Do you think a parent would be too strict if they didn't allow dating until their child was 18 years old and out of highschool? Also, should strict dating rules apply equally to male children?

I don't think it's too strict. Dating in highschool doesn't do anything but lead to sex. Which isn't bad because that's how I got mine the first time, but if you really look at it, what's the point of dating in highschool anyways? I think it all depends on the maturity of your child also. If he/ she shows they're not responsible and level-headed, then maybe they don't deserve as much freedom as someone that shows you they can be trusted. I'm not letting my daughter date until she exhibits responsibility and a certain mentality that I approve of. If she's 17 when I feel she's ready, the so be it, but no younger than that. Even though kids will do what they're going to do when you're not around, that doesn't mean you should just accept any type of behavior from them.

I don't think it's too strict. Dating in highschool doesn't do anything but lead to sex. Which isn't bad because that's how I got mine the first time, but if you really look at it, what's the point of dating in highschool anyways? I think it all depends on the maturity of your child also. If he/ she shows they're not responsible and level-headed, then maybe they don't deserve as much freedom as someone that shows you they can be trusted. I'm not letting my daughter date until she exhibits responsibility and a certain mentality that I approve of. If she's 17 when I feel she's ready, the so be it, but no younger than that. Even though kids will do what they're going to do when you're not around, that doesn't mean you should just accept any type of behavior from them.

Well, if you let her do it at 17, you miswell wait a year until she's legally an adult at 18. :)

But yeah... it's something to think about that's for sure. If I allow my child to date in highschool then it's opening up doors that aren't worth opening up at that stage in his life. And even though he's a boy, he could still ruin his life financially by getting a girl pregnant, or getting an STD.

Granted, at some point a child is going to need to experience the pleasures and pain of relationships, but is it necessary for them to experience these things in highschool?

Well, if you let her do it at 17, you miswell wait a year until she's legally an adult at 18. :)

Yeah, but you know how that goes. What if she/ he is responsible and you tell them that they can't see a boy/ girl that they really because they have to wait a year until their 18th birthday. At least 17 is the last year of highschool, and if they're responsible, then why make them wait one stupid year? Like you said though, it's something to think about and weigh depending on your kids and their mindset. There really is no blueprint for this kind of stuff.
:insane:

it's a good thing for sure and i agree with Kente view of it , boys no better then girls
it should be cross the board this how so many end up having babies and losing sight
on education trying to date and flirt, so many kids go to school to see there little date
and not them books ........no dating around here until you can prove you can handle it
17 is a good age to start maybe the head is level and ready any younger is a no no in my
house, but really can we put a restriction on it and enforce it ???

will the peer pressure get to them or will the facts of being curious make it harder
with a restriction to no dating ???

I believe if they are under guiding and good teaching this will pass without going into
the peer pressure of trying to follow what friends do or say .

will the peer pressure get to them or will the facts of being curious make it harder
with a restriction to no dating ???

I believe if they are under guiding and good teaching this will pass without going into
the peer pressure of trying to follow what friends do or say .

That's the hard part $$RICH$$, because at that age, other kids and peers are such a driving forsce that they may find it hard to stick to their parents rules while they're being made fun of because they can't go out with the rest of the kids. I think that's where the bulk of the problems occur. When no friends are around, it's easy to abide by the rules. When you're being tormented, it's easy to give in to peer pressure. It's an impossible situation to control when you're kid will be spending 8 hrs a day away from home and around other kids.

That's the hard part $$RICH$$, because at that age, other kids and peers are such a driving forsce that they may find it hard to stick to their parents rules while they're being made fun of because they can't go out with the rest of the kids. I think that's where the bulk of the problems occur. When no friends are around, it's easy to abide by the rules. When you're being tormented, it's easy to give in to peer pressure. It's an impossible situation to control when you're kid will be spending 8 hrs a day away from home and around other kids.

This is why it's best for parents to send their kids to private schools or homeschool them if they can afford it.

