woman wants to feel that her man is not only capable of meeting these needs but is “planning” on meeting them over time. He “shows” her he is willing and capable of meeting her needs by doing bits and pieces of these things for her day by day. As he gradually does these things, she feels more and more emotionally fulfilled.

I tried to think of what i really wanted to convey... however.. b/w RAdical Faith
First let me say men seek physical gratification and women seek emotional gratification. This mean men like to feel good from the outside in and women like to feel good from the inside out... In a relationship there is a complex dance between the couples of giving the other a little of what they want to get what they want...So people cheat when they are no longer satisfied with what their partner has to offer...Also this would never be an issue if people would married the right person...Meaning there are plenty of good people in the world but just because people are good doesn't mean they are good for each other...Finding the right partner starts with knowing ones self and honestly recognizing what one needs all the way around in their life...As the thread suggests also with honesty, compromise is required as well...

So to answer your first question yes women are naturally monogamous so are men. However in the case of male promiscuity it is not only accepted but rewarded...This is one of the mechanisms in place to keep our brothers and sisters separated by drama...

To answer your second question woman deny themselves sexual fulfillment because of two reasons. The first and most obvious is because it is not sexual fulfillment women desires. It is emotional fulfillment that women desire. Sex is merely a part of the package. This is why sex tappers off with many couples. Men stop doing the things that they did before they were married. Men stop treating their wives like the queens they were before they were married. Man don't see this because male expression of affection is through provision for his wife. Meanwhile women begin to feel like a slave to a tyrant. They feel like they are obligated to sex their husbands regardless of how they feel. This is a recipe for disaster. When a man feels like he gives his wife the world but can't get sex when he wants it's is only a matter of time before the notion that he could be giving another woman all that he gives his wife and she definitely would appreciate it and show her appreciation as well...In the case of a woman when she feels like the her husband no longer sees her as desirable or intriguing like before they got married and she is nothing but a means to satisfy himself she will shutdown...To exacerbate the situation the man then becomes frustrated because he doesn't understand what he is doing wrong...Now you have two people headed for an ugly break up.

Whether the woman or man initiates the break up in the relationship is irrelevant. What is relevant is that obviously there are two people that may be good people that are not good for each other...

and Bisabee...
A woman needs her man to treat her like she’s special. She needs him to notice her, love her, adore her. She needs her man to help her in her life so that she doesn’t feel she has to do it all alone. She needs her man to share passionate intimacies with (not just sex). She needs her man to show that he misses her and desires her. She needs her man to remember what she likes and make a plan to get it so that she doesn’t even have to think about it. She needs her man, to whom she can give love freely and trust that she will be loved in return. She needs her man to want to take care of her needs because he regards her as special. She needs to be able to confide in her man and trust that he will never betray her secrets.

These are some of a woman’s needs and these are NOT things a woman can do for herself, no matter how accountable she is for her own emotional health. Some men know how to start meeting many of these needs when they first take a woman out and all during the dating process.

A man does NOT have to do all of these things at once but a woman wants to feel that her man is not only capable of meeting these needs but is “planning” on meeting them over time. He “shows” her he is willing and capable of meeting her needs by doing bits and pieces of these things for her day by day. As he gradually does these things, she feels more and more emotionally fulfilled.

they've done a brilliant job of it....

Great Posts...

I'll first state that I believe in monogamous unions......

The problem I have with this thread is that there are a lot of the responses only tending to the women's emotional needs. Where is the balance? I think the myth is that men don't need as much emotional satisfaction as women, and that is what hurts people's marriages/relationships. The people that say men are not sensitive to their women's emotional needs and well-being need to place more accountability on the women. No person can make you emotionally happy, if you're not already there. A partner is just for enhancement. There was talk about romance novels..... Most of those novels only cater to the women's emotions, and the man is more or less a living dildo. Women tend to think that if I cook and let him bust one, then he's tended to. That's a false notion, unless the man himself is not well balanced. Men need just as much emotional tending to as women, and until both parties understand this dynamic, relationships will continue to be dysfunctional.

just my $0.02


I hear what you are saying but again we are not talking about women who are scarred emotionally or are unfulfilled with themselves...This is why its important to get to know a person before you make a committment to a long term relationship. Normally it takes grown people a longtime to change their bad ways if they change at all. We must have the wisdom to recognize things about a person's character. If this is not possible then we introduce them to people with wisdom and a objective eye that will tell you the truth. Usually the truth is what we don't want to hear.

Emotionally if a man feels appreciated for his efforts that usually will take care of everything else. Woman must be vocal about what they want especially when her man is trying but doesn't know what she wants. The biggest mistake a woman can make is saying "If you know me so well you should know what makes me happy" or "If I have to tell you what I want then never mind". Shutting down the lines of communication is relationship suicide.

The bottom line is their is a two way street in relationships. Instead of blaming and point finger we should find ways to keep our marriages and families together. The black family is on the endangered list. This can only be corrected by two people doing whatever it takes to stay together. Also two people have to be right for each other. If people can't do this then they don't need to kid themselves and start a relationship with each other....

Peace.........