Though my school did have a few ghetto loud-mouths, there were still many 'clicks' where it was 'cool' to be smart and a good Christian. This included practicing sexual purity. At my school there were quite a few guys and girls that wanted to save themselves for marriage. So, if your child has the opportunity to hang out with 'good' peers like the ones at my school who care more about their spiritual and academic development than indiscriminate sexual activity, they will be less likely to be pressured into doing something they know is wrong.

This is not to say that I will send my kid to a Christian school, because I am against this religion. But I do want to make sure that my kid is in the type of environment where his peers are a positive influence in his life.

peer pressure happens even in private schools but with the right leadership
i'm sure many get past the pressure. I was in public school and never let that
be any pressure or a problem a true friend won't tease and pressure you over
sex or boyfriends / girlfriends and stuff like that , it really come down to what
kind of friends our kids have around them .

hmm..
dating.. what can you do without a car? and no money? lol.. nothing!
I was allowed to ""date" if thats what u want to call it in high school.. but, it was really jsut chilling at home... with supervision.. but some alloted privacy...
we went places in groups anyway.. u know.. the group of girls.. met the group of guys @ the movies.. and so on..

but i had some friends whos parents were very allowing.. i had a friend almost 2 years younger than I.. that her mom allowed her boyfriends to spend the night.. wake up.. have breakfast.. take showers.. and repeat... she never ended up pregnant.. went to college.. remained the top of her class.. but i still dotn think that was a great idea.. but it just goes against the grain..

waking up whewwwwwwww that would never be allowed

It hasn't been that long ago that I was a teenager myself. I do believe that rules should be applied and I've talked to my teenage daughter about sex, what the consequences can lead to if she decides to have sex, and most importantly safe sex. I know just because I say, "no, I don't want you to." doesn't guarantee that she won't and I can't be with her at all times. I was sexually active at 14 and had her at 15. I don't want that for her. Her daddy wants to lock her down to prevent her going through the motions that he and I did, but I've told him that isn't the way to go about it. I have a friend that has two teenage daughters. When we met a few years back they were 16 and 15. She had her daughters at the ages of 16 and17. Her mother asked her one day if the girls were having sex and she said that she didn't know because she didn't want to know. One day shortly afterward her youngest started telling her about one of her friends having sex. The friend had asked her mama if she could get on birth control and her mama said "no" because she thought it would be like saying it was ok for her to do it. So after she finished the story my friend asked her daughter, "Well, while we're on the subject are you having sex?" She told her "yes" and she then asked the older daughter who also said "yes". She immediately made an appointment to get them birth control pills. They are now 19 and 18 and still without any babies. I think when it comes to teens the word is "prevention" in referrence not only to sex but issues like smoking, drugs, alcohol, and violence. I think 15 is as fair as I can get when it comes to dating.

I'd have to agree with $$RICH$$, it really doesn't matter what type of school your kid goes to. Sometimes parents put their kids in private school to get their kids away from drugs like crack and weed, but all their kids end up getting hooked on is coke and meth. There is peer pressure everywhere. Even Christains have premarital sex and get pregnant. I think it all depends on how well your kids are able to be secure in their own decisions. How comfortable they feel about saying "no" to their friends when they know their friends actions are wrong. It depends on how much awkwardness and teasing they can take. Unfortunately, not too many kids are comfortable being the odd man out, so they do things that they know are wrong, just to be included in future activities.

As far as allowing your kids boyfriend/ girlfriend to stay overnight and sleep together and all that, I say no. You can't watch them when they're not in front of you, but you also don't have to encourage something that will have no real positive outcome. What good can come out of having your kids bf/ gf stay the night? I think parents that do that just don't want to be parents, they want to be friends instead, because it's easier to allow it than it is to put their foot down and say "no".

I think the dating rules should apply to both sexes, neither should date until 18.

My daughter graduated in June, she is just 17 and still has not dated. I'm proud of her for not trying to go against my rules...and she is happy that she has waited. She's had a chance to look around at her peers who are now mothers or fathers, some who are her age who are already on their second child and that has made her feel like it's not worth it to have a relationship in high school.

There is more to telling a child they can't date though, you as a parent also need to put off phone calls to the opposite sex until the child is at least 15 or 16...something I did. It was fairly easy to do with just ONE phone in the house.

Oh, by the way...my daughter did not find this to be strict at all...she gradually progressed to doing different things at each age, therefore it never seemed like I was being hard on her.

I dont think that sex should be equalled dating..
and those who are making rules that your kids should not be allowed to date until 18 are puttin then in a difficult posistion for their adult life. Do ou mean they cant have boyfriends? cant go out one on one with a member of the opposite sex? what please clarify..
b/c i can tell you form a girl who literally wasnt allowed to date till 17... i was petrified on my first date.. because its not as easy when your older to dat as is is when you are younger.. the date was a disaster.. i felt uncomfortable with being that close with a man.. hugging.. romantically kissing.. i felt redikolous. No adult should feel redikulous.. and stopping them from dating isnt gunna stop em from making the wrong decisions.. your just setting them up for an extremely difficult adulthood... who did she take to prom her cousin.. best friend/.. lets not be silly...
dating never got anyone pregnant.. dating and not being properly educated on the world around you got them preg... now how would you liek it if on her first day on her 18th birthday.. she was so overwealmed... that she made a hasty deciscion.. and ended up preg.. is that any better?


I think the dating rules should apply to both sexes, neither should date until 18.

My daughter graduated in June, she is just 17 and still has not dated. I'm proud of her for not trying to go against my rules...and she is happy that she has waited. She's had a chance to look around at her peers who are now mothers or fathers, some who are her age who are already on their second child and that has made her feel like it's not worth it to have a relationship in high school.

There is more to telling a child they can't date though, you as a parent also need to put off phone calls to the opposite sex until the child is at least 15 or 16...something I did. It was fairly easy to do with just ONE phone in the house.

Oh, by the way...my daughter did not find this to be strict at all...she gradually progressed to doing different things at each age, therefore it never seemed like I was being hard on her.

I think the dating rules should apply to both sexes, neither should date until 18.

My daughter graduated in June, she is just 17 and still has not dated. I'm proud of her for not trying to go against my rules...and she is happy that she has waited. She's had a chance to look around at her peers who are now mothers or fathers, some who are her age who are already on their second child and that has made her feel like it's not worth it to have a relationship in high school.

There is more to telling a child they can't date though, you as a parent also need to put off phone calls to the opposite sex until the child is at least 15 or 16...something I did. It was fairly easy to do with just ONE phone in the house.

Oh, by the way...my daughter did not find this to be strict at all...she gradually progressed to doing different things at each age, therefore it never seemed like I was being hard on her.

I agree Carrie, and it is good to see you again....you've been gone for a minute!

I dont think that sex should be equalled dating..
and those who are making rules that your kids should not be allowed to date until 18 are puttin then in a difficult posistion for their adult life. Do ou mean they cant have boyfriends? cant go out one on one with a member of the opposite sex? what please clarify..
b/c i can tell you form a girl who literally wasnt allowed to date till 17... i was petrified on my first date.. because its not as easy when your older to dat as is is when you are younger.. the date was a disaster.. i felt uncomfortable with being that close with a man.. hugging.. romantically kissing.. i felt redikolous. No adult should feel redikulous.. and stopping them from dating isnt gunna stop em from making the wrong decisions.. your just setting them up for an extremely difficult adulthood... who did she take to prom her cousin.. best friend/.. lets not be silly...
dating never got anyone pregnant.. dating and not being properly educated on the world around you got them preg... now how would you liek it if on her first day on her 18th birthday.. she was so overwealmed... that she made a hasty deciscion.. and ended up preg.. is that any better?


The point is...she is NOT in a hurry, especially now that she has waited and has not had a boyfriend.

There have been plenty of young men interested in her yet she has told them that she is not ready to date. That does not mean she does not have male friends, but she is not ready for kissing, and is not ready for the "girlfriend" role and other things.