O.K. let's try this again. I did not post this thread to talk about a women's ENs. I'm seeking an answer from sisters on whether or not women are naturally monogamous. Again, this is not to denigrade sisters. Just trying to understand. For this is a topic that must be dealt with because female infidelity is on the rise and is increasing everyday. I want to hear from you Spiceybrown, Destee et.al. I for one think it's a good thing(WOMEN CHEATING). Let me explain. It sought of like a mining operation. The diamond must go thru the fire in order to become a precious stone. So too are relationships. If women are not allowed to remain faithful on their on but by the constraints and expectations of society(WOMEN ARE TAUGHT THAT THEY MUST SEEK A MAN FOR MARRIAGE RAISE A FAMILY AND LIVE HAPPY EVERAFTER) then chances are they will go against those expectations. If the male's insecurities were removed, maybe women would remain faithful without being shamed into doing so. Another analogy is a mother telling the child not to touch the hot stove. What will the child do? Touch the stove. Why? Naturally they are inclined to do so. In Nigeria, there was a women on trial for committing adultry. She was to be stoned to death. Why would a society take this drastic and sadistic measure in order to control it's female population? What are men afraid of? I will no longer post on this topic but I will continue to study. Hopefully some books can be recommended. Thanks.

O.K. let's try this again. I did not post this thread to talk about a women's ENs. I'm seeking an answer from sisters on whether or not women are naturally monogamous. Again, this is not to denigrade sisters. Just trying to understand. For this is a topic that must be dealt with because female infidelity is on the rise and is increasing everyday. I want to hear from you Spiceybrown, Destee et.al. I for one think it's a good thing(WOMEN CHEATING). Let me explain. It sought of like a mining operation. The diamond must go thru the fire in order to become a precious stone. So too are relationships. If women are not allowed to remain faithful on their on but by the constraints and expectations of society(WOMEN ARE TAUGHT THAT THEY MUST SEEK A MAN FOR MARRIAGE RAISE A FAMILY AND LIVE HAPPY EVERAFTER) then chances are they will go against those expectations. If the male's insecurities were removed, maybe women would remain faithful without being shamed into doing so. Another analogy is a mother telling the child not to touch the hot stove. What will the child do? Touch the stove. Why? Naturally they are inclined to do so. In Nigeria, there was a women on trial for committing adultry. She was to be stoned to death. Why would a society take this drastic and sadistic measure in order to control it's female population? What are men afraid of? I will no longer post on this topic but I will continue to study. Hopefully some books can be recommended. Thanks.


Let's look at this logically. If men are stepping out on their women, exactly who are they stepping out with? I believe there is data to show that like seeks like. Married men are cheating with married women and vise versa. So the purity of the female :angel1: is nothing more than a myth

Let's look at this logically. If men are stepping out on their women, exactly who are they stepping out with? I believe there is data to show that like seeks like. Married men are cheating with married women and vise versa. So the purity of the female :angel1: is nothing more than a myth

Whose responsibility is it to remain faithful, the husband or the woman who most likely knows nothing about her 'mans' wife? Ever heard of self restriction?

Whose responsibility is it to remain faithful, the husband or the woman who most likely knows nothing about her 'mans' wife? Ever heard of self restriction?


I believe both parties will end up being stoned for adutery/infidelity. And most likely, she does know. Because, most likely, he tells her.

Again, the studies show, involved people tend to cheat with involved people

Whose responsibility is it to remain faithful, the husband or the woman who most likely knows nothing about her 'mans' wife? Ever heard of self restriction?A nation can rise no higher than its woman

It is up to us to enforce any moral standard, as men will do what they are allowed to do...

O.K. let's try this again. I did not post this thread to talk about a women's ENs. I'm seeking an answer from sisters on whether or not women are naturally monogamous.I believe so, just because of a need for security (emotionally, physically, etc.).

Again, this is not to denigrade sisters. Just trying to understand. For this is a topic that must be dealt with because female infidelity is on the rise and is increasing everyday. I want to hear from you Spiceybrown, Destee et.al. I for one think it's a good thing(WOMEN CHEATING). :help:

Let me explain. It sought of like a mining operation. The diamond must go thru the fire in order to become a precious stone. So too are relationships. If women are not allowed to remain faithful on their on but by the constraints and expectations of society(WOMEN ARE TAUGHT THAT THEY MUST SEEK A MAN FOR MARRIAGE RAISE A FAMILY AND LIVE HAPPY EVERAFTER) then How do these things relate? Unrealistic romanticized notions about relationships may guarantee hardships in relationships, because they are all fantasy. However, you do not have to put yourself through that nonsense to have a healthy, happy relationships.

chances are they will go against those expectations. If the male's insecurities were removed, maybe women would remain faithful without being shamed into doing so. Another analogy is a mother telling the child not to touch the hot stove. What will the child do? Touch the stove. Why? Naturally they are inclined to do so. In Nigeria, there was a women on trial for committing adultry. She was to be stoned to death. Why would a society take this drastic and sadistic measure in order to control it's female population? What are men afraid of? I will no longer post on this topic but I will continue to study. Hopefully some books can be recommended.Men are more inclined to cheat than women...and there are more women out here than men so statistically, men could be cheating with only (or at least mostly) single women (or ones divorced from cheating spouses looking for some sick revenge).

Men (and people in general) are afraid of many things. It's about power and control.