We have a wonderful open relationship and she has a good head on her shoulders. When you yourself raise a daughter of your own to the age mine is, then you can speak on it the way that I am. In the mean time, my daughter is far from dumb and is aware of what to do when she finally decides to have a relationship. She has gone to Prom with a date, but of course that was a one time deal. She handled herself beautifully.

very well said i agree both sex should wait til 18 and the rule should be for
male as well female , it really come to how we as parents raise our children
what we teach them and allow them to see , it won't effect them growing just
fill them with better understanding of life sex and partners and their careers
or goals set forth .

Who said I was not comfortable with my mothers wishes? At the time.. anyways. But this is me looking back. And as far as your degrading statement about me being dumb.. that was just disrespectful.. I never once in the means of making my point insulted you. Or question your methods of parenting.. I wanted to be clear on what you meant on "dating". So how do you feel you can take it upon yourself to insult me... but I guess i should expect nothing less... than negativity.. Is that the only way we can defend ourselves these days? It was the nerves that had me on edge..
I made an objective arguement..and you hastily truned it around.
I had question.. and you provided no answers... if you take your panties out of a bunch and read what i said i had more questions.. and general statements.. that i clearly wanted answers to..
Now for those who care to answer my previous statements.. on "sex equalling dating" .. im all ears. And please take the time to explain the boundaries that would be considered dating.. for me its having a boyfriend.. but i see the definition has various meanings. And for the record Carrie, dating does not equal a relationship... welcome to the 20th century!


The point is...she is NOT in a hurry, especially now that she has waited and has not had a boyfriend.

There have been plenty of young men interested in her yet she has told them that she is not ready to date. That does not mean she does not have male friends, but she is not ready for kissing, and is not ready for the "girlfriend" role and other things.

We have a wonderful open relationship and she has a good head on her shoulders. When you yourself raise a daughter of your own to the age mine is, then you can speak on it the way that I am. In the mean time, my daughter is far from dumb and is aware of what to do when she finally decides to have a relationship. She has gone to Prom with a date, but of course that was a one time deal. She handled herself beautifully.

makin kids wait til they 18 to date isnt realistic at all. kids will do it anyways, and the ones who dont are real likely to hold it against they parents later. peer pressure is the strongest at that age, and if everybody else is dating, which they do, the kids will follow their lead and not the parents. this is the 21st century, yall. deal with reality instead of denyin it.

Who said I was not comfortable with my mothers wishes? At the time.. anyways. But this is me looking back. And as far as your degrading statement about me being dumb.. that was just disrespectful.. I never once in the means of making my point insulted you. Or question your methods of parenting.. I wanted to be clear on what you meant on "dating". So how do you feel you can take it upon yourself to insult me... but I guess i should expect nothing less... than negativity.. Is that the only way we can defend ourselves these days? It was the nerves that had me on edge..
I made an objective arguement..and you hastily truned it around.
I had question.. and you provided no answers... if you take your panties out of a bunch and read what i said i had more questions.. and general statements.. that i clearly wanted answers to..
Now for those who care to answer my previous statements.. on "sex equalling dating" .. im all ears. And please take the time to explain the boundaries that would be considered dating.. for me its having a boyfriend.. but i see the definition has various meanings. And for the record Carrie, dating does not equal a relationship... welcome to the 20th century!

Where on earth did I refer to you as DUMB? ( I said my daughter is far from Dumb) It's not my nature or personality to attack people or cause friction. Sorry if you felt offended.


I do not consider dating a relationship, but I still don't think teenagers in high school should date. I raised my daughter and step-sisters to be children while they still were/are, and not do adult things...and in my eyes dating is an adult thing. I am not advocating that others should think the way I do, but I do have a lot of friends who were very liberal about their kids going to parties at 13 or having "phone boy/girfriends at 12 - 15 years old and then when the kids started trying to progress into dating, relationships and ultimately sex...they acted like they didn't know WHY.

All I was trying to say is that kids do need boundaries and should be given something new at each age. My daughter and I created a timeline so to speak. Each age she was allowed to do something(s) new, therefore she always had something to look forward to. (i.e., no sleepovers with friend until she was 15, no phone calls until she was 14 and those were only from females, no shaving legs until she was 14, no plucking eyebrows until she was 16, couldn't give number to boys until 16, and she was only allowed one dance freshman year, 2 sophomore year, 3 junior year and her senior year I didn't set any rules for dances, etc.)

Breezy went to the Prom with a boy named Justin...he is a friend of hers from marching band. His mother and I know one another and have talked, she has the same mindset that I do. Justin and Bree have been friends for 3 years and he also says he is not ready to date. He and Bree have a nice friendship and hopefully they will remain friends over the years.

You asked...

and those who are making rules that your kids should not be allowed to date until 18 are puttin then in a difficult posistion for their adult life. Do ou mean they cant have boyfriends? cant go out one on one with a member of the opposite sex? what please clarify..

My daughter was not allowed to have a boyfriend until her senior year, but she opted to wait until college which will be this fall. She has gone out to the movies with a group of kids, both boys and girls, but claims she has no interest in going out alone with a boy. She claims she has had a few hugs here and there from boys at school...but she also claimed that they were "out there and acting ***-ish" and that she doesn't want to be like other girls who are just check marks on a guy's scorecard.

I don't think her waiting to have a relationship or do a lot of dating is putting her in a difficult position at all because we talk very openly about sex, relationships, life, and everything else. All I asked her to do was enjoy her childhood while she still could because you can only be a child once but once you cross over to adulthood, it's forever. I also asked her to take time to observe those around her, especially the kids who were dating and had boy/girlfriends because they were going through drama that isn't necessary if they would just wait. She learned a lot from those observations.

One of my cousins got pregnant at 13 on the very first date she ever went on...so I guess I do think "dating" can lead to pregnancy. She was too young to go on a date alone, and felt pressured to have sex and didn't have the knowledge or confidence to say NO. My daughter has already been approached in that way (during school hours) and has made it clear to everyone that she wishes to remain a virgin.

I consider the relationships I have with men as "dating". I go out occasionally with different men either to movies, dinner, arcades or sportsbars. 9 times out of 10 no sex is involved, and I definitely am not looking to start a relationship. Although my lifestyle is casual at best, I still feel like what I do on my dates is not something a child should do if they choose to date. (i.e., kisses, hugs, or being pressured for sex)

Thank you for clarifying Carrie.. i was a lil on edge .. .so my apoligies for my harshness. I understand what you are saying when you say steps.. and yes.. 13 is entirely too young to be dating.. even 20 years ago.. I wasnt allowed to have boys call my house till i was 13.. I also advocate going thru stages.. yes I agree that society rushes thisngs too much.. after dating.. and kissing hugging.. whats next? most go to oral.. then sex.. im glad you found a way to slow things down.. i do intend to use a modified verson of what you and my mother did in rearing my children.. id encourage her not to start dating in college either.. cause on campus day.. like vultures waiting to attack the upperclassmen watch the freshmen move in.. and life vultures.. they plan their attack.. i will say i fell victim to the "romance" in college.. tehre are so many things going on and thru college I felt the need not to date anymore.. as a 20y/o grad student ... I have found my mate not at school but a conference on African American Awareness.. for desease control and health. Men truly dont get any better in college.. they just have mroe women to practice with.
thanks carrie for explaining you p.o.v.. :)-poetic

no dating until they graduate from college and get a job.

no dating until they graduate from college and get a job.

College is the best place to find a mate. Once you start working it gets harder, unless you like to club a lot or are willing to date online.

College is the best place to find a mate. Once you start working it gets harder, unless you like to club a lot or are willing to date online.
OK, no dating until they retire and get on social security.

lmao.. why not when they back in diapers james.. do youthink thats long enough? :skate:


OK, no dating until they retire and get on social security.

I think thats way too strict
No dating until 18
I understand there are alot of dangers
In society at this time but thats very strict
I would say has to be atleast 15 with an adult
But I dont have kids so thats my opinion anywayz